


Catching A Break

by Wentworth329_460



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-18 05:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 184,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14846459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wentworth329_460/pseuds/Wentworth329_460
Summary: Ex-pro surfer turned lifeguard, Bea Smith has a brief encounter with a woman during a rescue, so brief in fact that she begins to wonder if she imagined the whole thing.  Four years later she sees the woman at the beach, and when their eyes lock she feels the same spark she did back then.  But what does it all mean?  Was it simply an adrenaline rush from the rescue, or was it something more?  And why hasn’t she been able to get the blue eyed blonde out of her head since that day.





	1. Chapter 1: Bea Smith

The swell was reasonable this morning, and despite knowing that good waves mixed with warm weather would mean a busy day at work, Bea Smith couldn’t help but smile as she caught her first wave of the day.  She had been a full-time lifeguard for four years now and loved that she got to work at the beach every day.  Being out in the ocean always cleared her mind, especially when it was quiet like it was right now.  There were about twenty other surfers out with her, but the beach at Bondi was big enough for her to avoid them.  It wasn’t that she was antisocial, far from it.  But after spending years being told she was boring, worthless, and that no one would want her around, she tended to prefer her own company.  She didn’t isolate herself completely and loved spending time with her small circle of friends, but her favourite moments were when it was just her and her daughter.  Debbie was seven, going on twenty-seven, and had so much energy.  She was a little firecracker and often left Bea wondering who the adult was out of the two of them.  But she wouldn’t change her for the world.  Debbie’s father however, now he was a different story.  She wished there was a delete button in life, and would have pressed it a thousand times over if she could.  He was a waste of space, and the only good thing to come out of their marriage was the curly haired little girl that she loved with all her heart.

Bea had always been shy, even as a kid, but when she was out in the ocean with her surf board she came alive.  Her dad always joked that she was born on a board, something her mother was thankful wasn’t true.  But for as far back as she could remember, she had always been in the water the first chance she got.  She has a clear memory from when she was a couple of years younger than Debbie is now.  Her dad had taken her out in what she would now class as a small swell, but to a five-year-old it seemed huge.  Her mum had let him have both barrels when they got back to shore, accusing him of putting their daughter’s life at risk.  But little Bea had loved it, and despite fearing the wrath of his wife, her dad had taken her out any chance he got after that day.

It was a month after her tenth birthday that she won her first junior competition, and there was no stopping her after that.  Much to her mother’s worry and frustration.  Despite her fear of the water, she could see how much her daughter loved being out there.  And she couldn’t deny that she was really good on a surfboard.  It hadn’t been easy, and they had to do a lot of travelling, but seeing the smile on Bea’s face right before a competition made it all worthwhile.  Since her first win she had dominated not only the grommet section, but also the seniors once she was old enough.  After touring for a year Bea decided to settle in Sydney.  She would still be on the road a lot, but there were more opportunities here for her than back home in Auckland.  When she wasn’t touring she worked as a part time lifeguard.  It wasn’t much, but it kept the money coming in and helped her fund her next tour.  Plus, she would rather be out on the beach than cooped up in an office or stuck behind a bar somewhere.

 

 

She missed her parents and New Zealand and had planned on returning once she was finished with the touring circuit, but life hadn’t exactly gone to plan over the past few years.  She was nineteen when she met Harry at a party after one of her competitions.  She had taken the title for the third year running and having not been able to think of a plausible excuse, had reluctantly agreed to go to the party with the rest of her team.  He had only been in Sydney for a few weeks after moving there from Melbourne with his job and had followed her around all night like a lost puppy.  She had taken pity on him in the end and agreed to go to dinner with him and they had started dating a couple of weeks after that.  Although she was fond of him, she never felt that all-consuming need to be around him that everyone talked about when it came to their partners.  Things had been good in the beginning, but after being together for just under a year she fell pregnant.  It wasn’t planned, and the timing couldn’t have been worse, but no matter what Bea couldn’t bring herself to get an abortion.

Harry had blamed her, saying that she was trying to trap him, but that hadn’t been the case.  She had found out a few weeks later that the medication she had been taking for a virus had likely worked against her birth control.  In Harry’s eyes it was still her fault, even though he had been the one to initiate the sex.  He was always the one that made the first move.  Bea couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about when it came to sex, although he had blamed her for that too, saying that if she made more of an effort with her appearance it would help.  She always found it more uncomfortable than pleasurable, and more often than not it was over so quickly that she was left unsatisfied.  Bea had never been that interested in relationships, and despite going out for dinner or a drink with a guy on a few occasions it never went any further than that.  Harry was the only man she had ever been intimate with, so assumed that was what sex was meant to be like.  Which made all the hype about it even more puzzling to her.  She got more of a high from catching a good wave than she did between the sheets.

He had pressured her to get an abortion every day until she was past the twenty-four-week mark of her pregnancy, but after residing himself to the fact that he was going to be a father he seemed to warm to the idea in the end.  Or so she thought at the time.  He even proposed to her one night after they’d had dinner.  It wasn’t romantic in any way, and he didn’t even get down on one knee, but the thought was there.  Bea wasn’t sure that marriage was what she wanted, but he was adamant that they should do things properly.  It was a quick wedding, and they had tied the knot three weeks after he popped the question.  The redhead wasn’t sure what the rush was, but she later found out that he wanted to do it before she got too fat and ruined their wedding photos.

 

 

Before they knew it, their beautiful baby girl was born, and Bea fell in love with her the second their eyes locked.  She was perfect in every way and the redhead knew that no matter what she would always come first.  Things had been good at first, and Harry had shown more of an interest in the tiny girl than Bea expected.  But things had taken a turn for the worst when Debbie was about five months old.  She had started teething and was suffering quite badly, and as a result had been up a lot at night.

With Bea taking a break from surfing she was the one that would get up with their daughter, not that she minded.  The second she held her in her arms for the first time she knew that she would do anything for the tiny girl.  One night she had been particularly restless so Bea had taken her out of her cot and into the lounge so she didn’t disturb Harry.  After almost two hours Deb finally stopped crying and had fallen asleep, but the second Bea tried to move her she woke up and started to scream again.  Thinking she was doing the right thing she decided to stay in the lounge for the night so Harry could get some sleep.  But when he got up the next morning it was clear that wasn’t the case.  He had been sharp with her over breakfast, snapping at her for no reason and complaining about the food.  Putting it down to a lack of sleep she had let it go, thinking nothing more of it until later that evening when he had thrown his plate at her after saying the meal she had cooked was shit.

Things got progressively worse after that day, and pretty soon he went from throwing crockery to throwing his fists.  She had ended up at the hospital so often in the months that followed that they started asking questions, and not wanting anyone to find out what was really going on behind closed doors, Harry had banned her from going after that.  The beatings had gotten worse over the next couple of years and the redhead had become an expert at treating herself.  Despite this, she’d still had to go to hospital on a couple of occasions, when her injuries had been more severe.  Although Harry had made sure they had a story sorted out before he would let her leave the house.  He would lash out over the slightest little thing, whether it be dirty dishes in the sink or her spending too much of his money at the supermarket.  Not that he ever complained when she was buying his beer.

He'd been on at her for a while, calling her a lazy good for nothing bitch and telling her that she needed to get a job.  She had tried to get back into the surfing circuit when Debbie was one, but the night before the big competition his footy team had lost and Bea had been the one to bear the brunt of it.  He’d kicked her several times that night, and as a result she had lost out on the top prize, something which earned her another beating.  She was down at the beach with Debbie a few days later when she heard one of the lifeguards talking about some part time positions that had become available.  After getting the details and passing the required fitness tests she had started her new job a month later.  It was only seasonal, but hopefully it would get Harry off her back for a while.  And if she did a good job then maybe they would let her stay on all year round.  A year later and she was promoted to a full-time lifeguard after proving that despite her small frame could more than handle anything the ocean threw her way.  The beatings continued though, despite her now bringing in a steady wage, and during the summer months it was a struggle to hide the bruises while she was at work.  She had stupidly thought that Harry would lay off her now she was working, but that clearly wasn’t the case.  She just had to reside herself to the fact that she could never win, no matter what she did.

One night he had gone too far though, and after a heavy session down the pub with his mates had come home and laid into her worse than ever.  It was over something so trivial as well, a dirty mug sitting on the kitchen side was all it took for him to flip out.  The beating was so much worse than any of the others that night.  It had gotten so bad that the neighbours had called the police to report a disturbance, having suspected that something wasn’t right with the couple.  Unbeknown to either of her parents a then four-year-old Debbie had answered the door when the police had knocked, letting them into the house.  She knew she wasn’t supposed to answer the door to strangers but her mummy was crying again, and while she wasn’t quite sure what was happening, she knew that her daddy was a bad man.

Harry had dragged Bea into their bedroom when he saw the police car pull up outside the house and had her pinned against the wall, one hand around her neck to hold her in place and the other over her mouth to prevent her from calling for help.  He knew that if he could keep her quiet they would go away, and once they did he would show her why she shouldn’t have called them.  He was already pissed at her for leaving the house in such a state, and she needed to be taught a lesson.  But calling the police, that was a step too far.  He hated her, despised her, and the only reason he stuck around was so that no one else would replace him.  Despite not wanting to spend any time with her, he loved his daughter, and the thought of another man moving in on his territory, of taking his place in her life filled him full of rage.  But then who would want Bea anyway.  She was nothing, worthless even, and no man in his right mind would ever want her.  She wasn’t even a good fuck, despite all her other failings he would have forgiven her if she had been.  But no, just like every other aspect of her pathetic existence, she was useless in bed as well.  So when the door to the room burst open and a police officer came racing through he was more than a little surprised.  He didn’t go down without a fight though, and in a desperate bid to keep the officer at bay he grabbed a glass from the bedside table and smashed it before holding it out towards the redhead.  The officer was quick, but not quick enough, and when he tried to restrain Harry he lashed out, stabbing Bea in the stomach with the shard of glass in the process.

 

 

Franky Doyle hated calls like this.  She had seen so many since she joined the police force, and it took every bit of self-control she possessed not to give the abusers a taste of their own medicine.  It wasn’t the first time a call had come in regarding this property, but in the past, they had never made it through the front door.  She suspects that may have been the case this time if it wasn’t for the curly haired little girl.  After making sure she was safe in her room with her stuffed Penguin she headed in the direction she last saw her colleague.  Stepping through the door to the other bedroom she found her partner Fletch pinning a guy to the floor, his knee in his back as he reached for the cuffs.

“Call an ambulance Doyle, the bastard stabbed her” he called out, slamming the suspect’s face down into the floor, hard.  Franky was pretty sure Fletch had broken the guy’s nose, but after what he had done he deserved everything he got.  Back-up arrived while she was on the radio, and leaving her colleagues to deal with the psycho in cuffs she ran into the bathroom, grabbing a clean towel before heading back through into the bedroom to help the woman.  He’d done a real job on her, and it made the brunette’s blood boil.  Pressing the towel down over the stab wound on the woman’s stomach she brushed the matted red curls away from her face, feeling sick to her stomach when she saw the mess he had made.

Pained brown eyes locked with hers, and Franky could tell that the redhead was fighting to stay awake.  “De…Debbie” she said, wincing as she started to cough.  “Where’s Debbie?”

“The little cutie with the curls, is that your daughter?”

“Y…Yeah.  Is she ok?”

“She’s safe, don’t worry” Franky replied, squeezing her hand gently.  “Is there anyone I can call to stay with her while you go to hospital?”

“Liz, you can call Liz.  Thank you…”

“Franky, Franky Doyle.  And you’re welcome.  What’s your name?”

“It’s Bea, Bea Smith” the redhead said, smiling at the officer as best as she could with what she suspected was a fractured cheekbone.

Franky was angry, really angry, and would have happily gone boonta on the arsehole if he wasn’t already being led out of the room.  But when he started calling out, yelling that he was going to kill both Bea and Debbie she almost lost it.  If Fletch hadn’t slammed him head first into the door frame on his way out of the room she wouldn’t have been responsible for her actions.  She wasn’t sure what it was about this woman but Franky felt drawn to her.  Not in the way she was usually drawn to women, although she couldn’t deny that even in her battered state, she was attractive.  It was a strange feeling, like she had come across a kindred spirit or something.  Whatever it was she knew that she wanted to help the redhead in any way she could.  She was just about to ask Bea if there was anything she wanted her to pack for her trip to the hospital when she felt a small hand on her arm before hearing a sniffle beside her.  Turning her head, she saw the girl who she thought was in the other room, her little arm wrapped tightly around her stuffed toy as she gazed at her mum.  “Mummy…ouch” she said pointing at the blood before bursting into tears.

“It’s ok baby, I’m ok” Bea said, fighting hard to stay awake but knowing that she needed to reassure her little girl that everything would be fine.  “I need to go to the hospital so G’ma Liz is going to come and pick you up.  You’ll need to stay with her for a few days but you can co…come and see me any time” she added, the pain in her chest intensifying with every word spoken.  “I love you Debbie, to the moon and back” she managed to get out before losing consciousness.

 

 

Bea spent five days in hospital, then another four weeks staying with Liz while she recovered.  The older woman had brought Debbie in to see her as often as possible, but the first time she saw her mum in her hospital bed she screamed the place down.  There were wires everywhere, and the left side of her face was a mixture of blue and purple bruising.  Squeezing Debbie’s hand Liz told her that she would be back home soon before leading her over to the bed. 

Debbie had been quiet at first, her eye flicking from her sleeping mum to the woman she thought of as her granny.  She loved Liz, and always got spoilt when she stayed over.  But she missed her mum, and despite not really knowing what was going on she knew that her daddy wasn’t a nice man, and it was all his fault.  He shouted at her when she messed up, even if it was something small like spilling her milk at breakfast.  And she was never allowed any friends over to play.  But what upset her the most was when he hurt her mummy, and he hurt her a lot.  The nice police officer from the night before had promised her mummy would wake up soon, and so had G’ma Liz, but she was still asleep.  Sometimes after a busy day at pre-school Debbie liked to sleep a lot, so figured her mummy was feeling like that.  But the beeping coming from the machine next to her was scary, and she just wanted to go home.

Bea woke up a couple of hours later, and the second she saw the look on her daughters face she felt her heart breaking.  She looked so scared, yet the redhead could see that she was trying to be brave.  Ignoring the pain in what felt like ninety percent of her body she moved over, making space on the bed beside her before calling the little girls name.  Debbie’s eyes lit up, and before Liz could tell her to be careful she had climbed up onto the bed and was clinging to Bea.  Liz could see the pain in the redhead’s eyes, but the relief of seeing her little girl safe and unharmed clearly outweighed any discomfort she was in.

Bea was a good friend, and an even better mother, and it broke Liz’s heart knowing what she had gone through at the hands of that bastard of a husband.  She knew what was going on, but the younger woman had denied any kind abuse.  Liz had been through something similar with her first husband though so knew every excuse in the book, as well as how scary it could be when you were in that situation.  Not that it helped when it came to getting Bea to open up.  She just hoped that one day she wouldn’t get the call saying that he had gone too far, either that or that he had turned his anger towards little Debbie.  She loved the little girl like she was family, and would do anything for her, both of them, but Bea was fiercely independent, and hated relying on anyone for anything.

It had taken the redhead longer than it should to agree to let Liz help her out with Debbie when she was at work, and the older woman knew that it had nothing to do with trust.  She had met Bea when she was on the surfing circuit.  She was only seventeen at the time, and not wanting her to be all alone her parents had contacted the blonde about renting a room in her house.  It was something Liz had done for a few years now and loved it.  Her kids had gone to live with their father after her second marriage broke up and the house felt so empty without them.  It hit her hard, especially as she knew that she had no one to blame but herself, and it had been the wake-up call she desperately needed.  She’d had an issue with alcohol for a while, but thought she had a handle on it.  That wasn’t that case and, in the end, it had all become too much for her husband.  It had been her idea for him to take the kids, and despite missing them terribly she knew she’d made the right call.  She needed to get a handle on her addiction, and it wouldn’t be fair to drag them through what she knew would be a difficult and turbulent time in her life.

They were both grown up now, and despite seeing them a few times a year, things hadn’t been the same since the day they left with their father.  After getting sober she was determined never to go back there, and found having a house filled with noise more comfortable than the silence of solitude.  Liz worked at her friend Maxine’s hair salon, the younger woman taking a chance on her and offering her a job one night after they had gone for their usual coffee following a counselling session.  They had met a few months earlier after Liz decided that she needed to talk to someone about what had driven her to drink in the first place.  Maxine had recently transitioned, and as part of the procedure had to see a counsellor to make sure she was adjusting to the changes.  They had started chatting one day in the waiting room when both of their counsellors had been running a little late and had hit it off straight away.  They had agreed to meet for lunch the following day, and Maxine was such a warm and gentle person that Liz had found herself opening up and telling her about what had caused her to end up seeing a counsellor.  She had expected the tall brunette to look at her in disgust, or walk away from her, but she hadn’t. They had formed a strong friendship after that, and when the older blonde had asked Maxi to help her update her CV she had told her that the receptionist at her salon had just quit and the job was hers if she wanted it.

Liz hadn’t looked back since then, and when she overheard one of her friend’s clients talking about putting up a couple of surfers while they got themselves established in Sydney had asked her about it.  A few months later she’d received a call from a family in New Zealand wanting to rent a room for their daughter, and not long after a seventeen-year-old Bea had moved in.  They had grown close during the time the redhead had lived with her, and while she would never replace her own kids being able to help Bea made Liz feel like she’d been given a second chance.  And then Harry came along, and the passionate young woman with the big heart and bright future that she had come to love like she was her own, had disappeared.  Liz felt guilty for not noticing that something was wrong earlier, if she had then maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad.  But here they were, Bea battered and broken, yet still smiling at her little girl, and Harry where he belonged.  In a cell at the police station.  She just hoped they would leave him there to rot and throw away the key.

Bea had tried to stay as upbeat as possible while her daughter was there, not wanting her little girl to see how much she was hurting.  She hadn’t been able to fool Liz though, and when the older blonde had told Debbie it was time to go she sent her a silent thank you.  The beating she had taken the night before had been the worst one to date, and the redhead knew that she was lucky to be alive.  She was tired, and even blinking and breathing hurt right now.  Closing her eyes, she replayed the events leading up to Harry attacking her.  Knowing Debbie could have walked in on it any minute made her feel sick, and although he had never been violent towards her before there was always a first time.  She hoped more than anything that he would get charged and sent to prison, but if not, she knew she had to get away from him.

One way or another Bea was determined to break the cycle.  It wasn’t healthy living like this, and despite feeling like she’d been hit by a truck, repeatedly, the redhead knew she had been lucky.  A few inches further up and she wouldn’t be here, and where would that leave her little girl.  Deciding to try and get some rest she got herself as comfortable as possible before closing her eyes, the door to her room opening a few seconds later.

 

 

Franky knew she shouldn’t get involved, but she couldn’t bring herself to walk away either.  There was something about the redhead that got to her and she couldn’t let it go.  She knew the case against her bastard of a husband would be a good one, and the footage from their bodycams would go in Bea’s favour.  But sometimes even the most watertight of cases fell through, and she wouldn’t put it past that piece of shit to try and worm his way out of the charges.  The brunette hated people like him.  He was a coward, a bully, and she was determined to do everything in her power to make sure he only saw daylight for a couple of hours a day.

She wasn’t sure if it was Bea’s concern for her daughter, despite the obvious pain she was in, or the little girl herself that had Franky so discombobulated.  She’d hardly slept the previous night, memories of her own childhood racing through her mind like an express train.  She couldn’t help but wonder what her life would have been like if her mother had been even a little bit more like Bea, instead of the monster that she was.  Lying in bed she slipped her hand under her shirt, allowing her fingers to brush over the scars she had left her with.  Franky had tried to hide them under the cherry blossom tattoo that covered the left-hand side of her body, and while they weren’t particularly noticeable any more she would never forget them.  She hated how they felt under her fingers and could feel the burn every time she touched them.

It had taken years for Franky to actually believe that maybe it wasn’t her fault, that maybe she hadn’t been to blame for her mother burning her with cigarettes.  She still wasn’t convinced though and couldn’t help but wonder what she had done to make the woman that was meant to love her, hate her so much.  She was eight by the time the authorities stepped in and took her away, not that her life had improved much after that.  She’d traded burns and broken bones for verbal abuse, and after being passed from family to family she gave up hope of ever finding a home.  She’d rebelled after that and had been lucky to end up where she was.  Things could have so easily gone the other way, and if she hadn’t met her friend Boomer wasn’t sure if she’d be here now.

Which is why she wanted to be there for Bea in any way she could.  Even if the bastard got sent down it was going to be a rough road for a while, especially as she had the little one to look after as well.  Franky didn’t know the redhead’s circumstances, but if the abuse had been a regular occurrence as she suspected it was, then she probably didn’t socialise much.  Having to come up with excuses for visible injuries as a clumsy kid had been hard enough, but as an adult it must be much worse.  Franky didn’t want to step on her toes but knew the redhead would need a lot of support, and while the were practically strangers she wanted to be that source.  Assuming Bea would allow her to be that was.

Opening the door to the room she crept in quietly, seeing the redhead lying in the hospital bed with her eyes closed.  She had spoken to one of the nurses who had finally given her an update on the patient’s condition once she had flashed her badge, and so knew she had been awake earlier.  Not wanting to disturb her she sat in the chair across the room and watched her sleep.  Franky’s mind instantly went back to a time when her five-year-old self had been the one lying there hooked up to so many wires that she had felt like a robot.  The cast on her arm a painful reminder that she was still very much human, and hurting a lot.

 

 

Bea had heard the door open followed by the sound of footsteps in her room, before everything went quiet.  Already on edge after what had happened the previous night she ignore the pain cursing through her body as she sat up, her eyes scanning the room for any sigh of danger.  The light from the hospital corridor was illuminating the space enough for her to make out the figure sitting across the room, and after a few seconds Bea realise who it was.  She wasn’t in uniform but she still recognised the brunette police officer.  What she couldn’t understand was what the hell was she doing in her room.  Thinking the worst, she fought back the tears before speaking.  “Debbie…oh god please tell me she’s ok” she half said, half shouted, the volume of her voice clearly startling the other woman.

“She’s fine, everything’s fine” Franky replied, standing up quickly and making her way over to the bed.  “Fuck, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to freak you out” she added, running her fingers through her hair before taking the chair beside the bed.  “I don’t know if you remember me but…”

“I remember you Franky.  Thank you for looking after my daughter, Liz told me you stayed with her until she arrived”

“It was nothing.  Couldn’t just leave the little grommet could I, who knows wat trouble she’d have gotten herself into” the brunette joked, trying to lighten the mood in the room.  “I know the only thing you probably want to do right now is sleep, but I wanted to pop by and make sure you were ok.  I’ll not keep you”

Smiling at the other woman, Bea was surprised at how comfortable she felt in her presence.  They were practically strangers, and she knew that the brunette was only doing her job, but the fact that she hadn’t judged her meant a lot to the redhead.  “I’m good, well as good as I can be stuck in here”

“And little Debbie…she’s got someone to look after her?”

“Yeah.  Liz is like a mum to me and loves having Deb over to stay.” Bea replied, taking a few seconds before asking the question that had been on her mind since she saw who was in her room.  “Do you think he’ll get away with it, Harry I mean.  I just…I need to know my little girl’s safe.  I wouldn’t put it past him to go after her to get at me.  I…fuck, this is such a mess” she added, the tears that had been threatening to fall for the past few minutes finally making their escape.

Moving a little closer Franky surprised herself by taking the redhead’s hand, not usually being one for serious conversations or sentiment.  “I’ll do everything I can to make sure he stays behind bars where he belongs, for a long time.  Do you have a lawyer?  If not, I know one, and she’s bloody good.  If anyone can get the book thrown at that bastard then she can.  I’ll leave you her number in case you want to speak to her about the divorce…assuming you are divorcing him”

“I am, and I should have done it after Deb was born.  If I had she wouldn’t have to deal with all this now.  Harry was right…I’m a shit mother” the redhead said, the last few words barely recognisable through the tears that were now free falling.

Moving even further out of her comfort zone Franky stood up, wrapping her arms around the sobbing woman as carefully as she could.  She felt for Bea, she really did, and knew how damaging words could be, especially if you heard them on a regular basis.  “I know we don’t really know each other but it’s obvious how much you love the little grommet.  He was wrong to say that to you.  You’re a good mum Bea, believe me.  I know all about having a shit mum, and you’re not one of them” the brunette replied, waiting until Bea had calmed down a little before returning to chair by the bed.  “You’re strong, and you’re gonna beat the bastard, I promise”

“Thank you Franky, for everything.  And if you could leave the number for your lawyer friend that would be great.  I’ll give her a call in the morning”

Taking a card from her wallet Franky scribbled her personal mobile number on it, along with the contact details for Jane, the lawyer.  Standing up she handed the card over, telling the redhead to get some rest and to call her any time.  Day or night.  “I’ll come back and see you in a couple of days Red.  Make sure you get some sleep ok” she said as she made her way towards the door.

“Red?” Bea questioned, her muddled brain unable to join the dots at the minute.

“Yeah, Red…you know…the hair” Franky replied, pointing to the other woman’s red curls.  “All my friends have nicknames, it’s what I do” she added, smirking at Bea before disappearing into the corridor.

 

 

Bea laid awake for a while after Franky had left, turning the card the other woman had given her over and over in her hand.  Friends.  Could they really become friends?  The brunette with the brightly coloured tattoos that Bea had only seen for the first time tonight seemed so full of life, why the hell would she want to be friends with someone like her.  Someone who allowed her husband to beat her, put her daughter in danger just by being in the same house as that monster she had married.  It would be good to have a new friend, but it would only lead to more heartache.  While Franky seemed genuine in her bid to get to know her better, Bea had no doubt that once she realised how dull, how pathetic she was, she’d be off like a shot.  It was better to not get too close to anyone, that way she couldn’t get hurt again.  She would be just fine, she had her little girl, she had Liz, and now Harry was out of the picture she would hopefully get to see her parents more often.  But bringing anyone new into her life right now would only complicate matters, even if it was just a new friend.

Franky seemed like a genuinely nice person, and the last thing she wanted was to bring her down.    She was toxic, worthless as Harry had so often called her, and she wasn’t about to subject anyone else to that.  No matter how much she wanted to befriend the tattooed brunette it wouldn’t be fair.  The redhead knew she was a lot of things, but selfish definitely wasn’t one of them.  Closing her eyes again Bea let her mind wander, the events of the past few years with Harry racing though her head like a tornado.  She couldn’t help but think that she must have done something really bad in a past life to deserve to be treated like this by someone who had once claimed to love her.

Love, if that’s what it had been then she would happily go through the rest of her life without it.  There were different types of love, Bea knew that, but the kind she was meant to have shard with Harry was nothing more than broken promises, broken bones and now a broken home.  But despite all the pain and suffering she was glad she had Debbie.  She loved her daughter more than words could ever describe and would give her life in a heartbeat if it meant keeping her safe.  She loved her family back in New Zealand, and she loved Liz.  But that was it.  The other kind wasn’t worth it, if it even existed in the first place.

She’d seen it in movies, heard people talking about it, but to Bea it simply seemed like an overaction.  A rush of adrenalin leading them to get caught up in the moment and think they felt something that didn’t exist.  She’d felt none of that with Harry, even in the beginning when he was actually nice to her.  The sex hadn’t been unpleasant, it was more disappointing than anything.  She had heard some of the other women on the surfing circuit talk about it in the locker room during competitions, and by the way they described it she was expecting it to be earth shattering, life altering.  But that hadn’t been the case with Harry.  The only time Bea had ever felt anything like what they had talked about, had been so fleeting that she sometimes wondered if she had imagined the whole thing.

 

 

It was a long time ago yet Bea still remembers it like it was yesterday.  She’d had a particularly bad week with Harry and knew that she needed to get both her and her daughter away from the monster he had turned into.  The redhead was working the early shift on the Sunday so Debbie was spending the weekend with Liz.  She hated leaving her daughter alone with Harry, and even though he had never laid a finger on the young girl wouldn’t put it past him.  Bea expected him to put up a fight, throw his weight around while yelling that she was his daughter too.  But he hadn’t, and it wasn’t until she got to the lifeguard tower that morning and heard some of her colleagues talking that she figured out why.  There was a big footy game on that afternoon, and having a three year old around would spoil his plans of getting pissed down the pub with his mates.

The swell was particularly big that morning and looking at the weather forecast it was only going to get worse.  As a result of the predicted difficult conditions she was working over at Tamarama beach.  She often got assigned here on days like this, her boss Will Jackson liked knowing he was utilising his resources in the best possible way.  Despite her small frame Bea was one of the best at controlling the heavy rescue board in the big waves, plus nothing phased her when she was out in the water.  He had seen so many lifeguards come and go during the few years he’d been doing the job, and while some were excellent swimmers they couldn’t hack it in the rougher conditions.  But not Bea, if anything she thrived under the pressure.

He was surprised the first time he saw her head out into the pounding waves.  It was her day off and she was at the beach with her daughter and Liz.  Bea had been out for a surf while the older blonde helped the young girl build sandcastles.  He’d seen the redhead out in the water before, but never in waves this big, and he couldn’t deny that she was good.  She knew exactly when to pull back, and when to push hard, catching the waves that most of the guys out in the water with her only dreamed of getting.  She had just returned to shore when she heard someone shouting.  Scanning the water, she saw a hand in the air, the person’s head appearing above the surface of the water for a few seconds before disappearing again.   Scanning the beach quickly she saw that the nearest lifeguard was over 80 metres away and dealing with another incident, so without a second thought she grabbed the rescue board from the nearby stand and headed in.  Will expected her to get pounded by the large waves, but to his surprise she performed an eskimo roll, taking both her and the board straight under them and out the other side.  It was a trick that many surfers used but doing it with a heavy rescue board was no mean feat, and some of the guys struggled with it.  Yet despite her small frame Bea had no issues whatsoever, and got out to the person in trouble in record time.  She wasn’t out of danger yet though and getting back in with not only the heavy board but what also looked like a large dead weight would be tough, especially in waves as big as they were.  It took her a few minutes to get her patient on the board, and after a quick look over her right shoulder she started to paddle, catching the incoming wave and bringing the guy in safely to shore.  It had been a textbook rescue, and after that Will would always assign Bea to the more difficult areas of the three beaches they covered.

 

 

As Bea scanned the bay later on that day she sighed in frustration.  They had closed the beach to swimmers around an hour ago, yet despite the repeated warnings and announcements there were still a couple of people in the water.  The surfers had taken advantage of the closure though, and there was more than a dozen out of the back of the break in the waves.  While Bea wasn’t too concerned she still had to be alert.  It wasn’t uncommon for a tourist to try and learn to surf at Tamarama or neighbouring Bronte on a day like this, and more often than not they were poor swimmers too.  But looking at the guys out there at the minute that clearly wasn’t the case.  She recognised a couple of them from the surfing circuit, and they definitely knew what they were doing out there.  It didn’t mean that she could kick back and relax though, and the sport didn’t come without risk.  Even the most seasoned professionals still came unstuck from time to time, whether it be a fin chop, dislocation or in some cases much worse.

The main concerns in these conditions were the rocks and sandbanks, and when the water was churned up like it was right now it made it harder and harder to see which way was up after a dunking.  During her short time as a lifeguard Bea had seen more than her fair share of suspected spinal injuries.  Luckily a lot of them came to nothing, and the patient walked out of the hospital later that day without any serious damage.  But that wasn’t always the case, and one of the guys who moved in the same circuit as her when she first started had been left paralysed following a bad fall.   He’d wiped out while trying to catch a huge wave but hadn’t realised the water was so shallow and had gone head first into the sandbank.

Luckily so far there had been no injuries, minor or otherwise, and no rookies had been crazy or stupid enough to take on the monster waves.  It was late afternoon when the call came through from the tower at Bondi.  A passer-by had spotted a woman down on the rocks between Mackenzie Point and Tamarama.  The sea was too rough for the jet ski to get close enough, and Bea knew if the swell got any bigger anyone out there would be washed away by the wall of water.  Grabbing her radio, she let her colleague in the tower know that she was heading over there to check it out.  Making her way over the rocks as quickly yet carefully as possible she scanned the area where the woman was last seen.  She couldn’t see anyone at first, and after taking a second look she was just about to radio in and ask for more information when she spotted a lone figure up ahead.  Her long blonde hair was blowing in the wind and she was moving closer and closer to the edge.

Bea could tell that she was unsteady on her feet and wondered if she had been drinking or if it was just a result of the cold.  Either way she didn’t want to startle her in any way.  Moving slowly, she closed the distance between them, waiting until the woman stumbled again before grabbing her around the waist and falling back into the rockface behind her.  “It’s ok, you’re safe now.  I’m one of the lifeguards” the redhead said as the woman in her arms struggled slightly and tried to get back up.  “We need to get off the rocks before the swell gets any bigger.  Are you hurt in any way?  Can you walk?” she added.

After receiving no response, she stood up slowly, her arm securely around the other woman’s waist still in case she tried to bolt for the rock edge again.  Letting her colleagues know that the woman was safe and they were on their way back she tried talking to her again, but the blonde just stared straight through her.  She wasn’t drunk, that was pretty clear now, but she had taken something.  Her pupils were dilatated and she was having trouble focusing.  Bea was just about to suggest they make their way back towards the beach when she was pushed away and the blonde staggered towards the edge again.  She had clearly underestimated the redhead’s strength, and despite being the smaller of the two had her back in her arms in seconds.  It took a while, longer than it should have, but eventually a now soaking wet Bea managed to get the woman safely back to the beach.

The waves had battered them, and it had been a struggle at times, but Bea was determined not to let go of the other woman.  The blonde hadn’t really spoken at all.  She had cried and mumbled a lot but most of what she was saying was lost in the sound of the waves crashing against both them and the rocks.  On the one occasion she could hear the words they felt like a knife to the chest.  Whatever had happened to drive this woman out onto the rocks in such awful conditions couldn’t have been good, and when Bea heard her repeat three or four times that she was worthless, she wanted to hold on to her and never let got.  She knew how it felt, and having been called that herself on several occasions felt her pain.  Bea suspected the woman was a few years younger than her, four or five maybe, but she looked so small, so afraid, and it made the redhead so angry.  Angry at the person or people who had done this to the blonde.  Knowing there was nothing she could do, she held on to her tighter and told her that it wasn’t true.  And whoever had said it to her was the one who was worthless, not her.  Not that she expected her words to help, if the blonde had even heard them that was.

The woman was soaked through and shaking, and Bea was worried that she would end up with hypothermia if she didn’t get warm soon.  Reaching out, she placed her hand on the blonde’s forearm gently so she didn’t startle her.  There was a storm in her big blue eyes, one similar to that of the raging seas behind them, and she was lost somewhere in another world.  Another time maybe.  Bea was just about to ask her to come back to the tower when their eyes locked, and something in the other woman’s gaze shifted.  There was a flash of something in her eyes, something Bea couldn’t quite read, and then she kissed her.  It was only brief, over before it had even begun, but it left a lasting mark on the redhead.

It was as though she had an electric current cursing through her body, her heart was pounding and she felt an unfamiliar sensation in her lower abdomen.  Bea had never felt like this before, and it scared her a little.  But it wasn’t a bad feeling, far from it.  She’d felt a similar type of rush when she caught a particularly difficult wave, but even that hadn’t left her feeling so free.  It was as though she had been locked away for so long, and finally someone had come along with a key that fit.  Lifting her arm, she brought her hand up towards her mouth, her fingers tracing her lips that still tingled from the brief, yet most incredible kiss she’d ever had.  Snapping out of the trace like state she found herself in she saw that the woman was no longer standing in front of her.  Desperate to find her again she scanned the beach to no avail.  Just as she was about to give up she was rewarded with a flash of blonde before the woman disappeared from sight, and Bea felt the clouds set in again.  She didn’t even know her name.

That was almost two years ago, and she still thought about it.  She hadn’t seen the woman since, not that she expected to.  But she could still feel her presence.  Bea had been off kilter for days afterwards, something that Harry had picked up on straight away.  He’d beaten her badly a few days later, having caught her lost in her thoughts yet again.  He’d yelled, punched and kicked, and when everything went quiet the redhead thought it was over.  But it wasn’t.  The verbal abuse had continued late into the night, or was it early morning, her rattled brain struggling to process what time it was.  She remembered him saying that if she wasn’t so repulsive he would think she was having an affair, but no one would want to be with someone so worthless, so ugly.  He’d slapped her around the face then, making sure her focus was back on him before telling her how lucky she was that he stuck with her.  And as he pressed her face down into the mattress before ripping her shorts off and forcing himself on her, she felt anything but lucky.  She shut off after that, allowing her mind to go to a better place, a place where she was far away from Harry.  But what really shocked her was that she was there, the mystery woman with the blonde hair, blue eyes, and the softest lips Bea had ever felt.


	2. Allie Novak

Allie had been in Sydney for a few years now, and for the first time in what felt like forever she was happy with her life.  Well most aspects of it.  Her love life was pretty much none existent, although after the disasters that were her past couple of relationships she wasn’t particularly bothered about getting involved with anyone else.  For the first time in her life she was focusing on herself, on her own wants and needs, and being used then thrown away by some judgmental bitch really wasn’t what she needed right now.  Life hadn’t always been this simple though.  Things had been hard when she first arrived in the city, not that it had been a planned move.  At fifteen she had found herself abandoned and homeless in a strange city, with nothing but the clothes on her back.  For weeks after it happened people kept telling her how lucky she was that someone found her, and that she was alive.  But she didn’t feel lucky, she felt scared.  Scared, alone and unwanted, and she couldn’t help but wish that his plan had worked.  That she had died.

As a kid she loved the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore calmed her in a way that very few things did, but then everything changed, and the thought of being anywhere near the ocean terrified her.  Things weren’t great back then, her mum suffered with depression and would spend days, sometimes weeks just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling.  And her dad, he was everything that a parent shouldn’t be.  He was angry, her was violent, and worst of all he was controlling.  While Allie didn’t really understand why her mum was the way she was it kind of made sense in a bizarre way.  And she couldn’t deny that being lost in her head would be better than dealing with everything that Eli Novak threw at them.  He beat her mum, she knew that from an early age, and would often hear her crying during the night.  She was pretty sure he did more than just beat her too, not that she would ever tell anyone or ask for help.

Allie had been close to her mum when she was little, and for the first few years of her life things hadn’t been too bad.  Her dad was always grumpy, constantly on at her for making a mess while playing with her toys, but her mum was fun.  She would spend hours with her, and it didn’t matter what they were doing Allie was just happy to be around her.  It was a week after her sixth birthday that things changed, and while she knew her mum had spent a few days in hospital she didn’t know why.  Her parents would never talk about it in front of her, and when the they did speak it ended in a shouting match.  After months of this it had become the norm for Allie to sleep in her wardrobe on the really bad nights, her favourite blanket wrapped tightly around her.  Looking back, it didn’t make much sense, but her six-year-old logic told her that if she couldn’t be seen then nothing could hurt her.  She could still hear it though, the cries, the screams, and as she huddled up in the back corner of her wardrobe she wondered if that’s what growing up meant.  If so she wanted to stay a kid forever.

 

 

Things weren’t much easier at school, and while Allie was a smart kid she struggled with her concentration.  Ours spent alone in her room wishing she was anywhere but there hadn’t helped, and neither had the loneliness.  She’d had a few friends when she was younger, but as things worsened at home she started to pull back.  It wasn’t intentional, but it was hard for her, especially when she was never allowed to invite her friends over after school.  She felt guilty going over to their house when she couldn’t return the favour, so started making excuses as to why she couldn’t go.  In the end the invites had stopped, and a few weeks later the teasing and bullying started.  On the outside she appeared to be a happy kid, always smiling, but that smile hid a world of pain.  Not that anyone took the time to notice.

She was eleven when things started to pick up a little.  A family had moved in across the street and despite being several years older than Allie, their daughter Karen Proctor, or Kaz as she preferred to be called was always nice to her.  Kaz was in her final year of high school whereas Allie was in her first, and one evening when she was walking home from school a group of girls jumped her.  There was seven of them, and Allie was all alone.  While she was determined not to go down easy she knew she was fighting a losing battle.  They dragged her into the park, punching and kicking at her as they did, and she was just about to give up the struggle when she fell to the ground.  It took her a few seconds to figure out what was going on, but after seeing the ringleader of the group getting her arse kicked by Kaz the others made a hasty retreat. 

The older blonde took Allie under her wing after that, and once word got around no one touched her again.  At least not for a couple of years.  Kaz had taken a year out after leaving school, wanting to get some money together before she headed off to university.  And while Allie was glad that the older blonde would still be around for a while longer, knew that she would be leaving Melbourne eventually.  She’d applied to a university in Sydney and had already secured a place.  As much as she was looking forward to the challenge, she was reluctant to leave Allie behind.  She had become like a sister to her, and she was worried about the young girl.

When the day finally came for Kaz to leave Allie was heartbroken, and the sense of loneliness was worse than before.  She felt isolated from everyone and wished that her only real friend could have stayed.  The older blonde wasn’t faring much better either, and despite being in an exciting place and surrounded by hundreds of new people, it didn’t make leaving any easier.  She had sensed that something wasn’t right in the Novak household, and despite there being no physical signs of abuse she couldn’t help but worry about the young blonde.  She knew all about domestic violence, having been taken away from her biological parents when she was eight.  Her father had been abusing her for a couple of years by this point, and if her teacher hadn’t made the unexpected trip out to their farm one evening and caught him with his daughter in the barn she dreaded to think how things would have turned out.

It was hard for a while, and when she was sent to her first foster family she rebelled.  The couple they had sent her to were stern and controlling, and if she didn’t do what they told her to immediately she was rewarded with a slapped bottom.  Having someone’s hands on her, especially another mans had freaked her out and as a result she started acting up in the hope they would send her back.  It didn’t take long, and a couple of months after she put her plan into place she was back in the home with the other children.  It took another twelve months before another couple came along, but after the previous issues the staff at the home wanted Karen to spend more time with them than usual to make sure she was happy. 

Several months later she was in her new home, and she couldn’t be happier.  They were so good with her, giving her space when she needed it, and being there for her when she needed support.  It took a little time, but eventually the nightmares faded and she could go back to being a kid again.  Her birth mother tried to contact her a year after she went to live with the Proctors, but she refused to see her.  She had all the family she needed, and finally had a mum and dad that loved her.  The other woman could go to hell for all she cared.

The first time she saw Allie she knew something was wrong, not that the younger blonde would ever admit it.  She was always smiling, but that smile never quite reached her eyes.  She hid behind that smile, something Kaz knew all about.  Over time the two of them had become close, and one night a sobbing Allie had finally opened up and told her what was going on.  Kaz was happy to hear that her friend wasn’t being physically abused, but that didn’t mean it would stay that way.  And she was determined to help Allie in any way she could.

When the time came for her to leave for university Kaz almost didn’t go.  Allie was smiling as usual, telling her that she was going to have so much fun.  But it wasn’t the smile she had become accustomed to receiving from the girl she saw as her sister.  She knew that Allie was putting on a brave face, not wanting to put a downer on what should be the start of an exciting new adventure for the older blonde.  And while she couldn’t wait to get to university, she wished there was some way she could take Allie with her.

They stayed in touch, talking at least a couple of times a week, but it wasn’t the same.  Kaz came home whenever she could and had arranged for Allie to visit her during her second year at university.  She was living in a house with three fellow students now so it was easier for her to have people over.  And she missed her little sister terribly.  The younger blonde had been so excited when they had spoken a few days ago to finalise the plans.  Kaz had booked and paid for her plane ticket and would be meeting her at the airport, but when the day finally arrived Allie didn’t show up.

Kaz waited for hours after her flight had landed, but after finally confirming that the younger woman hadn’t boarded the flight in Melbourne she headed home.  They had scheduled times when they would call one another, Kaz so she could work around her studies and Allie so she didn’t get an earful from her dad.  But the older blonde was worried, and despite it being outside their usual time she called the Novak house anyway.  As suspected there was no answer which did little to calm the blonde’s nerves, but short of heading back to Melbourne there wasn’t much she could do from where she was.  She called her parents after that, asking them to keep an eye out for Allie and to get her to call her as soon as she could.  This was so unlike the young girl, and Kaz couldn’t help but worry.

It had been three weeks since Allie failed to show, and despite keeping a pretty much constant lookout Mr and Mrs Proctor hadn’t eve seen so much of a glimpse of the young blonde.  She had spent a lot of time at their house when Karen was living at home and continued her visits after she went to university.  Although they weren’t quite so often.  They knew their daughter was worried, and she wasn’t the only one.  Something definitely wasn’t right with Allie’s parents and her sudden absence only made their suspicions worse.  Karen had been back home every weekend since young Allie failed to show up, and despite calling the police nothing had come of it.

Kaz had been back at university for a couple of days when her dad called, letting her know that Allie’s mum had been arrested on suspicion of murder, and that Mr Novak was dead.  There was still no sign of Allie though, and after her arrest Mrs Novak had a breakdown so no one could get anything from her.  The police finally looked into Allie’s disappearance, but after coming up empty handed she ended up being another name on the missing persons register.  They had given up on her, but Kaz hadn’t, and she never would.  Despite what everyone kept telling her, she knew her little sister was out there somewhere.  And she was determined to find her.

 

 

She was lonely after Kaz went to Sydney, and despite the regular phone calls and letters she felt lost.  Six months later a new student arrived at their school.  She wasn’t from the area and became an instant target for the bullies and popular kids.  Allie hated seeing anyone get bullied, and despite knowing she would make herself more of a target, she took her under her wing.  Things at school got progressively worse after that, but no matter what they threw at them, Allie and Sienna were inseparable.  She still missed Kaz, but the relationship she had with the older blonde was different. 

Allie suspected that she was gay from an early age, and the first time Kaz introduced her to her friends, or one friend in particular, her suspicions proved to be correct.  Ella was beautiful, stunning even, and the first time their eyes locked Allie thought her heart would explode.  She was nervous around the older girl, and after a while Kaz started to tease her about it.  It took a while, but Allie finally admitted to having a crush on the raven-haired girl.  She had been nervous about saying anything, not knowing how the one person she trusted more than anything would react to finding out she was gay.  She had worried for nothing in the end, and despite a little teasing over her crush on Ella, Kaz had taken it in her stride.

She’d never told anyone else since though, not even Sienna.  But the closer they got the more their relationship started to change, at least from Allie’s side.  She was staying over at her friend’s house when something happened between them, and it wasn’t Allie who made the first move.  They’d been laid on Sienna’s bed watching a movie and the blonde had fallen asleep.  It had been a bad week at home and sleep had been hard to come by.  But she felt relaxed at the brunette’s house and hadn’t realised she had dozed off until soft fingers brushing over her cheek woke her.  Opening her eyes, she gazed into the grey green orbs of her close friend before feeling her soft lips ghosting over hers.  The touch was barely there, but Allie knew that she wanted more.  Running her fingers through her friend’s hair she cupped the back of her head, bringing her in closer and reconnecting their lips.

They started dating after that, although they kept their relationship a secret from everyone.  Allie wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but her girlfriend kept saying that she needed more time.  Then one day they got caught together, and in a matter of hours it was all over the school.  Sienna’s parents didn’t take the news too well, and when they sat their daughter down for a chat she blamed Allie for everything.  Less than a week later the bullying started again, but this time Allie had no one.  Sienna was avoiding her, and the rest of the school were accusing her of forcing herself on the unsuspecting brunette.  It didn’t matter what she said, they had already made their mind up about her.

Things went from bad to worse after that, and after a particularly bad day at school she came home to a warzone.  Her parents were screaming at each other as they usually did, but the second she stepped through the door she knew what this particular argument was about.  They had clearly heard the rumours.  Everything started to unravel after that, and Allie was praying that she could make it through the next couple of days.  She was due to fly over to Sydney to spend the holidays with Kaz and really needed the break, now more than ever.  She never made the flight, although she did make it to Sydney.  Not that she knew where she was when she first woke up in the hospital.

For the first few days after she woke in the hospital Allie genuinely couldn’t remember anything, not even her name.  But piece by piece her memory started to return, not that she let on to the doctors.  It was easier to say she couldn’t remember than admit that her own father had tried to kill her.  He never really wanted her, she knew that from a young age, but she didn’t think he would ever do something like this.  What hurt the most was that her mum wasn’t out there looking for her.  She had spent hours staring at the tv screen in her room waiting for an appeal to come on the news, any kind of sign that someone out there cared about her whereabouts.  But that never happened.  She suspected that had something to do with her dad as well.  She knew he worked for the government but wasn’t sure in what capacity.  Whatever it was he did for a living it was secretive, why else would he hide away in the basement for hours on end.  She had tried to sneak in one day, but got caught, and the punishment had been enough to make her stay well clear from then on.

Two weeks after she woke up, or maybe it was three, time seemed to both drag and race while she was stuck in there, she saw her mum’s face on the news.  Turning the tv up she waited for what she was expecting to be a missing persons appeal, only to find it wasn’t.  Her mum was up on a murder charge, after what the reporter described as a frenzied attack on her husband.  Eli Novak was found dead in the kitchen at the family home, and Eleanor Novak was sitting beside him, a bloodied knife in her hand.  Allie couldn’t honestly sit there and say she blamed her mum, especially after the way her father treated her.  But where did that leave her?  In a strange city with nothing, and no family.

 

 

Despite several sessions with the hospital psychologist the only information Allie had given out was her name and age.  It was pointless telling them about her family, and she had no home to go back to now, even if she wanted to.  Whatever happened now, whether she stayed here or went back to Melbourne, she would end up in the system.  And at least this way she would be closer to Kaz.  Things hadn’t exactly gone to plan though, and after being tossed around in the system for a while with no real stability she finally turned sixteen and decided to make he own luck. 

She still kept up with her schoolwork but needed to get a place of her own.  She had no privacy whatsoever and with such a varied age range at the home she was staying at they all got treated like kids.  Allie had done surprisingly well in her mock exams, despite missing quite a bit due to her hospitalization.  They had suggested that she repeat the year but she knew that she needed to start making money, and fast.  It wasn’t like she had a family to support her, and so had to step up and get a job.  The blonde had been just as surprised as her teachers by her results, but deep down she was proud of what she had achieved so far and was determined to finish school with decent grades.  She had hoped to go off to university and make something of her life like Kaz had.  Or at least that’s what she assumed the older blonde had done.  Allie had tried to find her after being released from hospital but had no luck.  She didn’t give up though, and for months after she left the hospital that was the only thing that got her through the day.

She managed to get a part time job a few weeks after her sixteenth birthday.  It wasn’t much, and washing dishes wasn’t exactly what had come to mind when she thought about a career.  But she had never imagined she would end up in a different city following a foiled murder attempt by her dad either.  But life was interesting like that, or at least it had been for Allie.  She met her first real girlfriend there, and for a while life was good.  Paige was one of the chefs at the restaurant she worked at, and during her second week of the job Allie had collided with a colleague, resulting in her dropping a stack of plates.  The head chef had laid into her in front of everyone and Paige had stood up for her, despite them not really knowing each other.

Allie had been grateful, and after their shift ended offered to buy her a drink as a thank you.  She just hoped her fake ID wouldn’t let her down.  It quickly became clear that Paige was after more than a drink, and while she wasn’t really the blonde’s type she seemed nice enough.  She was a few years older than Allie, confident and very pretty, there was no doubt about that, but personality wise they didn’t have a lot in common.  Not that the raven-haired woman was overly interested in talking.  A quick thank you between the sheets soon turned into something a lot more, and without either of them realising it, they had fallen into a relationship of sorts.  Six months later the blonde moved in with her and they made it official, and for the first-time things seemed to be going Allie’s way.

They had been together a little under a year and while things weren’t always easy Allie thought they had something good.  They’d been arguing more recently, and the blonde had found drugs in the small flat that they shared on a couple of occasions.  But when she questioned Paige about it she said they belonged to a friend that had been over to visit.  Allie believed her the first time, but her behaviour had been a little erratic recently and this time she wasn’t so sure.  They’d had a huge fight and Paige had stormed off, but not before slapping the blonde around a little first.  She’d been gone three days and Allie hadn’t heard from her at all.  She hadn’t turned up for her shift either, and when the blonde had asked about it was simply told that she had taken a few days off due to a family emergency.  Allie knew that was a load of crap, but she didn’t want to get her girlfriend into any trouble, so kept her mouth shut.

It became a bit of a pattern over the next eighteen months, and every time they fought Paige would lash out then disappear for a couple of days, apologising profusely when she finally came back home.  Allie wasn’t sure what to make of it all but knew that she couldn’t carry on like this for much longer.  She wouldn’t be able to afford a flat of her own though, and as well as working at the restaurant she was studying in the evenings, another thing that caused friction between the couple.  She had been promoted from dishwasher to waitress, and the tips helped a great deal.  But things were tight, even with two salaries coming in.  Allie knew that it wasn’t a good enough reason to stay, but despite all their problems she was pretty sure she loved Paige and wanted it to work.

It all came to a head a couple of months later, on her nineteenth birthday of all days.  Paige had organised a party for her at one of the bars they frequented, not that Allie was particularly bothered.  She would have been much happier just going out for a meal with her girlfriend and their friends, but the raven-haired woman wouldn’t listen.  Not wanting to cause a fuss she had gone along with it to keep the peace, pushing her own needs to one side once again.  This had been happening more and more, and the longer they were together Allie felt as though she was losing herself in the relationship.

She had been working on her birthday and wasn’t due home until six, but her boss had surprised her by letting her leave once the lunchtime rush had died down.  Although the surprise waiting for her back at the flat that she shared with her girlfriend had blown that out of the water.  She knew something was off the second she walked through the door, but she hadn’t expected to find her in bed with one of her friends.  Allie didn’t have many friends, but the ones she did have she meant the world to her.  So, to find the person she was closest to outside of her relationship in bed with her girlfriend, pretty much destroyed her.  And to make it worse the one person she knew she could rely on was out there somewhere, but she had no idea where.  Allie wanted so badly to pick the phone up and call Kaz but she couldn’t, and that hurt more than anything.  She’s never stopped looking for the older blonde, but it was as though she had vanished, disappeared off the face of the earth.

Allie was expecting a huge fight, maybe a slap or two, even though she wasn’t the one who had cheated, followed by the usual begging for forgiveness.  But it hadn’t come, not this time.  Paige had simply put her clothes back on and walked out, her arm wrapped tightly around the waist of Allie’s former friend.  The blonde had hardly slept that night, and when she dragged herself into work the following day was a little surprised to be summoned to the office.  Within the space of ten minutes her situation had gone from bad to worse, and she was fired.  Money had been going missing from the till for some time, and after a random search that morning it had been found.  In Allie’s locker.  She knew that it was bullshit, and they were just using it as an excuse to get rid of her, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow.  As she left the place she had worked for over almost three years she caught a glimpse of Paige out of the corner of her eye, and it was clear by the smirk on her face that she was behind her latest misfortune.  What hurt the most though was the look of disgust on the rest of her colleagues faces, and it was clear by the way that none of them would make eye contact that they believed she was the thief.

In a haze Allie made her way back home, but when she got there the locks had been changed.  Everything she owned was in the flat, and for the second time in so many years found herself alone in the city with nothing but the clothes on her back.  She was just glad she had her wallet with her this time.  At least she had some money and would be able to afford a place to stay, although with no job it would have to be cheap.  Leaning against the door, Allie slides down it before taking her phone from her pocket and calling her now ex-girlfriend.  She wasn’t surprised that it went straight to voicemail, and she didn’t bother leaving a message.  There was nothing left to say.  Had she been played from the start, or was it only recently?  And why did everyone always abandon her?

 

 

She had spent the first night in a cheap hotel, but the following morning when she went to the ATM draw some money out was surprised to see her account practically empty.  Logging on to her banking app on her phone she saw that everything other than a few cents had been transferred out the previous evening.  She knew Paige was behind it, and she had gone too far this time.  Making the forty-minute walk across town she approached the place that up until recently she had called home and knocked on the door.  It felt weird being here and not just walking in, but whatever happened she knew she couldn’t forgive her this time.  Paige eventually answered the door, and although Allie wasn’t surprised to find her former friend there with her, it still hurt.  Things didn’t go well as expected, and it was clear that her ex-girlfriend was looking for a fight.  But Allie was determined not to bite, no matter ho hard she pushed.  And she pushed hard.  She also hit, and kicked, and half an hour later a bloodied and bruised Allie stumbled out of the door and into the street, the two hundred dollars she’d hidden in one of her books tucked safely into the pocked of her jeans.

Allie had gone back to the hotel but after taking one look at her they turned her away.  After wandering around for a few hours, she came across a backpacker’s hostel and was able to secure a bed for a week.  It was in a large dorm, and wasn’t ideal, but she didn’t have much choice right now, and was quickly running out of options.  Sydney was an expensive city.  It had been a month, and other than a couple of cash in hand jobs Allie still hadn’t managed to find anything permanent.  Her previous employer was either refusing to give her a reference or telling them she was a thief.  Either way she was in a mess.  She had no money left and had been kicked out of the backpacker’s hostel two days ago.  She’d spent the previous night sleeping on the beach, or at least trying to.  Being so close to the sea had freaked her out, resulting in some pretty horrific nightmares.  While some of the events were vague, she would never forget the night her dad had taken her out on a boat and thrown her overboard.

Having a daughter hadn’t been a part of his plan for life, and she knew that he’d always wanted a son.  But when she turned out to be a lesbian that was the final straw.  The day her parents found out they had argued and fought late into the night, and the next morning the young blonde had been dragged out of bed and thrown into a chair at the dining table.  Her dad had come up with a plan to send her away to get ‘fixed’, but when she refused he lost it.  The rest of the day had been a bit of a blur, and the first thing she remembered was coming to in the cabin of a boat.  Her hands were tied, and she could feel the dried blood on her face as well as the pain in her cheek.  She couldn’t focus properly and felt sick but wasn’t sure if that was due to the pain or something else.

After wriggling around for a while she managed to loosen the restraints on her wrists and was just about to open the cabin door when she heard the footsteps approaching.  Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves she got back on the bed and closed her eyes again, pretending to be asleep.  He clearly hadn’t intended for her to wake up, and she was torn between pretending to still be out of it and fighting back.  The decision was made for her when she realised what he was trying to do, but despite the struggle she was no match for his strength.  When she hit the water, she knew that was it.  They were miles from anywhere and despite being a relatively good swimmer she wouldn’t be able to keep herself afloat for long.  Allie couldn’t remember much after that, but when she had woken up to a white ceiling and bright lights thought she was dead.  Luckily it had been the hospital instead, and despite the majority of her memory coming back, she had no idea how she had ended up there.

 

 

Things had been difficult since her break-up with Paige, and the few friends Allie had turned on her after her ex decided to spread lies about her.  It was bad enough that Paige had cheated on her in the first place, but to use Allie’s past as a way to justify her actions and push the blame onto her was a low blow.  She could have defended herself, but if they had been real friends they would have at least had the decency to hear her side of the story before badmouthing her all over town.  It was hard, and after being used to having someone around she had been lonely.  But she’d has a lot worse said about her over the years.  Allie knew she had been stupid but she was the first woman to show her any real attention, and that was something she had craved badly at the time.  In hindsight she should have cut and run ages ago, especially as she later found out that Paige had been playing around from the start.  And had cheated on her with half of the lesbian population of Sydney.

Life continued in a downward spiral for Allie, and with no luck on the job front and no money she found herself on the streets.  She was scared to close her eyes at night, and afraid to open them in the morning knowing that she had to face yet another day out here alone.  The hunger was worse than anything though, and after a couple of weeks she had come across a women’s shelter.  It was late in the day so all the beds were taken but at least she could get a decent meal, take a shower and change her clothes.  She’d started staying there more often after that, although she wasn’t always able to get a bed. 

Three months after Allie started going there they changed their policy and she was able to get a permanent place at the shelter.  It wasn’t much, and the decoration left a lot to be desired, but it was warm and dry, and safer than being out on the streets.  The rules were pretty simple, no men, no drugs, and if you didn’t want to get locked out you had to be home by eleven.  Rules Allie thought she would have no problems keeping, especially if it meant she was off the street.  The first six months had gone well, and while she still wasn’t able to find a proper job, the shelter would give the residents money for cooking and cleaning.  Allie wasn’t much of a chef, but she didn’t mind the cleaning and could happily spend hours humming along to herself as she mopped the endless corridors.

The money wasn’t much, but it was enough for her to buy herself a few clothes.  While she was thankful for the ones the shelter provided, most of them were either too big or not to her taste.  Not that she was in a position to be picky.  A few months after Allie started living there another woman came in.  They were of a similar age and had both had a difficult time when growing up.  Zoey seemed nice enough, and soon started on the same cleaning roster as the blonde.  They became friends quickly, although after everything Allie had gone through with Paige was a little wary of getting too close to anyone.  Allie was flirty by nature but had tried to reign it in a little, not wanting to give the other woman the wrong idea.  But one night they’d both had a little too much to drink and they slept together.

It was nice but not earth shattering, and after what had happened in her previous relationship Allie needed more than that.  They got on well as friends, but she didn’t see anything more than that in their future, despite Zoey’s best efforts to get her back into her bed.  The blonde was aware the other woman was a drug user, but she would never go near Allie when she was high.  That was another reason she didn’t want to get into any kind of relationship with Zoey.  She suspected that the drugs she had found at the flat she had shared with Paige were hers, and if that was the case it would definitely explain her somewhat erratic behaviour.  She was trying to get her life back on track, and the last thing she needed was to get dragged into that world.

Zoey was persistent though, and despite the now near constant knockbacks from the blonde she just kept coming back for more.  The more she pushed the more distance Allie put between them, until they were barely speaking.  Allie had changed her cleaning roster, not wanting things to be awkward between the two of them, and one afternoon after finishing her duties had been a little surprised to find Zoey in her room.  She was looking under the bed, but when Allie questioned her she said she had lost one of her earrings and wondered if it was in her room.  The blonde thought it was a little strange as it had been a few weeks since the other woman had been in her room, but not wanting to get into anything with Zoey decided to let it go.  She had noticed that Zoey seemed to be hanging around with one of the girls who worked in the kitchen, which she was happy with.  While she didn’t want a relationship with the other woman, it was good to see her happy and smiling.

A few days later Allie started to feel a little off.  There had been some sort of stomach bug going around the shelter so she put it down to that, but after three days she seemed to be getting worse.  She was sweating, shaking, and could barely focus on anything.  The thought of food made her feel sick, and even getting out of bed was a struggle.  She hadn’t left her room for two days, and the only human interaction had been when one of the girls from the kitchen had brought her something to eat and drink.  She’d barely touched her food, but the juice was a welcome relief.  She was really thirsty so was happy when the drinks kept coming, although she wasn’t feeling any better.

The blonde was fast asleep in bed later that night when she was woken by a loud bang.  A few minutes later the shelter manager came crashing through her door and ordered her to get up, one of the security guards practically dragging her from her bed and out into the corridor as they started to search her room.  After the shelter manager came out of her room carrying three bags of what she assumed were drugs Allie knew she had been set up by someone.  There had been rumours going around for a few days about a drugs raid taking place, and everyone had been on tenterhooks ever since.  She wasn’t particularly worried and figured once she explained the situation they would understand.  She had never willingly taken a drug in her life, although she was pretty sure her dad had given her something the night he tried to kill her.  But the manager wouldn’t listen and had simply ordered the guard to take her to the medical room for a drugs test.  Again, Allie wasn’t worried and knew they wouldn’t find anything, so when the nurse tested it straight away and it came back positive she was more than a little bit shocked.

She protested, saying there must be some kind of mistake, but they still didn’t believe her.  They gave her ten minutes to pack her bags before kicking her out.  It was the middle of the night, pouring with rain, and she felt like shit.  Although she now knew what had been making her ill for the past few days.  Someone had clearly been drugging her, and she had her suspicions as to who it was.  What she couldn’t understand was why Zoey would get close to someone like that.  As the fog in Allie’s brain started to clear she tucked her hands into her pockets to keep them warm, finding what felt like a small bag and piece of paper.  Pulling it out of her pocked she read the note, feeling the tears threatening to fall as the words sunk in.

 

_I always get what I want, and I wanted you.  It’s a shame really, you were a good fuck and I’m going to miss seeing your pretty face around here.  But no one rejects me and gets away with it.  I’m not totally heartless though, so enjoy the baggie…it’s the least I could do considering. Z x_

It all made sense now, Zoey cosying up to the girl in the kitchen was all about getting revenge.  Sliding down the wall she had been leaning against Allie ignored the rain that was soaking her through.  Wrapping her arms around her knees she cried, cried like she hadn’t in a long time.  She was so sick of being treated like an object, a toy that people could play with then cast to one side.  Was she really such an awful person that she deserved to be used like this?  Her head hurt, her heart ached, and she was scared.  Deciding she had nothing left to lose she tore the note in half, emptying the white power onto one half before making a tube out of the other.  The rush from the drug was pretty much instant, and Allie felt all of her worries disappear.  She felt warm, she felt free, but more importantly she felt happy.

 

 

The high didn’t last though, and pretty soon she was doing whatever it took to chase that feeling.  She became addicted quickly, and as a result fell into prostitution to fund her habit.  It had been hard at first, and she was disgusted with herself for doing what she was doing.  But as soon as the drugs were back in her system she could think of nothing else but her next hit.  Weeks turned into months, and before she knew it Allie was hanging on by a thread.  She had stayed at the homeless camp for a while but had what little she possessed stolen so decided to move on.  It took every bit of energy she had to find a reason to get through the day, and she hated herself with a passion.

The tipping point came around eight months later when she was sitting in the doorway of a shop that had closed down, her small cup in front of her as she tried to scrape enough money together for something to eat.  It had been days since she had last eaten and she was constantly tired.  It hadn’t been a bad morning, and despite the weather she had a few dollars in her cup.  Deciding to give it another hour before going in search of food she sat back and closed her eyes.  She was just about to drop off to sleep when she heard it, the voice she once loved coming home to, the voice that had taunted her before kicking her out of her own home.  Opening her eyes, she came face to face with Paige.  There was another woman with her, a brunette who didn’t look much older than Allie had been when they first met.  Her arm was wrapped around Paige’s waist as they moved closer.

Allie wished more than anything that the ground would open up and swallow her.  Her sense on self loathing was bad enough, without the one person who had started the domino effect in her life seeing her in this state.  The verbal abuse she had been expecting never came, instead the woman who she thought she once loved simply spat at her before kicking over her cup, scattering the coins all over the pavement.  Laughing at the blonde she called her the same three things her dad had that night, before walking away.

She was embarrassed, ashamed, and everyone was staring at her.  Ignoring the money that lay taunting her on the floor she stood up and walked away.  She didn’t bother picking her blanket up, she wouldn’t need it where she was going.  It was too hard, she couldn’t go on like this anymore. She had nothing, nobody, and couldn’t see a way out.  Part of her wishes that whatever drug her dad had given her that night had been stronger.  What was the point in waking up and making it back to shore if this was all that was waiting for her.  Allie was tired, her body ached and she felt so alone.  She wanted out, so after heading to the beach she made her way along the rocks.  The closer to the ocean she got the louder his words were in her head.  Disgusting, dirty, worthless, three words on repeat racing through her mind.  Maybe he had been right all along, and she would be better off dead.  Living was no fun, so what did she have to lose.  It wasn’t like anyone would miss her.

Allie wasn’t sure how long she had been out there on the rocks, but she was soaked through.  Not that she cared.  If she didn’t drown then hopefully the hypothermia would take her instead.  Standing up from the rock she was perched on she made her way towards the ledge.  Taking a deep breath, she filled her lungs with air for what would probably be the last time, before stepping closer to the edge.  Something was wrong.  She should be falling, should have hit the water by now, but instead she felt an arm around her waist, and a firm body pressed against her back.  It took a while for her brain to catch up, although she suspected the drugs she had taken a few hours ago had a lot to do with that.  But as soon as she realised she was being led away from the cliff edge she tried to get away.  Whoever had a hold of her was a lot stronger than she was though, and much more stable.  She only made it a few centimetres before she was pulled back yet again.

She couldn’t remember much about what happened out on the rocks but was surprised to find herself back on the safety of the beach.  Trying to make sense of everything she turned her attention to the woman that had rescued her, and as she gazed into her chocolate brown eyes she felt like she had a purpose again, a reason to fight.  Her head was a jumbled mess, and she didn’t trust herself to speak but she couldn’t just do nothing.  She needed her to know that she was grateful, and despite fighting against her, she was glad she held on.  It was a split-second decision, and didn’t last much longer than that, but before Allie could stop herself she leaned in and kissed her.  It was the briefest of kisses, chaste even, but when their lips touched the blonde felt something she hadn’t felt in a very long time.  She felt safety, she felt hope.

Seeing the shock on the other woman’s face she took one last look, burning her image into her mind before bolting from the beach.  She couldn’t risk sticking around and being rejected by yet another person but knew if she stayed that’s what would happen.  Nobody wanted her and this time wouldn’t be any different, but for a few seconds she had felt happier than she ever had.  Allie wasn’t sure what had changed but something definitely had.  Maybe those chocolate brown eyes held some sort of magical power, or maybe she was crazy.  But whatever the reason she knew she needed to get off the drugs.  She felt like she’d been given a second chance at life.  Or was it a third.  If so then third time lucky.

With her new-found determination Allie made her way off the beach while trying to formulate a plan.  She needed to get off the streets, and fast.  Being out there wasn’t helping her addiction at all, and she knew that she needed to deal with that as a priority.  Deciding to head to the local library so she could use the internet she changed direction, making a mental note of all the things she needed to change in her life as she walked on.  Allie was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t see the car approaching as she stepped out into the road, only realising a second or two before it hit her.  The impact was hard, followed a few seconds later by another one when she hit the floor.

She had never felt pain like it and could feel herself drifting into unconsciousness.  It felt nice, warm, safe even, and despite the determination she had felt not long ago she wondered if it would be easier to give in and let go.  But no sooner had those thought entered her head, they were replaced by chocolate brown eyes and flame red curls, and she knew she had to fight.  She could hear voices, so many voices but one seemed louder than the rest.

Allie…Allie…oh fuck” she heard them say, wondering how the hell they knew her name.  The voice sounded familiar but her head felt like it was in a spin cycle and she couldn’t place it.

Forcing her eyes open she gazed into the icy blue pools of the only person who had truly cared about her.  The person she never thought she’d see again.  “K…Kaz…” she mumbled before finally losing consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the fantastic comments on the first chapter. This one will be a little darker than FMG in places but will be nowhere near as brutal as the ending of S4…even with S6 fast approaching I’m still not over it! :(


	3. Franky Doyle

Franky Doyle had almost thrown everything away during a split-second decision that would have cost her the next five to ten years of her life, and she knew that she had one person to thank for stopping her from making a huge mistake.  Not that she didn’t deserve it.  She’d had a difficult start in life, and as a result had to grow up fast.  Her dad walked out on them when she was five, and despite this she had waited up every night for him to come home.  But he never did.  She didn’t really understand what was going on at the time but had always been closer to him than her mum.  Her mum was always shouting at her, when she wasn’t passed out that was, but her dad was her hero back then.  How quickly things can change.

She was heartbroken when her dad left, and despite trying to deal with all these emotions that she didn’t really understand, she had her mother to contend with as well.  As if the issues at home weren’t bad enough, she was also having a hard time at school.  Franky didn’t really have any friends at school and she was lonely.  The other kids would tease her because of her tatty clothes.  She never had the latest toys, or wore anything that was in fashion, but she didn’t care.  Or at least that was what she led them to believe.  If they thought she was perfectly happy sitting by herself during lunch breaks, or not getting picked during games then they would leave her alone right?  Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case.  But there was nothing she could do.  If she went to her teacher she would want to speak to her mum, and if her mum got called to the school her problems would increase tenfold.

Her mother became violet after her dad walked out and would regularly take her frustrations out on her young daughter.  By the age of seven Franky had become proficient in cooking and cleaning, as well as hiding cuts and bruises.  It was the week before her sixth birthday the first time she broke her arm falling off the swing at the park.  Or at least that’s the story they had given the doctor at the hospital.  Her mum had been passed out on the sofa when the young brunette got back from school, having made her own way home as usual.  It had been a bad week and she was tired.  Laying down on her bed she grabbed her favourite blanket, the one her dad had bought for her a few weeks before he left, and curled up in a ball.  It was something she did quite often, trying to make herself as small as possible in a bid to escape the near constant abuse. 

She must have fallen asleep as the next thing she knew she was being pushed off her bed, her mum screaming at her for being a lazy little bitch and not cleaning the house as she was meant to be doing.  Franky had apologised, even though she wasn’t sure why she had to do it all the time anyway.  It wasn’t like the older woman had a job, not that she would ever say that to her.  This particular evening her mother was worse than ever, and after dragging the little girl out of her room she slapped her before giving her a push, straight down the stairs.  It took her mother a full twenty-four hours before she gave in and took little Franky to the hospital, having spend the entire morning yelling at her for being an irritating little shit.  The doctor had questioned them both separately, and as much as the young girl wanted to tell him what was going on she was scared of the backlash she knew would come if she did.  Her mother had gone through the story of how she came to hurt herself over and over, making her daughter recite it at least ten times before leaving for the hospital.  And even then, she had dragged her into the bathroom once they got there to make sure she knew what to say when asked.

Life continued in a similar pattern after that, and as painful as the physical abuse had been, it was the name calling and verbal abuse that had left the lasting damage.  By the time the authorities got involved and took her away from the monster than was her mother, Franky was a shell of her former self.  The people at the children’s home were nice enough, but she was determined not to get close to anyone.  Letting anyone in meant trusting them, and that was something that she wouldn’t do. 

She’d gone from one foster home to another after that, none of them wanting to take the time to see the fear and pain behind the walls she’d built around herself.  She was lonely, and as she sat in her room in the third house she had been in during the past two years and watched the other kids in the family play, wanted more than anything to join them.  But as nice as the parents had been, their children had made it clear right from the start that she would never be one of them.  She was on her own, and that was just fine with her.  If she didn’t let anyone get close to her, she couldn’t get hurt.

 

 

The next few years didn’t get much better for Franky, but at sixteen she had managed to secure a job in the kitchen at a local bar.  She had lied about her age in order to get the job, and as far as the owner was aware she had just turned eighteen.  She’d had to do a few favours for one of the girls at the home in order to get a decent looking fake ID, but it had been worth it.  She was a good cook, excellent in fact, and could have easily made a career out of it.  But at that point the only thing on her mind was making enough money to put a roof over her head.  She started at the bottom but after six months they saw real potential in her and gave her more responsibility.  She’d been renting a bedsit in some hovel of a shared house since starting her job.  It was dark, dirty, and it didn’t smell too great either.  But it was hers, paid for by her own money, as was everything in it, and more importantly no one could take it away from her.  Or at least that’s what she had thought when she signed the lease.

One night after a particularly busy shift she headed home, only to find the lock on her door had been smashed and her bedsit ransacked.  She didn’t have a lot but had been trying to save enough money to move somewhere nicer.  Franky hadn’t realised they were still there, until movement to her right caught her eye.  The guy in her place lived in the building, not that she had anything to do with the other residents.  Before she had time to react he had her pinned to the wall, his hands roaming all over her body as he searched for her wallet.  She only had a few dollars on her, but he took them as well, making sure to slam his fist into her face on his way out so she didn’t come after him.  As she laid in bed that night she knew that she needed to get out of there more than ever, but with no savings she was fucked.

It had been a couple of days since the incident with the guy at her bedsit.  The previous day was her day off, and she was just glad she didn’t work behind the bar, knowing her boss would take one look at her and send her home.  She had just changed into her uniform when her friend walked in, going crazy the second she saw the bruising on Franky’s face.  Franky had met Susan, or Boomer as everyone called her, on her third shift and they quickly became friends.  Boomer worked part-time behind the bar as she had another job walking dogs at the local animal shelter.  She was a few years older than Franky, and despite her larger than life presence was a big softie with a heart of gold. That was until you hurt anyone she cared about.

Like Franky, Boomer hadn’t had the best time growing up, and although her family were still in her life they treated her badly.  A few days after they met it had been quiet so Franky had gone through into the bar area and they had spent most of the afternoon chatting.  Despite their differences they got on really well and had formed a bond since that day.  So when Boomer saw the mess someone had made of Franky’s face she lost it, threatening to go boonta on whoever had hurt her friend.  After the younger woman explained what had happened Boomer offered her a place to stay.  She had a spare room in her apartment and hated being on her own so it would benefit them both.

Franky moved in the following day, and for the first time in years she actually looked forward to going home.  Things started to pick up after that, and despite not wanting to work in a kitchen for the rest of her life she was happy.  She had known that she was gay from an early age, and although she hadn’t had any relationships as such, wasn’t short of night time company.  She had a certain charm about her that women were drawn to, not that she kept them around long enough for anything more than a one-night stand to develop.

The turning point in Franky’s life came a couple of years later.  They had stopped serving food an hour ago and she was going through her usual nightly routine of cleaning everything up.  She had sent the rest of the kitchen staff home and was trying out a new recipe while waiting for the bar to close.  Boomer was working so it made sense for them to travel to and from work together, even if it did mean Franky would be waiting around for a while.  She didn’t mind and would often grab a drink and wait in the bar but was keen to see how the dish would turn out.  Hearing voices, she stopped what she was doing, putting the knife down just in time to see her walk through the door to the kitchen.  It had been ten years yet Franky would never forget her face, the face of the woman who had both physically and mentally tortured her for years.  Her mother.

The bar she worked in had made it into the local food magazine following several excellent reviews.  The chef that had been there when Franky started left six months ago, and despite her only being young the owner was so confident in her ability that he had put her in charge.  Unbeknown to anyone there, the magazine had sent a mystery shopper out to sample the cuisine and had been impressed.  The following day they had gone back to the restaurant and asked if they could do an interview with the chef.  Franky was a little apprehensive at first, but after speaking to the reporter had agreed to give her a few minutes of her time.  It didn’t hurt that she was hot, and if she played her cards right she might get more out of it than a good review.

The article had been out a couple of days and had included a picture of Franky in her uniform, busy working in the kitchen.  The magazine in her mother’s hand answered the first question that came into her mind when she first set eyes on the older woman, and knowing how she found her, the next one came easily.  “What the hell do you want, I’ve got nothing to say to you” she said, her tone clipped as she glared at the woman she had come to hate over the years.

“I read the review on this place, and I just wanted to see it for myself” her mother said as she took a step closer, a slight smile on her face as she saw her daughter involuntary take a step back.  “It won’t last you know, you may as well just quit while you’re ahead.  Sooner or later you’ll do something to fuck it all up, you always do”

Franky knew that she was trying to get a rise out of her, so tried not to bite back.  As hard as it was.  There was something about the woman in front of her, the woman that had single-handedly destroyed her childhood that got to her.  But she wouldn’t allow herself to be dragged back into her bullshit.  “Thanks for the advice…mother…but you know nothing about me or my life.  Now if that’s all you’ve come to say then I suggest you get out”

She could see that the young brunette was getting angry and knew of she pushed the right buttons she would react.  She didn’t care if her assumptions were correct, she just hated the thought of her daughter making something of herself while her life was going nowhere.  Why should she have a good life when she not only ruined hers, but also drove her husband away.  She’d never wanted kids, but when she found out she was pregnant Alan had been so happy.  She had tried everything she could think of to lose the baby, but like after she was born, Francesca was a stubborn little shit and just wouldn’t go away.  Things had gone from bad to worse after the birth, and the only way she could cope was to drink.  Pretty soon that wasn’t offering her the support it once was, so she turned to drugs.  Franky was a little shit, and she hated her, but the pills helped.  But then Alan walked out leaving her with his spawn, and she couldn’t cope.  Moving closer to the girl that had ruined everything she went on the attack, knowing that she would push the right buttons this time.  “You’re right, I don’t know anything about your life, but I know you’re a little bitch and everything you touch turns to shit.  Your own dad walked out because he couldn’t stand to be around you, he hated you that much.  You’re worthless Francesca, and giving birth to you ruined my life”

She had been doing so well, and really didn’t want to give her mother the satisfaction of knowing she was getting to her.  But when Franky heard her say her dad hated her, something snapped.  Glancing to the right she spotted a pan containing hot oil on the burner, and before she could stop herself she was reaching out to grab the handle.  If her mother thought she had ruined her life before, she hadn’t even started.  Gripping the handle tightly she took in the arrogant smirk on the older woman’s face, and just as she was about to lift the pan the door to the kitchen burst open.

 

 

As Boomer closed the door after the last customer had left she made a start on cleaning the bar.  Some of the other staff left it until the following morning, but unless they were working they were just making things difficult for their colleagues.  So whenever she was closing up she always made sure everything was clean and tidy.  She had just finished loading the dishwasher when she heard raised voices coming from the kitchen, which concerned her a little.  The woman who had come in looking for Franky had said they were friends, but now she thought about it she hadn’t seen her before.  Deciding to check on her friend she headed through into the kitchen just in time to see the tattooed brunette grab a pan from the burner.  It took a second or two for Boomer to realise what she was about to do, but once she did she ran across the room, putting herself between Franky and the mystery woman.  Whoever this woman was and whatever she had done, Boomer knew that she had to calm her friend down.  If she threw the pan of what looked like hot oil at her she could say goodbye to the next five to ten years, and she wasn’t about to sit back and watch her best friend ruin her life. “Franky…no” she said, her eyes fixed on the younger woman in front of her.

“Get out of the way Booms” the tattooed brunette said, sitting the pan back down before trying to side step her friend, an arm across her stomach blocking her path.

“Franky…I said no”

“Fuck sake Booms…move”

“Listen to her Francesca” her mother said mockingly. “She’s clearly smarter than she looks”

Before Franky had a chance to reply Boomer had spun around, grabbing her mother by the shirt and lifting her off her feet.  “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to bitch” she yelled, getting right up in the other woman’s face.  Walking towards the fire door she kicked it open before throwing the woman out like the trash she was.  “Fuck off, go on…get the fuck out of here before I snap you like a twig”

Franky couldn’t believe she was about to throw hot oil over someone.  No matter what her mother had done she was better than that, better than her.  She was just grateful her friend had come along when she had.  Placing both hands on the counter she leaned forward, taking a deep breath to try and calm her racing heart.  She had to do it didn’t she, just when life was starting to go well she has to show up and piss all over everything.  Franky hadn’t thought about her mother in a long time, but seeing her standing there brought back every punch, every burn, and every hurtful thing she had ever said.  All she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry, but Franky Doyle didn’t cry in front of other people.  Not even Booms.  She was her best friend, and Franky had opened up to her more than anyone, but there were still things she had never talked about.  And never would.

“Who the fuckin hell was that anyway?  If I’d have known she was such a twat I would have told her to piss off straight away” Boomer said after slamming the fire door shut and walking back across the kitchen.

Closing her eyes briefly, Franky straightened up, turning to face her friend before saying the words she hoped she would never have to.  “That was my mother”

 

 

Franky hadn’t heard from her mother again after that day, and she did her bet to push all thoughts of her from her mind.  If she blocked her out then she couldn’t get hurt or at least that was what she kept telling herself.  Six months had passed and she was getting a little restless in her job.  While the money wasn’t bad it wasn’t what she saw herself doing for the next forty years.  She had always been fascinated by the law, and in some cases lack of justice, so decided to look into potential careers in that field.  She thought about studying to be a lawyer but wasn’t sure she would be able to bite her tongue if some arsehole was spouting crap in the courtroom.  Plus, it would mean being stuck at university for the next five years, something she wouldn’t be able to afford.  She was on her way back home from the shop one day when she witnessed something that made her re-evaluate.

An elderly lady was sitting on one of the benches in the park, minding her own business when some guy in a hoodie approached.  They were too far away for her to hear the conversation but it looked as though he had asked her for the time, but as she went to push her jacket sleeve up so she could see her watch he grabbed her bag, dragging her off the bench in the process before taking off.  She wasn’t usually one to involve herself in someone else’s business, but she couldn’t just walk away and leave the elderly lady.  Torn between chasing the bastard that had just robbed her and making sure she wasn’t hurt, she moved closer, a flash of blonde racing past and almost knocking her off her feet, taking her by surprise.  Turning her head, she saw a woman leap over one of the other benches before flying through the air and landing on the guy, taking him to the ground.  It was impressive, really impressive, and after picking her jaw up of the floor Franky raced over to the elderly lady and helped her up.

She was a little shaken, but said she was fine.  Franky had been sent on a basic first aid training course through work, having been volunteered so kindly by Boomer, so despite the elderly lady’s protests insisted on checking her over.  The blonde superwoman had pulled the thief to his feet, his arm bent so far up his back that he wasn’t even attempting to make a run for it.  As she dragged him towards the street a police car came racing down the road, sirens blasting as it came to a stop nearby.  Two officers jumped out, one taking the bag thief and the other chatting to the blonde.  They clearly knew each other, and after a few minutes the officer patted her on the shoulder before making his way back to the car.

The elderly lady had a graze on her arm, but otherwise had gotten off lightly all things considered.  Franky was just about to offer to call a taxi for her when superwoman appeared.  She was a few years older than the brunette, at least ten years she suspected, and she had a presence about her that Franky was a little jealous of.  While the tattooed brunette was guarded when it came to her feelings she definitely wasn’t shy.  When she walked into a room people noticed her, and while that brought trouble to her door on occasions she wouldn’t have it any other way.  Little did they know that under all that bravado was a frightened kid.  But this woman, she wasn’t hiding behind anything, and Franky was in awe of her.  Switching into full on charm mode she turned to face her, her signature smirk on her face.  “You look like you’ve done that before, I’m impressed.  Maybe you could teach me some time, over dinner maybe…”

“Put it back in your pants kid…you’re not my type” the blonde threw back, nudging Franky’s shoulder.  “And yeah, not my first rodeo.  I’m a cop” she added, reaching into the pocked of her hoodie and pulling out her badge.

Mrs Jones, the elderly lady that had been robbed had asked if Franky could call her son to come and pick her up, and while waiting for him to arrive the three of them chatted.  Franky learnt that superwoman was actually Leah, and she had joined the force eleven years ago when she was nineteen.  It was a job Franky had never even considered, but after witnessing the blonde in action then she figured that it couldn’t hurt to make inquiries.  After Mrs Jones’ son picked her up Leah asked the tattooed brunette if she wanted to grab a coffee, giving her a gentle shove when the younger woman threw her a suggestive wink.  They spent the next two hours drinking coffee and talking, Franky quizzing the older woman about her job and how to go about signing up.  As they were leaving the coffee shop Leah gave Franky her number, telling her to call her if she needed any more information. 

When she got home later that day she logged on to her laptop, finding out what course she needed to complete before she could even consider becoming a police officer.  After applying for the short course with a local university she went through the other requirements, making a note of both the physical and mental skills she would need in order to join the force.  Six months later Franky arrived at the academy for her first day.  She was nervous, not that she would ever let on to anyone.  Boomer knew, despite the tattooed brunette not saying anything about it, and had dragged herself out of bed before seven to wish Franky luck.  Something that didn’t happen very often.  Boomer liked her sleep, and was more of a night owl than anything, so the fact that she got up so early meant so much to Franky.  She was a good friend, and she knew that if Booms hadn’t have come into the kitchen that day and stopped her throwing the pan of oil at her mother, she wouldn’t be about to embark on this brand-new adventure.

Training was hard, harder than she thought it would be.  The physical side was a breeze, but the hardest thing for Franky was controlling her temper in some of the situations they were put in.  During one session things got quite heated, and despite knowing the trainer was deliberately trying to push her buttons she had struggled.  What pissed her off the most was that the trainer was Leah.  They had spoken a few times on the phone, and the older woman had put Franky through her paces at the gym in preparation for her training.  She had been nothing but supportive, so when she started riding Franky hard in training it got her back up.  She was doing just as well, if not better than some of the other rookies, yet she was the only one the older blonde was yelling at.  It took every bit of Franky’s self-control not to yell back, but she knew if she did she’d be kicked out of the academy.

After showering at the end of the day she changed back into her own clothes before making her way out of the training centre.  She was just about to start her car when her phone rang, and seeing Leah’s name she almost ignored it.  Deciding to be the bigger person she answered, surprised when the older blonde told her to meet her in a bar about ten minutes away.  Franky was tempted to make up an excuse, and after the day she’d had the last thing she wanted to do was spend any more time with the woman that had contributed to her bad mood.  But she also didn’t want to get on the wrong side of her.  The bar was only a couple of blocks away from the apartment she shared with Boomer, so after agreeing to meet up she dropped her car off and headed over there.

They had cleared the air that night, Leah explaining that she was only riding her so hard because she saw real potential in her and wanted her to finish top of the class.  In true Franky style she had responded by saying she could ride her any time she wanted, causing the blonde to roll her eyes at her blatant flirting.  Leah was straight and married to one of the other detectives on the force, yet the tattooed brunette continued to flirt with her.  Not that it bothered the older woman.  Franky had turned on the charm after a training session a few weeks ago, and she had responded by saying that one day she may surprise her and take her up on the offer.  Something that both women knew would never happen, but at least Leah was taking the attention as it was intended.  A bit of harmless fun.

 

 

That was three years ago, and while some cases she worked on made her blood boil, Franky loved her job.  She had met some interesting people through work, as well as some real arseholes.  But the case that stuck in her mind more than any other was the call to the domestic residence in Cromwell Avenue, or more specifically the curly haired mother and daughter.  Seeing the redhaired woman so concerned for her little girl, despite the obvious pain she was in really got to Franky.  That was how a mother should be, how she wished hers had been, not that anyone should be in the position that both Bea and Debbie had been in.  Which was what drove her to go to the hospital the day after the call, and to be standing outside the redhead’s house a little over five weeks later.  She had been to visit the other woman again at the hospital and had seen her a couple of times after that at the station, but that had been in a professional manner.

This was the first time she had been back to the house since the call that night, and she was hoping the other woman wouldn’t turn her away.  She didn’t want Bea to think she was sticking her nose in but was worried about her.  From the conversation they’d had in the hospital it was clear that the redhead had a low opinion of herself, and after what Franky had witnessed the night of the attack there was no wonder.  But she couldn’t be more wrong.  She was strong, brave, beautiful, and worth a million of that bastard of a husband of hers.  And Franky had decided to make it her mission to get Bea to believe that, no matter how long it took.

Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand and knocked on the door.  Receiving no answer, she waited a few minutes she knocked again.  She could hear the tv so knew that someone was home, but still there was no answer.  She was just about the turn and walk away when the door opened a little, Bea’s face peering out before she opened the door fully.  Franky wasn’t sure why, but suddenly she felt nervous.  She was a little out of her depth here, but for some reason couldn’t bring herself to walk away from the redhead.

Luckily Bea took pity on her and let her in, although it was clear that she was a little surprised by the visit.  After telling her to take a seat the redhead excused herself, saying she needed to go and tuck her daughter in but she wouldn’t be long.  Ten minutes later a harassed looking Bea came walking back through, grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge and handing one to Franky before dropping down on the other sofa.  “You’re not on duty, are you?” the redhead asked, pointing to the beer in Franky’s hand.

“No, it’s more of a social call”

“Do you check up on every customer like this?” Bea asked, glad of the company but a little surprised by the visit.  Franky had said that she wanted to be friends when they spoke in the hospital, but she wasn’t expecting anything to come of it.  So, when she opened the door and found the brunette outside was a little shocked.  Although she tried not to let it show.

“Nah, only the special ones.  Helps when they’re hot as well” Franky threw back, winking at the redhead.

“You do remember that I was married to a man, don’t you?” the curly haired woman replied, shaking her head at the brunette.  She suspected Franky was only messing with her, but she couldn’t be sure.

“Yeah…and look how that turned out.  It’s not like I’m promising a lifelong commitment here, but if you ever need to relieve any stress then I’d be happy to lend a hand, or tongue.  No strings, just a bit of fun” Franky threw back, tucking her tongue behind her teeth before winking at the other woman.

“I…I…I’m not…”

The look on Bea’s face was priceless, but she seemed to be a little more relaxed than she had a few minutes ago.  Deciding to put her out of her misery she nudged her shoulder playfully.  “I’m just messing with you Red” she said, laughing at the look of relief on the other woman’s face.  “Although the offer’s there if you ever change your mind”

“No offence, but I won’t.  You wouldn’t be interested in somebody like me anyway.  I bet you get your pick of the girls…you are gay I’m assuming”

“One hundred percent vagitarian...and of course I’d be interested, you’re hot.  But if you’re not into that then how about a friend.  Between you and me I haven’t had the easiest life, and if it hadn’t been for a good friend I’m not sure I’d be here right now.  I know that we don’t really know each other that well, but I’d like to help you.  If you’ll let me”

“I…I don’t know.  It’s not you, I just don’t find it that easy to talk about things.  Actually, that’s a lie.  Until that night I’ve never told anyone anything.  I like you Franky, in a none sexual way obviously, but I just don’t want you to waste your time on me.  I’m not worth it”

“That’s where you’re wrong, you see you’d be doing me a massive favour.  I couldn’t help but notice the photos in your daughter’s room that night, and it looked like you know your way around a surfboard.  There’s this woman that I met a few months ago, and I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get her attention and I know she loves to surf.  I’m gonna let you into a little secret, but if you tell anyone I’ll deny it” Franky replied, waiting for the nod of confirmation from the redhead before continuing.  “I’m hopeless.  I can bodyboard like a boss, but every time I try and stand up on the board I stack it.  It’s fucking embarrassing” she added, pushing her dark brown locks from her face as she let out a large breath.  “I was hoping you could give me a few tips, stop me from making a complete twat of myself in front of this girl I like.  Well at least not in the water anyway, who knows what other stupid shit I’ll come out with”

“You want me to teach you to surf?”

“Yeah.  I figured if you could teach a three-year-old to stand up on a board you’d have enough patience to deal with me.  So what do you say Red, think you can make me look good enough to get some lovin?” the brunette replied, hoping that Bea would agree.  She was worried about her and had seen the same look in her eye the last time they had spoken at the station as Franky had in her own eyes when she had been at her lowest a few years ago.  She wanted to learn to surf, that bit hadn’t been a lie, but it had nothing to do with trying to impress any girl.  If they didn’t like her for who she was then fuck them, there were plenty more out there who would jump at the chance to be jumped by her.  She just hoped that the redhead would agree to her plan.  Franky didn’t want Bea to isolate herself and hoped that if they spent some time together she would start to open up.

 

 

Two years later they were closer than ever, and Bea was like a sister to Franky.  Although she still hadn’t managed to get her to stand up on a surfboard.  The brunette had given up after a few lessons, having spent more time wiping out and swearing at the board than actually standing on it.  Their budding friendship hadn’t all been plain sailing though, and despite enjoying Franky’s company the redhead had tried to distance herself on a few occasions.  The first being about four months after Harry’s sentencing.  When he got sent down he was also transferred to a prison in Melbourne.  Bea suspected that Franky may have had something to do with that, not that the brunette would admit it.  Although turning up at the hospital the day after he had made bail and threatening to kill Bea in front of all the staff hadn’t helped his case either.  While she was happy to finally be free of Harry, things hadn’t been easy.  It had taken a huge amount of adjustment for not only her but also Debbie.  She had gone back to the house once she had recovered enough, but the second she walked through the door had felt a chill down her spine.

Debbie didn’t seem bothered by it though, and as much as she loved staying with G’ma Liz she was always happy to get back to her own room, or more specifically her toys.  The young girl was so well adjusted that sometimes Bea worried that she was bottling things up.  A few months had passed and despite the redhead’s concerns Debbie seemed quite happy.  Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Bea.  She already struggled with her self confidence but every time she stepped out of the front door could feel everyone’s eyes on her.  It was understandable, especially in such a quiet neighbourhood.  But she hated the thought of being the source of the local gossip, and it made her want to hide away from the world.  Plus she still felt uneasy in the house, and despite him being locked away could feel Harry’s presence wherever she went.

Bea knew that she couldn’t continue to live in that house and felt guilty for thinking about moving her daughter away from her friends, but there was no way that she could stay in that area.  She had spoken to Franky about it one night after a particularly bad day.  She'd been out in the garden with Debbie earlier that morning and her neighbours were clearly unaware of her presence, or at least she hoped they had been.  They were taking to a woman who lived down the street and Bea couldn’t help overhearing their topic of conversation, especially when she heard them say her name.  There was so much pity in their voices that it made her want to crawl under her duvet and never come out again.  But she couldn’t do that, as much as she wanted to.  She had responsibilities, and she had Debbie to think of.  She had let her little girl down enough over the past three years.  It was time to step up, time to be the parent that her daughter deserved, not some shell of a woman who was terrified of her own shadow.

While Bea had no intention of leaving Sydney she knew that she had to make a clean break.  With Franky’s help she had found a house closer to the beach, and while it meant that Debbie would have to go to a different pre-school to her friends it would be a new start for them both.  It had taken a while for the redhead to open up to Franky about what was bothering her, and in true Bea Smith style had tried to pull back from her friend.  She already felt like she was dumping all her crap on the brunette, but her friend knew exactly what she was doing and had simply turned up the following evening with beer and pizza, making sure to get Debbie’s favourite toppings on one of them.  She’d never really been a fan of kids but made an exception for the curly haired little grommet.  Even if she wasn’t a carbon copy of Red, it would still be obvious she was her kid, and she felt an unusual need to protect her, both of them really.

As a kid family didn’t mean much to Franky, and the only thing she had to show from hers were scars and the occasional nightmare.  Not that she would ever tell anyone about them.  She knew Boomer was aware having woken her one night when she was having a bad dream.  Her friend had tried to talk to her about it the next morning but Franky had dismissed it, saying she was fine.  She had been re-evaluating the term family a lot over the past few years and although people always said that blood was thicker than water, it wasn’t true in her case.  Boomer was her family.  The older woman had done more for Franky in the first few months of knowing her than her mother had done her entire life.   And now she had Red and the little grommet too, and she couldn’t be happier.

 

 

The second time Bea had tried to push her away was after a night out.  After weeks of pestering her Franky had finally talked her into going out for the night.  It wasn’t until they got to the bar that the brunette told her that Bridget would be joining them a little later that evening.  They had been dating for a few months, which was the equivalent of a world record for Franky, but there was something about the petite blonde that got to her.  In a very good way.  Bea and Bridget had spent quite a bit of time together and they got on well, although she had been a little surprised the first time they met.  The blonde psychologist was beautiful, smart, classy, and sophisticated.  And Franky was well, Franky.  But after spending a couple of hours in their company it was clear that this was more than just a root and boot to the brunette.  Bea had never seen her like this with anyone, and while she was happy for her friend couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.  Not that she wanted to get involved with anyone after what Harry put her through.

Franky had first met Bridget Westfall through work, the psychologist helping them out with a long running case, and it had been lust at first sight for the brunette.  The petite blonde had a huge presence and as she walked into the office at the station in her fitted designer suit Franky had almost fallen off her chair trying to get a good look at her.  She oozed both confidence and sex appeal, and despite the brunette having no idea who she was at that point, she was determined to get her attention.   Luck was on her side, and a few minutes later her boss called her into his office.  She was expecting to get reprimanded about something, that was the usual reason she got called in here.  It wasn’t that she was reckless, she just had her own way of doing things.  A way that was extremely effective despite it not always being in line with protocol.  But when she walked through the door and her eyes locked with the petite blonde she felt her mouth go dry.

If anyone had asked Franky what was said in the meeting she wouldn’t have been able to tell them, and she had been off kilter for days after the meeting.  She’d never had that kind of reaction to anyone before, and she’d been with a lot of women.  She liked to be in control but knew that if she kept them around for longer than one night they would see through her bravado and be put off by what was underneath.  She had a system in place, and it had worked perfectly so far.  Meet a woman in a bar, go back to her place, rock her world, and then disappear once she had fallen asleep.  A few of her acquaintances had tried to get her to stay the night but she never would, claiming that she had to be up early for work the following day.

But this time it was different, Bridget was different.  She didn’t fall at Franky’s feet like most women did, and when she had asked her out that day after they first met had turned the tattooed brunette down straight away.  But Franky Doyle was persistent and wasn’t about to let little things like a knockback and wounded pride deter her.  On her fifth attempt Bridget had finally agreed to go for a drink with her, and that one drink had turned into a relationship.  Franky had never thought of herself as the relationship type, and she was scared.  Scared she would get hurt, or worse still that she would fuck up and hurt Gidge.  She knew it was fast, but was pretty sure she loved the older woman, not that she had told her yet.  She was in unfamiliar territory and wanted to be sure before she jumped in feet first, not that it would matter.  She was hooked on the blonde psychologist and doubted she’d be able to give her up if she tried.

They had gone to a bar not too far from the beach, and while Franky had been before it was both Bea and Bridget’s first time here.  They had been there just over an hour when her girlfriend arrived, bringing wit her a fresh round of drinks.  The evening was going pretty well and they were all having a good time, despite the unwanted attention.  Some guy at the bar had been watching Bea all night and Franky knew that it was making her uncomfortable.  When it came to the redhead’s round Franky offered to get it instead, not wanting her to have to deal with him.  She had ordered their drinks and was waiting on her change when he approached, asking her for her friend’s number.  After telling him that the redhead wasn’t interested she headed back to the table, deciding not to say anything to her friend.

A couple of hours had passed and Franky was pretty drunk.  Both Bea and Bridget were tipsy but could pass as stone cold sober compared to the brunette.  In a bid to get her to stop drinking Bridget had dragged her girlfriend up onto the dance floor, leaving Bea alone in the booth.  The blonde had only been gone a few seconds when the guy that had been staring at her slipped into the seat opposite her.  He was around her age, and was attractive in a sporty kind of way, but she wasn’t interested.  After declining both his offer of a drink and to go somewhere a little quieter she excused herself, saying she needed the bathroom.

After spending longer than necessary in the bathroom she made her way back to their table, frustrated to see that he was still there and had ordered more drinks.  Franky and Bridget were lost somewhere in the crowd, and she really didn’t need to be dealing with some idiot that couldn’t take no for an answer.  Grabbing her jacket, she told him she had to go, her body tensing up when she felt his arms slipping around her waist and pulling her in.  Pushing back out of his hold she tried to sidestep him, her frustration building when he made a grab for her again.  Deciding that the subtle approach wasn’t going to work she pushed him hard, causing him to stumble back into another table and knocking the occupant’s drinks over.  Embarrassed at causing a scene Bea apologised to them before throwing some money down on their table to cover the cost of the spillage and running out the door.

Franky had tried to call her that night, and five times the following day, but she didn’t answer.  She was embarrassed and ashamed and couldn’t face her friend.  Bea knew she had overreacted but feeling his hands on her brought back memories of Harry’s abuse, and she panicked.  It had been three days since the events at the bar, and when Bea got home from Liz’s house after collecting Debbie was surprised to see Franky sat on the doorstep.  Her friend helped her cook dinner, and after the three of them ate the brunette offered to do the dishes while Bea gave Debbie a bath.  Once her daughter was tucked up in bed Bea wandered back through into the lounge, finding her friend watching some kids show she had recorded for Deb.  Sitting down beside the brunette she apologised for making a scene at the bar, but more importantly for ignoring her calls.  She knew that Franky would have been worried, especially as she just took off without saying goodbye, but once she got in her head it as hard to think clearly. 

“It’s ok, you’ve got nothing to apologies for, plus he sounded like a real jerk anyway.  It’ll take time, but at some point you’ll be ready for another relationship, and when you are I’m going to vet them, make sure they’re good enough for you”

“Thanks for looking out for me, but it’s not going to happen.  After what happened with Harry another relationship is the last thing I want.  I’m happy on my own” Bea replied, and genuinely believed that.  She had her daughter and a few friends, and that was all she needed.

“Never say never Red.  Look at me…if someone had told me six months ago that I’d be in a relationship, and happy about that I’d have told them to fuck off.  But then I met Gidge, and everything changed.  I’m not saying you should jump into bed with the first person that comes your way, but don’t shut yourself off from it either.  You might be surprised”

Bea knew that what her friend had just said made a lot of sense, but she still couldn’t imagine herself letting anyone get close to her again.  At least not in that way.  But then if Franky Doyle could be in a committed relationship then anything was possible.  “What’s it like…being in love?” she asked out of curiosity, wanting to know if it was as good as everyone made it out to be.

Franky was a little surprised by the question, having assumed that in the beginning the redhead must have loved the cockwomble, as she had affectionately named him, but maybe that hadn’t been the case.  It was still new to her, the depth of her feelings for Bridget, and she wasn’t sure if she would be able to put it into words.  But for her friend, she would try.  “How do you feel when you catch a big wave?” she asked, deciding to start with a topic she knew the other woman was comfortable with.

Smiling briefly, Bea let her mind wander to a few days ago when she had gone for a surf with Will during their lunchbreak.  Despite him being her boss, they were friends.  Something his new girlfriend wasn’t too happy about, not that she had anything to worry about.  He was a good guy and would never cheat on her, plus Bea didn’t look at him like that, him or anyone else for that matter.  The swell had been building all morning, and as predicted, by midday the sets were heavy.  The beach was practically empty, the grey clouds that threatened to rain down on anyone brave or stupid enough to be out there acting as a deterrent for even the most eager of tourists.  They had been holed up in the tower all morning, and before heading over to Bronte for the afternoon the pair decided to get out there and have a little fun.  Bea had caught a few good waves, but when a massive set came in and Will started to paddle she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.  The jealousy soon turned to laughter when he wiped out, and just as she was getting her laughter under control an even bigger set came in.

She wasn’t in the ideal position, but that was nothing a quick paddle wouldn’t fix.  As the wave built up Bea knew it would be bigger than the one that had just smashed Will, and that the pressure was on.  Taking a deep breath, she allowed the salty air to fill her lungs before starting to paddle.  Waiting until the opportune moment she jumped up, steadying herself on the board before riding the wave all the way back to shore.  She loved the feeling it gave her but wished the rush could last longer.  Locking eyes with her friend she described how it made her feel like she was on top of the world and could do anything.  Her heart raced yet she felt safe, despite the dangerous situation she was in.

“Right…so imagine that same feeling every time you look at another person, only much more intensified.  Even the sound of their voice down the phone makes your heart beat so fast that it feels like it’s going to explode, and all you can think about is her…err them.  I never thought I’d ever feel this way about anyone, but Gidge has changed me…she makes me want to be a better person if that makes any sense.  I just want to be wherever she is”

“So, it is real then…love?  I always assumed it was some bullshit fairy tale”

“For me it is.  I’m guessing you didn’t feel like that with the cockwomble?”

“No, not even in the beginning.  He was nice enough back then, but I never got the urge to be around him all the time.  And when he looked at me it definitely didn’t make my heart flutter”

“So you’ve never felt like that then, never looked into anyone’s eyes and wanted to get lost in them?” Franky asked, her head so filled with thoughts of Bridget Westfall that she completely missed the slight blush on her friend’s cheeks.

As soon as Franky said the words an image of the blue-eyed blonde from the beach almost four years ago flashed up in her mind.  She had felt that when she looked at her, and so much more.  And when she kissed her, Bea felt a new kind of euphoria.  But it had only been brief.  So brief in fact that she sometimes wondered if she had imagined the whole thing.  Maybe she had, maybe it was her brain’s way of dealing with all the shit Harry threw at her, or maybe she was crazy.  Either way thoughts of the mystery woman had gotten her through some rough times, and she would always be thankful for the blue-eyed blonde.  Whoever and wherever she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the great feedback. These first few chapters are quite intense, but it will get lighter as the story progresses :)


	4. Kaz Proctor

Life hadn’t exactly gone to plan for Kaz.  She was six months into her third year at university when it happened, and everything turned to shit after that.  She’d been on her way home from the late shift at the bar she worked at to help fund her studies when he grabbed her and dragged her into the park.  She had deliberately taken the long way around to avoid walking through the secluded area but had to walk on the street alongside it.  It was only a short distance and wouldn’t take her more than a minute, but he only needed a few seconds.  He had clearly been waiting for someone to come by, whether it was her specifically or any woman on her own, but when she felt his hands on her she knew what was coming.  He was a lot bigger than her relatively small frame, but he clearly wasn’t expecting her to put up such a fight.

The second she felt his hand pawing at her breast something in her snapped, and every time her biological father touched and abused her came flooding back into her mind.  She was a vulnerable kid back then, but that wasn’t the case now, and she was determined that she wasn’t going to let another man take what he wanted from her.  Finding an inner strength that she didn’t even know she possessed she managed to push him off her, but when he tried to grab her again she lost it, reigning blow after blow down on him.  Someone must have heard the commotion and called the police, as the next thing the blonde knew she was being dragged off the now bloodied man and cuffed.  She had tried to protest, telling them that she was simply defending herself against a man who was clearly trying to rape her, but they just told her to shut it before throwing her into the back of the police car.

The officers that had attended were clearly members of the old boy’s network, and with no witnesses or evidence to prove that he was trying to rape her, Kaz had been interviewed then thrown in a cell, without being allowed to make a call to anyone.  She had made a real mess of the guy, not that she regretted it for a second.  How dare he go around thinking that he can just take what he wants, when he wants, and suffer no consequences.  She had fought her case, but she was hot headed by nature and one of the officers had picked up on it early on, using it to their advantage when it came to the charges against her.  She knew her bail had been set extremely high, but if she could just get in contact with her parents then they could sort everything out.  What she didn’t realise was that the guy she had supposedly assaulted was not only a cop, but also a colleague of the two fuck muppets that had arrested her.  Meaning they had accidentally on purpose forgotten to give her the phone call she was entitled to, claiming that she had refused the offer.

She didn’t have that kind of money, and with no access to a phone she had no choice but to wait it out in the cell.  She was being charged with aggravated assault, and the guy they had sent over from legal aid to represent her had been as helpful as a fart in an elevator.  His stellar advice had been to plead guilty as it would reduce the length of her sentence, not that she was planning on taking any notice whatsoever.  They kept her locked in her cell, only giving her one meal a day, and she was practically tearing her hair out.  She was the victim here, not that they saw it that way.  If anyone should be rotting away in a police cell it should be him, but she knew that would never happen.  The bastards clearly stuck together when it came to one of their own.

By the time she was able to contact her parents she had already been charged and sentenced to three years in prison.  As soon as they found out they hired a proper lawyer, and it took a while, but after serving twelve months Kaz was released. Her parents had fought the system, and between their persistence and the knowledge and sheer determination of their lawyer had not only gotten her sentence overturned, but also compensation for the treatment she had received.  The officers involved in her original case had been sacked, and were now awaiting a trial of their own, and she couldn’t help but feel a little smug when she thought about how the tables had turned.  Kaz had considered going back and finishing her degree, but prison had changed her.  It was tough, worse than she had thought it was going to be.  She had seen some awful sights in there and encountered so many women that had been victims of abuse.  They had been pushed and pushed by the men in their lives, or in a couple of cases women, until they finally snapped and fought back.  Unfortunately, they were the ones who got punished, although in a few cases being in prison gave them a better quality of life than they had at home.

Another issue they faced was where to go when they were finally released from prison.  The halfway houses leaved a lot to be desired and weren’t exactly helpful when it came to staying out of trouble, plus prison was luxury compared to most of these places.  Deciding to use the money for a worthier cause, she had rented a building and opened a new shelter for woman.  The space needed a lot of work, but after meeting with one of the parole officers her lawyer had put her in contact with she was able to hire some of the women to help fix the place up.  It wasn’t all plain sailing, and a couple of them turned out to be more trouble than they were worth resulting in Kaz having to fire them.  But on the whole, it was a relatively smooth process.  The first few days after they opened were slow, but once word got around women were arriving in droves in the hope of a bed or hot meal.

She spent every waking hour either working at the shelter or out canvasing for sponsors, and after twelve months had enough support and backing to fund a new-build.  The rented space served its purpose, but the rooms were small and there wasn’t a lot of light.  She wanted the women to be comfortable in the shelter, and in order for that to happen the place needed to feel welcoming.  Kaz worked with the contractors and sponsors, and between them they came up with a design that not only maximised use of the site but would also provide the resident with a warm and safe place to stay.  It was important to her that every woman that came through the door felt at home, and she would do whatever it took to make that happen.

Even with everything going on Allie was never far from her mind.  She had seen the news a few years ago so was aware that her mum was now in prison, but there hadn’t been any news on the young blonde.  She’d asked her lawyer to put her in contact with someone who could look into her disappearance after being released, and after weeks of digging the investigator had finally found out that someone matching her description, with the same name and date of birth had been living in Sydney.  She had been to her last known address but had come up empty handed.  Unfortunately, it had been over a year since Allie had lived there and the current tenants couldn’t help in any way.  Knowing Allie had been in the same city as her, brought her some comfort.  But it didn’t stop the niggling feeling that something was wrong.

 

 

Things were as hectic as ever at the shelter, and to make matters worse they’d had a couple of incidences recently where a few of the residents had almost drowned after getting caught in a rip in the ocean.  Not everyone who came through their doors were local, and some had been brought up miles and miles away from the beach.  As a result, Kaz had contacted the council regarding setting up a talk on the dangers of the ocean.  She was on her way back from meeting with Will Jackson, the head lifeguard down at Bondi.  The meeting had gone well, although the blonde wasn’t sure about Jackson.  He was pleasant enough and extremely helpful, but there was something about him that got under her skin.  She couldn’t quite place the feeling, and it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, but she didn’t know what to make of him.  He had offered to do the talk himself, wanting to make sure everything was done properly, and while she would have preferred a female lifeguard, was grateful for his time.

Kaz had taken Mel, one of the girls that helped her run the shelter with her to the meeting.  She was her second in command and the blonde knew that she could rely on her.  They had been in the car for about ten minutes when it happened.  The lights changed to green as they approached, and as Kaz made her way through the junction someone stepped out into the road, straight in front of her car.  She slammed her foot on the brake but it was no use, they were too close, and despite her best efforts she couldn’t stop in time.  It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but it was as though everything was happening in slow motion.  She saw a flash of blonde hair as the person landed on the bonnet before falling to the floor.  The noise was horrific, and she felt sick.  Putting the handbrake on she threw her door open before jumping out and rushing over to the woman lying motionless on the ground.

A few people had gathered around her, and one guy was on the phone to the emergency services.  Kaz felt awful, but there really was nothing that she could do to avoid her.  She just hoped that it wasn’t too serious.  As she got closer she felt her stomach drop and had to fight back the urge to throw up.  It couldn’t be, surely, but the similarity was too great for it not to be her.  Kneeling down beside the woman she brushed her hair out of the way, her heart breaking as she came face to face with Allie.  She was all grown up now, but Kaz would recognise her in a heartbeat.  She just hoped that the young blonde wasn’t too badly hurt.  Kneeling down beside the woman that she still thought of as her sister despite not seeing or speaking to her for a few years, she brushed the back of her hand over her cheek, tears pooling in her eyes when she saw the blood on the floor.  “Allie…Allie…oh fuck” she said before breaking down, Mel’s hand on her shoulder offering Kaz some much needed support.

Kaz knew that she had to hold it together for Allie’s sake.  She would do anything right now to change places with the younger woman, but she couldn’t.  Using the sleeve of her shirt she wiped the tears away, the siren of the approaching ambulance a welcome sound.  Reaching out, she held her sisters hand, and for the first time in what felt like forever she felt whole again.

“K…Kaz…” Allie half spoke, half groaned, her big blue eyes flicking open for a few seconds before closing again.  Kaz had never heard such a perfect sound, and as she took a step back to let the paramedics do their job she prayed to whoever was listening that it wouldn’t be the last time she heard her voice.

 

 

Allie had spent a week in hospital, and despite the broken leg, cracked ribs and severe bruising had been very lucky.  The cut on the back of her head had been responsible for all the blood on the road, but after a few stitches the only thing she was left with was a bitch of a headache.  It could have been so much worse, they both knew that, yet despite Allie being ok Kaz couldn’t stop the guilt.  Was she going too fast, not concentrating, why hadn’t she seen her?  She had spent the first ten hours impatiently waiting for the young blonde to wake up, pacing up and down the room and snapping at everyone that told her to go home.  She wasn’t going anywhere, not until she knew that her little sister was going to be alright.  Technically she wasn’t family so the doctors and nurses wouldn’t give her any information, and if she hadn’t caused such a scene when they took Allie to her room she wouldn’t have been allowed to see her either.  The younger woman had to have surgery to fix the break in her leg, so Kaz had been left in the waiting room for quite some time.  She had sent Mel home, asking her to clear her diary for the next week.  It had been a long time, and Allie may want nothing to do with her.  But if there was any chance that they could get back to how things were then she would take it.

Kaz had overheard the doctor taking to one of the nurses about Allie, saying there were narcotics in her system, she was dehydrated and looked like she hadn’t eaten in a few days.  The older blonde had noticed that her clothes were a little tatty but it didn’t really register at the time.  But with everything they had said, plus Allie’s disappearance things started to fall into place.  She must have been living on the streets, which would explain why the private investigator couldn’t trace her.  The past few years clearly hadn’t been kind to the young blonde, and Kaz was determined to help her turn her life around.  Even if she did put up a fight.  If she had a drug addiction then it wasn’t going to be easy, but she would help her through it.  Deciding to wait until Allie was awake before putting a plan together she dropped down in the chair by the bed, taking her sisters hand in hers before closing her eyes.

It was late morning the following day when Kaz was rewarded with the best sight in the world.  After feeling her hand being squeezed she lifted her head and looked into Allie’s bright blue eyes.  Although the light they once held as a kid wasn’t there anymore.  Whatever had happened over the past few years had clearly taken its toll on the younger woman, although she suspected the drugs hadn’t helped either.  After pressing the nurse call button Kaz ran her fingers through the younger woman’s matted blonde locks, happy when she saw a slight smile on Allie’s face.

The first hour after she woke up was strained, Kaz apologising over and over again, and a sobbing Allie saying she wished that she had died.  She was in pain a lot of pain, and the positivity she’d felt before the accident was now nothing more than a distant memory.  The drugs she had taken the previous day had worn off and she felt anxious, which on top of the pain was all she needed.  Kaz’s constant apologising wasn’t helping either, and while Allie knew that it was entirely her fault and that she should have been paying more attention to her surroundings, had snapped at the older woman.  Kaz had decided to get some fresh air, not wanting to get into an argument with her sister.  If what she had heard the doctor say was true then that would certainly explain her mood swings, and if she was going to get through to the younger woman she knew she would have to bite her tongue.

Allie was quiet when her sister came back into her room, simply looking away when Kaz asked her what she had been doing with herself for the past few years.  She told her that after she didn’t show up at the airport both her and her parents had been looking for her, but had been unsuccessful.  The older blonde knew by the look on Allie’s face that whatever it was wouldn’t be good, but with what had happened to her she wasn’t really in a position to judge.  Not that she ever would.  They followed the same pattern for the next two days, Kaz quizzing her little sister on what she had been doing with her life, and Allie either changing the subject or pretending to be asleep.

By the fourth day Kaz was getting more than a little frustrated, and despite never leaving her bedside the younger woman still hadn’t said much.  After reassuring Allie over and over again that nothing she could say would make her walk away she finally started to talk.  And once she started it all came out.  Allie told her about what her dad had done that night, explaining that was why she never made the flight to Sydney, and everything that had happened since she woke up in the children’s hospital.  When she got to the part where she had caught Paige with her friend she felt like a complete idiot.  She should have known better than to get too close to her.  People didn’t want Allie around, at least not long term.  Her own family had started the ball rolling on that one, and since then it hadn’t stopped.  She was worthless, and despite feeling safe for the first time in forever, wasn’t prepared to drag Kaz down with her.  “I appreciate you being here, and it’s so good to see you Kaz, but you should go.  I’m toxic and I’ll only bring you down if you stick with me” she said, smiling sadly at the older blonde before letting go of her hand and turning away from her.

“You’re not toxic Allie, and I’m not going anywhere” Kaz replied, grabbing the younger woman’s hand again.

Allie could feel the frustration building.  The last thing she wanted to do was push away the only person who had truly cared about her, but she was scared.  Scared that she would fuck up, let her down, and she would rather the older woman hate her than be disappointed. That was something that she couldn’t bear.  Snatching her hand away she glared at the only family she had ever had, fighting back the tears as she lied straight to her face.  “I don’t want your pity, I don’t want your help, and I don’t want you here.  Get the fuck out”

Allie’s words hurt, but Kaz knew what she was doing. She had tried the exact same thing with her parents while she was in prison, and like them, she wasn’t prepared to walk away.  She could be just as stubborn as her little sister, and she didn’t care what Allie threw at her, she wasn’t going anywhere.  Moving around to the other side of the bed so she could see the younger woman’s face, she sat back down and grabbed her hand, holding on tight so she couldn’t pull away again.

“Do you think you’re they only one with problems Allie?  The past three years haven’t been easy for me either” she said, trying hard to keep the bite out of her voice.  Kaz wasn’t known for her tact, which was one of the reasons she’d had issues with officers that had arrested her.  “You said that you tried to find me, right?” she asked, waiting for the younger blonde to nod before continuing.  “Well the reason you couldn’t was because I was in prison.  Some bastard tried to rape me one night when I was walking home and I beat the shit out of him.  Someone called the cops and it turned out that they were even bigger bastards than he was.  He got away with trying to rape me, and I got three years for assault”

Allie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  How could anyone punish someone for defending themselves.  But then life wasn’t fair, something she knew all about.  She spent the next hour listening to Kaz’s story, her heart breaking for the woman that she still thought of as her big sister.  She had hoped that she was somewhere out there making a name for herself after getting her degree, but despite the setback and somewhat change of direction she was so proud of her and what she had achieved. 

The past few of days had been hell, and although she was on strong painkillers Allie was still feeling some of the effects of coming off the drugs she had started taking on a regular basis.  When she first ended up on the streets she swore she would never go down that path, despite feeling a temporary reprieve from the hurt after taking what Zoey had given her.  But things got worse, quickly, and before she knew it the drugs were the only thing getting her through each day.  She didn’t want to be dependent on them and knew that if she wanted any kind of life she needed to kick her habit.  But what if she couldn’t.  Kaz would have wasted her time and effort for nothing.

 

 

After being released from hospital Allie went to live with Kaz.  She had tried to protest, claiming that she would be perfectly fine staying at the shelter but the older blonde was having none of it.  While they tried their best to keep drugs out of the shelter they couldn’t be everywhere at once, and sometimes they slipped through the net.  It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Allie, she just didn’t want her subjected to any unnecessary temptation.  Plus, it would be good to have her around the house.  It hadn’t been easy, and they had gotten into a disagreement over it when she first suggested it.  But in the end Allie had given in, and so far, things were going well.

The first few weeks were difficult, especially during her withdrawal.  The painkillers she’d been on at the hospital had numbed it slightly, but as soon as they were out of her system it hit her hard.  She had yelled, screamed and lashed out, but Kaz had stayed by her side through it all.  She had been her rock, and Allie knew that she wouldn’t have gotten through it if it hadn’t been for the older woman.  Despite needing her there, Allie felt guilty for keeping her sister from the shelter, not that Kaz minded.  She knew that Mel was more than capable of looking after things, and right now Allie was her priority.  Once she was off the drugs and feeling a little better she had started helping out, although she had been confined to the office until she had the cast taken off her leg.  Everything was going well and they had gotten into a routine both at home and the shelter, but one afternoon a few months after she had started working there two of the women got into a pretty big fight. The fight was over drugs and in trying to separate them Allie had got hurt.  It scared her, but after taking a couple of days off she went back to work, only to be confronted by one of the women who accused her of stealing her gear during the fight.  Mel had walked in on the woman before things turned really bad but she managed to get a few blows in, and with Allie still recovering she had come off worse.  She had defended herself as best as she could but the other woman was twice her size.

In the end it had taken threatening to throw her out of the shelter to get her to back off, and despite Allie asking Mel not to mention anything to Kaz, the other woman had done it anyway.  As soon as Kaz found out what had happened the woman that had attacked Allie was thrown out and told not to come back.  While the older blonde was willing to go out of her way to help anyone out, hurt her family in any way and they were on their own.  Allie had felt guilt after that, not that any of it had been her fault.  But after years of getting the blame for everything and being treated like crap she thought the worst.  She decided to stop working at the shelter after that, although after a couple of months Kaz convinced her to help out in the office.  It wasn’t something she wanted to do long term, but felt like she would be throwing the older woman’s generosity back in her face if she refused.

Things had been much better since she moved to the office, and Allie found that she was quite interested in this side of things.  Since the new building opened Kaz had been so busy that she had taken her foot off the gas when it came to marketing and fundraising.  It didn’t help that the systems they used were like something out of the dark ages.  To say it was basic would be a compliment, and they had no real programmes set up.  Everything was stored on the computers themselves, rather than being linked to a network, so in order to access everything she had to go back and forth between the three machines in the office.  While Allie hadn’t had any kind of formal training, she knew her way around a computer and it needed sorting out.  She had no doubt that Kaz was on top of everything and knew exactly what was coming and going, but if anyone asked to see any documentation she’d be screwed.  Deciding it needed an overhaul, Allie set about looking into what was needed to get everything in order.  Minutes turned into hours, and before she knew it she not only had a plan in place, but it was also time to go home.

Before leaving the office, she showed the older blonde what she was planning to do, and how much time they would save with just a few changes to the system.  She also ran through a few fundraising ideas she’d had, and Kaz was impressed.  She knew how important it was to keep the donations coming in but had dropped the ball a little recently.  While they had their regulars that always donated, finding ways to get new people interested was getting harder and harder.  It had started to take up too much time, time she need to be spending on other things.  Plus, she clearly didn’t have the imagination or creativity that Allie did if her ideas were anything to go by.

Over the next few weeks not only did Allie set them up on a small network, linking all their IT equipment to it, she had also been working on a brochure to send out to potential investors.  She would need input from a professional as the design element wasn’t really her thing, but idea’s wise Kaz was impressed.  Very impressed.  Plus, Allie looked like she was in her element.  While every bit of what they did there was important, Kaz preferred dealing with the women, whereas it was clear that Allie’s talent lied within the business side of things.  With everything the younger woman had been through in the past few years she really wasn’t cut out to work with the residents, which was understandable.  But she had obviously enjoyed letting her creative side out to play.  Leaving everything up to Allie, Kaz was impressed when a few weeks later a couple of large donations came in, one of the companies wanting to sponsor the shelter and set up donations on a monthly basis.

Allie took to this side of the business like a duck to water and her sister started to wonder if it was something she would like to pursue.  The following evening after they’d had dinner she dropped down on the sofa next to Allie, resting her head on her shoulder.  It had been on her mind since the previous day, and while she would never force the younger woman to do anything she didn’t want to, she would love to see her make something of her life.  Deciding that now was a good a time as any to broach the subject she suggested that Allie might want to look into going to college or university, assuming that was something she was interested in doing.  The younger woman had been a little apprehensive, not wanting to leave Kaz in the lurch at the shelter.  But now the suggestion was out there, she knew it was something she wanted to try.  She was nervous, having not studied for a few years, and she may find that it wasn’t for her after all.  But if she didn’t try then she would never know.

After making a few enquiries she enrolled on a course at the local university, continuing to work at the shelter until her studies started in a couple of months.  Over the next few weeks both Kaz and Allie conducted several interviews, wanting to find someone to take over running the office. While the young blonde was happy to continue working there around her lectures Kaz was having none of it, wanting her to concentrate on her studies.  After what felt like the longest day ever they finally found someone they were happy with and offered her the job.  Doreen Anderson had recently moved to Sydney after her partner Nash had been transferred for work.  She had a few years’ experience having worked in the marketing department in her previous job, and could start straight away, giving Allie a week or two to show her the ropes before she started university.

 

 

As much as Allie appreciated her sister looking out for her, she was bored.  She was only in university three days a week, despite it being a full-time course.  She had work to do outside of class, but with her lack of social life still had a lot of time on her hands.  She had tried several times to help out at the shelter but had been sent home every time.  This had been going on for a couple of months now and she knew that she needed to find something to occupy her time before she drove herself crazy, she just wasn’t sure what.

A chance meeting in the park a couple of weeks later ended up being the answer to Allie’s problem.  She had spent the best part of the day trying to formulate a plan as to how she could keep herself busy and so far, hadn’t come up with much.  Deciding that some fresh air might help she had gone for a walk through the large park near Kaz’s house, and after an hour decided to head home.  The older blonde would be back in a couple of hours, and while Allie wasn’t the best cook, she could just about scrape something together for dinner.  As she rounded the corner she was almost knocked of her feet by a small dog, the excited animal jumping up and down in a bid to try and get her attention.

A few seconds later a large woman came stumbling down the path, five other dog leads in her hand and she mumbled and cursed to herself.  After securing the lead to the runaway dog who appeared to have taken a liking to the blonde, the other woman apologised for the ambush, saying she had only stopped for a few minutes so she could eat her Monte Carlo’s and the little fucker had done a runner.  She was out walking six dogs when one of them made a beeline for Allie, dragging the other five as well as the unsuspecting woman along with it.  It was the smallest of the five dogs as well, which made the whole situation even more amusing.

After fusing the little guy for a few minutes, she smiled when the other woman sat down beside her before introducing the dogs first, and then herself.  Her name was Boomer, although Allie suspected that wasn’t her real name.  She had a childlike quality to her and the blonde felt comfortable with her right from the start.  Something that came as a surprise to her.  There was an innocence about the other woman that relaxed her, despite Boomer’s somewhat larger than life presence.  They chatted for a while, and by the time Allie was on her way back home had made a new friend and had a clear idea as to what she wanted to do with her free time.  Boomer worked part-time at the local animal shelter, and during their conversation had mentioned they were looking for staff.  Deciding she had nothing to lose Allie made a note of the address and told her new friend that she would pay a visit and check the place out.  Six months later and Allie couldn’t be happier.  She was at university studying marketing and business management while working at the animal shelter.  As well as caring for the animals she was also helping out with both fundraising and advertising for the place, and the women’s shelter.  Despite Kaz’s reluctance she was grateful for the younger woman’s help.  The donations were coming in thick and fast, enabling the to offer the women a better quality of life.

The next few months were hectic for both blonde’s, but they always made sure to make time for each other.  Allie had been home from university for about an hour that particular evening when Kaz walked through the door, and as their eyes locked she could tell that something was wrong.  She had a look in her icy blue eyes that she’d never seen before, and she was tense.  Assuming something had happened at the shelter she led her over to the sofa before grabbing a beer and handing it to the older woman before sitting down beside her.  It took a while, but eventually Allie managed to get her sister to open up about what was on her mind, and it wasn’t what she had expected.  She was aware that one of the Bondi lifeguards had gone over to the shelter to talk to the women on a couple of occasions and had been due there that afternoon for another talk.  Kaz had mentioned him a few times, although it was usually to say what an arrogant arsehole he was.  So, when she told her that not only had he defended her when one of the women turned violent, but that he had also kissed her, Allie didn’t know what to say.  She had never seen Kaz with anyone, and the older blonde never spoke about her past relationships, so had no idea if it was welcome or not.  But as she took a moment to really study her sister she saw the slight blush in her cheeks.  Despite her never having a good word to say about Will Jackson, it was clear that she liked him, even if she wasn’t prepared to admit it out loud just yet.

It took a few days for Kaz to finally admit that despite her initial feelings towards Will Jackson, she did in fact like him as more than a friend.  Allie knew this was a big step for her sister and wanted to make sure he was good enough for her before giving her seal of approval.  He was taking Kaz out to dinner that night and despite wanting to give him the once over Allie had to go to the animal shelter.  They had called her earlier that day, asking if she would mind coming in as they had a couple of new dogs arriving, and for reasons unbeknown to her, they seemed to relax more in her presence.  She had agreed straight away, wanting to do anything she could to make the transition as easy as possible for the already scared animals.  Although after her sister’s latest revelation part of her wished she didn’t have to go.

 

 

Kaz and Will had been on three dates now, and if the near permanent grin on her sister’s face was anything to go by then things were clearly going well.  Allie still hadn’t met the guy that had turned the usually tough older blonde into a giggling teenager, but she was keen to rectify that as soon as possible.  While Kaz was aware of what Allie’s dad had done to her, the younger woman never told her about the fears it had left her with, the main one being the ocean.  On the odd occasion her sister had suggested going to the beach she had manged to think on her feet, coming up with good enough excuses as to why she couldn’t make it.  But when they were on their way back home from grabbing lunch at the bar Boomer worked in and Kaz suggested they stop off at the lifeguard tower so she could meet Will, Allie couldn’t think of a valid excuse.

It only took them about ten minutes to get there, although after driving round and round trying to find somewhere to park Allie thought she may have gotten away with it.  She was just about to suggest that Kaz invite Will over to the house instead when someone pulled out of a space, allowing them to park up.  Taking a deep breath, Allie followed her sister across the promenade and towards the tower, trying not to look in the direction of the water.  She could feel her heart rate increasing with every step, and just hoped that they wouldn’t be staying long.  Pushing away the thoughts that were trying to occupy her mind she focused on her sister, and how nervous she suddenly looked.  She had wondered how serious the older blonde was about her new relationship, but if the look on her face was anything to go by she was clearly nervous about Allie meeting him, so she figured it must be the real thing.

Allie had overheard a few of the women at the shelter saying how they wouldn’t mind being rescued by him, although that wasn’t really a lot to go by.  She knew he must be pretty special though to have Kaz’s attention.  Before she knew it, they were entering the tower.  There were three guys in there but she didn’t need to ask which one of them was Will, it was clear by the way his eyes lit up when they locked on Kaz.  Allie wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting, but he was nothing like she thought he would be.  He was a big guy, very muscular, and not at all what she had pictured in her mind when she thought about her sister’s partner.  But when he smiled at Kaz his entire face lit up and his deep brown eyes shone, giving him the appearance of a gentle giant.

They had been chatting for around ten minutes when one of the other lifeguards jumped up and raced from the tower.  It was clear by the speed of his movements that something serious must have happened.  Allie went from calm to panicked in a split second and as everything around her started to fade, all she could think about was her dad, and what he did to her that night.  Her chest was tightening, restricting her airway, and she couldn’t breathe.  Allie knew that she was safe, and overreacting, but that didn’t stop the wave of panic that washed over her.  She knew that she needed to get as far away from there as possible, and quickly, but how the hell was she supposed to do that without worrying Kaz.

Standing up, Allie made what she thought was a quick dash for the door, but she only made it two steps before her legs gave way.  She was expecting to hit the floor but she didn’t, strong arms catching her before carrying her over to the medical couch in the tower.  Despite only meeting Will a short while ago she felt comfortable in his presence, well as much as she could with all the shit racing through her head at least.  She knew she was safe, Kaz was right beside her and would never let anyone hurt her in any way, yet she still felt anxious.  Sitting up on the bed she tried to stand, dizziness taking hold of her again as she did.  It felt like the walls were closing in on her, and she couldn’t breathe.  She needed to get out of there, and fast.

It wasn’t the first time she’d had an anxiety attack, but it hadn’t happened in so long that it took her by surprise.  Despite the shitstorm in her mind.  With every second that passed her need to get as far away from there as possible increased, and just when she thought she was going to lose it completely Will’s radio crackled to life and a soothing voice came through it.  She’d heard that voice before, or at least she was pretty sure she had, although she couldn’t place it.  Focusing on the husky tones coming through the radio she felt herself starting to relax, the fear that had surrounded her mere seconds ago being replaced by a sense of calm.  Allie had only felt this safe once before, and that was when she’d looked into those chocolate brown eyes that day by the rocks at Tamarama.  But all too soon the voice was gone, and all she could focus on what the concerned faces of her sister and Will.  She knew she had some explaining to do, she just wasn’t sure if she was ready to delve into her painful past for the second time in one day.

Will was clearly concerned, and it was obviously something more than too much sun as Kaz had suggested but given he had only just met Allie he could understand why his girlfriend was playing everything down.  Going along with the blatant lie he gave her a Gatorade and told her to go home and rest.  Kaz sent Will a silent thank you before promising to call him later.  Slipping her arm around Allie’s waist she led her from the tower and towards the car, deciding that it would be better to wait until they got home to talk about whatever had brought on the panic attack.  Although she was pretty sure she knew what the answer would be.

 

 

Allie had gone straight to bed when they got home, promising to talk to her sister later.  She knew that she had to explain herself, but right now she just wanted to be alone.  Kaz was worried.  She had gone into her sister’s room a couple of hours later to check on her, but she was asleep.  It was clear that she had been crying, the redness around her eyes a clear giveaway.  She had called Will after that, needing to hear his voice.  It scared her how quickly she was falling for him, despite thinking he was an arrogant arsehole when they first met.  But after seeing him in action down at the beach had seen a completely different side to him and understood why he had been so serious during their first meeting.  She had gone down to the beach one day with Mel and a few of the women from the shelter.  The others were in the water but Kaz was quite content relaxing on the sand with her new book.  She was pretty full on as a person and was always racing around doing something so it had come as a bit of a surprise to Mel when her boss and friend pulled the book from her bag after getting comfortable on her towel.  She loved to read, but never really had the time to indulge so decided to make the most of her downtime for once.  She had invited Allie along but the younger blonde had refused, saying she had to go over to the animal shelter.  That was the third time she had bailed on them recently, and although at the time Kaz didn’t think anything of it, there was clearly a reason why.

The girls had only been gone for a few minutes when it happened, several shouts from other beachgoers drawing her attention from the book in her hand.  There was a commotion in front of her, down on the waters edge.  Standing up she looked around to see what all the fuss was about when she saw Will Jackson running from the surf, a small girl in his arms.  Her lifeless body looked tiny compared to Will’s large frame, but despite the urgency he was so gentle with her.  For the next few minutes both Will and a female colleague worked tirelessly to get the little girl breathing again, while trying to reassure her distraught parents.  The sense of relief when they finally got a pulse could be felt across the beach, and after handing her over to the paramedics Will turned around, his eyes locking with Kaz’s.  She could see both fear and pure relief in his deep brown eyes, and for the first time since they met her opinion of him changed.

She had a new-found respect for him after that, and they had been getting on a lot better when he came over to the shelter.  Kaz knew how lucky she was that he was there the day one of the women flipped out and tried to attack her.  She wasn’t a bad person, but had mental health issues and severe mood swings.  The blonde was trying to help get her into a suitable facility, but until then she had nowhere else to go.  It wasn’t an ideal situation for anyone involved, but she couldn’t just throw her out onto the streets.  Kaz was always on guard when she was at the shelter, but for some reason having Will so close was proving to be a little distracting.  As a result, she had let her guard down at the worst possible time, and despite knowing that the woman, Carol, would never intentionally hurt her, it didn’t stop the fear when she felt her arm around her neck.  Everything happened so fast after that.  One minute she thought she was going to die, and the next she was safe, Will’s strong arms wrapped around her protectively.  The security guards had taken Carol back to her room and Mel was calling for an ambulance so they could get her the help she clearly needed.

With everyone racing around it left the two of them alone, and for the first time since they met Kaz couldn’t be happier about that.  Something had changed between them in that moment, so when she felt Will’s lips on hers a few seconds later would be lying if she said she was surprised.  She’d had a few relationships before but hadn’t been with anyone since she got out of prison.  When Allie had quizzed her about her love life she had simply said that she was too busy for all that.  And while that was partly true, the main reason was fear.  After what happened that night with the off-duty police officer all the memories from when she was a child came flooding back and she was scared to get close to anyone.  But for the first time the sense of panic that usually overtook her had been replaced with something else.  A longing for something more, and a need to kiss him again, and again.

 

 

Kaz had just ended the call to Will when Allie walked into the room.  Her eyes were still a little red, but she looked a lot better than she had a few hours ago.  While she didn’t want to push her into talking about what had freaked her out, she knew bottling it up would only make it worse.  She had learned this the hard way and didn’t want her little sister to make the same mistake.  Waiting until the younger woman was sitting down beside her she grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze before speaking.  “What’s going on Allie, and don’t say it’s nothing.  I know you better than that, and I’ve never seen you as spooked as you were in the lifeguard tower"

“It’s stupid, I’m stupid" the younger woman mumbled, avoiding eye contact with her sister.  She was embarrassed about what had happened, especially as it was the first time she had met Will.  He must think she was off her head.

“You’re not, and neither is whatever’s on your mind.  You can talk to me about anything, I’d never judge you.  I hope you know that” Kaz said, running her fingers through the other woman’s hair.  “And neither would Will.  I’ve just spoken to him and he was worried about you”

Seeing the sincerity in Kaz's eyes she cuddled into her side, needing to feel the closeness in order to relive the painful memories.  “I...when he ran out of the tower with the defib I had a flashback.  It was dark and I was on a boat, laid out on the deck” Allie said, wiping the tears from her eyes as she started to recount the events of that night, that had unexpectedly come back to her.  Her brain had blocked out the details until now, but as they had started to come back to her earlier she felt like she was back there again.

It had been hard, but Allie felt better after talking about it.  Although she swore it would be the one and only time that she would ever go back to that night.  While she trusted Kaz with her life, she was worried that once she heard how weak and pathetic Allie had been that night she would be disappointed in her.  After everything she had been through she was pretty resilient but seeing that same disappointment in her sister’s eyes as she had seen in her fathers, and everyone else that had used then thrown her away was the one thing that she feared the most.  But Kaz would never judge her, she was the one and only person she could rely on to have her back.  No matter what.

They chatted for a while longer before Allie started yawning.  She’d slept for a couple of hours that afternoon, but the stress of the day was clearly taking its toll.  Kaz had suggested that she see a counsellor, and although she wasn’t overly keen on the idea of talking about her past with a stranger had told her sister she would think about it.  It was the least she could do after her earlier meltdown, even if she did have no intention of actually going through with it.

Despite feeling drained following their talk the younger woman felt a lot lighter, so much so that she decided to tease her sister about Will.  From the short time she had spent with him he seemed like a good guy and she was genuinely happy for the older woman, despite the jealousy.  Kaz deserved to find someone who would not only treat her right, but also look at her the way that Will had when they walked into the tower.  Despite feeling like she was about to pass out, she saw the way his eyes lit up when he looked at her sister.  She just wished someone would look at her like that.  But that would never happen.  Even if she did find someone she trusted enough to let in, the second they found out about her past they’d be off like a robber’s dog.  And she couldn’t blame them.  As Paige had once said to her during one of their many arguments, she was good for a bit of fun, but nothing more.  She was done with relationships, even if the prospect of spending the rest of her life alone terrified her.  As long as she had Kaz, and the few friends she had made over the past few months she would be just fine.

But if that really was the case then why couldn’t she forget about those chocolate brown eyes.  It had been three years since that day out on the rocks, and while Allie couldn’t remember much she would never forget those eyes.  It was crazy, insane even.  She had no idea who this woman was, but deep down she knew she would see her again.  And that made her happy, happier than she had felt in a long time.  Lying in bed an hour later she let herself daydream about how different her life could be if only she could find her.  Thinking back to that afternoon, she’d felt the same sense of calm when she kissed the redhead as she had hearing those husky tones down the radio earlier that day.  The voice was familiar, but as hard as she tried she couldn’t place it.  Deciding she would only drive herself crazy trying to figure it out, she pushed it to the back of her mind before closing her eyes and allowing sleep to claim her, her dreams filled with the mystery woman with the soulful brown eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the interest in this story. I promise they will meet again very soon (next chapter). I’ll try and update as soon as I can but I’m on some pretty strong painkillers at the minute…and they make me randomly fall asleep :/


	5. Maybe I’m Not Crazy After All

The past twelve months had been a little crazy for Bea.  Debbie had started primary school, and after dropping her off on the first morning the redhead had cried all the way home.  Her little girl was growing up too fast for her liking, and she wished there was some way that she could turn back the clock.  If she could she would have left Harry as soon as she found out she was pregnant.  As much as she would love to go back to the night of the party where they first met and flat out refuse to go out with him, she wouldn’t have her daughter then, and despite everything she had been through she wouldn’t be without her.

It was hard for both of them, Bea as she never really had any time for herself, and her daughter because she didn’t have her father around.  A few weeks after the young brunette started at primary school Bea had found her curled up under her favourite blanket one Friday evening, crying her eyes out.  As soon as she saw her mum she tried to hide her face, not wanting her to know she was upset.  But it was too late, and as the redhead pulled her daughter into her arms she felt her heart breaking.  It took a while, and Bea bribing her mini-me with her favourite sweets, but eventually Debbie opened up and told her what was troubling her.

The school had all the new students stand up in front of the rest of the school and give a brief introduction, name, favourite subject, what their parents did for a living, the usual stuff.  When it came to part about her parents Deb told everyone her mum was a lifeguard before turning and heading back to her seat.  One of the teachers had called her back, telling her that she forget to tell everyone what her father did, and when she said she didn’t have a dad a few of the other kids laughed.  That had been a week ago, and they had been teasing and picking at her ever since.  One of the bigger kids had started pushing her around, calling her names, but when he said something mean about her mum Debbie snapped, and hit him.

One of the teachers chose that exact moment to walk around the corner, demanding to know what was going on.  The other kids stuck up for their friend, leaving Debbie to take the blame for everything.  She had been called to his office, and despite trying to explain had been given a warning.  Slipping out of the comfort of her mum’s arms she crossed the room, taking a piece of paper from her bag before climbing back on her bed.  Handing it over to her mum, she fixed her gaze on the floor, not wanting to see the disappointment in the redhead’s eyes.

Bea was angry, angry at the kids that were bullying her little girl, and angry at the school for jumping to conclusions.  The letter was from the principle asking Bea to come and see him after school on Monday to discuss Debbie’s behaviour, and letting her know that she now had a red dot against her name.  It was a system the school used, gold stars for achievements, and red dots for warnings. 

“I’m sorry mummy…I didn’t mean to be bad” Debbie said between sobs.  She didn’t really understand what it was that she had done wrong, but everyone was blaming her.

Wrapping her arms back around the most precious thing in her life, Bea fought back her own tears as she tried to reassure her daughter that it wasn’t her fault.  “Sometimes people do mean things, and to make themselves feel better they try to blame others. 

“Is that what my dad did to you?”

“I guess, in a way he did.  I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this baby, it’s my fault your dad’s not around”

“No, it’s not.  He was a bad man and I’m happy he’s not here anymore.  I didn’t like him very much”

“Me neither baby” Bea replied, kissing the crown of her little girl’s head before pulling back.  “I don’t want you to worry about anything ok, I’ll sort everything out.  I promise.  And if any of these little punks say anything mean to you again just walk away.  I know it’s hard, but it will hurt them more if you ignore them ok” she added, mentally preparing herself for the meeting with the principle.  It was a good job it was the weekend and she had a couple of days to calm down, otherwise it wouldn’t be a red dot he would have to worry about, it would be red mist. 

 

 

Bea cried herself to sleep that night.  Even if Debbie didn’t blame her she knew it was her fault.  If she had stood up to Harry sooner, left when her daughter was first born maybe things would have turned out differently, and Deb would have her father in her life.  She hated Harry for making her feel like this, despite it being over three years since she last saw his face.  But she hated herself more for being so weak and pathetic that she still allowed him to get to her.  Even now, when he was out of their lives she was still letting her little girl down.

Harry had been right, she was a shit mum, she was worthless and couldn’t do anything right.  It was a wonder Debbie had turned out so well with such a fuck up for a mother.  She had been feeling off kilter for a couple of weeks now, ever since she came home from work and found the envelope on the doormat, the prison logo stamped onto it letting her know who it was from.  She hadn’t opened it but couldn’t bring herself to throw it away either.  It was the third letter she had received from Harry, one for every year he had been out of her life.  It wouldn’t be so bad if there was a pattern to them, on her birthday or their wedding anniversary for example.  At least that way she could prepare herself.  But so far, they had arrived at random and had knocked her for six every time.

Franky had called around to see her the day she received Harry’s second letter, and after finding Bea curled up in the corner of the room sobbing her heart out had threatened to fly to Melbourne, break into the prison and kill the fucker.  She had gone over to give Red the good news.  Gidge had asked her to move in with her, and despite still worrying that she would do something to fuck it all up Franky couldn’t be happier.  But the second she saw the state her friend was in, celebrating was the last thing on her mind.  She had spent a couple of hours just sitting holding Bea as she cried and had helped her into bed once she’d tired herself out.  She was meant to be inviting both Red and Debbie over for dinner, but instead ended up calling Bridget to fill her in on what had happened.  After clearing her diary for the afternoon, the older blonde had gone over to Bea’s wanting to be there if she felt like talking once she woke up.

It had been a rough couple of days, and Franky had suggested they take Debbie for the night before calling Liz and asking her to go and stay with Red.  She knew how much her friend hated crying in front of her daughter, but she needed to let it out.  Bottling it up would only do her more harm in the long run, something she had learned the hard way.  It wasn’t until Bea arrived at Bridget’s place the following day and saw all the boxes that she found out about her friend’s new living arrangements.  Moving in together was a huge step for Franky, even though she was very much in love with her girlfriend Bea knew she would be scared.  Not that she would admit it.

Bea was happy for her friend, for both of them, but when she was lying in bed that night she couldn’t help but wonder what her life would have been like if Harry hadn’t been such a bastard.  It was hard, raising Debbie on her own.  Her family and friends were great, helping out wherever they could, but it wasn’t the same as having someone there all the time.  As much as she would have loved to have someone to come home to at night, it was her daughter she felt sorry for.  She was the one that was losing out the most.  But then even before Harry got sent to prison it wasn’t like he paid any attention to the young girl.  As far as he was concerned she was yet another inconvenience in his life, someone to take both Bea’s time and attention away from him.

So, when she received what she knew would be yet another letter from Harry, she didn’t even bother to open it.  She had tried so hard to forget about it, telling herself that if she didn’t think about it then it didn’t exist.  But that was just wishful thinking, and even without reading the words he had written he had Bea doubting herself and her ability as a parent once again.  Yet she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away.

 

 

Monday finally arrived and Bea had been on edge all day.  Will had picked up on it but decided to leave her be in the hope that she would calm down.  But as the day went on her mood only deteriorated.  Half an hour before her shift was due to finish he called her to his office for a chat.  She was quiet at first, but after a while he managed to get her talking.  He had assumed it was something Harry related, knowing that she got the occasional letter from him now and then, usually to threating her and her daughter in some way.  So, when she told him what was bothering her he was both relieved and fuming.  He could understand why Bea was so rattled, and if her current mood was anything to go by, was glad that he wasn’t the principle of the school.  Not that he didn’t deserve to get both barrels.

Bea was just about to start the car when Will came running across the parking lot, opened the passenger door and got in.  Throwing him a confused look, she continued with what she was doing after receiving no form of explanation.  They were half way to the school when curiosity got the better of her, and Bea had to ask.  “Not that I don’t enjoy your company…but why are you in my car?”

“I figured someone would need to watch the grommet while you kick the principle’s arse” he replied, although that was only part of the reason.  He was hoping to get a look at the little punk’s that were bullying Debbie, and if he could warn them off in the process then that would be a bonus.

He was fond of Bea and enjoyed spending time with both her and Debbie.  She was an excellent mother and would do anything for her daughter, not that she gave herself enough credit.  Will had grown up in a single parent family and knew how hard it had been for his mother, so had a lot of respect for his colleague and friend.  He also felt guilty for not picking up on what she was going through at home with Harry.  Will had gone to visit her in the hospital the day after it happened, and on the drive home he had cried.  He blamed himself for not seeing the signs, even though the redhead had told him that none of it was his fault.  She had done an excellent job of hiding what was going on at home from everyone, and although Liz had her suspicions even she was shocked when she saw the state Bea was in.

Ever since he had sworn that he would always look out for his friend, even if it did sometimes make things a little difficult with Kaz.  He wasn’t sure why but for some reason his girlfriend had taken an instant dislike to Bea, not that the redhead had really done anything to her.  He was aware of Kaz’s past and knew she hadn’t had it easy.  Trust wasn’t something that came easily to her, especially when it involved men.  As a result, she had an issue with Bea, or more specifically the nature of Will’s relationship with her.  He had tried to reassure the blonde on numerous occasions that they were and would always be nothing more than friends, but he couldn’t seem to get through to her.  It had frustrated him at first, so much so that he had considered pulling the plug on the relationship with Kaz.  But despite her misguided jealousy he loved her and wasn’t prepared to give up on them.

In the end the trip to Debbie’s school had been reasonably uneventful, although he had caught a glimpse of one of the little shits that were bullying Debbie.  As expected Bea had knitted the principle a new one when he suggested that her daughter may have anger issues.  If he wanted anger issues she was sure as hell going to give them to him.  The three of them had decided to grab a bite to eat afterwards at Debbie’s insistence, and despite knowing he would be in trouble with Kaz yet again, Will wanted to make sure they were both alright.

 

 

It had been three months since Allie’s panic attack in the lifeguard tower, and after several conversations with Kaz, many of which ended in an argument she had eventually agreed to see a counsellor.  She almost bailed that first day as she sat in the waiting room, and the only reason she hadn’t made a run for it was because Kaz had positioned herself between her sister and the door.  When she had first suggested going with her to the appointment Allie had told her that it wasn’t necessary, but as the day drew closer she was glad she would be there.  Even if she couldn’t go into the room with her.  Her appointment was with a Bridget Westfall, someone who had come highly recommended to Kaz.  It took a while for her to get an appointment for her sister, which was kind of a good thing.  If Bridget was busy then she must be good, plus it gave Allie a little more time to get used to the idea.

Kaz knew Allie was nervous, having heard her moving around in the kitchen at just gone five that morning.  Not wanting to make an issue of it or embarrass her in any way she had left her to it, making sure to stay awake in case she needed her at all.  Will had offered to take them both for breakfast before they headed over to Bridget Westfall’s office, and although she doubted Allie would eat much, she hoped getting out of the house for a while would help take her mind off it.  Kaz just hoped the younger woman would open up and talk about what happened.  As hard as it was going to be, she needed to deal with the past in order to move on from it.

She had seen the appreciative glances sent Allie’s way when they had ben out together, and despite the odd bit of banter with a woman or two the young blonde hadn’t gotten involved with anyone.  She spent a lot of time with her friend Boomer from the animal shelter, Kaz finally getting to meet her a few months ago.  Despite looking like she was about to bash you at any second, she was a really sweet and genuine woman, and had a wicked sense of humour.  Even if most of the time she was unaware she was being funny.  She could see why her little sister was so fond of her and was glad that she was making friends, but she still worried about her being alone.  Allie was a beautiful person, both inside and out, and she had such a big heart.  She would be doing herself a huge injustice if she didn’t open that heart up and let someone in.  Kaz just hoped that this Westfall woman was as good as her friend said she was, and that she could get her sister to open up.  If she can find a way to let go of the past then she can start to look to the future.  Hopefully with a family of her own at some point.

The waiting room was painted in neutral tones, the colour coming from the bright furniture.  It was a lot nicer than Allie expected it to be, and the receptionist Vera seemed lovely, not that any of it was helping to ease her nerves.  She felt sick, and right now the only thing keeping her there was knowing how disappointed Kaz would be if she bailed.  Her sister was sitting beside her, her hand in hers as she chatted away about a movie she had seen with Will a few days ago.  At first Allie had thought that the older blonde’s constant ramblings were her way of distracting her, but when she saw the faraway look in her eyes knew that what had started out as a way to keep her mind off her appointment, had turned int something else for Kaz.

It had been happening more and more over the past few weeks, and Allie would often catch her sister daydreaming about Will, or at least that’s who she assumed was responsible for the lovesick puppy look on her face.  The same look she was wearing now.  Allie’s name being called dragged Kaz from her not so innocent thoughts about a certain lifeguard, and after standing up she gave the younger blonde a hug and told her she would be waiting for her.  She was so proud of Allie for getting this far and knew if she could get through this first session then she could finally beat her demons.

 

 

Allie had been in with Bridget for about twenty minutes when Kaz felt her phone buzz in her pocket.  Taking it out she saw that she had a message from Will, making sure they were both ok.  She couldn’t help but smile as she read it.  He was a good guy, and nothing like she had first thought he would be.  She had fallen hard for him, and even though she hadn’t said those three words yet knew she loved him.  Their relationship was going from strength to strength, and she couldn’t be happier about that.  The only issue was his second in command at work, Bea Smith, the thorn in Kaz Proctor’s side.

She had taken an instant dislike to the redhead, and knew she was trying to get into Will’s pants.  The first time they met was at one of the talks at the shelter.  They were all set up and ready to go when Smith disappeared, leaving Will to do all the work.  When Kaz had questioned him, he made up some excuse about her not feeling too well, but she had seemed fine half an hours ago when she was laughing and joking around with Will.  They seemed really close, and Kaz couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.  But it wasn’t just that.  She had tried talking to Bea, asking her about her life outside of lifeguarding but she clearly thought she was above Kaz, and had just changed the subject.  Things had gone from bad to worse after that, and in seeing how comfortable the redhead was with Will compared to the rest of her colleagues Kaz automatically thought the worst.

Will had given her no reason to distrust him, but it was clear to Kaz that Bea wanted to be more than just his colleague.  If she was being completely honest she was a little intimidated by the redhead.  She had seen her out in the water and couldn’t deny she was impressive.  But what worried her the most was how much they had in common.  Bea was a much more obvious choice of partner for Will, and despite him constantly trying to reassure her, Kaz couldn’t shake the feeling that she was going to lose him.  They’d had a few minor arguments about Smith, and although he had remained calm every time, it was clear the accusations hurt.  Kaz knew she had a tendency to overreact at times and was trying really hard not to let Smith get to her, but she couldn’t help it.  What made it even more frustrating was that the redhead hadn’t really done anything wrong, she just had a bad feeling about her, and from past experience knew that usually meant trouble.

Pushing all thoughts of Bea Smith from her mind she replied to him, her heart swelling when another message came through a few minutes later letting her know that he would come around to the house and cook them both dinner later.  Kaz knew how lucky she was to have Will in her life and wished Allie could find someone.  She understood her sister’s reluctance to get involved with anyone after what she had been through in her previous relationships but didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone through fear of getting hurt.  Relationships were scary, and no one knew how things were going to pan out at the start.  But sometimes you just had to take a leap of faith.

It had been hard for Kaz at first, and she had tried to fight her feelings, push Will away.  But it was no use.  No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stay away from him.  She spent the best part of an hour thinking about him and their future, and before she knew it the door to Bridget’s office opened and a teary-eyed Allie came walking out.   Kaz knew they were in for a rough night, but if it helped her sister in any way then it would be worth it in the end.

 

 

The session had been hard, and Allie had almost walked out on a couple of occasions, despite really liking Bridget. She had a calmness about her that made the younger blonde feel at ease, even when she started asking the difficult questions.  She had been expecting more of an introductory session, but it had been far from it.  Bridget had pushed her buttons right from the start but had done so in a way that Allie hadn’t even realised what she was doing until it was too late.  She was expecting the hour to drag, but before she knew it, her time was up.  The older woman telling her that she wanted to see her once a week and to book in with Vera, her receptionist on the way out.  She told Allie that she had done really well, and that while the next few sessions would be hard, she had done the most difficult part by simply showing up for her appointment.

She knew that if she had any chance of moving on from her past that she had to tackle it head on, which is how she found herself sitting on a bench overlooking the beach a few weeks later, with Bridget beside her.  She had been testing her limits every week and pushing her just as hard.  Something the younger woman was thankful for in a strange kind of way.  In her forth session the older woman had shown her some photos on her laptop screen in order to gage her reaction.  The first one had been of a quiet beach with calm waters.  The second a busy beach, but again the waters were calm and tranquil, and so far, Allie had been fine.  The third made her feel slightly on edge, even though she knew it as crazy.  It was just a picture, it couldn’t hurt her.  The waves were big and the sky stormy, and despite the office being air-conditioned Allie had felt herself starting to sweat.

Sensing the change in the younger woman, Bridget handed her a glass of water before asking if she wanted to stop.  Despite the panic building, Allie was determined to push through.  Partly because she was curious to see how much her brain could actually handle before she reached breaking point, and partly due to the shear determination to beat this.  To beat him.  They went through several photos, some bringing on a worse reaction than others, and after a while Bridget decided Allie had done enough for one day.  Closing down her browser she forgot all about the background in her laptop until she heard the younger woman gasp beside her.  The image was of Franky down at the beach during the surfing competition a few weeks ago.  She had timed the shot perfectly, managing to capture Bea catching a huge wave in the background.  Not that she was particularly recognisable from that distance.

When they first got together Franky had been brutally honest about her relationship history, not that any of her connections could really be classified as a relationship.  Bridget was aware that Allie was gay.  She was also very beautiful and judging by her reaction to the photo assumed she had been one of the brunette’s former conquests.  While she didn’t like the thought of another woman’s hands on Franky they both had a past, and that’s exactly what it was.  Bridget wasn’t usually the jealous type but having one of her girlfriend’s potential previous conquests sitting beside her definitely awoke the green-eyed monster within her.  She wasn’t sure why but she needed to know either way, not that it would make any difference.  “Do you know her?” she asked, her tone a little sharper than she had intended as she pointed at the picture of Franky on her screen.

“No, I just can’t believe anyone’s brave, or crazy enough to do that” Allie replied, pointing at the figure on the surfboard in the background.  She couldn’t make out any features but it was clearly a woman on the board.  What surprised her was that she didn’t feel the same level of panic when she looked at this particular image as she had with the others.  The huge wave looming over the small figure should have filled her with fear, yet despite not being able to see the woman’s face it was clear she felt at home out there.  “Should I know her?” she added, looking towards the smiling brunette on the screen.  She was hot, there was no questioning it, but she wasn’t really Allie’s type.

“No, sorry…I just thought…it doesn’t matter” Bridget said, stumbling over her words.  She was embarrassed by her behaviour and usually managed to control her emotions better than that.  But when it came to Franky Doyle everything went out of the window.  She’d never been as affected by anyone as she had Franky, and despite throwing all her emotions into turmoil she couldn’t imagine her life without the tattooed brunette in it.  Even if she did make her a little crazy.  “I…she’s my girlfriend and I...  Sorry, forget I asked.  The one on the board is her best friend.  She’s an ex-pro surfer and she’s incredible out there.  I tried it once, scared the crap out of me” she added, taking note of how Allie’s gaze kept shifting back to Bea.  She was expecting her to freak out like she had after seeing a similar photo, but for some reason she seemed so calm.  Making a mental note she ran through a few things she wanted Allie to try before her next session the following week.

 

 

Six months later Allie was walking out of Bridget Westfall’s office for what she hoped would be the last time.  It had been hard, and at times she thought she was never going to be able to put the past behind her.  She wasn’t naïve and knew that six months of counselling wouldn’t suddenly make everything right.  But the difference was that she now knew how to deal with the past.  She felt mentally stronger than she ever had before and was so thankful to Bridget for not only helping, but also not judging her.  That had been one of her biggest fears, but the counsellor had been nothing but understanding.  Allie knew that it was all a part of her job, but she had ben so different to the counsellors they had sent her to when she first arrived in Sydney.  They were judgemental, disinterested even, and it was clear they were only there out of duty. But the petite blonde was different.  She could see it in her eyes, she actually cared, wanted to help, and that meant more to Allie than she would ever know.

As part of her therapy Bridget had suggested that they go down to the beach.  The first time hadn’t been too bad, and despite feeling a little uncomfortable Allie was quietly confident that she was beating this.  The second time however didn’t go so well.  The day was overcast and the waves big, similar to how they had been that day on the rocks.  They were sat on the same bench they had been last time, and despite the place being the same it felt so much different.  Allie was on edge right from the start, despite Bridget’s best efforts to calm her down.  The older woman was just about to suggest they leave when and ambulance came screeching to a holt a few metres away from them before two paramedics and a lifeguard took off across the sand.

Allie’s heart was racing, and despite being out in the open air felt like the walls were closing in on her.  She was just about to up and run when she felt a hand on her knee and looking up saw that Bridget was kneeling down in front of her.  It took a little while, but after running through a series of breathing techniques her heart didn’t feel like it was beating out of her chest anymore. She still felt on edge, but it was a level of unease that she could manage now.  Once she had calmed down she excused herself, heading to the bathroom in order to get herself together.  When she got back Bridget was waiting by the bench, a smile on her face as she watched Allie walk towards her.  “I thought you might want to know, the ambulance was for a drug overdose.  It was nothing to do with the water” she said, hoping that would reassure the younger woman.  “It could have happened anywhere”

Knowing that made her feel a lot better, and despite the mildly traumatic experience Allie had been keen to head down to the beach during her next session with Bridget.  Things got progressively easier after that, and after six months of counselling Allie found herself at Bondi beach with her sister.  They didn’t stay long, only sticking around for an hour so they could have lunch with Will, but it was a big step for Allie, and Kaz was so proud of her.  She had dragged her sister out that night, wanting to celebrate her achievements

Allie wasn’t particularly bothered about going out, knowing her sister would only try and set her up with the first available woman she saw.  While she knew Kaz meant well it got a little frustrating after a while.  It had started a couple of months after she gotten together with Will, and while Allie wasn’t planning to spend the rest of her life alone wasn’t looking for a relationship right now.  She had given so much of herself in her previous relationship, only to have it all thrown back in her face.  If she did meet somebody that got her attention, they would have to be really special for her to take a chance on them.

As expected within an hour of arriving at the bar Kaz had introduced her to two different women, both of which seemed perfectly nice, but Allie just wasn’t interested.  She knew that she was setting herself up for disappointment, but she didn’t want just anyone.  She wanted someone who could make her heart race just from hearing her voice down the phone, someone who she couldn’t bare to be apart from, not even for a second.  Things had followed a similar pattern for the next couple of months, Allie continuing to go down to the beach as often as she could, and Kaz trying, unsuccessfully to find her a girlfriend.

They had gotten into a few arguments about the older blondes near constant interfering in her love life, or lack of, but Allie couldn’t find it in herself to stay mad at her.  Kaz had been her rock, picking her back up when she was feeling down, and letting her rant when she needed to.  Allie had taken her frustrations out on her sister a few times, and despite the older blonde’s fiery temper she had taken it all in her stride.  She felt guilty for dumping all her crap on her sister, especially as Kaz’s relationship with Will was still very much in the honeymoon stages.  But he had been great, supporting both Kaz and Allie when they needed it, and giving them the time together without complaining.

Allie had sat up one-night chatting with him after Kaz had gone to bed.  The older blonde had picked up a bug from the shelter and had been feeling off for a couple of days.  She had told him to stay away not wanting him to get sick as well, but he had ignored her, showing up at the house with all the ingredients to make her some soup.  Allie didn’t go into detail but wanted him to know why she had freaked out that day in the tower.  He had been great, offering to accompany her to the beach any time Kaz wasn’t available, as well as telling her she was always welcome to hang out at the lifeguard tower.  While it was something Allie wouldn’t mind doing, she didn’t think she was ready just yet, but was grateful of the offer.

 

 

Life continued in a similar pattern and before Bea knew it, it was New Year’s Day again, one of the busiest at Bondi.  Not only were they dealing with thousands of tourists, there was the added problem of many of them still being drunk from the night before or severely hungover at the least.  Despite this Bea always offered to work the early shift, even if it did mean getting up in the middle of the night.  Being on her own with Debbie meant she couldn’t go out the night before, not that it particularly bothered her.  She’d much rather spend the evening watching whatever movie her little girl wanted to see, probably for the hundredth time.  Liz had spent every New Year’s Eve at Bea’s since Harry got sent down, and would look after Debbie while Bea was working, then take her down to the beach late morning so they could spend the afternoon together.

Most of her colleagues preferred the afternoon shift, allowing them to go out the night before and get enough sleep to do their job properly.  It worked out for everyone, and because she had to be at the beach by three thirty in the morning, Bea was usually finished by midday, meaning she could spend the afternoon on the beach with Deb and Liz.  Maxine would be joining them as well, and while she hadn’t spent as much time with the other woman, Bea was fond of her.  The redhead had spoken to Franky the previous day, and her friend had said they might head down to the beach at some point during the afternoon, assuming she could drag herself from Bridget’s bed that was.

It had been over a year and they were still going strong, not that Bea was surprised.  It was clear every time Franky looked at Bridget that she was in love with her, and she was happy for her friends, really happy.  Although she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at times.  The crazy thing was that every time she wondered what it would be like to have someone love and care for her like Franky and Bridget did for each other, her thoughts turned to the blue-eyed blonde.  It was insane, or maybe she was the crazy one.  It had been over four years since she’d seen her and despite searching the beach for the blonde every time she was on shift she had never returned.  Bea knew that she needed to stop looking for her mystery woman, and it wasn’t like anything would happen if she found her.  Even in her frightened and somewhat dazed state the blonde was beautiful, and she wouldn’t look twice at someone like Bea.  Not that any of it mattered.  She wasn’t gay for a start, and had never even thought of another woman like that.  So why couldn’t she forget about this one.  Deciding the only thing she was doing was driving herself crazy, she pushed all thoughts of the blonde from her mind and concentrated on getting through the next few hours of her shift.

Bea had spent the past hour watching the water in the tower and had just switched with one of the other guys.  They tried to do this as often as possible on the busy days to make sure everyone got a break from the sun.  It had been a busy day, one of the busiest she’d ever worked and Bea had done her first rescue before they had even opened the tower up.  She’d arrived a little early, wanting to get a head start on the set up before the beach got busy, and had just unlocked the shutter to the garage underneath so she could check the buggy’s over before making a start on putting up the flags when someone came running over.  Their friend had gone for a swim and was in trouble.  The girl was drunk, really drunk, and the redhead suspected her friend would be too.  Throwing both the keys and her shirt onto the nearby shelf she grabbed one of the boards and took off in the direction the woman was pointing.  It was still dark which made the rescue even more difficult, but she liked a challenge.  It didn’t take her long to find the woman, the near constant cries for help making it a lot easier.

Will arrived just after three fifteen, finding a soaking wet Bea standing toe to toe with another woman as she lectured her on the dangers of swimming while intoxicated.  It was clear from the scene in front of him that the redhead had just rescued her and could understand his colleague’s frustrations.  They technically weren’t due to start work for another ten minutes, and if Bea hadn’t arrived early the woman would have most certainly drowned.  It didn’t matter how many safety warnings were put out on the news, people still insisted on swimming while intoxicated.  He was just about to head over to try and calm the situation when the two women staggered off across the sand, luckily in the opposite direction to the water.  Deciding it was best to leave Bea to calm down a little he opened the tower before making a start on the morning set up.

The morning had pretty much continued in the same way, the lifeguards at full stretch as they pulled swimmer after swimmer from the relatively calm waters.  The only real problem area was down at the south corner where one of the larger rips was, yet despite several dangerous current signs people still insisted on swimming there.  Eighty percent of the people they had rescued by ten that morning had still been drunk from the night before, although there was nothing like taking a beating at the hands of Dr Pacific to sober you up.  Things had calmed down after that, and most of the people who were sleeping off the night before had left the beach, being replaced by families.  Liz had arrived just as Bea was leaving the tower and after saying hi she headed outside to relieve her colleague of his duties by the water.

As she headed back down to the waters edge for the last hour of her shift she checked in with Will, letting him know that a couple of the other guys had arrived a little early for their shift.  While she loved her job, Bea was looking forward to relaxing with her daughter and friends soon.  She had brought her board down earlier that morning, along with Debbie’s and was hoping to get out in the water with her a little later in the day.  But right now, she had a job to do and as she scanned the water she knew that it would be a busy hour.

 

 

Despite feeling better and better every time she went down to the beach Allie couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive.  It was a lot busier today than it had been before, although it was New Year’s Day so it was no great surprise.  Will had changed his shift a few days ago, meaning he would be starting work really early that morning, and as a result Kaz hadn’t seen him the previous night.  They’d had a massive argument after she found out he would be opening up with Bea, and as a result hadn’t spoken to one another since.  After she had calmed down Kaz started to feel guilty, knowing that she had overreacted, and had tried to call him the previous evening but he had switched his phone off. 

Allie knew her sister had an issue with one of his colleagues, and they’d had a few arguments about her over the past few months, but this had been the biggest one to date.  She could hear the shouting as she walked down the path towards the front door and had been in two minds as to whether to turn around and go somewhere else.  But one of the new dogs that had arrived at the shelter that afternoon had been terrified, and in trying to calm him down Allie had been peed on.  She had cleaned herself up as best as she could before heading home but was in desperate need of a shower.  Opening the door, she had walked into the house, ducking quickly when a glass flew past her head, hitting the wall before shattering into tiny pieces.  She knew who had thrown it even before her sister apologised, Will being the calmer one out of the two of them.  Not wanting to get dragged into yet another argument about the woman Kaz had an issue with, she simply sidestepped the glass and headed for her room and a much-needed shower.  As much as she loved working at the shelter, dog piss wasn’t the nicest perfume she’d ever worn.

Will had gone by the time she had finished in the shower, and when she made her way back into the lounge found her sister nursing a large glass of whiskey.  Picking up the dust pan she cleaned up the broken glass before throwing it out.  Grabbing a glass Allie poured herself a drink, knowing it was going to be a long night.  While she could understand her sister’s concerns it was clear that Will was in love with Kaz, although she’d never seen him around this Smith woman.  He seemed like a decent guy, but if there was any chance that he was playing her sister then Allie wanted to know.  Deciding that it would be a good opportunity to see them together she had agreed to go to the beach with her sister and would be keeping an eye on Will and his colleague while they were there. 

They arrived just after ten thirty, and after finding a space on the sand laid their towels out and sat down.  They had been there just under an hour when Kaz decided to go and find Will.  She had been hoping to bump into him, but either he had seen them arrive and was avoiding her, or simply stationed in a different section of the beach.  Kaz had been gone for about ten minutes when a brunette who looked around the same age as Kaz, and an older blonde came and sat down nearby.  There was a little girl with them and Allie suspected she was around six or seven.  After making sure the little one had sun cream on the brunette grabbed a frisbee from one of their bags and started playing with her.

Allie couldn’t help but watch the little girl, her brunette curls blowing in the breeze as she chased around on the sand.  She was so full of life and looked so happy that the blonde couldn’t help but smile, despite the tinge of sadness the scene brought as her thoughts drifted back to her own childhood.  She was so lost in her head that she didn’t see the frisbee fly past before landing by her feet, a voice close by bringing her back to the present.  Turning her head, she came face to face with the curly haired little girl, a guilty look on her face as she looked between Allie and the purple frisbee.

She watched on as she looked from her toy to the older blonde, before focussing on Allie again as she spoke.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to nearly hit you.  I was trying to throw it to G’ma Liz and it went the wrong way” the young girl said, sitting down on the sand beside Allie.  “I’m not very good at frisbee, Franky says I throw like a girl…but I am a girl so she’s silly”

“She is.  And there’s nothing wrong with throwing like a girl...girls are awesome”

“My name’s Debbie, and I’m seven”

“I’m Allie…and I’m twenty-four” the blonde replied, holding out her hand for the young girl to shake.

“I like you, you’re pretty”

“So are you.  I love your curls”

“Everyone says I look like my mum, and she has curly hair as well”

“Is your mum with you today?” Allie asked, keen to see the woman that little Debbie said she looked like.  The older blonde she was with had curly hair, but she was sure she’d heard the young brunette call her G’ma so figured it couldn’t be her.

“She’s at work in the water, but she’ll be here soon.  Maxi said she finishes at lunch time, which is good because I’m really hungry” Debbie replied, making the blonde laugh.  She didn’t have much experience with kids but was quite taken with the young girl, she just hoped her mum wouldn’t mind her chatting to her.  “Why have you got two towels” Debbie asked after looking around the small area Allie was occupying.

“One of them is my sister’s.  She’s gone to find her boyfriend” Allie said, thinking how strange it sounded referring to Will as Kaz’s boyfriend.  It made him sound like a kid, and he was far from it.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“I haven’t got one”

“I haven’t got one either…boys are yucky”

Allie couldn’t help but laugh at the look on the young brunette’s face, and she had to agree with her.  “They are”

“Is that why you don’t have one?”

Allie wasn’t quite sure how to reply to the young girl’s question but knew that she couldn’t tell her the real reason.  She didn’t know her parents or their views on gay people and really didn’t want to cause a scene.  Luckily, she was saved from answering by a familiar husky voice calling Debbie’s name.  Lifting her head Allie took in the tanned legs, her gaze continuing up over a firm arse contained in tiny shorts, a toned back and up to a mass of red curls.  As the woman turned she came face to face with the owner of the voice, and those brown eyes that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since that day on the rocks.  She knew she was staring but couldn’t bring herself to look away, afraid that the other woman would disappear if she did.  Allie had heard all the clichés, time standing still, heart beating out of her chest, everything else fading into the background, and she always thought it was a load of bullshit.  But right now she was experiencing all of those things, and so many more.  Two firm thumps in Allie’s body brought her out her daze, one in her heart and one much lower.  The woman standing before her was stunningly beautiful, and the blonde had to remind herself to breathe.  She knew that she should say something, anything but all she could do was lose herself in the intensity of the redhead’s gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, the unusually warm weather has been drawing me to the garden a lot recently and I feel the need to make the most of it before it rains again!
> 
> I’m not giving up on either story and will continue to write but S6 has left my Ballie bubble feeling rather deflated and I’m struggling to find anything positive about a certain blonde right now. A huge thank you goes to the Wentworth writers for not only killing Bea but also pissing all over her memory. You bunch of arseholes!! :(


	6. I Remember

She was a little late finishing her shift so after changing quickly Bea headed over to the nearby deli to pick up some lunch.  Franky had messaged her earlier letting her know that Boomer would be joining them as well so the redhead made sure to get plenty of food.  Between Booms and Debbie, they would need it.  After grabbing lunch she made her way back to the beach, racing across the sand to where Liz had said she would be.  As she got closer she could see both the older blonde and Maxine, but not Debbie.  She trusted the two women though, so knew she wouldn’t be far away.  As she made her way through the thousands of beachgoers she spotted her daughter chatting away with someone.  The other person was hidden from view so Bea assumed it must be either Franky or Bridget, but as she got closer still and saw a flash of blonde she realised that wasn’t the case.  Whoever the woman was Debbie looked really comfortable with her and the two of them were chatting away like old friends.  Liz was keeping an eye on them both, something that Bea was thankful for, not that she was worried.  She didn’t know why, but when she looked in their direction her heart started beating faster and she felt the familiar rush usually associated with catching a wave.  Calling Debbie’s name, she smiled at her daughter before glancing over to her new friend, her breath catching in her throat when the woman turned to face her.

Brown eyes met blue and Bea felt her entire world tilt on its axis.  It was her, the blonde from that day on the rocks four years ago, the one she had subconsciously searched for every time she was at the beach, the one she was beginning to think she had imagined.  But she was very much real, and even more beautiful than Bea remembered.  Time seemed to stand still as they stared at one another, both equally as surprised by the unexpected reunion.  Bea could feel her heart racing, but that wasn’t the only reaction she was having to the blonde.  The warm tingling sensation cursing through her body took her by surprise, yet despite the somewhat strange, although not unwelcome feelings she couldn’t take her eyes off her.

Bea could feel both Liz and Maxine’s eyes on her and not wanting to deal with their questions she decided that she should probably say something, anything, although she had no idea what.  There were so many things running around in her head right now, but she couldn’t seem to get them into any kind of order.  Deciding to just wing it and hope for the best, Bea opened her mouth to speak, only to get beaten to it by her daughter introducing the other woman.

“This is my friend Allie.  She’s twenty-four and thinks boys are yucky too” Debbie said to her mum, completely oblivious to the moment the two women were sharing.  Turning back around to face the blonde she continued with the introduction.  “That’s my mum…she looks like me doesn’t she”

The young girl’s voice grabbed Allie’s attention as she reluctantly shifted her gaze from mother to daughter.  They did look alike, but while Debbie was adorably cute, the redhead was breathtakingly beautiful.  “She does, so much” Allie replied before turning her attention back to the other woman.  “Hi, it’s nice to meet you…”.  She wanted to acknowledge their previous meeting but doubted that the other woman would even remember her.  She wasn’t at her best back then and took off before even thanking the other woman.  Plus, what kind of idiot kisses a stranger then runs.  If it turned out that she did remember her, Allie knew that she would need to explain her actions.  But doing so in front of so many people wasn’t an ideal situation, especially when there was a kid there too.

 

 

Bea could feel herself getting lost in the intensity of the blonde’s, Allie’s gaze.  Her head was in a tail spin and she’d never felt anything remotely like this before.  She was nervous around new people, uncomfortable even, but this was different.  The nerves were there, but it was more of a nervous excitement than fear, the same type of feeling she got as she rode out a big wave.  Knowing that she needed to reply to the blonde she glanced away briefly, composing herself slightly before looking back in her direction.  “You too Allie.  Sorry, I hope Debbie isn’t bothering you” she said, mentally praising herself for being able to string a sentence together.

“No, not at all.  We’re having fun aren’t we kiddo” the blonde replied, smiling at the young girl beside her before focusing on her mother again.  She couldn’t take her eyes off her and had never seen anyone so floorless in her life.  She had it all.  Defined cheekbones, a jaw you could cut glass on, deep brown eyes that Allie could easily get lost in, and a body that made her melt.  Even the way her name sounded coming from the other woman’s lips gave the blonde goose bumps.

“We are.  You’re funny, and pretty like my dolls” Debbie replied, playing with a lock of the blonde’s hair.  “Allie’s pretty isn’t she mum” she added turning to face the redhead again, the blush on her mum’s cheeks completely lost on the young girl.  It wasn’t lost on the blonde though, and she found it utterly adorable.

Bea didn’t know what to say, afraid she would embarrass herself if she agreed with her daughter but knew it would be a lie if she didn’t.  Allie wasn’t just pretty, she was stunning, and the redhead was struggling to take her eyes off her.  It was a strange feeling, not necessarily unwelcome, just new to her.  And while she wasn’t really sure what it meant it both excited and terrified her at the same time.  Luckily Bea was saved by the bell, otherwise known as her little food monster.

“Did you bring food?  I’m starving” her daughter said, sighing dramatically.

The melodic laughter that fell from Allie’s lips at Debbie’s words sent a jolt right through Bea’s body, settling somewhere below her stomach.  She was surprised by the intensity of the feeling, and in a bid to hide the blush she knew she would be wearing for a second time in as many minutes, busied herself with serving the food.  She had bought too much as usual, but on the one occasion she got the same number of meals as people her daughter moaned that she was trying to starve her.  So, when Debbie grabbed an extra paper plate and put half of her lunch onto it, the redhead was more than a little surprised.  Stopping what she was doing she watched on as her daughter took both plates, sat back down beside Allie and handed her one.  Bea couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  Debbie Smith did not share food, with anyone, yet for some reason she seemed perfectly happy giving away half of her dinner to the blonde.

 

 

The past few minutes had been surreal but Allie couldn’t help but smile.  She was feeling so many different emotions right now.  Relief that the woman who had been invading her thoughts for the past four years wasn’t just a figment of her imagination and fear that she wouldn’t remember Allie, or worse still that she would, and be disgusted by her.  So, when the redhead smiled at her again she thought she was going to pass out.  She was a little worried that she was intruding on someone’s afternoon, but the young brunette sitting beside her didn’t seem to care.  She was chatting away as she shovelled her food into her mouth, reaching over to grab the odd thing off the plate she had just given the blonde.  Feeling eyes on her she turned her head, losing herself in the redhead’s deep brown eyes.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude in your day out.  I’ll leave you in peace to have your lunch” she said as she went to stand up.

“No, stay.  Please” Bea replied, surprising not only herself but also Liz and Maxine.  The older blonde had never seen Bea so relaxed around a complete stranger so was a little curious about the young woman sitting with Debbie.

“You can’t leave.  After food I want you to help me make a sandcastle…G’ma Liz isn’t very good at them”

“Are you sure?” Allie asked the redhead, not wanting her to feel backed into a corner.

“I’m sure” the young girl sitting beside her replied instead, as she leaned over to the plate in Allie’s hand.  “Don’t you want that?” she asked before grabbing half of the sandwich and taking a bite.

Allie couldn’t help but laugh as the redhead rolled her eyes at her daughter before smiling at the blonde.  That smile literally made Allie weak at the knee’s and she was so glad that she was sitting down already.

“I’m so sorry Allie, I swear that I do feed her” Bea said, letting out a nervous giggle that Allie found absolutely adorable.  She had never felt such an intense attraction to someone before, and while it scared her a little she felt safe in the other woman’s company.  Despite only meeting properly a matter of minutes ago, Allie felt like she had known her for longer.  But then she’d been on her mind since that day at Tamarama four years ago.  Realising she didn’t even know the other woman’s name Allie was just about to ask when a familiar voice came booming over the beach, and she seemed to be heading towards Liz and Maxine.

 

 

Franky and Bridget were running late, very late, and although the tattooed brunette tried to blame her girlfriend she had been the one that couldn’t keep her hands to herself this time.  They had been out with Boomer the previous night and had far too much to drink.  As a result, they ended up going back to their friend’s place for shots and the tattooed brunette had passed out on the sofa so they stayed over.  They had planned to meet Booms the following afternoon but given all three of them would be heading down to the beach it made sense to stay and travel together.  The only downside, other than the raging hangover Franky had woken up with was that they had nothing to wear to the beach, and as a result they had to make a stop at home.  They had overslept so were already running late, something that Boomer wasn’t too happy about.  In order to keep the peace, they had dropped her off at Bondi before heading home to grab their things.

They didn’t live too far from the beach and after seeing how busy the car park was they decided to walk back.  Everything was going to plan until Bridget walked out of the en-suite wearing only her bikini.  It was one that Franky had never seen before, she would have remembered, and in a split second she went from leaning against he bedroom wall to pinning her girl against it.  She knew they were already late, but right now an afternoon on the beach with friends was the last thing on her mind.  When they first got into a relationship she was worried that she would get bored, but the attraction to the older blonde was just as intense as it had been on day one.  And while commitment still scared Franky at times, she wouldn’t want to go through life without Bridget by her side.

Boomer had practically sprinted across the beach, and she didn’t do running.  Bea had finished work nearly an hour ago, meaning they would already have food, and with Debbie there, there was a good chance it had all gone already.  She loved her food, especially Monte Carlo’s, but mini Bea could easily beat her in an eating competition.  She would swear that kid had a bottomless pit for a stomach and had no idea how her mum kept up with her constant demand for food.  Stumbling across the hot sand she pushed her untamed hair from her face before calling out to her friends to let them know she had arrived.  “What’s up bitches…” she shouted as she approached, doing a double take when she saw a familiar blonde sitting with them.  “Alright Novak” she added, patting her on the shoulder as she walked past her and headed for the food, all thoughts on why her colleague was with her friends slipping her mind as she decided what to eat first.

After loading up her plate she dropped down on the sand beside Liz before taking a large bite of her sandwich.  “This is good shit Bea” she said around a mouthful of food.  “Ah crap…sorry little one” she added when she realised she had sworn in front of the grommet.  Most of the time she remembered, but sometimes when she was distracted it just slipped out, and the sandwich she was eating right now was very distracting.

Bea her name is Bea, and Debbie said she was at work in the water.  Allie was so out of it that day on the rocks that she never really stopped to consider who her saviour was.  And since then the only thing on her mind was those deep brown eyes that spoke straight to her heart.  But now she though about it there could only be one reason why the redhead came out onto the rocks, and if that was the case then it would be too much of a coincidence for there to be two lifeguards called Bea.  It wasn’t a common name, so the chances that her Bea was the same one that her sister hated were high.  Allie didn’t even realise she had referred to her as ‘her’ Bea even if it was only in her head, and she knew if they were the same person then Kaz would be pissed off when she got back from wherever she’d buggered off to.  But she couldn’t bring herself to care.  There was something about the redhead that drew her in, and she was keen to get to know her better.

A hand on her shoulder dragged Allie from her thoughts and sent a rush through her body.  Turning her head she saw Bea hovering over her, holding out a plate.  “Figured you’d prefer to eat something my daughter hasn’t had her paws all over.  Sorry about that” she said, smiling at the blonde when she took the plate from her before taking a step back.

“Thank you”.  Reaching out Allie placed a hand on Bea’s arm, stopping her in her tracks.  “Come sit with me for a minute” she said, her eyes never leaving the other woman’s.  She had no idea what to say but wanted to test the waters, so to speak, and see if the redhead remembered her.

“So, you know Boomer then?” Bea asked, making small talk in a bid to break the silence that had descended on them.

Looking over to her friend and colleague Allie couldn’t help but laugh when she pretty much shoved a whole sandwich into her mouth.  “Yeah, we work together at the animal shelter.  She can be a little crazy at times, but she’s the best”

“She can be a little full on” the redhead replied, letting out a soft giggle and making Allie’s stomach flip in the process.  “She means well though, and Deb loves her…although I think that might be because they have the same mental age”.  When Allie laughed Bea felt a warm sensation running through her body, something she had never felt just from being near another person, and it confused the hell out of her.

“So how do you two know each other then?”

“We met through a mutual friend, and speaking of which, she should be here by now” Bea replied as she scanned the beach.  “Hey Booms, where’s Franky?” she called out to her friend, although she had a pretty good idea why they were late.  It was either a hangover or sex, and she would bet money on it being the latter.

“They stayed at mine last night and needed to go back home to get their swimmers, or at least that’s what they said they were doing.  Knowing Franky, they’re probably rooting”

“What’s rooting?” Debbie asked, her sandwich midway between her plate and her mouth as she gazed at the adults around her.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a form of gardening” Allie replied after a few seconds of silence, seeing the panic on the redhead’s face.  Boomer clearly wasn’t going to offer an explanation, not that she was in any fit state to if the giggling was anything to go by.  Although that was probably for the best, she wasn’t exactly known for her tact.  Gardening probably wasn’t the best thing to say but it was all she could come up with in the spur of the moment, and Allie just hoped she hadn’t overstepped and upset the redhead in any way.  Looking towards Bea she smiled at the silent thank you the other woman was sending her, her heart fluttering with the knowledge that she had pleased her.

 

 

Bea couldn’t remember a time when she had felt so comfortable with someone other than her close friends and family, and even then, it hadn’t been as instant was it was with Allie.  There was something about the blonde that drew her in, and she couldn’t help but steal glances at her when she wasn’t looking.  Or at least that had been the plan.  But every time she looked Allie’s way their eyes locked, and after the forth, or maybe fifth time the blonde winked at her, causing her cheeks to turn the colour of her hair.  Bea was confused by what she was feeling but was thankful that Franky was running late.  The tattooed brunette would pick up on it straight away, and she wasn’t sure she could handle the teasing.  The redhead had put it down to curiosity, wondering what had driven Allie to be out on the rocks that time, although she wasn’t even sure if the blonde knew it was her that had rescued her that day.  While she wanted to bring it up, doing so on a crowded beach with her friends around wasn’t the right time.  She didn’t want to offend the blonde either, especially if it was a time in her life she would rather forget.  Deciding to leave it well alone Bea continued to enjoy the afternoon.

Lunch was finished with, and as soon as Debbie had taken her last bite she had thrust a bucket into Allie’s hand and demanded that she help her built the best sandcastle in the world, something the blonde seemed quite happy to do.  With her daughter occupied for the time being Bea cleared the rubbish from lunch before sitting down beside Boomer.  She hadn’t seen her friend in a few weeks so wanted to catch up, and if she happened to get a bit of information on a certain blonde out of her, then that would be a bonus.  All the time she was talking to Boomer Bea’s gaze kept drifting to the blonde.  If anyone questioned her, she would say she was just keeping an eye on her daughter but it was more than that.  It wasn’t that she was embarrassed to admit how drawn to Allie she was, it was because she had no idea what it all meant.

Another hour had passed and there was still no sign of Franky or Bridget, and Bea was just about to give up on them and let Boomer loose on their lunch when her phone started to ring, her friend’s name flashing up on the screen.  Five minutes later the redhead gave Booms the nod, letting her know that she could eat what was left as the others wouldn’t be joining them after all.  A few seconds later Debbie had forgotten all about the sandcastle she was making and had joined Boomer in demolishing the leftovers.  If she didn’t know better Bea would swear her daughter was part bloodhound as she could smell food a mile off, something that both pleased and frustrated her.  She was glad that Deb wasn’t fussy and had a healthy appetite, but it took so long to do anything as they constantly had to stop for snacks.

 

 

With Debbie and Boomer occupied with the food and Liz and Maxine in the water Bea’s attention turned to Allie again, only this time she wasn’t surprised to find the blonde watching her, or by the feelings it evoked.  Standing up she made her way over to the other woman, their eyes locked the entire time.  “Do you mind if I sit?” she asked, not knowing if the blonde wanted to be alone for a while after having her afternoon ambushed by a persistent seven-year-old.

Patting the space beside her, Allie smiles at the other woman, holding onto her arm to steady her as she sat down.  It was only the smallest of touches but it ignited a fire within the blonde, and in that moment, she knew that when it came to a certain redhead she was well and truly screwed.  They kept the conversation light, both keen to find out a little bit more about the other.  Bea discovered that Allie was in charge of marketing and fundraising at the shelter although she much preferred dealing with the animals themselves, even if that did mean getting peed on from time to time.  A not so great perk of the job the blonde had called it.  She also learnt that she lived with her sister, and had done for the past four years, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the redhead.

In turn Allie found out that Bea was four years older than her, and as suspected, worked as a lifeguard, she was originally from New Zealand and her parents still lived there.  The redhead was trying to keep the conversation light and Harry free, and she thought she had gotten away with it until the blonde asked if Debbie’s dad was working, at which point she froze.  Sensing it wasn’t a topic the redhead was comfortable with Allie quickly moved on, not wanting their conversation to come to an end.  She didn’t care what they were chatting about, as long as Bea kept on talking.  The husky tone in her voice was making the blonde melt, and she was pretty sure she had died and gone to heaven several times already that afternoon.  Everything about the older woman drove her crazy, in a very good way, and she was a little taken back by how affected she was.

The husky voice that Allie was quickly becoming addicted to pulled her from her thoughts, but when their eyes locked the pleasant things running through the blonde’s head were replaced with concern.  While there was a determination in the older woman’s eyes, there was fear too, fear traced with pain, and Allie wished there was some way that she could take it all away.  That thought surprised her a little, given her lack of interest in getting close to anyone.  But Bea wasn’t just anyone.  “Hey, it’s ok.  You don’t have to talk about it.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked”

“No, it’s fine.  I just…” the redhead said, brushing a stray curl from her face before losing herself in the younger woman’s blue orbs.  It had only been a matter of hours and she was already becoming addicted to Allie’s eyes.  They calmed her like only the ocean could, and she wasn’t sure if their colour reminded her of the water or if it was the kindness she saw in them.  Either way, she felt like she needed to be honest with the blonde, even if she did only give her the severely edited version.  “Harry, Debbie’s father, he wasn’t a very nice man.  He…he hurt me.  He’s in prison now and she hasn’t seen him since she was three, neither of us have”

Allie felt the anger rising as soon as the words left the redhead’s lips.  How anyone could hurt her in any way was beyond her, and given he was now behind bars it must have been bad.  She could feel the lump forming in her throat and had to clear it before attempting to speak.  “I’m so sorry Bea, no one should ever have to deal with that” she said, placing her hand over the older woman’s and giving it a little squeeze.  “It must have been hard, especially with Debbie being so young.  I’m glad he’s gone though, for both your sakes”

“It was, but we got through it somehow” the redhead replied, biting her bottom lip in a bid to stop herself from getting choked up.  Even now after all this time she still struggled to talk about what happened to her, what he did.  “Anyway, enough about him” she added, hoping the blonde wouldn’t ask any more questions.  She was really enjoying her company and didn’t want to bring the mood down with talk of Harry.

It was clear that Bea didn’t want to talk about her ex, which was understandable, but while the mood was a little more serious Allie decided to bite the bullet, so to speak, and bring up that day on the rocks.  “You probably don’t remember but we’ve met before.  It was about four years ago and you rescued me off the rocks over at Tamarama”

“I remember, you’re a hard person to forget” the redhead replied, blushing when she noticed the smirk on Allie’s face.  She hadn’t meant it in that way, or at least she didn’t think she did.  Since meeting the blonde her mind was a whirlwind and her body awash with nervous excitement.

“I just wanted to say thank you, something I should have done at the time.  I wasn’t in a good place back then and my life was a mess.  I was a mess.  I really want to explain my behaviour that day, but it’s not a conversation for little ears” Allie said, nodding her head in Debbie’s direction before focussing on the redhead again.  “Maybe we could grab a coffee at some point…if you want to that is.  No pressure, I understand if you don’t, I just thought…” she added, stopping mid-sentence when she felt the older woman’s hand on her thigh.  The touch itself was innocent, but the thoughts running through Allie’s mind were far from it, and she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Bea’s hands on other parts of her body.

“You were rambling…and I’d love to have a coffee with you.  Debbie’s spending the day with Franky tomorrow so I’m free then if that works.  Although that’s probably too soon…and you’ll be busy with something else…and now I’m the one that’s rambling” the redhead replied, giggling nervously under the intensity of the younger woman’s gaze.

Allie’s heart was beating so loudly she was surprised that the redhead couldn’t hear it, but hearing that shy giggle again almost sent it bursting out of her chest.  Laying her hand on top of Bea’s, that was still on her leg, she interlocked their fingers, smiling when the older woman gasped.  Allie had felt the jolt of electricity that shot through her body, so she could only assume that the other woman had too.  “Tomorrow’s not soon enough” she replied, losing herself in chocolate brown orbs.

Holy fuck, those eyes.  What she wouldn’t give to wake up to them every morning.  Allie knew that she shouldn’t be thinking like that, Bea wasn’t gay.  And even if she was she was way out of her league.  It would be hard to stop her mind from going there, especially during moments like this where they both seemed to be lost in one another’s eyes, but if friendship was all that was on offer then she would grab that with both hands.  Anything to be around the older woman.  She was just about to suggest a coffee shop a couple of blocks away from the beach when she heard a familiar voice, and whatever moment they may or may not have been sharing was shattered in an instant.

 

 

Kaz’s day was going from bad to worse.  Instead of making amends with Will they’d gotten into another argument.  He’d left her in his office while he went to pick up their lunch from the deli up the road and after spotting the next month’s roster sitting on his desk she couldn’t resist taking a peak.  He was working every weekend for the next three weeks, and to make matters worse Smith appeared to be on the same shift pattern.  He denied it every time, but she couldn’t help but feel that he was lying to her when it came to the redhead.  Trust wasn’t something that came easy to Kaz, and she had a harder time than most opening up to people.  But with Will it had been different, and that made her vulnerable, something she hadn’t felt in a long time.  She knew that he thought she was overreacting when it came to Bea, and she was pretty sure that her sister was in agreement.  Not that she had ever said anything to her about it.  Before she had time to look through any more of the roster she heard the door bang shut and knew she’d been caught out. 

Placing the bag with their lunch in on his desk Will took the roster from his girlfriend’s hands and put it away.  He was just about to ask her why she was snooping through his things when she started yelling at him.  He could feel his anger rising but knew he had to keep control of it, for both their sakes.  He would never lay a hand on her but knew about the violence and abuse in her past, which was why he had been so patient with her over her issue with his colleague.  Will couldn’t understand what the problem was, and while he was close to Bea there had never be anything between them.  She was attractive, he couldn’t deny that, but he just didn’t think of her as anything more than a friend.  And he knew she felt the same way about him.  He just wished Kaz would believe him and stop giving Bea such a hard time.

They had been arguing for about twenty minutes, although it was rather one sided.  Kaz wouldn’t let him even get a word in, let lone explain the changes he had made to his work schedule.  He’s spoken to Allie about taking the older blonde away for a few days but had asked her to keep it a secret until he’d arranged everything.  Bea would be taking over his role while he was away, so he needed her to shadow him, and with weekends being the busiest time it made sense to do it then.  Despite several attempts to explain the situation his girlfriend wouldn’t listen, and in the end, he gave up.  It had been a busy morning and he was tired and hungry.  She clearly wasn’t interested in anything he had to say, not that he’d had a chance to say much, so what was the point.  Grabbing an envelope from his desk drawer he thrust it into Kaz’s hand before grabbing his lunch and walking out.  He needed some space to think and was starting to doubt their relationship, something he never wanted to do.

Time seemed to stand still as Kaz opened the envelope and studied what was inside it.  He had booked them a short break away together, and she felt like the worst person in the world.  Ignoring the lunch he had bought her, she ran out of the office and across the pavilion, hoping to catch up with him.  With it being New Year’s Day there were people everywhere, making her search for Will like looking for a needle in a haystack.  But she needed to find him and try to explain why she sometimes reacted the way she did, not that it was any kind of excuse.  She was about to give up after about half an hour, knowing that his lunch break would be finishing soon.  As much as she wanted to sort everything out as soon as possible, he needed to concentrate on doing his job.  As she turned to walk back towards the beach she spotted him sitting under a tree with his eyes closed.  He must have sensed her presence as he stood up when she approached, but when their eyes locked something was missing.  He didn’t look at her in the way she had become accustomed to and she couldn’t help but think that she had blown it completely.  Taking a step closer she tried to organise the jumbled words in her head before speaking.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone off like I did.  I know it’s no excuse, but that woman gets me so mad that I sometimes don’t think before I speak”.  Reaching out to take his hand she felt the sting in her chest when he took a step back.

“I can’t keep going over and over this all the time, and I’m sick of fighting with you about Bea.  She’s a friend, nothing more, and if you can’t accept that then I don’t see a future for us”

“Are you breaking up with me?” the blonde asked, her voice breaking slightly.

“I need some time Kaz, I don’t know what I want anymore” Will replied, wanting to be as honest with her as he could be.  He wasn’t prepared to spend the rest of his life arguing with her over nothing, and while he loved her, maybe that just wasn’t enough.

 

 

She had been walking around for a while but hadn’t managed to calm the storm raging in her head.  Kaz knew that she should be focussing on fixing her relationship with Will, but right now the only thing on her mind was getting as far away from the beach as possible.  She was hurt and angry, and in no fit state to think logically, but knew that she needed to get herself together before she tried to talk to him.  Checking her phone, she was surprised to see that it was almost two thirty, meaning she had left her sister alone for over two hours.  Time had clearly gotten away from her and while the last place she wanted to be right now was here, she couldn’t just abandon Allie.  She had been doing so well recently and leaving her alone at a place that held so many painful memories could end up setting her back.

Changing direction, she headed back towards the beach and where she had left her sister, noticing that it had gotten really busy while she had been gone.  Allie preferred the quiet days for obvious reasons, but at least the waters were relatively calm, although the swell had picked up a little since that morning.  She just hoped her sister was ok.  Fighting her way through the crowd Kaz approached the area they had been sitting in, her eyes scanning the sand for any sign of the younger blonde.  She was just about to call her to see if she had already left when she heard her laugh.  It was a sound she loved to hear and was glad that she seemed to be doing just fine in her absence.

Her brief happiness quickly turned into something else when she saw who had caused that reaction.  Sitting there looking all cosy and content beside Allie was none other than Bea Smith.  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” she said, a bite to her tone as she looked between her sister and the redhead.  As if today hadn’t been shit enough she had to come back and find Allie cosying up to Smith of all people.  There must be near on thirty thousand people on the beach right now, why the fuck did it have to be her.

Bea flinched when she heard Kaz’s voice, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde whose hand was still on hers.  Will had been quiet all morning and when she had asked him about it earlier he said that he was having issues with Kaz, and judging by the look on the older blonde’s face her mood wasn’t fairing any better than his.  Although she had no idea what she was meant to have done wrong this time.  At first the accusations that Kaz was making bothered her, and she tried to distance herself from Will.  But they worked together a lot and it just wasn’t practical.  As time went on though she began to get more and more pissed off with Proctor and her attitude, and now it seemed she couldn’t even escape it on her afternoon off.  She was just about to tell her to go to hell when she turned her attention to Allie, confusing Bea even further in the process.

“What’s going on here then?” Kaz asked through clenched teeth as she shifted her gaze from Bea to her sister.  She was trying to keep her voice down so she didn’t make a scene, but it was proving difficult.  After her fight with Will all rationale had gone completely out of the window and she felt betrayed by Allie, even though she knew her sister had never even seen Bea Smith before today.  Or at least she didn’t think she had.

“Hey Kaz, this is my new friend Bea“ Allie replied, deciding to play ignorant in hope that the older blonde wouldn’t cause a scene.  “Bea, this is my sister Kaz”

“Your…your sister?”.  To say Bea was shocked would be an understatement.  She had assumed Allie had come down to the beach alone, and the last thing she expected was for her to be Kaz Proctor’s sister.  They didn’t look alike, and the younger blonde was much more pleasant than her older sibling.

“New friend?  Of all the people on the beach, did you really have to choose her Allie?  She’s a bitch and you need to stay away from her”

Before either Bea or Allie could respond a small body came racing over the sand, stopping in front of Kaz, her hands on her hips.  The older blonde was aware that Smith had a kid, but she’d never actually seen her, although it didn’t take a genius to work out who she belonged to.  She looked like a mini version of Bea, minus the red hair.

“Don’t you say bad things about my mum, she’s the best” the small girl said, her tone surprisingly firm for someone so young.

Jumping up Bea made her way over to her daughter.  Taking her hand, she led her away from Kaz, not wanting her to get caught in the middle of whatever stunt the blonde was likely to pull.  She had only taken a few steps when she heard Kaz call her daughter a brat, and Bea saw red.  Proctor could think or say what she wanted about her, but no one spoke about her little girl like that and got away with it.  Letting go of the young girl’s hand Bea turned around, taking a step forward so she was toe to toe with Kaz.  “You can say what you want about me, I couldn’t give a crap.  But if I ever hear you talking about my daughter like that I’ll knock your head off” she said, a slight snarl in her voice as she got up in Kaz’s face.

Allie couldn’t believe what she was seeing, and despite usually being protective of Kaz she deserved to be on the receiving end of the redhead’s anger.  But what surprised her the most was how it made her feel.  Angry Bea Smith was hot.  Weak at the knees, slipping in your own drool hot, and Allie wanted her so badly in that moment. She knew she shouldn’t be thinking like that, especially given what was happening, but she couldn’t help it.  She was also angry with her sister for ruining her afternoon as well and wanted to make sure that both Bea and Debbie were ok.

 

 

Talking Debbie’s hand again, Bea led her over to where their surfboards were laid in the sand.  Picking them both up she headed towards the water, her daughter hot on her heels.  Glancing back she sent Allie an apologetic smile, hoping that wouldn’t be the last time she saw her.  She was both worried that she had caused the blonde problems with her family, and sad that they never did set a time or place for their coffee date.  Now Allie knew who she was there was no way she would want anything to do with her, or at least she wouldn’t once her sister was done filling her head with crap.  It really shouldn’t bother her, and they barely knew each other.  So why did the though of not seeing Allie again have her stomach in knots.

Usually when she was out in the water Bea was able to clear her mind of everything.  Even after a bad day or week with Harry being out in the ocean made her feel alive again, free in a way.  But not today.  The only thing on her mind right now was Allie, and how much she had enjoyed spending time with her.  Her head felt like it was on a spin cycle, and her stomach had gone along for the ride.  Yet despite the unfamiliar feelings her presence evoked, she really wanted to see her again.  As a friend of course.

Kaz didn’t stick around for long, and after laying into her sister in front of who she assumed were Smiths friends she stormed off, leaving the younger blonde behind.  It wasn’t until she arrived home a few hours later after driving around for a while, that she realised that Allie’s wallet was in her bag.  She tried calling her sister but it went straight to voicemail.  Despite their disagreement she didn’t want her to be stranded at the beach so called Will to see if he could get a message to her, but he wasn’t taking her calls either.  Out of pure frustration Kaz threw her phone at the wall, shouting out into the otherwise quiet house when it crashed to the floor and smashed. It wasn’t really Allie she was angry with, or Will for that matter, it was herself.  But it was far easier to blame them, or at least it was until she had calmed down a little.

Allie was embarrassed, both by her sister’s behaviour and for causing a scene in front of Bea’s friend’s.  She had hoped to spend more time with the redhead, but after what happened today she doubted she’d want anything to do with her.  Not that she could blame her.  While Allie was used to Kaz’s outbursts and knew she would apologise either later tonight or the following morning, others weren’t.  Feeing the need to explain she apologised to Liz and Maxine, both women telling her not to worry and that it wasn’t her fault.  Boomer was about ready to go around to the house and go boonta on Kaz’s arse, but after promising her friend she was fine, she calmed down a little.  But the one person she wanted to apologise to the most still hadn’t come back.

Bea had been out in the water for some time, and despite her fear of the ocean Allie couldn’t help but take a few steps closer.  She was still about five metres away from the waters edge, but for her that was a huge achievement.  Debbie wasn’t too far out but watching her on the board made her nervous.  The young girl clearly knew what she was doing out there, not that it helped Allie’s nerves at all.  She was just happy that Maxine was keeping an eye on her.  But when she spotted Bea out in the distance her heart stopped.  She was lying face down on her board, a huge wave looming behind her.  Watching on she saw the redhead start to paddle, and just when it looked like the wall of water was about to swallow her up she jumped to her feet and rode the wave in.  Allie was in awe of her and seeing her carve through the water like that was a massive turn on.  But then everything the redhead did seemed to have a similar effect on her.

 

 

Bea wasn’t sure how long she had been out in the water but was surprised to see that Allie was still there when she got back to shore.  The beach was a little quieter now and it looked like Maxine and Liz had already left.  Debbie was busy trying to bury Boomer in the sand, but she wasn’t making much headway.  Despite the lack of progress both of them seemed to be having fun.  But Allie was standing off to the side and had clearly been watching her out in the water, not that Bea minded.  Squeezing the excess water from her hair she crossed the sand, dropping her board down beside her daughters before making her way over to Allie.  “I thought you’d have already left by now”

“No, I wanted to stay and apologise for Kaz”

“You did nothing wrong Allie, I’m the one that should be apologising.  I shouldn’t have snapped like that, I just…Debbie’s had a few issues with being bullied, and I get over protective at times.  She’s all I’ve got and I hate it when anyone takes a cheap shot at her, especially to get to me.  If I’d have known she was your sister I wouldn’t have…” the redhead said, unable to finish her sentence.  She’d loved spending time with the younger woman and to say that she would never have done that if she knew who she was would be unfair.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I.  I like you Allie, but I don’t want to come between you and Kaz.  She already hates my guts.  I know what she thinks, and it’s not true.  Will and I are friends, colleagues, and nothing more.  He’s more like an annoying big brother than anything, although he’s a good friend and great with Deb.  I do try and keep my distance if I know Kaz is around, but we work together so I can’t avoid him completely.  I just wanted you to know, not that it really matters.  She’s family, and that’s not worth throwing away for a friendship”

Allie couldn’t deny the friendship part stung a little.  She’s had plenty of time to think while Bea had been out surfing, not that it took her very long to figure out that she was extremely attracted to the redhead, and not only her looks.  She was smoking hot, anyone could see that, but it was more than just a physical thing.  Despite Bea confirming that she was straight, or at least had been married to a man, the blonde couldn’t help but daydream about what it would be like to be loved by the older woman, and to love her in return.  Something she knew would never happen, no matter how good the daydream had been.  Although she was really happy to hear that the redhead didn’t have a thing for Will Jackson, that was something that she knew would crush her.  Realising she hadn’t replied Allie took the other woman’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before responding.  “I love Kaz, and she’s done a lot for me, but she doesn’t control me.  I’ve had the best time with you today, both you and Debbie and I’d like to see you again…only if that’s what you want of course.  And I understand if you don’t.  I know Kaz can be a pain in the arse at times, but she’s full of hot air most of the time…just don’t tell her I said that” she said, nudging the redhead’s shoulder playfully, her heart pounding in her chest when she was rewarded with that shy giggle she adored so much.  “So, are we still on for that coffee tomorrow…or would you rather cut and run?”

“No, we’re still on.  Just let me know when and where and I’ll be there” Bea replied, excited at the prospect of getting to see the blonde again so soon.  This was normal with new friendships, right?  Or at least she assumed it must be, although she couldn’t remember ever feeling this way with any of her other friends.  Deciding not to overthink too much, something she was often guilty of, she smiled at the younger woman before grabbing her phone and typing the number she had just been given into it.  Calling the number so Allie had her number as well, she told Debbie to pack her things as they would be leaving soon, her mind already on her coffee date the following day.

 

 

Deciding she would also call it a day and head home to try and talk to her sister, Allie packed what little Kaz had left her with, cursing under her breath when she realised her walled was in the older blonde’s bag.  It was going to be a long walk back home, something she really wasn’t looking forward too.  Yet despite that, nothing was going to dampen her mood.  Tomorrow she would be having coffee with the most beautiful woman in Sydney, the world even, and she couldn’t be happier.  Even if they would never be anything more than friends.

Bea could sense that something was wrong, but when she asked Allie said she was fine.  Once everything was packed up they said their goodbyes, Boomer heading off to meet a friend for a beer before heading home.  Bea was just about to get in the car when she saw that Allie was walking in the opposite direction to the bus stop.  Making sure Debbie was buckled in properly she called out to the blonde, asking if she needed a lift home.

Allie was grateful for the offer but didn’t want to put Bea out.  Although it looked like the redhead wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  Deciding to save them both some time and effort she accepted, explaining that she was going to walk as her sister had her wallet.  The journey didn’t take too long, although that wouldn’t have been the case if she had been on foot, but when they pulled up outside the house Allie felt a wave of sadness wash over her.  Get your shit together Novak, she told herself.  The last thing she wanted to do was scare Bea off by being too full on.  Turning in her seat she said goodbye to Debbie, promising to see her soon, at the young girl’s request.  Her things were in the boot of the car so Bea got out as well, handing the bag over as their eyes locked.

There was something in the intensity of Allie’s gaze that had the redhead captivated.  It took her a while to realise that she was staring, but when she did she couldn’t help but blush.  Something that the blonde clearly found amusing.  After arranging to meet at ten thirty at the coffee shop a block away from the beach they said their goodbyes, Allie surprising the older woman by pulling her into a hug.  It was only brief, but to Bea it was like reaching a milestone.  She wasn’t great with physical contact, especially not when it came to someone she hardly knew.  But with Allie it felt different, good different.  Before she had time to process what she was feeling the blonde kissed her on the cheek and told her she would see her tomorrow before pulling back and walking away.

Bea was routed to the spot as she watched Allie walk away.  That was the second time she had felt the blonde’s lips on her, and both times the reaction had been intense.  She felt giddy, really giddy, and the only thing she could compare it to was the feeling she felt when she won her first senior surfing competition.  But even that paled into insignificance compared to how she felt in that moment.  How she felt when she was around Allie.  She hadn’t realised how long she had been standing there until she heard her daughter calling her.  Shaking her head, Bea closed the boot before getting back in the car, a loud sigh coming from an unimpressed Debbie dragging her mind from thoughts of Allie.

“Can we go now?  I haven’t eaten in so long…and I’m hungry” the curly haired brunette said, her tone as dramatic as it always was when the subject was food.

“What’s new” Bea threw back, laughing as she saw her daughter pout through her rear-view mirror.  “Come on then, lets go and get some dinner before you waste away”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my Ballie bubble has well and truly burst, and who the hell is this Allie imposter!! Luckily, I wrote most of this chapter before watching episode 5 but finishing it was a real struggle. I’m going to try and push through so I can continue with this, but I’m just not feeling it anymore :(


	7. It’s A (Coffee) Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you for all the messages of encouragement, they definitely helped both me and my deflated Ballie bubble. I’m still struggling with Allie right now, and even binge watching S4 hasn’t erased the version we are being given in S6. But I’m going to try and push through, and with a massive middle finger to the WW writers here’s almost 8000 words of pure Ballie fluff! :)

Bea couldn’t sleep, her head was full of blonde hair and blue eyes.  And that unfamiliar feeling she got when Allie kissed her cheek seemed to have set up residency in her stomach.  In fact, if she closed her eyes she could still feel the younger woman’s lips on her face.  That in itself wasn’t what was keeping sleep at bay, it was what these newfound feelings actually meant.  Earlier that day she had told herself not to overthink things, which was easy enough while she was in the blonde’s company.  But now she was lying in bed alone it was much more difficult.  Making new friends didn’t come easy to Bea, not that she would give up the ones she had for anything.  She just wasn’t the type of person that needed a large group around her.  Some of the guys she worked with had different friendship groups, but would all get together now and then, and when they did, it was carnage.  She had gone for a drink one night with Will after a particularly bad shift and they happened to come across the group.  Just the thought of being around that many people made Bea’s stomach churn.  But her small group of close friends, who were more like family, were all she needed.

Until Allie came crashing into her life that was, and now all she could think about was how the blonde would fit into the dynamic of the group.  With the others it had been different.  Franky had pretty much camped on her doorstep, turning up unannounced so often that on the days she wasn’t there the redhead got a little concerned.  They had fallen into an easy friendship in the end, and the tattooed brunette was the closest thing Bea had to a sister.  She’d met Boomer through Franky, and while she had been a little apprehensive at first, loved the big-hearted woman now.  Maxine had come into her life through Liz, Bea meeting her for the first time when she went for a haircut one afternoon.  They hit it off instantly, and while she was closer to Franky than Max, she knew she could always rely on her for sage advice.  Something she could really use right now.

But with Allie everything felt different, and that was what bothered her the most.  She barely knew the other woman but right now she was caught somewhere between missing her and looking forward to their coffee date the following day.  Outing, not date, Bea told herself.  It wasn’t a date, it was coffee between new friends.  Nothing more.  She wasn’t gay for a start, and as far as she was aware neither was Allie.  Although she did stare, a lot.  And she had kissed her that day at Tamarama. “Oh crap, does she think it’s a date?” the redhead suddenly thought, a slight panic setting in.  Deciding that this simple coffee meet was causing her more trouble than it should, she made the decision to send Allie a message in the morning and tell her something had come up and she wouldn’t be able to make it.  With that sorted she closed her eyes again, willing sleep to claim her.

It had been a restless night for the redhead, dreams of blonde and blue filing her mind, and after dragging herself out of bed and getting her daughter’s breakfast she headed back though into her room to retrieve her phone so she could cancel her meet up with Allie.  Just as she was about to pick it up it vibrated, signalling that she had a message. Grabbing the phone she unlocked it, finding not one but two messages from Allie, the first wishing her good morning, and the second letting her know how much she was looking forward to seeing her soon.  Bea could picture the blonde smiling while she was typing the message, and that image alone stopped her from cancelling their coffee date.  She would just have to make sure that the younger woman was clear that they were just friends and would never be anything more.

Franky arrived half an hour late to pick Debbie, apologising for bailing on them the day before.  She’d been working longer hours recently after landing a big case and as a result hadn’t been able to spend as much time with her girlfriend as she would have liked.  So, when she found herself alone with Bridget the previous afternoon the last thing on her mind was socialising.  While Bea had been looking forward to spending some time with them she understood and knew that if she ever found herself in Franky’s position she would have done the same thing.  What surprised her though was that Allie’s face appeared in her mind at the exact same time as the thought.  Pushing it into the ‘to be dealt with at a later date’ box, Bea told her friend to spend the day with Bridget instead, and that Debbie would understand if she wanted to rearrange their trip to the Luna Park.

The tattooed brunette was having none of it though, insisting that both her and Gidge were looking forward to spending some time with the little grommet.  Fifteen minutes later both Debbie and Franky were leaving the house, the latter calling back to the redhead and telling her not to do anything too wild while they were gone.  The brunette was always teasing Bea, but she knew that it was done out of love and not malice.  Although if Franky knew about her little coffee date she would have been grilling her the second she walked in the door.  Not that grabbing a coffee with a new friend could be classed as wild, even if it wasn’t the norm for Bea.

 

 

Allie’s morning was dragging, and despite it being late by the time she got to bed he previous night she had been awake since seven.  After Bea dropped her off the yesterday evening she headed into the house, finding Kaz pacing up and down.  If the older blonde was a cartoon there would have been steam coming out of her ears, and that thought alone almost made Allie laugh out loud, despite the tension in the room.  She knew that it was going to be a long night and her sister would be on her case about Bea, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.  There was something about the redhead, even if the only thing she could offer was friendship.  While she hoped for something more, whatever the outcome Allie knew she wasn’t prepared to walk away from Bea.  Even if it would make life at home with Kaz a little difficult.

But instead of laying into her as Allie had expected, Kaz did something that shocked her even more.  She cried.  Racing across the room the younger woman wrapped her arms around her sister and held her as she cried on her shoulder.  It was so out of character that Allie started to worry that something was seriously wrong.  The only other time she had seen Kaz like this was when she told her what had happened since they lost contact when she was fifteen.  It took a while, but eventually the sobs turned to sniffles and the older blonde started to talk.  She told Allie all about the fight she’d had with Will, and how despite her constantly questioning him he had gone and booked them a short break.  Admitting she was wrong wasn’t something that came easy to Kaz Proctor, but she knew she had screwed up this time, and badly.  They’d fought before but never once had Will doubted their relationship in the way that he had earlier that day.  She knew that she needed to fix her fuck up, assuming she wasn’t too late.

Then there was the matter of leaving Allie alone at the beach for over two hours, knowing how hard it still was for her to be there in the first place.  And if that wasn’t bad enough she had then gone and not only caused a scene but also torn a strip off her sister in front of who she assumed were Bea Smith’s friends.  All in all, it had been a clusterfuck of a day.  Of course, Allie being Allie told her not to worry about it, and that no harm had been done.  She also tried to convince the older blonde that despite what she thought, Bea wasn’t a bad person.  The total opposite in fact, and while Kaz would never agree she didn’t want to get into another argument.  Three was enough for one day.  After promising Allie that she would go and see Will once he had finished at the shelter tomorrow she headed up to bed, wanting the day to be over as quickly as possible.

After taking a shower Allie spent nearly an hour searching through her wardrobe in a bid to find the perfect outfit.  She didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard, but at the same time wanted to look good for the redhead.  Even though they were only friends.  Kaz was working at the shelter so the younger blonde had waited until she heard her car pull off the drive before leaving her room.  They had cleared the air last night but she didn’t want to lie to her sister if she asked what she had planned for the day and knew that if she told her the truth they would only get into another argument.  Bea didn’t deserve all the animosity that was being thrown her way, and Allie didn’t want anything to dampen her good mood before meeting up with her favourite redhead.

 

 

Despite being behind schedule due to Franky’s late arrival Bea was ten minutes early.  She had been driving herself crazy by pacing around the house so needed to get out of there and decided to take her Harley instead of the car.  Riding her bike always relaxed her, and right now she needed it more than ever.  After her third lap around the block she parked up and walked towards the coffee shop, stopping just before she got to the entrance door.  Taking a deep breath Bea tried to steady her nerves, and for a split second considered turning around and going back home.  But that would hurt Allie, and she didn’t want to do that.  Pushing the door open she scanned the room, looking for somewhere to sit.  A flash of blonde caught her eye, and when she looked over she was surprised to see that Allie was already there.  She wasn’t prepared for her body’s reaction to the smile that was sent her way though, and the rush of excitement almost made her stumble.

The light from the window behind Allie caught her hair and highlighted the different tones in it, something Bea hadn’t spotted the previous day.  Not wanting to get caught staring she made her way over to the blonde, wiling her legs not to give way on her as she crossed the room.  Despite her best efforts she couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting back to the younger woman, and judging by the slight smirk on Allie’s face, she was clearly aware of her struggle.  Bea knew she was blushing, another reaction that she couldn’t seem to control in the other woman’s presence.  She was just about to slip into the seat opposite the blonde when Allie stood up before pulling her into a hug and catching her off guard.  She didn’t stop at a hug though, and when Bea felt the younger woman’s lips on her cheek again she couldn’t stop the gasp that fell from her mouth.  She just hoped that Allie hadn’t heard it.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t so lucky, and Allie couldn’t help but smile as she pulled back slightly, allowing herself to get lost in deep brown eyes.  Whatever this was that she was feeling, she clearly wasn’t the only one.  She just hoped that it wouldn’t freak Bea out.  Taking a few seconds to study the older woman she felt the same thud in her chest as she had the previous day.  The redhead was wearing leather pants that clung to her in all the right places, and when she removed her jacket and offered Allie a tantalising view of her toned arms she had to remind herself to breathe.  Get it together Novak, she doesn’t need you drooling all over the table, she told herself, allowing her eyes one last glance before asking what Bea wanted to drink.

Once they were both settled with their drinks and the cake that Allie had bought to accompany the coffee’s the blonde asked Bea about her morning.  It was a simple question, but it took the redhead by surprise a little.  Other than her small circle of friends she wasn’t used to someone taking an interest in her life, but once again Allie proved that she wasn’t just anyone.  They were both finishing their second drink when Allie decided to broach the subject of their first meeting.  They had been getting on so well that she almost bottled it, not wanting to see the luck of disgust in the older woman’s eyes when she found out what the blonde had done, who she used to be.

 

 

She could tell that Allie was nervous, which concerned Bea in more ways than one.  Whatever was in her past clearly wasn’t good, and it was obviously making the younger woman uncomfortable.  While she was curious as to what had caused her to be out on the rocks that day, she didn’t want to cause her any distress.  Reaching over the table she placed her hand on top of the blonde’s, giving it a squeeze as she spoke.  “You don’t have to explain anything to me Allie, it’s none of my business.  I’m just glad I got to you when I did”

“No, I want to tell you…I just don’t want you to hate me after I do”

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because it’s bad, my past…the things I’ve done.  But I want to be honest with you, and if you decide that you don’t want to be my friend then that’s fine.  I just, I like you Bea, and…”

“And what?”

“I don’t have many friends, and the ones I do have don’t know about my past.  But you’re different” the blonde replied, running the hand that wasn’t under the redhead’s through her hair.  “Fuck…this is harder than I thought it would be” she added, looking around to see if anyone was close enough to hear their conversation.

Watching Allie scan the room the redhead decided this probably wasn’t the best place for a conversation like the one they were about to have.  Or at least that’s how she would feel if she were in the blonde’s shoes.  Letting go of her hand she took in the look of hurt on the younger woman’s face, frowning briefly before realising what it must have looked like.  “Come on, let’s go somewhere less public.  I know just the place” she said, holding her hand out again and pulling Allie to her feet.

“Bea Smith” Allie said, feigning shock.  “Are you propositioning me…” she added, nudging the older woman playfully and laughing as her face turned the colour of her hair.  God she’s beautiful, she thought, keeping hold of the redhead’s hand as they started to walk out of the coffee shop.

Looking down at their joined hands Bea felt the same rush she had when the blonde kissed her on the cheek earlier.  It was confusing the hell out of her, and she had no idea what it meant.  But she liked it, a lot.  “Come on trouble” she said as she tugged on Allie’s hand, leading her out onto the street and towards the car park, completely missing the person across the street who was watching them with interest. 

 

 

The blonde couldn’t believe it when Bea came to a stop beside a sleek black Harley Davidson.  She had no idea she even rode a bike, but it would explain the leathers.  If Allie thought the older woman couldn’t get any hotter she was mistaken, watching the redhead straddle the bike almost brought her to her knees.  And when Bea held the spare helmet out to Allie and told her to hop on the younger woman had to remind herself to breathe.  It took a couple of attempts, and a joke from the younger woman about usually being better at getting her leg over, but finally she got settled on the bike.  The only problem was what she was going to hold on to.  While she wanted more than anything to wrap her arms around the redhead she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.  She was already wound up enough just by looking at Bea, so if she touched her at all she was pretty sure she would explode.

Firing up the engine Bea kicked the stand up before telling Allie to hold on, the blonde a little surprised to hear the older woman’s voice through the comms she didn’t even realise were in the helmet.  Slipping her arms loosely around he redhead’s waist Allie waited for them to start moving, the gravely tones in Bea’s laugh causing a lightening bolt through her body.  “You need to hold on tighter than that…unless you’re planning on falling off” Bea said, her body temperature going through the roof when she felt the blonde press tight up against her.

She was starting to regret suggesting they leave the coffee shop and had no idea what possessed her to get on her bike with Allie.  The only other person who had ever been on the back of the Harley was Franky, and they had only gone to the end of the street and back.  The tattooed brunette had been on at her for months after she bought the bike and, in the end, she gave in just to shut her up.  But it was one thing having your best friend pressed up against her, and a completely different situation with someone she hardly knew.  Although she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed having Allie so close, it was what that might mean that scared her a little.

The journey only lasted about twenty minutes, but it was both the longest and shortest twenty minutes ever for the redhead.  She could have happily ridden around all day with Allie wrapped around her, but why the hell was she feeling like this.  Before she had a chance to analyse everything they arrived at their destination, but as she cut the engine she suddenly realised she’d never brought anyone here before.  It was as though she had no control over anything when the blonde was near, and that scared her a little.  But the fear that had started to creep in quickly diminished when Allie took her helmet off and Bea was rewarded with the brightest smile she had ever seen.

Shaking the hair from her face Allie couldn’t help but laugh.  She’d never been particularly interested in motorbikes before and couldn’t see the attraction, although as of about half an hour ago all that changed.  She knew it was nothing to do with the bike itself though, although the blonde couldn’t deny that it was impressive.  Nowhere near as impressive as the rider though.  Being so close to Bea had gotten her all worked up, something she knew she would have to control.  They were friends, nothing more, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to grab the older woman and kiss her.  Pushing those kinds of thoughts from her mind, although it was more of a wrestle than a push, she climbed off the bike and waited for the redhead to do the same.  “That was incredible, I’ve never been on a bike before”

“I love it, its so relaxing. You should get one”

“God no, I’d end up in a ditch somewhere.  Plus, it’s much more fun on the back of yours” the blonde threw back, winking playfully at Bea and making her blush again.  “So where are you taking me then?” she asked, slipping her hand into the older woman’s and allowing her to lead her away from the bike.

 

 

Bea jumped slightly, caught off guard when she felt the blonde’s hand slip into hers.  She’d never really done this before, holding hands with another person.  Other than Debbie of course, and a very drunk Franky on a couple of occasions.  But that was more to prevent her wandering off and getting herself into trouble.  This felt different though, and for reasons she was determined not to think about right now, she decided to just go with it and enjoy her time with the younger woman.

As they made their way down the path Allie asked Bea about her bike, and how long she had been riding.  The way her face lit up when she talked about it made the blonde smile, and it was clear how much she loved that Harley.  Although she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, which was stupid really.  Especially given the reason they had come here in the first place, wherever here was.  Allie knew that once she told Bea why she had been out on the rocks that day she wouldn’t want anything to do with her anymore, not that she could blame her.  All she could do was make the most of the time they had together before the rug got pulled from under her.  A few minutes later they came to a stop, Allie freezing up the second she realised what they were near.

She’d never been here before, and under any other circumstances she would have been able to appreciate how stunning the scenery was, but the waves crashing against the rocks below sent a rush of fear running though her body and caused her to tense up.  Something the redhead picked up on straight away.  Bea could sense the change in the other woman straight away and wondered if she’d said something to cause it.  But when their eyes locked and she saw the fear in her ocean blue pools she knew it was something serious.

“Allie…Allie look at me” Bea said, turning so she was standing directly in front of the blonde before reaching out and grabbing her other hand.  “Allie, what’s wrong?” she asked, but the blonde just continued to stare into the distance, clearly lost in whatever it was that had caused the sudden change in her mood.

Allie could feel the water rushing over her head and filling her lungs.  She was trying to fight it, determined not to give into the pull of the current below her, but it was too strong.  She could hear a voice in the distance and she was trying to focus on it, but the sound of the waves was so loud that she couldn’t make out what was being said.  On the occasions this had happened during her sessions with Bridget they had gone through some breathing exercises, but it was as though the water had washed away her memory and she had no idea what to do.

Her head hurt and her lungs were burning, and just as she was about to give up and let the ocean claim her the voice in the distance got louder.  It was the same voice that she heard that day in the lifeguard tower and she could feel the intensity of the pressure around her diminishing.  Darkness turned to light and she could see the surface getting closer.  Hearing her name, she used every ounce of strength she could muster to break through, gasping for air as her eyes adjusted to the bright skies above.

“Allie please, you’re scaring me now…” the redhead said, feeling the panic rise at the lack of response she was receiving.  “Allie…please…say something…anything” she pleaded, a sense of relief washing over her when the younger woman’s eyes frantically scanned the surroundings before focusing in her.  The relief was short lived though, and when Allie started gasping for breath the redhead knew she needed to try and keep her calm, somehow.  Some of the breathing techniques she had used a few years ago came to mind, and after going through them with the blonde she was relieved to see her calm down considerably.

Focusing on the voice that seemed to sooth her like nothing else could Allie took in her surroundings, from the large trees behind them and the green of the grass below her feet, to the cliff edge in the distance and the vast body of water beyond.  Slowly her senses started to return to normal, although she was still struggling to catch her breath.  As she pulled her gaze from the ocean she realised that the voice wasn’t in her head after all, it was right in front of her.  It was Bea, and she must have been the one on the radio that day she was in the tower with Kaz.  It hadn’t registered before, but now she couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed the previous day.  “It was you…” she mumbled, more to herself than the woman standing in front of her.

“What was me?”

“I…about a year ago I’s gone to the lifeguard tower with Kaz.  She wanted me to meet Will and he was working so we called in.  I had a panic attack while I was there and no matter what anyone said I felt like I would die if I didn’t get out of there.  But then I heard a voice down Will’s radio, and everything started to make sense again.  It was you…on the radio.  Thank you”

“Your welcome, although I had no idea you were even there” the older woman replied, her eyes never leaving Allie’s.  She could see so many different emotions swirling around in those blue pools, but the most prominent one was fear.  “Are you ok…do you want to leave?”

“No.  I like spending time with you and I’m having fun…mini meltdown excluded obviously.  I’m sorry about that.  The counsellor I used to see taught me a few methods to control my breathing and I’m usually able to deal with it myself, but I couldn’t remember a single one of them” the blonde said, scuffing her foot into the grass nervously.  She was embarrassed for losing it like that in front of the older woman.  Not that she seemed phased by her meltdown.  “So where did you learn that then…lifeguard training?” she asked, having never used that particular technique to control her breathing.

“Lamaze class…” Bea replied, smiling when she heard the blonde laugh.  It was the sweetest sound she had ever heard and before she could stop herself she reached forward and tucked a stray lock of hair behind the younger woman’s ear.  Despite it being the briefest of touches it felt surprisingly intimate to the older woman.  She just hoped that Allie didn’t read anything into it.  She was pretty sure the blonde was gay, not that she had confirmed or denied it.  But she had caught the younger woman staring at her arse on more than one occasion so far that morning.  “These panic attacks, do you know what causes them?”

“I do.  And I want to tell you, but I’m scared you’ll hate me if I do”

“Like I said before in the coffee shop, you don’t have to tell me anything Allie.  But please know that I would never judge you…no matter what” the older woman said, wanting more than anything to be able to take the pain away that she saw in the blonde’s eyes.

 

 

Despite not wanting to ruin their day together Allie felt like she needed to be honest with Bea.  She knew from previous experience that things had a habit of coming back and biting you on the arse if you tried to keep them hidden.  While she wasn’t proud of what she had done, she just hoped the older woman would understand that she was a different person now.  And if not, then it was better to pull the plug now rather than later.  She was becoming addicted to the redhead’s company, and knew that she was falling for her, and falling hard.  Not that it mattered.  Bea was straight, and way out of her league.

“It’s not easy for me to talk about, but I want to tell you.  Hopefully it’ll explain why I was on the rocks that day, as well as what brought the panic attack on” Allie said, running her fingers through her hair.  Pointing to a nearby bench she led the older woman over, waiting until they were both seated before starting to speak again.  “That day you found me on the rocks, I was going to jump.  I had nobody, nothing left, and I couldn’t see a way out of it.  When I was fifteen my dad abandoned me, in the middle of the pacific.  He never really wanted a kid, or at least not a daughter, so when he found out I was gay I had to go.  I’m from Melbourne but he brought me here.  He drugged me and then…and then he threw me in the sea.  I don’t remember much about it but when I woke up I was at the hospital here in Sydney.  I couldn’t remember much at the time and I had no idea how I got there”

Taking the younger woman’s hand, Bea gave it a reassuring squeeze.  She felt sick and couldn’t imagine ever turning her back on Debbie like that, not matter the circumstances.  To abandon your own child like that was bad enough, but to do it in the middle of the ocean was inhumane.  She just hoped that he got punished for what he did, not that any form of punishment could ever make up for something like that.  “Oh Allie, I’m so sorry.  I can’t even begin to imagine how frightening that must have been for you.  Where was Kaz while all of this was going on though, surely she wondered where you were”

“She’s not actually my sister, at least not biologically.  She’s the closest thing I’ve got to one though if that makes any sense.  She was here at university and we lost touch when my dad did what he did.  As soon as I got out of the hospital I tried to find her, but she’d just vanished.  She had her own stuff going on, but it turned out she’d been looking for me too” the blonde said, battling against the tears that were threatening to fall.  Over the next half hour Allie told the redhead everything that happened after that, from her relationship with Paige and the subsequent fall out from that, her time both at the shelter and on the streets, the drugs, her brief time working as a prostitute and right up to the day she first met Bea out on the rocks.  “After I kissed you and ran…and I’m sorry about that by the way.  Not the bet way to make a lasting impression.  I decided enough was enough and I needed to get my shit together.  I was on my way to the library to find out where the nearest shelter was when I got hit by a car, and Kaz was the one driving.  She stayed with me in the hospital, even when I told her to piss off.  And after I was released she took me in and helped me get clean.  I’ve been living with her ever since”

“I’m so glad you found her again, although I wish you could have bumped into her in a less painful and dramatic way” Bea replied, smiling when the younger woman let out a breathy laugh.  She was just about to speak again when the blonde beat her too it, and the self-loathing she heard in her voice broke Bea’s heart.

“I’m sorry for offloading on you like that, you’re a good person Bea, and I’m glad it was you that saved me that day on the rocks.  I…I understand if you don’t want to be friends any more, and I’m probably not the sort of person you want around Debbie anyway” Allie said, trying to hide the stray tear that had started to fall.  As she recounted the events of her life so far, she felt disgusted with herself and what she had done.  Judging by the lack of response from the redhead she was clearly of the same opinion.  As Allie was preparing herself for the inevitable, Bea walking away from her, she felt soft fingers brushing the tears away before she was pulled into a hug.

Bea had no idea what possessed her to hug Allie.  She had never been one for physical contact, and even within her group of friends they were the ones that instigated it.  Franky would often hug her, and while it wasn’t unpleasant in any way, it wasn’t something she craved either.  The only person she really felt truly comfortable being that close to was Debbie, until now.  There was something about the blonde that had put Bea at ease right from the start, which was the only reason she could think of for her sudden urge to comfort her.  “Of course I want to be your friend Allie, none of that matters to me ok. I hate that you’ve been through so much shit in your life and I have no idea how anyone could ever hurt you.  But it doesn’t make you a bad person.  They’re the arseholes, not you.  And you are the sort of person Debbie should be around.  She’s usually a little wary of new people and I’ve never seen her take to someone as quickly as she did you.  So, stop beating yourself up ok” the redhead said, pulling back slightly so she could see the younger woman’s face.  Even with red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks she was still beautiful, and Bea swore right then that she would never let anyone hurt her ever again.

Tucking her head in the crook of the older woman’s neck Allie allowed the tears to fall.  She had cried over her past before, but never like this.  There was something about being so close to Bea that made her feel safer than she had ever done with anyone else.  Kaz included.  They stayed like that for a while, Bea simply holding the younger woman and whispering words of encouragement, and Allie basking in the strength and safety of the older woman’s embrace.  She was a little reluctant to let go, partly because she wasn’t sure if she would ever get the chance to be this close to the redhead again, and partly as she didn’t want to see any trace of disappointment in her deep brown eyes.

Pulling back slightly Bea wiped the tears from the blonde’s cheek, noticing the change in her eyes as her thumb accidentally brushed over the edge of her lip.  That feeling was back again, the one in the pit of her stomach.  Get a grip Smith, she told herself as she took a step back from the younger woman in a bid to put a bit of distance between them.  Being so close to Allie was making her a little crazy, and she had no idea how to handle it.  Bea wasn’t one for throwing caution to the wind, kicking back and seeing where the tide took her, unless she was surfing.  But for some reason Allie made her want to tear up the rule book, live in the moment, and that terrified her.

She’d never felt like this before, and was way out of her comfort zone, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to push the boundaries.  Not that she ever would.  And then there was the small matter of her not being gay.  While she had no issue with it, and often envied Franky and Bridget’s relationship, she had never been attracted to another woman before.  Was that what these feelings were?  Was she attracted to Allie?  What the hell did it all mean?  Realising she had drifted off she took in the look of fear on the blonde’s face and realised she must have been thinking it was because of what she had told Bea.  “Sorry Allie, I got a bit lost in my thoughts there.  Are you ok?  Probably a stupid question given everything you just told me.  I…” the redhead rambled slightly the nerves back in full force once again.  Allie’s soft lips on her cheek cutting her off, as well as sending her head into a tailspin. 

“I’m good…and thank you for being so understanding about everything.  I know it’s a lot to take in and you’ll probably need some time to process everything, but if you change your mind and decide that you don’t want to be friends then I understand”

“It was a bit of a shock, I’m not gonna lie, and looking at you I’d never have guessed that you’d been through so much shit.  But I meant what I said Allie, and I want to be your friend, and I want you in my life” Bea replied, smiling at the younger woman.  _“Friends, yeah right…and the rest”_ the voices in her head added, making her blush again as she thanked whoever was listening that Allie couldn’t read her mind.

 

 

Once the blonde had calmed down a little they decided to take a walk along the trail, Allie slipping her hand into Bea’s as she pointed at something in the distance.  The older woman had told her she often came up here to clear her head when things were bad at home, something Allie both wanted to ask about, but was also scared of what she might find out.  It wouldn’t change her opinion of the redhead, she was certain of that, but what worried her was how she would deal with hearing about what she went through at the hands of her ex-husband.  The thought of anyone harming even a hair on her head filled Allie with a rage she’d never felt before.

They had been walking for around half an hour, the blonde listening intently as Bea talked about Debbie.  Allie loved the way her eyes would light up at the mere mention of her daughter’s name.  Although she didn’t know her that well she could tell that she was a good mum and would do anything foe her little girl.  The blonde didn’t care what they were talking about, as long as Bea was doing the talking.  She was mentally drained after their earlier conversation, but the husky tones of the older woman’s voice were both soothing and arousing, simultaneously.  What she wouldn’t give to be able to wake up to that voice every morning.

Bea was just about to ask if the younger woman was ok to keep walking for a bit when a loud rumbling came from Allie’s stomach, causing her to blush for once.  “Hungry?” the redhead joked, nudging the other woman’s shoulder before they both laughed.

Hungry for you, her brain responded instantly, although luckily for the blonde she was able to intercept that thought before she verbalised it.  “Sounds like it.  I skipped breakfast and then someone ate all the cake” she joked, knowing full well that it had been the other way around.

“Hey…I didn’t eat all the cake” Bea replied, swatting the younger woman on the arm.  She loved this, the playful banter they had fallen into so easily.  It felt so natural being here with Allie, like in this moment she was exactly where she was meant to be.  Another thing Bea only really felt when she was with Debbie or out in the water.  For years she had longed to feel the same level of calm and contentment when she wasn’t surfing as she did when she was, and while life was getting better by the day she had never been able to achieve that.  Until now, until Allie.  Taking the blonde’s hand again she turned around and led her back down the path they had just walked along.  “Come on, let’s go and get some food.  I don’t want you doing a Debbie and getting hangry with me”

“I’d never get hangry, or angry with you Bea” the blonde replied.  Thinking back to the brief conversation they’d had the previous day about Debbie’s father she wanted the older woman to know that she would never hurt her in any way.  It was futile really, and she knew that they would never be anything more than friends, but it was important to Allie that Bea knew she was safe with her, and always would be.  “And I never say no to food either” she added, happy to follow the redhead’s lead as they made their way back to the bike.

 

 

They ended up at a little Italian restaurant that the blonde had always wanted to try.  Will had taken her sister there one night and she had raved about the food for days afterwards.  While it was a more relaxed setting during the daytime the small tables and soft music still gave it a somewhat romantic feel, and for a few minutes Allie allowed herself to imagine she was here on a date with the older woman.  She already felt like the luckiest person in the world and being here with the beautiful redhead was more than she could have ever dreamed about.  But she wanted to kiss her so badly that it hurt.  Those husky tones that the blonde had quickly become addicted to pulled her from her thoughts, and back to the task at hand.  Lunch.

“There’s too much to choose from, I have no idea what to get”

“Me neither, although it smells incredible” the younger woman replied, her eyes drifting to the plates in the hand of the passing waiter.  “We could get a couple of dishes and share if you want.  Unless you’re the type that doesn’t share food.  I asked Boomer once and she almost ripped my head off…won’t be making that mistake again any time soon” she added, smiling when she heard that adorably shy giggle fall from Bea’s lips.  The things this woman does to me, Allie thought as she tried to keep her breathing under control.

“I don’t mind sharing, I don’t really have a choice when Debbie’s around anyway.  Although it’s more of a one-way thing.  On the odd occasion I tried to take something off her plate she turned into a mini Boomer”

“That surprises me. She shared her food with me yesterday, although come to think of it she did keep taking things back”

“It surprised me too.  She must really like you to give food away like that”

“Yeah well, I like her too, she’s a good kid” Allie replied, her eyes locking with Bea’s.  “Her mum’s pretty special too” she added, feeling that all too familiar rush of heat cursing through her body when the older woman blushed.

In the end they decided to share a pizza after seeing the size of them, Allie insisting on ordering a salad to accompany it, although she didn’t eat any of it.  The nerves were back, and despite feeling hungry Bea wasn’t able to eat that much.  The table was quite small and as a result every time the blonde moved, her leg would brush up against Bea’s.  She apologised the first time, but after the redhead assured her that it was fine she was sure Allie started doing it on purpose, not that she minded.  Quite the opposite in fact.  She felt giddy, like a teenager with their first ever crush, and she liked it.  She liked Allie.  But what she needed to figure out was if it was the attention or the blonde herself that had her feeling like this.  The last thing the redhead wanted to do was lead Allie on in any way, but she was confused, and knew she had some thinking to do.

Wanting to make the most of their time together Bea shelved her inner turmoil, knowing it would still be there when she was lying in bed later that night.  So, when an image of Allie lying beside her popped into her mind she almost choked on her food.  The thought had come out of nowhere, and completely taken her by surprise.  Yet it felt good, really good, and part of her hoped that maybe one day it wouldn’t be just a dream.  Turning her attention back to the woman beside her, she smiled when she saw that Allie had demolished over half of the pizza already, not that she minded.  The conversation remained both light and playful over lunch, but all too soon it was time to leave, something neither woman really wanted to do.

 

 

It was mid afternoon by the time the redhead dropped Allie off at home, both of them reluctant to leave the other one’s company.  But Bea had to get back for Debbie, and the blonde needed to finish an assignment for university.  Something she had been putting off since the start of the holidays.  Waiting until the younger woman was standing beside her, Bea climbed off the bike and removed her helmet, Allie reaching out to brush the stray curls from her face before she had the chance.  It was little things like this that had the older woman’s head in a spin.  No one had ever looked at her the way that Allie did, or been so gentle, and she didn’t know how to process the feelings it evoked.  Pushing it to the back of her mind for what felt like the hundredth time that day she turned her attention back to the woman standing in front of her.  “I had a really good time today”

“Me too.  And thank you for being so understanding.  I meant what I said though, if you change your mind then…”

“Allie, stop.  I meant what I said too.  All that stuff, it’s in the past, and I’d never judge you.  I want to be your friend” the older woman replied, reaching out and taking her hand before giving it a squeeze.  It was surprising how comfortable she felt with Allie’s hand in hers, but then the past couple of days had been filled with surprises.  “I should go, let you get back to your studies”

“But you’re much more fun” Allie threw back playfully, her gaze lingering on the older woman’s lips briefly before shifting back to her eyes.  She couldn’t help but laugh when she saw the raised eyebrow.  “Alright I’m going.  I’ll see you soon though?”

“I’d like that.  Bye Allie” Bea said, smiling when the younger woman leaned in and kissed her on the cheek again.

“Bye beautiful” the blonde replied with a wink before turning and walking towards the door, the blush on the older woman’s cheeks making her heart do somersaults.  You’re fucked Novak, well and truly fucked, she told herself as she glanced back, watching Bea put her helmet back on before riding away.  They had been so lost in each other’s gaze that neither of them had noticed the curtain move, or Kaz watching their interaction through her bedroom window.


	8. New Friend…Or Something More?

Franky, Bridget and Debbie were all exhausted after their day at Luna Park, the young brunette keeping both adults on their toes as she raced from ride to ride, bursting with excitement.  It didn’t matter how many times they came here, her reaction was always the same.  Which was one of the reasons Franky wanted to spend her day off with the little grommet.  She knew things had been difficult for both Red and little Debbie when Harry was around, but unlike her own mother Bea had done everything possible to protect her daughter from him.  More often than not resulting in an even worse beating.  Yet despite what hadn’t been an easy start in life the curly haired brunette was such a happy kid, and just being around her made Franky smile.

Right now, the young brunette was carrying around the biggest stuffed dog Franky had ever seen, having insisting that they keep on playing the arcade games until she got enough tickets for the toy.  In the end all it took was a bit of light flirting with the attendant and twenty bucks and the tattooed brunette had a handful of tickets.  She had assumed Debbie wanted to get the stuffed toy for her mum, so when she asked her about it was a little surprised when the young girl said that it was for a friend.  Thinking no more about it, she tucked Harley, as Debbie had now named him, under her arm and followed on as they were led to the next ride.

Very few people got to see this side of Franky Doyle, the side she saved for those closest to her.  But little Debbie brought out the best in her, and she absolutely adored the young girl.  She’d never really thought of herself as the maternal type, and even now wasn’t sure of she’d ever want a kid of her own.  But as she looked over at Bridget who was currently letting the young girl beat her in a game of skee ball, she knew she wasn’t opposed to the idea.  Although they were nowhere near that level of commitment just yet.  Franky had never felt anything like what she does for the blonde psychologist and knew that she was the one she wanted everything with.  The thought of sleeping in the same bed with someone and waking up to that same face once terrified her, and she would do anything possible to make sure she didn’t fall into that trap.  But not anymore.  Now the thought of not being by Bridget’s side every night was what she feared the most, and when she was on nights she missed her like crazy.

Being in love and having that love returned was the best feeling in the world.  It also left Franky vulnerable, something she had struggled with at first.  But when it came down to it she would rather risk getting her heart broken by Bridget than live without her.  Something that Bea had made her realise when the doubt had first started to creep in.  Given her friend’s awful past, she had helped her out on numerous occasions, and seemed to understand Franky’s relationship better than she did herself at times.  Which was one of the reasons she wished the redhead would put herself out there. 

She deserved to be loved, and the brunette hated the though of her being alone.  But every time the topic of relationships came up, Bea shut it down.  Which is why Franky was so surprised when she saw her leave the coffee shop that morning, holding hands with a blonde woman.  She’d never seen the other woman and knew all of the redhead’s friends as they were also hers.  She could be a new colleague, but the moment seemed far too intimate for that to be the case.  And by the way blondie was checking Bea out, it was clear she wanted to be more than just a friend. What she couldn’t understand was why Red would keep it from her, especially since they had only discussed the other woman’s love life, or lack of it, the other day.

Franky hadn’t deliberately been checking up on her and had no reason to doubt her friend when she said she was going to catch up on her housework when asked if she wanted to join them.  But after sleeping through their alarm they were running a little late.  Not wanting to keep the little grommet waiting she had gone to get her from Red’s place before heading back home to pick Gidge up.  When they got back to the house the brunette found her girlfriend sitting on the floor in the kitchen, surrounded by parts from the coffee machine.  It had stopped working, and in a bid to try and get it going again Bridget had decided to play surgeon and take it apart, but then couldn’t remember what went where.  As a result, she hadn’t had her morning coffee, something Franky knew she needed to rectify, and fast.  Which is how she ended up outside the coffee shop, watching Red with her mystery woman.  She couldn’t deny that the blonde was hot, and if she hadn’t met Gidge she would be the sort of woman that Franky would go for.  Of course, it could all be perfectly innocent, but red wasn’t usually one for any kind of contact, even hand holding.

Franky hadn’t said anything to Gidge about what she had seen earlier that day, more through lack of opportunity than anything.  She didn’t want to discuss it in front of the little one in case it got back to Red, and they hadn’t really had a moment alone together since arriving at the amusement park.  After leaving the Luna Park Bridget had called Bea to see if she wanted them to pick something up for dinner on their way back, that way they could spend a bit of time together before the redhead’s upcoming trip to New Zealand, something she had done around the time of her birthday every year since Harry got sent down.

 

 

After dropping Allie off Bea headed home, wanting to make a start on the packing before her daughter got back from the Luna Park.  While she loved the little girl more than anything and wouldn’t be without her, some things were easier to do when she wasn’t around.  Packing being one of them.  Thinking back to the first time she had allowed Debbie to pack her own bag, she couldn’t help but smile.  She had checked it to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, but just found a suitcase full of snacks.  No clothes whatsoever.  When she questioned her daughter, Bea found that she couldn’t argue with her logic, and that she had in fact told the young girl to pack anything she might need.

She didn’t want to have the same issues this time so had laid everything out on her daughters’ bed before heading to her own room to get her things together.  She had just started to pack her case when she heard the front door open, Franky calling out to her a few seconds later to let her know they were back.  She had called on the way to see if Bea wanted them to pick something up for dinner, so after putting her swimwear in the suitcase she made her way downstairs.

A couple of hours later Bridget was playing with Debbie in her room, at the young brunette’s request, and Franky was helping her friend with the washing up.  Dinner had been both fun and insightful, Debbie telling them all about the new friend she had made at the beach the previous day.  The same new friend that was now the proud owner of the large stuffed dog that Deb had won, not that she knew about it yet.  As the young girl chatted away about the sandcastles they had made, and how Allie had taught her how to throw a frisbee properly Franky’s eyes had been on her friend, and the slight blush in her cheeks whenever the other woman’s name was mentioned.

She’d never seen the redhead react like this, especially at the mere mention of someone’s name, so was a little curious about this Allie.  And then there was the whole matter of the mystery blonde from the coffee shop that morning.  The more she studied her friend, the more she couldn’t help but wonder if coffee shop girl and Allie were the same person.  And if so, why did Red turn the colour of her hair every time her name was mentioned.  She had often joked around with Bea, telling her she should try dating women, although she never thought she would actually go through with it.  But there was something going on here, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Not wanting to embarrass Bea in front of the kid, Franky decided to shelve it for now, knowing she’d get the opportunity to grill the redhead soon enough.  And that chance landed in her lap when Debbie dragged her girlfriend off to show her the new game she got for Christmas from G’ma and Gramps, or Bea’s parents as the tattooed brunette knew them as.  They were almost finished with the dishes when she decided to broach the subject of the mystery blonde, and her friend’s strange behaviour, figuring the direct approach would be best.  “So, what did you end up doing today then Red?” she asked, giving the other woman a chance to come clean.

“Not much, just caught up on some laundry, housework and got Deb’s things ready for our trip.  Did a bit of sketching as well” the redhead replied, unable to make eye contact with the tattooed brunette.  She hated lying to her friend but wasn’t ready to talk about her day with Allie, and what, if anything it all meant.  She didn’t really understand it herself, so would have no idea where to start if she did try to explain.

“You’ve been stuck in the house all day then?” the brunette asked, testing the water.

“Yeah, pretty much”

“Hmm…” Franky mumbled before turning to face the other woman, grey green eyes locked with brown as they studied one another.  “You know it’s not good for you being cooped up in the house all day like that.  You should at least try and get out, even if it is only for a half hour or something”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks Dr Doyle”

“So, you didn’t go out at all…not even once?” the brunette asked, knowing that she was at risk of poking the bear so to speak.  When she didn’t get a bite out of the redhead she decided to push a little more.  “Interesting.  You sure you didn’t nip out for a bit...maybe grab a drink or something?”

Bea was starting to get frustrated.  While she had loved spending the day with Allie, it had been emotionally draining.  She was still reeling from what the blonde had told her and couldn’t believe that anyone could be so cruel as to dump their own child in the ocean and leave them there to die.  And if that hadn’t been bad enough she had then been used by pretty much everyone in her life so far, other than Kaz.  While Bea wasn’t a fan of the older blonde, she was so thankful that she found Allie again.  She was glad the younger woman had told her about her past, but it left the redhead feeling like she wasn’t being truthful.  Like she was hiding her true self from Allie, the one that was still scared and broken down.

She hid it well, and most of the time was able to put on a good enough front to cover what was really going on in her head.  But Allie was different, and she didn’t want to pretend with her.  Which in itself created another conflict within her already muddled brain.  Why the hell was she feeling like this, and what did it all mean.  So, when Franky started with the little comments, her tongue tucked behind her teeth as she gave the redhead her trademark smirk something in her snapped.  “What?” Bea bit back, glaring at her friend.  “If you’ve got something to say then some on, out with it.  It’s been a long day and I’m too tired to be playing games”

“I stopped off at the coffee shop on the way to the Luna Park this morning, Gidge broke the machine and you know how she is without her caffeine fix.  I’m pretty sure I saw you leaving as I arrived, if not you have a twin out there” Franky said, her eyes never leaving her friends.  Bea kept things close to her chest, but every now and again her eyes gave her away, and the tattooed brunette wanted to see how she reacted to what she was about to say.  “So Red, tell me about the hot blonde that was all over you…wasn’t this Allie chick by any chance was it?” she asked, smiling to herself when Bea’s cheeks turned the colour of her hair.

Bea didn’t know how to respond, but not acknowledging Allie’s presence in her life didn’t feel right, like she would be betraying her in some strange way.  It was crazy, she had only known her for twenty-four hours yet she made her feel things that no one else ever had.  Bea knew that she needed to talk to someone about it, but she hadn’t even had the time to try and process what she was feeling, although she knew that she liked it.  Taking a few minutes to get her thoughts together she grabbed a couple of beers, handing one to Franky before taking a sip from the other.  It was a distraction technique, something to buy herself a bit more time, and she was aware that her friend knew that’s what she was doing.  But she was grateful to Franky for allowing her to set the pace of the conversation.  “It was me that you saw outside the coffee shop this morning”

“And the hottie?”

“If you’re referring to the blonde I was with, then yeah, that’s Allie”

“So, when were you going to tell me that you got yourself a girlfriend Red?”

“Piss off” Bea replied, looking down so she could hide her blush behind the curtain of red curls.  Just the thought of someone referring to the blonde as her girlfriend had her stomach doing backflips, which was crazy.  She wasn’t gay for a start, so why the hell did the thought of being Allie’s girlfriend excite her.  Not that it would ever come to fruition.  Even if Bea was brave enough to consider a relationship with the blonde, Allie would never want to be with someone like her.  She was damaged, and had way too much baggage for someone like the blonde.  Realising that Franky was still waiting for an answer she looked up, finding her friend’s eyes fixed on her.  “She’s…we’re just friends, nothing more”

“Yeah well, you might want to tell her that.  I could see her eye fucking you from across the street”

“She wasn’t…you know what, if you’re just gonna take the piss then this conversation’s over” the redhead threw back before storming out of the kitchen and into the lounge.  She knew that talking to someone about the way she was feeling would probably help her to make sense of it all, but the problem was she didn’t even know where to start.  If she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to go there she couldn’t deny that Allie was beautiful, stunning even.  But what she couldn’t work out was if it was attraction she was feeling or simply admiration.  She had never let anyone get close to her like she had Allie, especially not this quickly, so it wasn’t as though she had a lot to go on.  But she couldn’t deny that there was something about the blonde.  Bea knew that Franky was only messing with her, but right now that was the last thing she needed.

 

 

Allie had been in the house for over an hour before she realised her sister was home.  She must have been in her room when the younger woman got back, and judging by the redness around her eyes as she came stumbling into the lounge things hadn’t gone well with Will.  While Kaz was to blame for their current argument, she still felt for the older blonde.  She just wished that she wouldn’t be so hard on Bea.  The redhead was one of the sweetest people Allie had ever met and she knew that she wanted the older woman in her life, in whatever format that may be.  It would be hard to just be friends, especially given her body’s reaction whenever she was near, but if that was all they would ever be then she would learn to live with it.  She would rather suffer in silence and have Bea around that have to learn to live without her in her life.  Her only concern was Kaz, and how she would react to their budding friendship, especially if she couldn’t work things out with Will.

Standing up she made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses before heading back into the lounge.  Taking a seat beside the older blonde Allie poured them both a glass and waited until her sister had taken a sip before speaking.  ‘’You want to talk about it?’’

‘’Not really’’ the older woman said, sighing loudly before taking another drink.  A few minutes had passed so Allie was taken by surprise when Kaz started to speak again.  ‘’Will thinks we should take a break, not see each other for a while’’

‘’Oh Kaz, I’m so sorry.  I take it that’s not what you want’’

‘’No, it’s the last thing I want.  Not that I had much of a say in the matter’’ Kaz replied, taking a large drink of her wine before continuing.  ‘’We got into another argument.  He say’s he’s sick of me questioning him all the time, and if I can’t trust him then there’s no point in us being together’’

‘’I thought you were going over there to apologise for yesterday and the other day, not get into another fight’’

‘’I was, and I did.  But then I was looking through his phone while he was I the bathroom and I found a couple of photos of him and Bea Smith’s kid from a couple of weeks ago.  They were down at the park together.  All this time he’s been lying to me and playing happy fucking families with that bitch and her brat. He denied it of course, said he was just watching her while her mother ran an errand, but I could tell he was lying.  It clearly wasn’t a one off, I just wish he’d be honest with me”

She was trying not to react, but Allie could feel the frustration building.  It clearly didn’t matter what Will said, Kaz was convinced that something was going on and nothing was going to change her mind.  What she couldn’t do was sit there and listened to the older blonde badmouth the woman she had spent the best part of her day with.  While she knew her sister was upset, it didn’t make it right.  She was just about to call her on it when Kaz continued with her rant, completely oblivious to the younger woman’s annoyance.  Or at least that’s what Allie thought at the time.

“All I did was mention the fact that she’s around him like flies on shit and that was it, he blew up on me and we ended up yelling at each other again.  That fucking bitch has a lot to answer for.  Just because she’s so pathetic that she can’t find her own man, she has to try and take mine.  I know what she’s up to, it’s as clear as day.  But Will either can’t or won’t admit it.  I hate her, her and that little shit of a daughter.  Did You know that a few months ago he went to school with her when the kid was getting bullied.  He postponed our date to play house with that fucking bitch, and she needs teaching a lesson’’

Allie was getting angry now, very angry.  As much as she wanted to put the comments down to her sister being upset, she couldn’t, wouldn’t just sit back and listen to her badmouth the woman that had been so sweet and understanding with her earlier that day.  Taking a couple of breaths, she finished her wine before putting the glass down on the table.  “Don’t talk about her like that Kaz, you don’t even know her.  She’s been through a lot of shit and she doesn’t need you on her back as well.  For the record she’s not interested in Will, they’re friends and nothing more.  Whatever issue you have, it’s one you created yourself.  The way I see it you’ve got two choices, either learn to accept their friendship and get over whatever issue you have with Bea, or lose Will for good”

“I can’t believe you’re defending her Allie.  You’ve only known her for twenty-four hours and suddenly you’re taking her side over mine.  So much for fucking loyalty” Kaz spat out, her icy blue eyes filled with anger.  After everything she had done for the younger blonde this was how she repaid her, by going against her for that woman.  It was clear by the way Allie looked at Smith when she was spying on them through the window that she was smitten, and it made her feel sick.  Of all the women in Sydney why did she have to choose her.  She wasn’t even gay for a start, although Kaz couldn’t help but wish she was.  Not that she would want her anywhere near her little sister.  Ignoring the fire in the younger blonde’s eyes she continued, needing to make her see sense.  ‘’Don’t think that I don’t know what’s going on here.  And I know you’ve been hanging around with her again today, I saw you fawning all over her when you got back.  You’re wasting your time on that one.  Now me and Will are on a break she’ll be pulling every trick in the book to make sure she gets in his pants’’

‘’We’re friends Kaz, nothing more, so I’m not wasting my time.  I like her company, she’s a good person, and I’m not gonna just sit back and listen to you hang shit on her like that.  Her or her daughter’’

‘’A good person hey?  I wonder how long she’ll stick around once she finds out about your past and what you’ve done.    Even if she wasn’t trying to get her claws into Will do you honestly think she’d be interested in someone like you?’’ Kaz yelled, knowing the second the words left her mouth that she had fucked up, big time.  It was a habit that she wasn’t proud of, but when she got angry all logic went out of the window, and before she could stop it she was in full on destructive mode.  Something that had never happened with Allie, until now.  She could see the hurt on her sister’s face, but even that wasn’t enough to stop the words from continuing to spew out.  “And when she does find out she’s not going to want you around her precious daughter...assuming you’re planning on telling her that is’’

‘’That was a low blow Kaz, even by your standards’’ Allie threw back, feeling her eyes well up with tears at her sisters’ words.  ‘’Not that it’s any of your business but she knows.  I told her everything and she didn’t judge me, not once.  Unlike some people I can think of’’ she added, standing up and storming out of the room before she said something that she would regret.  Slamming her bedroom door shut she dropped down on her bed and allowed the tears to fall freely.

Allie had been laid there staring at the ceiling for well over two hours now.  Kaz had been up to apologise, but she needed more time.  She was still too angry to deal with her right now, and knew that if she opened her bedroom door they would end up getting into another argument.  She loved her sister, and would always be grateful for everything she had done for her, but the cheap shot had stung, more than she would ever let on.  Allie knew her past was bad, and that most people would simply turn their nose up at her and walk away once they found out about all the things she had done.  But to hear the woman she saw as her sister say those things made her feel like she was right back there all over again.

Determined not to let herself to be dragged back to the worst time in her life she focussed on the rest of her day, before Kaz tried to ruin it.  Thoughts of red curls and brown eyes immediately filled her head, and she didn’t even realise that she was smiling.  Bea hadn’t judged her, not once, and although she hadn’t originally planned on telling the older woman everything, she was glad that it was all out in the open.  The redhead was different though, special even, something she’d known from the second their eyes locked that day after she had rescued her from the rocks at Tamarama.  While her sister’s words had stung, it was the things she said about Bea that had hurt her the most.  For reasons she was a little reluctant to admit she felt the need to both defend and protect the redhead.  She was falling for Bea, and falling hard, something she knew was a dangerous move.  While she was pretty sure the older woman wouldn’t intentionally hurt her, Allie knew she would never return her feelings and that she was going to get her heart broken.  But she couldn’t help it.  She had never felt this way about anyone before, and while it scared the crap out of her, it also made her feel like she was on top of the world.

With her head full of defined cheekbones and that shy smile that made her giddy, she grabbed her phone and wrote Bea a message, the nerves kicking in as soon as she pressed send.  After questioning everything she had written for a while she picked her phone back up and typed another message, accidentally hitting the send key before she had finished. “Fucking hell Novak” she mumbled to herself, glad that there was no one there to see her all flustered like this.  Typing out a third message she placed her phone back down on the bedside table and allowed herself to daydream of what it would be like to be the object of Bea Smith’s affections.

 

 

Things had been a little awkward after their conversation in the kitchen, but luckily for the redhead Bridget had an early start the following day so they didn’t say much longer.  After her friends had left and Debbie was showered and ready for bed, Bea sat with her for a while, listening to all the adventures of the day for the second time.  She loved her daughter more than life itself and wouldn’t be without her, but it was hard sometimes.  It didn’t happen that often but on the odd occasion she wished she had someone to share moments like this with, someone who loved the curly haired brunette as much as she did and couldn’t wait to hear all about her day.  But that ship had sailed, or in Harry’s case sunk.  She rarely allowed herself to think like this, knowing it would only bring her mood down, but today it was different.  Today she let her mind wander, and when it did it brought her images of blonde hair and blue eyes, or more specifically, Allie.

Kissing her daughter on the cheek Bea left the room, heading back down to the kitchen to grab herself a bottle of water before going to bed.  They were flying over to Auckland the following morning to stay with her parents, and while she was looking forward to seeing them she would miss Allie.  It was crazy, she had only known her for a day, but she was all Bea could think about.  They were only going for a few days and would be back on Saturday afternoon, but she was working for the first three days after they got home so she wouldn’t get a chance to see the blonde for at least a week.  Something that bothered her more than it should.  Grabbing her phone, she set her alarm, noticing that she had three messages from Allie waiting for her.  Opening them up Bea couldn’t help but smile as she read the first one, the second making her heart race and the third making her laugh.

_‘Thank you for today, and for being so understanding.  I had the best time with you, ignoring my mini meltdown obviously!  Maybe we could do it again sometime soon, A xx’_

_‘Only if you want to that is, no pressure.  I just really enjoyed your company.  And now I’m rambling...and making an arse of myself...real smooth Novak!  I want you’_

_‘Shit, sorry! Stupid over excited thumb hit the send key.  What I was trying to say was that I want you to make the decision, the ball’s in your court so to speak.  And now I’m rambling again, sorry.  Anyway, just call or message me if you feel the need to let me cry on your shoulder again, or maybe just grab another coffee. A xx’_

Bea couldn’t help but laugh out loud as she pictured the blonde scowling at her phone as she wrote the last message.  She would however ignore the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of Allie wanting her in any way.  She couldn’t, wouldn’t go there, it wouldn’t be fair on either of them.  But she did want to see Allie again and part of her wished she wasn’t going to visit her parents the following day.  Right now, all she wanted to do was spend as much time with her new friend as possible.  Ignoring the mocking voice in her head that kept reminding her that her interest in the blonde was more than an innocent friendship, she typed out her reply, reading it through a couple of times before hitting send.

**_‘I’d like that but we don’t get back from NZ until Saturday morning then I’m working for a few days after that.  If you’re free Saturday afternoon we could do something, although I’ll have Debbie with me so you probably won’t want to spend the day with a hyperactive seven-year-old!  Oh, and for future reference…the rambling is kind of cute.  B x’_ **

_‘You’re kidding right…I can’t think of a better way to spend my afternoon than with the two of you.  I can be the thorn between two roses ;)  But only if you want to that is.  If it’s too soon then that’s ok, I can try and be patient.  It’ll be a struggle but I’ll survive…I guess :( xx’_

**_‘Are you always so dramatic?  Not sure I can cope with both you and Debbie in the same room, maybe Saturday isn’t such a good idea :)’_ **

_‘It’s too late to back now, can’t get a girl’s hopes up then go and shatter them like that.  Plus, you want it just as much as I do…so don’t even bother trying to deny it! ;)’_

_‘I’m talking about the pleasure of my company obviously! ;) xx’_

_‘Bea, is everything ok?’_

Allie was worried, it had been almost twenty minutes and she still hadn’t had a reply from the redhead.  She was so angry with herself for screwing things up before their friendship got a chance to grow.  She genuinely hadn’t meant anything by her comment and had clearly got lost in the moment, or maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part.  Either way she felt like crap.  Of course Bea wouldn’t want anything more from her than friendship.  She could study harder than anyone, be the most successful woman in the world, but Kaz was right.  Underneath she would always be the kid that no one wanted around.  Allie wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call the redhead to apologise, but she’d made a big enough idiot of herself for one day.  Deciding to take the easy way out she sent her one last message letting her know how sorry she was before dropping back down on her bed, hoping she hadn’t totally ruined everything.

_‘I’m sorry, I was just messing with you, I didn’t mean to offend.  I’ll just leave you alone.  I really am sorry Bea.’_

Bea had been a little shocked by the blonde’s last message and couldn’t get those few words out of her head.  “You want it just as much as I do…”.  While she wasn’t one hundred percent certain what the ‘it’ was, she had a pretty good idea.  But was the blonde right, did she want it too?  She was certainly enjoying the ease in which the banter flowed between them and couldn’t deny that the slightly flirtatious tone to Allie’s messages made her heart flutter, amongst other things.  But it came back to the same question she’d had earlier, was it the feelings the blonde evoked in her that she liked or Allie herself.

Closing her eyes, she cast her mind back to the previous day at the beach, and as an image of the bikini clad blonde filled her mind Bea answered her own question.  The firm thump between her legs and rapidly beating heart told her everything she needed to know.  She was attracted to Allie, really attracted to her.  The realisation hit her like an electric shock, and in her panicked state she managed to spill the bottle of water she had been drinking from all over herself.  “Shit” she mumbled as she jumped up and ran through into the en-suite before throwing her top in the bath.

Drying off she headed back into her room to grab another shirt before getting back into bed and picking up her discarded phone.  Realising she hadn’t replied to Allie she read the first of the three messages, feeling slightly disappointed when the blonde said she was referring to the pleasure of her company.  Get a grip Smith, she told herself.  It didn’t matter what she felt, and even if she wasn’t the only one feeling this way nothing would ever come of it.  She couldn’t give Allie what she would want, and to try wouldn’t be fair on either of them.  But when she read the last two message all thoughts of anything more than friendship were forgotten as the fear set in.

She hadn’t replied in almost half an hour and Allie clearly thought she was giving her the brush off.  The need to fix her mistake took over her, a trait she had been left with even now, several years after she had last seen Harry.  But Allie wasn’t Harry, she would never hurt her in the way that he did, and she didn’t want her thinking she had done anything wrong.  Needing to rectify that as soon as possible she decided to step out of her comfort zone and call the blonde, hoping her insecurities hadn’t ruined what she had hoped would be a good friendship.  Even though she wished it could be different, and for once she could let someone in.  But it was too risky and wouldn’t be fair on her daughter.

While Bea couldn’t deny her attraction to Allie, she would never admit it to anyone else, not even Franky.  She knew her friend meant well, but she would try and push them together and she didn’t want to lead the blonde on in any way.  Plus, she was probably reading too much into this.  Allie would never be interested in someone like her.  Scrolling down to the younger woman’s name she took a deep breath before calling her.

Allie was surprised when her phone started to ring and was in no mood to make conversation with anyone.  She was just about to switch it off when curiosity got the better of her and she checked the caller ID.  Seeing Bea’s name, she swiped to accept the call, taking a few seconds to work out what she was going to say.  Before she had a chance to speak those husky tones that sent her heart racing came down the line.

“I’m so sorry Allie, I wasn’t ignoring you, I promise.  I had a little accident with a bottle of water, ended up wearing more than I drank and had to sort myself out”

It was part amusement and part relief that caused the blonde to burst out laughing, the nervous giggle coming through the phone sending both her head and heart into a tailspin.  The things this woman could do to her, and she didn’t even have to be in the same room.  “I thought I’d scared you off for a minute.  I’m sorry, I was just playing around.  I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable”

“You didn’t, the unexpected cold shower did though” Bea joked in a bid to buy herself a bit more time.  She wanted to see Allie as soon as she got back from New Zealand but was worried she would come across as needy.  Feeling brave she decided to take a leap of faith and just be honest with the younger woman, well as honest as she could be without giving away her little crush, assuming that was what it was.  “Our flight gets in just after eleven on Saturday so we’ve got an early start, but you’re welcome to come over for a late lunch or early dinner.  Only if you want to that is”

“I’d love to.  I’m not much of a chef but I could pick something up on the way over, save you the hassle of cooking”

Bea felt her heart soar at the blonde’s suggestion.  Harry would have never done anything like that, seeing it as her duty to cook for him, even after a long hard day at work.  In the height of the summer she would perform multiple rescues a day and cover miles and miles while patrolling the beach.  Not that he ever cared about that.  As far as he was concerned what she did couldn’t be classed as a real job and getting to spend the day at the beach wasn’t exactly hard.  Unlike his job of course.  So, to have Allie put her first for the second time that day threw her a little, although she couldn’t deny that she liked it.  “Why don’t you come over and then we can order something, that was we can make sure we have enough for the little food vacuum that is my daughter” Bea suggested, already wishing that it was Saturday.  “As much as I’d love to chat some more I should get going.  I need to book a taxi to take us to the airport and Debbie insisted on packing her own bag again so I’m sure I’ll have to re-pack it tomorrow morning”

Spotting an opportunity to see the older woman sooner than expected Allie decided to take a chance, and hope she didn’t get rejected.  “I don’t need to be at the shelter until the afternoon so let me drive you.  That way you don’t have to worry about getting a taxi and I get my Bea fix”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that”

“You didn’t, I offered.  And it would make me feel better to know that you both got there safely…so humour me and accept.  Please”

“Ok, but only if you’re sure.  We need to leave around ten if that works for you”

“Ten is perfect, but I’ll be there at nine thirty so I can keep Debbie entertained while you re-pack her bag. I’ll let you get some sleep, just text me your address in the morning”

“I will do, thanks again.  Goodnight Allie”

“Goodnight beautiful” the blonde said before hanging up, leaving Bea lost in her thoughts as she gazed at the phone in her hand.  It was happening again, that same feeling she got when Allie kissed her cheek.  Only this time she wasn’t even in the room.  Deciding that it was probably a good thing that she was going away for a few days, giving her some time to think, Bea turned her lamp off and closed her eyes.  Dreams of blonde and blue quickly taking over.

A few streets away Allie wasn’t faring much better.  She was excited at the thought of getting to see the redhead again so soon, but knew that she would miss her while she was visiting her parents.  Although Bea not being around for a few days might not be such a bad thing.  She needed to clear the air with Kaz for a start, and while she wouldn’t just sit back and listen to her spewing crap about the redhead, she didn’t want to fight with her either.  Having said that, Allie wasn’t prepared to give her new friend up, not for anyone.  Plus, it would give her some time to sort her feelings out.  She was attracted to Bea, that much was obvious, but she needed to find a way to lock those feelings away, especially if she wanted this friendship to last.  And that was what was bothering her the most.  She had never felt anything so intense before, not even before things turned to shit with Paige, and she had no idea how she was going to hide those feelings from Bea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another big thank you for the support for this story. I’m still struggling with the Ballie bubble that the A hole writers seem hell bent on destroying, and if the write up for next week’s episode is correct then it’s about to get even worse. I’m just hoping the gin helps to numb the pain! :(


	9. Missing You

The following morning and the relaxed state Bea had woken up in was long forgotten.  Her alarm going off at six thirty had rudely interrupted a very pleasant dream, and while she knew it would never come to fruition, it didn’t hurt to indulge a little.  In her dream she had been going back to Auckland to visit her parents, but this time Allie was going with her, and not in the friend capacity either.  She was racing around the house as usual making sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, when Allie had slipped her arms around her waist and pulled her in for what had felt like the best kiss of the redhead’s life.  Even if it wasn’t real.  After last night’s revelation Bea had given up questioning what these newfound feelings meant, but she couldn’t help but wonder who would be the best kisser, real Allie or her dream counterpart?

Before she allowed her mind to go there she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower, making it a little cooler than usual.  She had heard people describe the very feeling she had woken up with, and knew that she was turned on, something that was so alien to her.  Not that she was complaining in the slightest.  But she needed to get her shit together, and fast.  Allie would be here in a few hours and the last thing she needed was to embarrass herself by getting caught drooling, or something equally as stupid and mortifying.

Two hours later and she was about ready to cancel their trip altogether.  Debbie had been in a mood from the second her eyes opened, and no amount of pleading would make her get dressed.  Bea had given her some cereal for breakfast, having given away most of the perishable food to Bridget the previous evening.  But the young girl wanted pancakes, something that had resulted in tension between the two of them.  So, when Bea told her that she couldn’t take her surf board with her she had thrown a strop, saying that she wasn’t going anymore.

Despite not wanting the board to get damaged in transit, the real reason Bea had refused was because her dad had been restoring one of her old ones and wanted to give it to her daughter as a gift.  That way she could have something of Bea’s, it would always be there whenever she visited, and the three of them could go out in the water together.  But the young brunette hadn’t even given her mum a chance to explain before storming off and slamming her bedroom door behind her.  The redhead had gone after her, and while she hated shouting at her daughter she couldn’t stop herself when she saw that in order to make a point she had emptied the contents of her suitcase all over her bedroom floor.  Knowing she needed a few minutes to cool off, Bea walked out of the young girl’s room, cursing under her breath when the door slammed shut behind her before she heard the lock turn.

Debbie was a good kid most of the time, but when she was in a mood she could be so stubborn, a trait she had unfortunately inherited from both of her parents.  It didn’t happen very often but when the young girl had a tantrum Bea wished she had someone there to help her.  But she didn’t, she was on her own as always, and if she didn’t get everything packed soon they would miss their flight.  She was just about to call the airline and see if she could get a later flight when there was a knock on the door.  Allie wasn’t due for another hour so when she opened it up and found the blonde standing there she was pleasantly surprised.

 

 

Allie could feel the stress radiating off the redhead the second their eyes met, and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her and hold her tight.  Before she could stop herself, she did just that, taking Bea by surprise.  Realising she had overstepped the mark she went to move back, feeling the older woman starting to hug her back.  Bea knew that she should pull back, but it felt so good being close to Allie like this, and she wanted to hold onto that for a little bit longer.  After what felt like seconds and hours at the same time she pulled back reluctantly, but when their eyes locked Bea felt the same as she had after waking up from her dream.

Looking down quickly she stepped aside to let the blonde in, hoping she hadn’t noticed the effect she’d had on her.  The slight smirk on Allie’s face letting her know that she hadn’t been so lucky, and had been caught out.  Luckily for the redhead she didn’t call her on it, something she was very grateful for, especially after the morning she’d had.  Closing the door behind them she turned around, only to be pulled into another hug.  “Is everything ok, you seem stressed” Allie asked, concern written all over her face.

“I’ve had better mornings” Bea said, brushing the curls from her face and allowing herself to get lost in Allie’s eyes for a few seconds before continuing.  “Debbie threw the mother of all tantrums over pancakes and a surf board.  My dad has spent the past two months restoring one of my old ones for her to keep at their house but she’s insisting that she takes hers.  It’s her favourite and I don’t want it getting damaged, you know what these airlines are like with luggage.  Plus, it’s something else I’ll have to carry.  I told her no, so she refused to get dressed then unpacked the bag I’d just redone, and she’s now shut herself in her room and won’t come out.  I still haven’t packed my things and if she doesn’t come out soon we’re going to miss the flight” she added, feeling the stress building again as she thought about everything that still needed doing.  “You don’t want a seven-year-old do you?”

“I think I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer” the blonde joked, pleased when she saw the trace of a smile on the older woman’s face.  “I’m guessing you’ve tried talking to her?” she asked, already knowing the answer before Bea nodded.  “Do you mind if I try?”

“Go for it” the redhead replied, leading Allie up the stairs before pointing to her daughters closed bedroom door.  Smiling at the blonde, she turned and headed into her own room, leaving the door ajar in case she needed her for anything.  She felt guilty for dumping her crap on Allie, but was so thankful that the blonde was here.  Just having someone there for support meant more to her than Allie would ever know.  Plus, despite her only wearing jeans and a shirt she looked absolutely beautiful.  Something which didn’t go unnoticed by the redhead.

 

 

Taking a few seconds to try and figure out why the hell she volunteered for this, Allie knocked on the closed bedroom door and hoped for the best.  She was out of her depth here but wanted to help Bea out in any way she could, even if that did mean trying to reason with a moody seven-year-old.

“Go away, I don’t want to talk to you” the soft, yet surprisingly loud voice shouted from inside the room.

“Debbie, its Allie.  I wanted to see you before you went on your holiday” the blonde replied, hoping she would at least open the door.  While she had no idea what she was doing right now, it would be a lot easier face to face than through a lump of wood.  Just as she was starting to think Debbie was ignoring her the door opened, and a little head poked out, messy curls cascading down her back.

“Just you, I don’t want her in here” the young girl said, opening the door to allow Allie to enter while scanning the hallway for any sign of her mum.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, Allie standing there not knowing what to say and Debbie sitting on her bed sulking.  The blonde could vaguely remember being that age when even the smallest things seemed like the end of the world, and while sulking over a surf board was a little silly the last thing she wanted to do was belittle the young girl, or her feelings.  Knowing that she needed to take control of the situation if they wanted to make their fight she sat down on the edge of the bed beside the curly haired brunette before taking her hand.  “What happened between you and your mum?” she asked, despite already knowing.

“She’s being mean, and she shouted at me”

“Why did she shout at you?”

Sighing loudly Debbie turned to face the blonde, throwing her arms up dramatically as she spoke.  “She won’t let me take my surf board to G’ma’s house”

“Ok, and what else happened?”

“Nothing” the young girl said, a guilty look on her face as she kept her eyes fixed on the floor.  After a minute or two of silence she glanced at Allie, seeing the sympathetic look on her face.  “I unpacked my bag”

“Why did you do that, don’t you want to go and see your G’ma and Gramps?”

“I do…but I’m not going with her.  She’s being mean”

Allie was trying not to laugh, finding the situation funny not the young girl’s distress.  She was as stubborn as a mule and she couldn’t help but wonder if she got it from her mum.  Debbie looked so much like the redhead anyway, but when she frowned she was the spitting image of Bea.  She felt for the older woman, and wanted to help, but she wasn’t used to being around kids, so was a little lost as to what to say.  Not wanting to patronise the young girl she decided to try a different tactic, hoping to make her see that although it didn’t feel like it, her mum was only trying to look out for her.  Taking Debbie’s little hand in hers, she made sure she had her full attention before starting to speak.  “I know you’re mad at her right now, but you’re lucky to have such a great mum.  My mum and dad didn’t want me around so I was on my own pretty much all of the time.  When I was a year older than you are right now they left me at home all alone for nearly a week, and while that might seem like fun, it was horrible.  I was really scared.  I had no one there to make sure I was safe, tuck me in at night, or make sure I had something to eat” she said, surprising herself by telling the young girl something she hadn’t told anyone before.  Not even Kaz.  “Your mum, she only wants what’s best for you, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.  This surf board you want to take, it’s your favourite one, right?”

“It is, and I want to show Gramps how well I can stand up on it.  But _she_ won’t let me”

“The only reason your mum doesn’t want you to take it I because it might get broken, and you don’t want that do you.  Plus, a little birdy told me that your Gramps has got a special one at his house, just for you.  So, if you take your other one he’ll be upset, and you don’t want to make him cry do you” the blonde said, hoping she wasn’t overstepping the mark.

“No, I love Gramps and I don’t want him to be sad.  But I really want to show him my board”

“How about we make a deal ok.  You leave your board here where it’s safe and when you get back I’ll make a video of you on it, then you can send it over to your Gramps.  Do we have a deal?” Allie asked, holding out her hand in the hope that the young girl will play along.

Shaking Allie’s hand, Debbie scooted over so she was sitting in her lap, before hugging her.  “Deal, but will you look after it for me until I get home?  Someone might burglar it if I leave it on its own”

It was a strange request, and Allie couldn’t help but smile at the way the young girl had worded it, but she wasn’t sure how Bea would feel about it.  If it got Debbie moving then she was willing to go with it, assuming it was ok with her mum that was.  “I’ll make sure nothing happens to it.  But first you need to apologise to your mum, and then you can help me pack your bag again so you don’t miss the plane”

Nodding reluctantly Debbie jumped down off of Allie’s lap and ran across the room.  Opening the door, she walked out, finding her mum standing in the hallway, her bag sitting beside her.  Wrapping her arms around the redhead’s waist she held on tight for a while before pulling back.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be bad”

Bea didn’t mean to pry, but after nipping out of her bedroom to grab a towel from the closet she couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between Allie and her daughter.  The blonde was a natural, and seemed to know the right things to say to get Debbie to comply.  But when she heard her talking about being left alone as a kid, she felt her heart breaking.  Given everything she had been through, it was a wonder the blonde was as well put together as she was, and Bea was so glad that her daughter had started talking to her the other day at the beach.  Despite it only being a matter of days since they met, Allie had become really important to her.  Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping Bea scurried down the hallway and back into her own room, waiting until her daughter’s door opened before walking back out again.

She had only taken a few steps when Debbie came crashing into her, apologising for her earlier tantrum.  After talking things through with her daughter briefly Bea looked up, feeling like she was being watched.  As she lifted her head her eyes locked with Allie’s ocean blue pools.  Time seemed to stand still as they stood staring at one another, the moment broken far too soon by a surprisingly giddy Debbie.  Bea watched on a she ran back to the blonde, taking her hand before dragging her back into her room.  “Come on Allie, we need to pack my things”

Shaking her head at her daughter’s sass Bea smiled at the blonde, her cheeks turning the colour of her hair when Allie threw her a wink before disappearing back into Debbie’s room.  ‘Get a grip Smith, you’re not a bloody teenager’ she told herself as she went back to her own room to finish her last-minute packing, her head full of blonde and blue as it constantly seemed to be.

Half an hour later and a smiling and dressed Debbie stood beside her small suitcase, her hand in Allie’s as the two of them chatted away like best friends.  Seeing Bea struggle with the other bags the blonde whispered in the young girls’ ear before letting go of her hand and going over to help.  They still had some time before they needed to be at the airport so after loading the luggage and the board Allie had promised to look after into her car she suggested they grab some breakfast on the way, Debbie agreeing straight away.  After one final check of the house the three of them headed outside to the car, Debbie taking Allie’s hand, and the blonde doing the same with Bea’s.  While it still felt a little strange the redhead couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the physical contact, but only with Allie.

 

 

Franky felt bad for upsetting her friend, and had been awake half of the night going over their conversation in her head.  She had been quiet on the drive home from Bea’s place but when Gidge asked her what was wrong she played it off as just being tired.  An hour and some gentle persuasion later she opened up, telling her girlfriend about seeing Red at the coffee shop with some blonde woman, and their subsequent conversation and fall out after dinner.  Bridget had been sympathetic, but tried to make the tattooed brunette see it from Bea’s side too.  While she didn’t know the full story of her past, the bits she had heard would be enough to put anyone off dating again, if that’s what she was doing with the blonde.  And then there was the small matter of Allie being a woman.  While Bea wasn’t homophobic in the slightest, she had always thought of herself as straight, so if there was something brewing between them she was bound to be feeling all kinds of confused.  Bridget wasn’t usually one for mixing business with pleasure, but she made a mental note to have a chat with her friend when she got back from her trip to New Zealand.

Following her chat with Bridget the previous evening, Franky decided to try and clear the air before bot Bea and Debbie headed off on their trip. After getting herself ready for work she left a note for her girlfriend letting her know what time her shift ended before heading over to her friend’s house, hoping she wasn’t too late to catch up with her.  Bea’s street was busier than usual so the brunette had to park a little further down the road.  She was just getting out of the car when the door to Bea’s house opened and little Debbie came racing out, her hand clasped around who Franky assumed was Allie’s.  But what really shocked her was that the blonde was also holding hands with Red.

She suspected that Gidge was right when she said that Bea probably wasn’t sure what she was feeling right now, she usually was.  But it was pretty clear to Franky.  Not wanting to embarrass her friend any further she got back in her car and waited until they had left before heading to the coffee shop.  She had an hour to kill before she needed to be at work and couldn’t be bothered to go back home to an empty house.  Plus, it would give her a bit of time to come up with a plan for Red, although she had promised her girlfriend that she wouldn’t interfere.

 

 

After breakfast they drove to the airport, Allie keeping both Smith girls entertained by singing along to the radio.  Bea was surprised at how good she was, but couldn’t hold back the laughter when one particular song came on and the blonde started rapping.  She was in full flow and threw a scowl the redhead’s way when she started to take the piss, although secretly loved this relaxed side of Bea.  Continuing with her impromptu rap, Allie couldn’t help but smile when Debbie joined in from the back seat.  She was making her own words up, but the blonde couldn’t knock her enthusiasm.

The loud laugh coming from the passenger seat took her by surprise, and she couldn’t help but steal a glance at the redhead.  Her head was thrown back and her eyes closed as she laughed at her daughter’s attempt at rapping, and all Allie wanted to do was pull over and kiss her.  The more time they spent together the harder it was getting, and she just hoped that she could find a way to keep a lid on her feelings.  While she would miss both Bea and Debbie, it was probably for the best that they would be away for a few days.  It would give her some time to sort herself out.  As hard as it was going to be, the last thing she wanted to do was scare the older woman off by being too forward.

All too soon they arrived at the airport, and instead of simply dropping them off Allie insisted on going in with them so she could help Bea with their luggage.  The redhead told her that it wasn’t necessary, although once again Allie’s kindness didn’t go unnoticed.  She really was one of a kind and Bea was so glad she was in their lives.  She just needed to try and figure out what exactly it was that she was feeling, and what to do about it.  The redhead knew that she needed to talk to someone about it, but after the previous evening Franky wasn’t that person.  Deciding that she would give Maxine a call when she got back from visiting her parents, she helped the blonde unload the car, making sure Debbie hadn’t left anything behind.

With an excitable seven-year-old a few steps in front, Bea fell into a steady pace beside the blonde, almost jumping in surprise when she felt Allie’s hand slip into hers.  Debbie had been responsible for the hand holding as they left the house earlier that morning, insisting that the blonde held her mum’s hand while she held Allie’s.  But this time the young brunette wasn’t to blame, not that Bea minded.  Truth be told, she quite liked it, yet another thing that was confusing the hell out of her.  She had been sneaking glances at the blonde while she was driving, and to say that Allie was stunning still wouldn’t be doing her justice.  Deciding that it was pointless to even trying to deny the fact that she was attracted to Allie, she lost herself in the feeling of the blonde’s hand in hers, and enjoyed being so close to her.  After checking in and dropping their bags off Bea knew it was time to say goodbye to Allie, and even though she would be seeing her in a few days she didn’t want to leave her.  It was crazy, insane even.  She would be twenty-nine in a couple of days, yet here she was feeling like a sixteen-year-old with a crush.

Bea wasn’t the only one feeling this way though, and the blonde really didn’t want to say goodbye.  But she had to, especially if she wanted to keep her feelings hidden from the older woman.  Her head was a mess and she really needed to talk to someone about the way she was feeling, but she couldn’t.  Kaz was the only one she felt comfortable enough talking to about this kind of thing, but given her hatred towards Bea, that wasn’t an option.  She could talk to Boomer, but if her friend figured out who she had feelings for she may unintentionally let it slip, and that wasn’t something then blonde wanted to deal with right now.  The only other person she felt comfortable enough to talk to was Bridget, and although she was no longer one of her patients the older blonde often called to check in with her, make sure she was ok.  That might be the answer to her current predicament, but she could worry about that later.  Right now, the only thing she wanted to focus on was making the most of the few minutes she still had left with Bea and Debbie.  Everything else could wait.

After making their way over towards security the redhead came to a stop before turning to face Allie, and for a spilt second she was sure she could see a longing in her bright blue eyes.  Looking down briefly, she lifted her head, and this time there was no doubt about it.  They had to leave, Bea knew that, but all she wanted to do was lean in closer and kiss the blonde.  That thought alone was enough to drag her from her Allie Novak induced haze, her cheeks colouring as she thanked whoever was listening that the younger woman couldn’t read her mind.

Unfortunately for Bea her eyes had given her away yet again, and despite being a little surprised by the desire she saw in the older woman’s chocolate brown orbs Allie wanted to do a victory dance.  She was probably reading far too much into it, and it was minor in the grand scheme of things.  But if she was reading this right then it meant there was hope. Hope for something more than friendship, even though she knew that she would have to be patient.  Breaking eye contact caused her a physical pain, but she knew that she had to do it before she did something stupid like try and kiss her.  Turning her attention to Debbie she squatted down before hugging the young brunette.  “You be good for your mum ok, and I promise I’ll look after your board”

“I’m always good” Debbie replied, clearly forgetting about her earlier tantrum.  “I wish you could come too”

So do I, Bea thought, thankful that she hadn’t said it out loud.  Although she did allow her mind to wander slightly, wondering what it would be like to go on holiday with the blonde.  Not that she would ever know.  Even if she had been right about what she thought she saw reflected in Allie’s eyes, she would never be able to give her what she needed.  She just needed to find a way to deal with these feelings that seemed to take over whenever she was near.  Bea was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realise her daughter was talking to her until she felt her tug on her arm.  Sorry Deb, I was miles away then.  What did you say?”

“I said can Allie come next time we go and see G’ma ad Gramps?”

Bea didn’t know what to say, and while the thought of Allie going anywhere with them made her heart race, she didn’t want to scare her away.  Before she had a chance to think of a suitable reply the blonde stepped in, in the same way as she had done that day at the beach when Boomer had said that Franky was probably rooting.  For someone who clams to have no experience with kids, she was damn good at it.

Allie could see the panic on Bea’s face, and hoped that was more to do with her not wanting the Allie to feel pressured into spending time with them, than actually wanting her around.  Deciding to defuse the situation she said the only thing she could think of without offending either of the Smith girls.  “I’d love to go with you, but it’s important for you to do things with just your mum.  I never got the chance to do that, so make the most of it.  And I’ll see you real soon ok”

“But I’m going to miss you”

“I’ll miss you too kiddo”

“What about mum?”

“I’ll miss your mum too” Allie replied, her eyes locking with the redheads for a few seconds before focusing back on the young girl.  That’s an understatement Novak, she told herself.  They hadn’t even gone yet and she was already pining for Bea.  So, when Bea said that she would miss her as well, it felt like fireworks had gone off in her chest.

All too soon the moment they had both been secretly dreading arrived, and it was time for Bea and Debbie to leave.  Neither of them spoke for what felt like hours, but in reality, couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, Allie eventually being the one to break the silence.  After telling Debbie that she would see her soon she turned to face the redhead, wanting more than anything to tell her just how much she would miss her.  But it wasn’t the time, nor place, although given the way Bea was looking at her, she couldn’t help but feel hopeful again.  Whatever happened or didn’t happen between them, Allie knew that she wanted the older woman in her life.  And not just for a few months.  Bea was everything she didn’t even know she was looking for, and now they had found each other again she had no intention of letting her go.  “I hope you have a good trip, and I’ll see you in a few days” the blonde said, taking Bea’s hand in hers again.  “What time does your flight get in on Saturday?”

“Around eleven, why?”

“No reason” Allie replied, already putting a plan in place to surprise Bea by picking them up.  She knew they would have an early start and that the older woman would probably be stressed out, so wanted to make her journey as easy as possible.  Although if she knew what the blonde was planning she would tell her that it wasn’t necessary.  Which was why she was keeping quiet for the time being.

Bea suspected the blonde was up to something, but decided to let it slide.  Squeezing the younger woman’s hand, she made the first move this time, pulling her into a hug.  The move surprised both women, although if the smile on Allie’s face was anything to go by it was a pleasant one.  Knowing that they really did need to make a move if they didn’t want to miss their flight she pulled back slightly, but as she went to kiss the blonde on the cheek she turned her head, causing Bea’s lips to brush hers.  It was more a bump of lips than a kiss, but that didn’t stop the fireworks for the redhead, and every other cheesy cliché out there.  Embarrassed by her mistake, as well as the longing she suddenly felt she jumped back, apologising to Allie before saying that she had to go.  Taking her daughter’s hand, she picked her carry-on bag up before moving towards the queue for the security checks.  She knew that she shouldn’t but Bea couldn’t resist looking back in the direction she had just come from, and the smile Allie rewarded her with almost knocked her off her feet.  That one smile told her so much.  I’m here, I understand, take your time, and more importantly I’m not going anywhere.

 

 

Bea had been so embarrassed after what happened at the airport, driving herself crazy during most of the flight, and was hoping that it wouldn’t be awkward when she saw the blonde on Saturday.  So, when she switched her phone back on once thy had landed in Auckland she was surprised to see that she had two messages from Allie.  The first one had been sent just after they parted, the blonde asking Bea to let her know when they got there, and the second was a photo that had been sent about an hour ago.  Opening it up she couldn’t help but laugh.  Allie was sitting on the floor in what the redhead assumed was one of the kennels at the shelter, with a massive dog in her lap.  She was pulling a sad face and when Bea read the text below it all the insecurities that had been plaguing her for the past three hours vanished.

_‘Is it crazy that I miss you already?  I’m not sure I can make it through until Saturday…I might not survive! Even cuddles from my main man aren’t helping :( A xx’_

Feeling braver than usual Bea decided to play along, loving how a simple message from the blonde could list her mood instantly.

_‘Adorable…I’m talking about the dog of course.  It is a little crazy, but I miss you too so we can be crazy together!  We’ve landed by the way, just waiting for the luggage so I’ll speak to you later. B xx’_

After sending the message she slipped her phone back in her pocket before taking Debbie’s hand and heading over to the luggage carousel.  As well as the two from Allie she had also received a message from her dad letting her know that he was waiting for them in arrivals.  Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long to get their luggage, then they could be on their way.  As they waited the redhead’s thoughts drifted back to a certain blonde, wishing more than anything that she was standing right beside her.

The next few days passed painfully slowly and Bea couldn’t wait to get back home to Sydney.  She felt awful for feeling this way and had loved spending time with her parents, but she missed Allie terribly.  It really was crazy, and they had either spoken on the phone or exchanged several messages a day, but it just wasn’t the same.  She had been glued to her phone that much the other day that when she was helping her mum cook dinner she had asked her who her new man was.  A question that had Bea choking on her wine.  Just the thought of her letting another man get close to her filled her with fear, of letting anyone get close to her in that capacity in all honesty.  But then she thought of Allie, beautiful, sweet, caring Allie, and suddenly it didn’t seem so scary anymore.

Bea had dismissed her mums’ comment, simply saying that she was just chatting with one of her friends, but Alice didn’t believe that for a second.  She may not get to see her daughter as often as she would like, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t still read her like a book.  She had noticed the change in the redhead as soon as they arrived a couple of days ago.  Bea seemed more relaxed, lighter even.  And she looked happy, happier than she had been in a long time.  So, when she said that she wasn’t in a relationship Alice was more than a little surprised.  One thing she did know was that whoever this friend was, they meant more to her daughter than Bea even realised.  Having said that she was a little shocked when her granddaughter insisted on video calling Bea’s friend Allie, and it turned out that she wasn’t a he.  Not that it bothered Alice in the slightest.  She had joked with Franky on several occasions that Bea would be better off with a woman, and now it looked like she might have been right.  Assuming her daughter was brave enough to let her in completely.

When Bea was younger she was so full of life, always chasing her dreams, which in her case was the biggest wave. But a few years after she moved to Sydney the light in her started to fade.  Alice knew straight away what had caused the change in her daughter, it was Harry.  She disliked him from the start, but after watching her little girl become a shadow of her former self that dislike quickly turned to hate.  She tried talking to Bea, but it was difficult to get her alone.  Then before long the visits started getting less and less frequent, and when they suggested making the trip to Sydney there was always some reason as to why it wasn’t convenient.  Both Alice and Michael had their suspicions, not that Bea would ever admit anything.  So, when they got the call from Liz that night letting them know that Harry had stabbed their daughter, she had to stop her husband from going after him.  Especially when he made bail.

Michael felt responsible, like he had let his daughter down, and would never forgive himself for not doing something to stop that monster from hurting his little girl.  And no matter how many time Bea told him that he wasn’t to blame, he couldn’t, wouldn’t accept that.  The day she was born was the happiest day of his life, and the first time he held her in his arms he swore that he would always protect her.  But he hadn’t, and it had been eating away at him ever since he found out what that bastard had done to his baby girl.

Out of the two of them his wife was the most observant, but even he couldn’t help but notice the change in his daughter.  She seemed so much happier than she had in years, and that had concerned him a little.  While he didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone, he was worried that she would end up getting hurt again, or worse.  So, when he found out that the source of her newfound happiness was a friend he was somewhat relieved.  Even though he knew the time would come eventually.  And his granddaughter seemed to like this Allie woman as well, which was a bonus.  He just hoped that she could help Bea learn to let go of her past and move on.

Alice continued to quiz Bea about this new friend of hers, especially when a very large bouquet of flowers arrived the morning of her birthday.  It would seem that Allie had gotten their address from Debbie after finding out from the young girl that it was Bea’s birthday while she was away, and the look on the redhead’s face when she realised who they were from told her mother all she needed to know.  Whether her daughter realised it or not, there was more than friendship between them.  Alice hadn’t said anything to Michael about her suspicions, nor had she spoken to Bea about them, but she would be calling Franky to get all the latest gossip as soon as her daughter and granddaughter left to go back home.

 

 

It had been two days since Allie had last seen Bea, and she couldn’t get their almost kiss out of her head.  She knew it had been accidental on the redhead’s part, but the look in her eyes as she jumped back told the blonde more than she was able to say.  With what the older woman had told her about her ex-husband and a little reading between the lines she suspected that relationships weren’t something that Bea took lightly but to Allie that was a good thing.  She knew that it would be a slow process and that she would have to be patient with the redhead, but it also meant that if anything did happen between them, it wouldn’t be a quick fling for Bea.

Allie didn’t want that, and as hard as it had been not to kiss her properly at the airport, she didn’t want to blow her chance with the other woman.  She wanted it all with Bea, everything, and that was something that surprised her a little.  After the disaster of her previous relationships, if they could even be called that, she was reluctant to get involved with anyone.  But the redhead wasn’t just anyone, at least not to Allie.  As far as the blonde was concerned she was the only one, and while she may end up getting hurt it was worth the risk.

It had been late when she got in from the shelter the day she dropped Bea and Debbie off at the airport, so she was surprised to find that Kaz was still up.  As soon as she walked through the door her sister was apologising for her comments the previous evening, and while Allie was grateful she couldn’t forget what the older blonde had said about Bea.  Something she tried to explain, before getting shot down again.  They hadn’t spoken since then, both women playing an excellent game of avoidance.  And while she missed talking to her sister, the near constant stream of messages she was getting from either Bea or Debbie definitely lifted her mood.

She had received a video call from the young brunette the previous day, which given where they were had surprised her a little.  Not that she was complaining, especially if it meant she would get to see her favourite redhead, even if it wasn’t face to face.  Even through the relatively small screen and slightly grainy image Bea looked stunning, and Allie was having a hard time remembering to do even the simplest tasks like breathing.  What she wasn’t prepared for was the third face that appeared on screen, although it was clear who the other woman was.  Despite her eyes being a different colour, it was like looking at an older version of Bea, giving the blonde an insight as to what the redhead would look like in years to come.  Her hair was slightly lighter than Debbie’s but the curls that Allie loved so much were present.  While she wasn’t usually shy, she was a little lost for words so was grateful when Debbie broke the silence.

“This is my G’ma, she looks like me too doesn’t she Allie”

“She sure does kiddo” the blonde replied, a little nervous under the intense gaze coming from Bea’s mother.  She looked a little shocked when Debbie said Allie’s name, but seemed to recover quickly, the slight frown forming into a smile before she spoke.

“Allie, it’s so good to be able to put a face to a name.  It seems both my girls are quite taken with you” Alice said, fighting back the smile when her daughter blushed at her comment.  “I’m Alice Wilson, Bea’s mum.  Anyway, I’ll leave the three of you to talk.  I just wanted to see for myself the person responsible for putting a smile on my daughter’s face” she added.  Ignoring the look Bea threw her way she waved to Allie before leaving the room.  It didn’t matter what her daughter said, there was clearly something between the two women.  Not that she could blame the redhead, Allie was beautiful, and seemed really good with Debbie, which was a massive bonus.  Knowing that she needed to step back and let things happen naturally she decided to make a start on dinner, although that didn’t stop her from planning a visit to Sydney in the not so distant future.  After all, a gentle push in the right direction wouldn’t hurt anything surely.

The three of them chatted for a while longer before Bea left to go and help her mum with dinner.  After asking Debbie what they had planned for the following day Allie was surprised to hear that it was the redhead’s birthday, and knew that she wanted to do something nice for her.  Although being over 1300 miles away would make things a little more difficult.  As she spoke to the young brunette an idea popped into her head, although there was one problem with it.  She didn’t know whereabouts in Auckland they were exactly.  She wanted it to be a surprise but knew if she didn’t get Bea’s parents address she wouldn’t be able to pull it off.  It was a long shot, and the chances of the seven-year-old knowing it were slim, but she had to try. Luckily for Allie the young girl had it written down on in a little book she kept in her rucksack in case she ever got lost, something her Gramps had made her mum do too when she was little.

As soon as the call ended Allie raced over to her laptop, booting it up before searching for florists that would deliver to the Wilson residence.  After finding a couple she read the reviews before making her decision.  It had come up in conversation the other day so Allie knew what the redhead’s favourite flower was, and after finding the perfect bouquet she spent a further half hour trying to figure out what to put on the card.  The blonde didn’t want to come on too strong, but she wanted the older woman to know that she was thinking of her, and missed her, more than she probably should.  Although Bea didn’t need to know about the last bit, not yet at least.  Once she was happy with what she had written she placed the order, paying extra to have the flowers delivered at a specific time.

She was nervous when she woke up early the following morning, hoping she wasn’t coming on too strong and that Bea would like the flowers.  She wasn’t due at the shelter until lunchtime so had intended to spend the morning working on her dissertation for university, but she couldn’t get the older woman out of her head.  She would be home in two day, so it wasn’t like she had to wait a lifetime to see her, even if it did feel that way right now.  Allie had stayed in her room until Kaz left for work, wanting to avoid any further arguments.  She knew that they needed to talk, and soon, but right now she was happy in her little Bea bubble, and wanted to stay there for a little bit longer.  It was just before seven thirty when her phone rang, and after checking the screen and seeing the redhead’s name she assumed the flowers had arrived.  Taking a breath to calm her nerves Allie answered it, relief washing over her when she heard the husky tones she loved so much.

 

 

To say that Bea was shocked when she read the card attached to the biggest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen would be an understatement, and they were her favourites as well, which made them even more special.  After putting them in some water she excused herself, telling her mum that she needed to make a quick phone call before they headed down to the beach for the day.  Grabbing her mobile she raced to her room, both nervous and excited to speak to Allie.

As soon as Bea left the room Alice grabbed the card that her daughter had left on the side, smiling to herself when she read the note on it.

 

_Bea_

_A little (curly haired) birdie told me it was your birthday, cheers for keeping that one quiet by the way!  Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope you have a lovely day and get spoilt rotten, as you deserve to be.  I know it’s not much, but time and distance kind of restricted my creativity, although I promise to make it up to you when I see you on Saturday._

_Happy Birthday beautiful_

_Love Allie xx_

 

Slipping the card back in the envelope Alice made sure they had everything they would need for their day out before letting her husband know that Bea would be out shortly.  Since her split from Harry she had come home for her birthday every year, and they always did the same thing.  They would eat breakfast together while the redhead opened her cards and gifts, then spend the day at the beach.  Alice didn’t really understand it at first, figuring that with what Bea did for a job that would be the last place she would want to be.  But as she sat on the sand watching her husband, daughter and granddaughter out in the water on their boards it started to make sense.  This was Bea’s happy place, as it had been Michaels when he was younger.  While he’d always been pretty good on a surf board the redhead put him to shame, and had done from a young age.  It bothered him at first, but as she got older he could see that she had a real talent for it so he entered her into a competition, and the rest is history.

After pacing the room a few times Bea hit the call button, her nerves washing away as soon as she heard Allie’s voice.  Even with so much distance between them the blonde could calm her like no one ever had before, but then she was feeling so many firsts with Allie.  They chatted for around twenty minutes, Bea thanking the younger woman for the flowers but telling her that she shouldn’t waste her money on her as she wasn’t worth it.  Allie in return told her that she deserved the very best of everything, and if she didn’t stop complaining she would send her flowers every day for the rest of her life.  Even if it resulted in her going bankrupt.  After calling a truce the redhead thanked her again, almost making Allie cry when she told her that no one had ever bought her flowers before.

It broke the blonde’s heart, although given the little Bea had told her about her ex-husband it shouldn’t come as a surprise.  Even if they never became anything more than friends she wanted the older woman to know that she was special, and swore to herself that she would always buy Bea flowers on her birthday, and any other random day for that matter.  Allie would give anything to be able to hug her right now, but knew that she would have to wait a few more days.

They spoke for a little while longer, Bea expressing her gratitude yet again before her daughter came barging into her room, announcing that if they didn’t go soon they would miss the good waves.  After telling her she would be out in a minute she reluctantly said goodbye to Allie, wishing more than anything that she was here with her.  Maybe next year, Bea thought to herself as she headed out to the car, her head filled with blonde hair, blue eyes and a smile that made her melt.  She knew she needed to talk to Allie, but she was scared.  Scared of rejection, but most of all scared that the younger woman might actually feel the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting, I was away from my laptop for a few days and am trying to stay one chapter ahead. Following this week’s episode of WW My Ballie bubble has been shattered into a million pieces, and while I’m going to try and continue with this I’m really struggling right now, at least from Allie’s side. I don’t recognise her anymore, and certain script choices this week have made me really dislike her as a character. I don’t want to start something and not finish it, and will try and push through, but I’m not sure when the next update will be. Apologies in advance and thanks for the continued support.


	10. Perfect

After another argument with her sister about Bea, Allie decided to give Bridget Westfall a call.  She really needed to talk to someone about how she was feeling, and as Kaz clearly wasn’t willing to be that person she was the only other option.  The blonde knew that she could always talk to Boomer, and despite what anyone else thought the brunette actually gave great advice.  The trouble was that she was Bea’s friend, and if she figured out who Allie was talking about things could get awkward.

Friday afternoon arrived and with it came a conversation that Allie wasn’t sure she was ready for.  She’d called Bridget the previous day and the older woman had suggested they meet for a drink.  As Allie was no longer a patient her office seemed far too formal, and after reading between the lines she figured that a glass or two of wine wouldn’t hurt.  They had arranged to meet at a small bar not too far from her office, somewhere that Allie didn’t usually go so there would be no chance of her bumping into anyone or of them being disturbed.

Her last patient had cancelled at the last minute so after catching up on some paperwork she told Vera to take the rest of the afternoon off.  She was the best receptionist Bridget had ever had and she couldn’t knock her work ethic, but she was a stickler for the rules, so little things like an early finish on a Friday often threw her.  Deciding that she would clear her diary in a couple of weeks and take Vera to lunch she locked the office and made her way over to the bar.  She was a little early, so after ordering a bottle of shiraz and asking for two glasses Bridget found a table in a quiet corner, hoping it would make it easier for Allie to talk about what was bothering her.

Ten minutes later the door opened and a tired looking Allie walked in, her eyes scanning the room before fixing on the older blonde.  Bridget studied her as she approached the table, pouring the younger woman a drink before sliding the glass over the table.  She continued to watch as the other woman drank half the wine in one go before putting the glass back down and turning her attention to the older blonde.

“Thanks for meeting me, I hope I’m not causing you any issues at work”

“Not at all.  I always try to keep my Friday afternoons relatively free, and you saved me from a mountain of paperwork so I should be thanking you” Bridget replied, taking note of the way the younger woman’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.  “So how can I help?  Did you have another panic attack?”

Taking a sip of the wine this time, Allie waited a few seconds before responding to the question.  “I did, but that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.  I’m sorry, and I feel bad for offloading on you like this but I don’t have anyone else to talk to.  I would usually talk to Kaz but I can’t, not about this.  She already hates her, so if she found out it would make things a thousand times worse”

“Is it your ex, has she come back?”

“No, it’s not her.  I…I met someone a few days ago, and this might sound crazy but I can’t stop thinking about her.  When I go to sleep she’s in my dreams, and when I’m awake she’s constantly on my mind.  I’ve never felt such a pull towards anyone before and it’s making me crazy”

“So what’s the problem?  That’s a good thing right…”

“It is, but I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it.  She’s not had the best experience when it comes to relationships, and while I don’t know any details her ex-husband was a grade A bastard.  She’s quite shy and doesn’t give much away, but sometimes I catch her looking at me and I swear she feels it too.  It’s only been just under a week but we’ve spoken every day.  She’s away visiting family at the minute with her daughter and I miss her like crazy.  I don’t want to push her into anything she’s either not ready for, or doesn’t want, but every time I see her it gets harder and harder to ignore what I’m feeling”

It was clear to Bridget by the way that Allie talked about this woman that it was more than just a crush.  She pretty much described the way she felt when she first started dating Franky, the way she still felt.  While Bridget had been a little apprehensive about going on to dinner with the tattooed brunette, five minutes into the date and she forgot all about what was worrying her.  The connection had been instant, and while she was attracted to the younger woman from the start it was more than that.  Allie had just described her own feelings back then, from the need to be in her company to the fear of her feelings not being reciprocated.  It was scary, even for someone who was meant to have their shit together.  But after everything that Allie had been through there was no wonder she was struggling to get her head around it.  Deciding that keeping her talking would be the best way to get some answers, she smiled at the younger woman before speaking.  “Tell me about her, how did you meet?”

“At the beach of all places” Allie said, her eyes lighting up as she got lost in the memory for a second or two before focusing on the woman opposite.  “I’d gone down to the beach with Kaz on New Year’s Day and she ditched me for a while to go and find the guy she’s been seeing.  They had a fight the day before and she wanted to clear the air.  Anyway, I was on my own when two women came and sat nearby.  They had a young girl with them, and long story short, her frisbee nearly hit me.  She came over to apologise and get it back, but instead sat down and started chatting to me.  Turned out her mum was a lifeguard and she came to join them after her shift finished”.

Taking a quick drink Allie smiled at Bridget before continuing.  “Do you remember me telling you about that day over at Tamarama, when I was going to jump.  Well it turned out she was the lifeguard that saved me, the one that’s been on my mind ever since.  I know it’s crazy and we’ve only actually known each other for five days, but it feels like so much longer.  I told her about my past, what happened with my dad and everything” the younger woman said, taking in the surprised look on Bridget’s face.  “I wanted her to know the real me, not the one that hides everything, and she was so perfect.  I thought she’d run a mile but she didn’t.  She held me while I cried, and for the first time in years I felt like I was worth something.  We spent the rest of the day together until she had to get back for Debbie, her daughter, and despite it being emotionally draining it was the best day of my life”

Bridget had her suspicions, especially after the younger woman said they had met at the beach on New Year’s Day and she was a lifeguard.  It was too much of a coincidence for this Allie, and Bea’s Allie to be different people.  But when she said the daughter’s name her suspicions were confirmed.  She felt a little awkward, and while she didn’t want to betray either women’s trust needed to let Allie know that she knew this woman very well.  Refilling their glasses, she signalled to the passing waiter that they wanted another botte before starting the conversation she didn’t feel overly comfortable having.  “Before you tell me anymore there’s something I think you should know.  The woman that has you feeling all kinds of crazy, her name’s Bea isn’t it”

“Yeah it…wait, how do you know that?”

Grabbing her phone Bridget brought up a photo of herself, Franky and Debbie at the Luna Park the other day before handing it over to the younger woman, watching on as her eyes went wide in shock.  Taking the phone back she swiped until she got to the same picture she had as the screensaver on her laptop, showing Allie again before explaining.  “The one out in the water on the board, that’s Bea.  Franky, my girlfriend, she’s her best friend.  We were meant to be meeting up with her at the beach the other day but something came up and we couldn’t make it” Bridget added, feeling her cheeks colour a little when Allie raised an eyebrow.  Boomer had been there that day, so no doubt she’d told everyone the real reason they didn’t leave the house.

Taking a sip of her wine Bridget studied the woman opposite for a few seconds before continuing to speak.  “I’m sorry, and I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable, I just thought you should know.  I won’t say anything to Bea about this conversation, or you being a client, don’t worry”.  Reaching across the table she placed her hand on top of Allie’s before giving it a supportive squeeze.  “After we took Debbie to the Luna Park we had dinner at Bea’s place. Deb mentioned her new friend a few times, and every time she did, Bea blushed.  I didn’t read much into it at the time, but when we got home Franky told me she’d seen her outside the coffee shop that morning with a, to quote, “hot blonde”, and it looked pretty cosy.  Bea’s been through a lot and she’s been hurt pretty badly, but give her time. If Franky’s right, and annoyingly she usually is, then Bea feels it too.  She’s probably just scared”

“I would never hurt her, I swear” Allie jumped in, interrupting the older woman.  Hurting Bea in any way wasn’t something she ever wanted to do, all she wanted was to love and protect her.  Love…no not love, it was far too soon for that wasn’t it.

“I know, and that thought never crossed my mind.  It’s not my place to say, but relationships haven’t exactly worked out well for Bea in the past.  Plus, there’s the small matter of you being a woman.  Don’t get me wrong, she would never discriminate against anyone, she puts up with all of Franky’s shit for a start.  She just doesn’t have a lot of experience in that area, so any confusion you may be feeling, it’ll be twice as hard for her.  Having said that Franky said that she’d never seen her like this before, and Bea bit her head off when she teased her about you, something she never does”

They stayed a while longer, chatting as they finished their second bottle of wine.  Allie was glad she decided to walk to the bar, knowing that she wouldn’t be fit to drive home.  She felt a little better after her conversation with Bridget, and hoped that Franky was right.  But she was also a little concerned about Bea’s best friend being in a relationship with her former therapist.  It wasn’t that she was planning on keeping anything from Bea, but she wanted to be the one to tell her about knowing Bridget.  Knowing it was out of her hands she knew the only thing she could do was trust that the older blonde would stick to her word and not say anything to the redhead.

 

 

Bea was tired as a result of the early start to her day, but was so glad to be back in Sydney.  She loved spending time with her parents and being back in her home country, but she had missed Allie so much.  She’d had a lot of time to think while she’d been away, and while she knew that she was attracted to the blonde, she was also scared.  The last time she’d let anyone get close she had almost died, and while Allie was nothing like her bastard of an ex-husband she couldn’t help but worry.  And that wasn’t the only thing playing on her mind.  While she was pretty sure she had seen the desire in Allie’s eyes when she looked at her, but what if it was all in her head.  The last thing she wanted to do was to ruin their budding friendship by reading the signals wrong. 

She was clueless what it came to relationships, and was embarrassed to admit that, although the only people she really discussed that kind of thing with were Franky and Maxine.  Not that she really said anything.  There had been nothing to say until Allie, and even now she had no idea what would happen between them, if anything.  Deciding she had plenty of time to drive herself crazy with those kinds of thoughts when she was laid in bed later that night, she turned her attention back to the luggage carrousel that had just started up.  Fifteen minutes later they were heading for the exit when Debbie dropped her bag on the floor and took off running.  Assuming that Franky had probably decided to take pity on her and pick them up, Bea grabbed her daughter’s luggage and continued in the direction the young girl had just gone.

A few seconds later and the crowd had dispersed a little, offering her a clear view of the arrivals area and her daughter.  Of all the people she expected Debbie to be hugging, Allie wasn’t one of them.  Although thinking back she shouldn’t really be surprised, the blonde had asked her a few times what time their flight got in.  As soon as their eyes locked Allie smiled and the redhead melted.  All her earlier fears washed away in an instant and she wanted nothing more than to hold onto the blonde and never let got.  Before she could close the distance between them Allie raced over to her, kissing her on the cheek before wrapping her arms around her.  Neither of them spoke at first, both just making the most of being close to the other again.

The hug lasted a lot longer than usual, and Bea would swear that the blonde held her tighter than ever before, or maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part.  All too soon Allie pulled away, but not before giving the redhead a kiss on the cheek, her eyes flicking to the older woman’s lips briefly before fixing on chocolate brown orbs.  “I’ve missed you so much.  Come on, let’s get out of here.  You probably want to crash for a while after the early start”

Bea had no idea what came over her, but before she could stop herself she reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind the blonde’s ear.  As the tips of her fingers brushed over the younger woman’s cheek she heard her gasp, and when their eyes locked this time there was no doubting the look in those ocean blue pools.  “I missed you too.  And thank you for picking us up, you really didn’t have to”

“I know, but this way you don’t have to get a taxi and I get to see you even sooner…win, win” the younger woman replied taking Debbie’s luggage in one hand and Bea’s hand in the other.  “I needed my Bea fix, I was having serious withdrawals” she added dramatically, her heart beating a little bit faster when she heard the older woman laugh.

The three of them made their way out of the terminal hand in hand, Bea in the middle, Debbie to her right and Allie on the left.  She saw an odd glance sent their way, but quite frankly she didn’t care.  Being here with her daughter and Allie was all that mattered to her right now.  When they got back to the blonde’s car she insisted that both Smith girls got in while she put the luggage in the boot.  Bea started to protest, but one look from the younger woman and she shut up and got in the car.  If felt so strange to have someone taking care of her like this, but she couldn’t deny that she liked it.  A lot.  She had spent the past four years doing everything for Debbie, no that she minded at all, and before that she had Harry to look after too.  Everything always fell to her, so to have someone do even the simplest thing like deal with her luggage meant more to Bea than it would to most people, and lifted Allie even higher up on the pedestal she had put her on.

A minute or two later Bea’s door opened, revealing a smiling Allie holding a large bouquet of lilies, very similar to the ones she had sent her on her birthday.  “I know you’ll have had to leave the other ones behind, so Happy Birthday…again” she said, handing the flowers over to a shocked looking Bea before closing the door and running around to the other side of the car.  

As soon as the blonde got in the car Bea kissed her on the cheek and thanked her for the flowers, telling her the same as she had last time, that she shouldn’t waste her money but they were beautiful.  Allie knew she should behave, but it was too good an opportunity to miss, plus if she made the redhead blush that would be a massive bonus.  “You’re beautiful, and any money spent on you could never be a waste” she said, feeling her heart race as Bea’s cheeks turned the colour of her hair.  She loved making her blush, and that shy smile she sent Allie’s way made her thankful that she was already sitting down.  “Right, let’s get you two home” she said, starting the car before pulling out of the car park.

She had been so tempted to kiss Bea, although it would have been highly inappropriate, especially in front of Debbie.  The trouble was that she couldn’t seem to control herself when the older woman was near, something she knew would only get harder the longer their friendship lasted.  She was just glad her hands were occupied right now.  It didn’t take long to get back to Bea’s house, the traffic a lot lighter than it had been when the blonde had driven to the airport earlier.  After unloading the car and helping the redhead in with their bags Allie turned to leave, asking Bea to let her know if she still wanted her to come over later.  She had been looking forward to spending the afternoon with them both, but would understand if the older woman just wanted to chill out.

“Why don’t you just stay.  I was going to unpack and throw some clothes in the wash before I called you anyway, so by the time you get home you’ll be coming straight back”

“Are you sure, I don’t want to get in the way”

“You could never get in the way Allie, I love you being here.  But only if you want to stay, don’t feel like you have to”

“I’m where I want to be” the blonde replied, squeezing Bea’s hand before turning to face Debbie.  “Right kiddo, how about I help you with your bag so your mum can do what she needs to”

As Bea watched her daughter practically drag the blonde from the room she couldn’t stop the wide smile from spreading across her face.  It felt so good having Allie in the house, and Debbie was clearly happy that she had agreed to stay.   While it hadn’t been planned she was glad they would get to spend more time together, she just hoped that she could keep a lid on these newfound feelings.

 

 

Allie helped Debbie unpack her bag while the redhead dealt with the others, an hour later everything was sorted and the three of them were relaxing in the lounge with a movie of the young Smith’s choice.  The young girl had insisted they all share one sofa, despite the blondes attempts to sit on the other one.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be near them, more a case of not trusting herself if she was too close to Bea.  She was only wearing some faded denim cut offs, a singlet and her thongs, her hair was up in a messy bun and she didn’t have any make-up on, but to Allie she had never looked more beautiful.

Under the young brunette’s instructions Allie found herself sitting between mother and daughter, Debbie on her left, taking up far more space than was necessary, and Bea on her right, who due to the lack of remaining space was so close that she was practically in the blonde’s lap.  The older woman had apologised, offering to move, but Allie had quickly dismissed said offer.  It wasn’t helping with her need to touch, but there was no way she would pass up on the opportunity of having Bea this close.  She didn’t know if she should ever get the chance again, and she wasn’t crazy enough to let it slip through her fingers.  Fingers that were dying to reach out and touch the tanned and toned thigh that was teasing her mercilessly.

They were about an hour into the movie when Debbie announced that she was starving, and if she didn’t eat soon she might die.  The redhead simply rolled her eyes at her daughter, clearly used to her dramatics when it came to food, but Allie couldn’t help but laugh.  Her performance was Oscar worthy, and when she jumped off the sofa and stood there, hands on hips she had to bite her lip to stop herself from losing it completely.

“Go get some fruit, and bring the takeout menus so we can order dinner” Bea said, waiting until little miss dramatic left the room before turning to face the blonde sitting beside her.

The lip bite that she just did had to be one of the hottest things that the redhead had ever seen, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stop staring at those plump lips.  They looked so soft, so inviting, and she wanted more than anything to lean in and kiss her.  But she would never do that, she just wasn’t brave enough.  Plus, Allie would run a mile if she did.  Taking a few seconds to compose herself she lifted her gaze, and knew as soon as their eyes locked that she’d been caught staring.  Neither of them could look away, both lost in the other one’s eyes.

In the end Bea was the first to look away, more due to fear of showing her feelings than anything, but when she looked back up again she knew without a doubt that she wasn’t alone in this.  No one had ever looked at her the way Allie was doing right now, and while she was scared, the need to be close to the younger woman far outweighed any fear.  She wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but just as their lips were about to touch Debbie came bounding back into the room, takeout menu’s in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other.  Bea leapt off the sofa so quickly that she almost fell over, and as she glanced back at the blonde was expecting to see hurt in her eyes.  But when all she saw was understanding it made her fall even harder for the younger woman.  She’d never met anyone like Allie before.  She had a similar playful cheekiness to Franky, but was much softer than her friend.  What she loved the most about the blonde was how well she seemed to understand Bea, even when she didn’t really understand herself.  It didn’t hurt that she was jaw droppingly beautiful either.

Realising her daughter was now standing beside her she sent an apologetic smile in Allie’s direction before turning her attention to the young girl.  “I thought I told you get some fruit” she said, pointing to the half-eaten chocolate bar in Debbie’s hand before taking the menus from the other.

“It is fruit” Debbie replied, holding up the wrapper so both adults could see that it was orange flavoured chocolate.

Allie couldn’t hold back the laughter this time, no matter how hard she tried.  This kid was pure gold, although she imagined she could be a real handful when she wanted to be.  And the look on Bea’s face was priceless, she just wished Debbie’s timing had been better.  Although it was probably for the best.  While she wanted to kiss the redhead so badly, doing it when her daughter was in the next room wasn’t really the best idea she’d ever had.  But when Bea looked at her like she had a few minutes ago she couldn’t stop herself, not that the older woman had put up any kind of resistance.  Being here with the two of them meant so much to her, more than Bea could ever know, and she knew that she wanted to be in their lives for as long as possible.  Even if that did mean just as friends.  As hard as it would be, if that was all the redhead wanted then she would be the best friend ever.  I just need to learn to think before I speak, she thought to herself as the words flew from her mouth before she could stop them.  “You can’t argue with that one babe”

Babe, she just called me babe.  No one had ever called her that before, and while it sound a little strange Bea couldn’t deny that she liked it, she liked it a lot.  One look in the blonde’s direction let her know that she hadn’t meant to say that, and she couldn’t help but smile when she saw the younger woman’s cheeks colour slightly.

“I guess not Alliecat” she replied, surprising herself at the nickname she had given the blonde.  But when Allie laughed, that soft melodic sound that made Bea forget everything else around her, she was glad her mouth had run ahead of her brain for once.

 

 

The next few hours passed far too quickly for both women, and when Debbie went to bed Allie figured that she should get going too, leave the redhead in peace.  Bea had other ideas though, so when she asked the younger woman to stay there was no way Allie was going to refuse.  She knew being alone with Bea probably wasn’t the best idea right now, especially after their almost kiss, but she couldn’t help herself.  Something that was starting to become a pattern in the redhead’s company.

Flicking through the tv they found a movie that neither of them had seen before, Bea grabbing them both a beer before settling down on the sofa beside Allie, keeping a little distance between them.  It wasn’t Allie that she was afraid of, it was her own inability to function properly when she was so close.  But as the movie played on and several trips to the kitchen for drink refills and snacks took place they found themselves getting closer and closer every time.  By the time the end credits were rolling on the screen Bea could feel the heat radiating from Allie’s jean clad thigh that was pressed against hers, and all she wanted to do was lean in and kiss her.  Debbie was in bed so there would be no distractions this time, no interruptions.  But could she do it, be brave that was, not kiss Allie.  That she would have no problem with, it was finding the courage to take that step, or lean in as it was in this situation.

Feeling a sudden burst of confidence washing over her Bea took a leap of faith, as well as the younger woman’s hand.  Loosing herself in the bluest eyes she had ever seen she closed the short distance between them, her nerves calming a little as Allie started to do the same.  This was it, the moment she had been waiting for since she figured out what all of these feelings meant.  Her stomach was aflutter and she felt like she was drunk on all things Allie Novak.  But just as they were about to kiss Harry’s voice filled her head, causing her to pull back and run, leaving behind a shocked and hurt blonde.

Bea couldn’t believe she had just done that.  Not only had she just run from what she was sure would be the best kiss of her life, hurting the younger woman’s feelings in the process, she was now hiding in the downstairs bathroom like a coward.  And as if that wasn’t enough to make her feel like the biggest idiot in the world, she had probably gone and ruined any chance she ever had with Allie.  The blonde must think she was out of her mind, and maybe she was, but when Harry got in her head there was no shutting him out.  It was though he had been in the room, taunting her with his words.  You’re worthless, you’re lucky I put up with you, no one would ever want you, ugly, useless, pathetic, why don’t you just do everyone a favour and kill yourself.  Words she had heard so many times, words that despite everything, she still believed.

Harry was right, she was pathetic.  Allie would never want to be with someone like her, someone so broken, so damaged.  And even if the blonde didn’t feel that way right now Bea knew she would end up hating her in the long run.  And that was something she couldn’t bear.  Although after what she had just done the Allie was probably already at that stage.  Bea had no idea how long she had been hiding in there, but knew she had to face the music sooner or later, although she suspected that the blonde had cut and run by now.  Not that she could blame her in the slightest.  What kind of idiot tried to kiss someone, then ran away?

Splashing her face with cold water in a bid to reduce the redness around her eyes Bea unlocked the bathroom door before opening it slowly.  The tv had been turned off, and she couldn’t hear any movement so assumed that the blonde had gone home.  So, when she walked back into the lounge she was a little shocked to see her sitting there.  “I assumed you’d gone” she said, wincing when it came out a lot harsher than she intended.

“I wanted to make sure you were ok before I left” the younger woman said, talking a few tentative steps towards the redhead, coming to a stop in front of her.  Reaching out she tucked a stray curl behind Bea’s ear, feeling her heart break when she saw the tears in the older woman’s eyes.  The last thing she wanted to do was leave Bea alone like this, but her presence was clearly causing her distress, and she didn’t want to do that either.  “I should go.  I don’t want to upset you, that was never my intention” she said, her eyes lingering on the older woman for a few more seconds before turning and walking towards the door.

Allie felt like she was leaving her heart behind, and the last thing she wanted to do was leave.  But if that was what Bea wanted, then that’s what she would do, even though it would hurt like hell.  It was crazy, and despite only knowing the redhead for a week she had fallen for her, and fallen hard.  The blonde was almost at the door when she felt a hand on her arm, turning her around.

“Stay…please” Bea said, her eyes filled with unshed tears.  She didn’t want Allie to go, and was kicking herself for making the younger woman feel like she did.

“Are you sure?”

Smiling through her tears Bea took the younger woman’s hand in hers before bringing it up to her lips and placing a soft kiss in her palm.  “I’m sure.  I want you here Allie, and I need to explain why I freaked out earlier.  Can we talk?”

“We can do anything you want to beautiful” the blonde replied, using her free hand to wipe away the stray tear that had fallen down Bea’s cheek.  She hated seeing her so sad and wished she could take her pain away.  Allowing the older woman to set the pace of the conversation she followed her into the lounge and sat back down on the sofa, the redhead disappearing for a few minutes before returning with a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

Sitting down on the same sofa as the blonde Bea poured them both a drink and handed one of the glasses to the other woman before taking a large gulp of hers.  The alcohol burned her throat, and she wasn’t usually one for drinking at home, but she couldn’t have this conversation without at least a couple.  She watched on as Allie took a small sip before placing her glass down on the coffee table, her eyes back on Bea within seconds.

“I can’t have too much, I’ve got to drive home”

“Stay the night” Bea blurted out, surprising both herself and the woman beside her.  Realising how that may sound she tried to explain, but ended up embarrassing herself even further.  “I…err…I mean you should have a drink, I have a bed…I…”  Fucking hell Smith, she mentally scolded herself, ignoring the slight smirk on Allie’s face.  “I have a spare room, so if you want to have a drink you can stay over and drive home tomorrow.  You don’t have to though, I just thought that…”

While Allie was finding the redhead’s rambling adorable, she knew the other woman was embarrassed.  Not wanting to make matters worse she decided to help her out a little, stopping her before she said something else she didn’t mean.  “I’d love to, but I can always get a taxi if you would prefer”

“Then it’s settled” Bea said, smiling at the younger woman briefly before frowning when she remembered what it was that she wanted to talk to her about.  She had to do this, it wouldn’t be fair to Allie to keep it from her, especially as there was clearly something between them.  Although once she found out what the redhead allowed Harry to do to her she would be off like a shot.  But that was a chance Bea knew that she had to take.  The blonde had been nothing but open and honest with her, and she deserved the same, no matter how hard it was going to be.

 

 

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, Allie not wanting to push the redhead, and Bea trying to work out where to start.  Deciding that the beginning was the only place she took a few deep breaths before speaking.  “I was nineteen when I met Harry.  I’d gone to a party with my team after a surfing competition, it wasn’t really my thing but I’d just won my third title in a row and they dragged me there to celebrate.  He kept coming over to talk to me, and at the end of the night asked me out to dinner.  I wasn’t particularly bothered but he seemed like an ok guy, and the girls in my team thought I should give him a chance.  We started dating a couple of weeks later, and while he never made my heart skip a beat he was nice enough.  At least he had been at the time.  I fell pregnant just under a year later, apparently some antibiotics the doctor gave me for a virus worked against my birth control, not that they warned me at the time.  He blamed me of course, said that I’d trapped him, even though he was always the one that initiated things between us…in the bedroom I mean” she said, her cheeks colouring in embarrassment at talking about something like this with Allie.

“Hey…there’s no need to be embarrassed, we’ve all done it” the blonde joked before sending Bea a cheeky wink in a bid to try and relax her a little.

“I’m sorry…I just…I never enjoyed it, even before he turned violent.  As long as he got what he wanted out of it then he didn’t care about me.  He said I was frigid, and I hated him touching me”

“Sex shouldn’t be like that Bea, ever.  I believe it should be about the emotional connection as well, not just a physical thing.  I thought I had that with Paige, but it turned out that wasn't the case after all.  But when you find the right person, someone who cares more about your needs than their own then it can be mind-blowing, or at least I hope that’s the case” Allie said, her eyes dropping to the redhead’s lips briefly before lifting again.  “Was it just in the bedroom he hurt you?”

“No, it was whenever he felt like it.  It got worse after Debbie was born, and what started as an odd slap here and there turned into regular beatings.  He’d blow up over the slightest little thing, if his dinner was a few minutes later, or the beer wasn’t cold enough, even when Debbie talked too much during the footy”

“Did he ever hurt her?”

“No, god no, I’d die before I let him lay a finger on her.  He always waited until I’d put her to bed before he started on me.  Sometimes it was verbal abuse, telling me I was worthless, repulsive and that I didn’t deserve to live, sometimes physical, and on the really bad nights both.  If I refused sex he’d take it anyway, then bash me afterwards for disrespecting him, so in the end I just gave in.  What kind of person does that make me?”

“It makes you strong Bea” the younger woman replied, moving closer to the redhead before pulling her into a hug.  She could feel the anger building, anger directed at the piece of shit that had hurt such an incredible woman.

“No, no it doesn’t.  It makes me weak and pathetic, just like Harry said.  He was right.  I let him beat me for four years Allie, four years.  And if the neighbours hadn’t called the police that night then I would have let it continue.  I almost died that night, over a dirty mug on the kitchen counter.  He was drunk when he came home, which was nothing new, and the verbal abuse started as soon as he walked through the door.  But when he saw the mug he lost it, calling me a lazy good for nothing bitch.  Then the beating started, and I thought it was going to be like any other night, he’d kick the crap out of me then pass out on the sofa while I cleaned and patched myself up.  But it wasn’t.  He was relentless, screaming in my face while he punched and kicked me.  The neighbours must have heard him and called the police.  Debbie was only four, but she let them in even though I’d told her not to answer the door to strangers.  She must have been so scared Allie” Bea said, tears streaming down her face as she held on to the blonde.  “When the police came in he smashed a glass that had been sitting on the bedside table and stabbed me with it.  I almost died and Debbie heard everything, I’ll never forgive myself for that, I should have done more to protect her”

“You did everything in your power to protect that little girl.  He’s the arsehole here not you, and I don’t want to hear you blaming yourself for any of that ever again ok.  Those things he said to you, he did that to make himself feel better.  By bringing you down he was building himself up, boosting his own ego.  He’s the worthless one, not you.  And as for you being repulsive, that couldn’t be further from the truth.  You’re beautiful Bea, strikingly so, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in fact. You’ve probably noticed that I can’t keep my eyes off you”

“You do stare…a lot”

“Can’t help it” the blonde replied, kissing Bea on the cheek before continuing.  “You’re perfect to me, and if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives, and even when we’re ghosts then I will do”

“You’re planning on sticking around then?”

“Absolutely, just try and stop me” the blonde replied, taking one of Bea’s hands and placing it on her chest so she could feel her heart beating rapidly.  “Can you feel that?” she asked, waiting until the older woman nodded before continuing.  “Every time I look at you it does that.  You’ve probably figured out by now that I like you, and not just as a friend.  I know that you probably don’t feel the same, and that’s ok, I can live with that.  I would never pressure you into doing anything that you don’t want to do, you’ll always be one hundred percent in control here.  But I just wanted you to know that I think you’re perfect, and I adore you”.  Allie knew that she was taking a big risk here, and was about to get her heart broken, but if it meant that the redhead was able to see herself the way Allie saw her then it was worth it.

Bea was pretty sure that the blonde liked her, but hearing her confirm her suspicions made her heart soar and shatter at the same time.  She deserved so much better than a woman who was controlled by her past, someone who could never give her what she needed in the long run.  She knew that she should tell Allie she felt nothing for her, at least nothing more than friendship, but she couldn’t lie to her like that, or to herself.  Losing herself in the bluest eyes she’d ever seen she took a minute to try and compose herself before opening up, something which terrified her.  “I like you too Allie, a lot.  But I’ve never felt like this before, and it scares me.  Earlier when we almost…I wanted to so badly, but then Harry got in my head and I freaked out.  I didn’t mean to run away from you like that, and I feel terrible about it.  But all I could hear was his voice in my head telling me I was worthless, pathetic, and no one would ever want to be with me.  It’s been years and he’s still affecting me like this, still controlling me in some ways.  I’m weak Allie, and I hate myself for it.  You’re strong, and brave, and kind, and so damn beautiful…and I’m nothing”

If Allie thought hearing what Harry had done to the redhead had been hard, it was nothing compared to hearing her say that about herself.  Moving closer she pulled the older woman into her lap and held her tight, her tears soaking Allie’s top through, not that it mattered.  Kissing the top of Bea’s head, she rocked her gently as she spoke, hoping her words could bring some comfort to the woman in her arms.  “You’re not nothing Bea, you’re everything”.  Brushing her thumb over the older woman’s jaw she lifted her head slightly so she could look into her eyes.  “Do you know what I see when I look at you?” she asked, her heart breaking at the pain she saw in the redhead’s chocolate brown orbs.

“I see someone who sacrificed herself every day to protect her daughter.  I see someone who kept fighting, even though it would have been so much easier to give up.  I see someone who no matter what, wouldn’t let him win” the blonde said, her eyes never leaving Bea’s.  “What he said to you, none of that was true.  You say I’m strong, but I don’t feel it.  Every day I feel weak, and I hate myself for what I allowed people to do to me.   I understand how you feel Bea, but please believe me when I tell you that you are strong, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.  And not only that, you’re an inspiration.  What you’ve been through, no one should have to deal with that, ever.  But not only did you make it out the other side, you raised an incredible young woman in the process.  Debbie is a credit to you, no one else, and that girl adores you.  Even when she is throwing a tantrum over surfboards and the lack of pancakes for breakfast”

The fractured giggle that fell from Bea’s lips at her last sentence skyrocketed the blonde’s heart rate.  Despite the awful topic of conversation, she was happy that she could still make her laugh a little, and to Allie it was the sweetest sound in the world.  There was still fear in the older woman’s eyes, but she could see traces of hope as well, something she was determined to build on.  “I’m here Bea, in whatever context you want me to be.  Even if it is just to play referee between you and that beautifully charming daughter of your”

“She is pretty special isn’t she”

“Of course, how could she not be when she comes from you”

“Allie…” Bea half said, half sighed, her fingers running through the younger woman’s soft blonde locks.

“Sorry, I’ll behave...I promise”

Despite being terrified of both getting hurt, and hurting the blonde Bea couldn’t help herself.  While she didn’t see herself as brave and probably never would, hearing Allie talk about her in that way made her heart beat faster.  She had no idea what the younger woman saw in her but for once in her life she wanted to take a chance on something, on Allie, and before she had time to process what she was saying the words were already falling from her mouth.  “What if I don’t want you to behave…”

To say Allie was shocked would be an understatement.  While she wanted everything with the older woman she didn’t expect anything to come of it.  Especially after the conversation they’d just had.  So when she heard those few words her heart leapt out of her chest, and her body tingled.  Surely she hadn’t meant that how it sounded, or had she?  Allie knew as soon as blue met brown that Bea had in fact meant it in the way she hoped she had, the older woman’s gaze flicking between the blonde’s lips and eyes.  She could see her own desire reflected in the redhead’s chocolate orbs and knew that no matter what happened she had to kiss her, she couldn’t wait any longer.

Leaning forward slightly she waited for the older woman to meet her half way, giving her a chance to back out before things went any further.  But when Bea’s other hand came up to rest on the side of her face Allie knew she was all in.  Closing what little distance was left between them she brushed her lips against Bea’s cheek softly, not wanting to freak her out in any way.  Receiving no resistance, she left a trial of light kisses along her strong jaw before pulling back slightly.  She couldn’t help but smile at the look of confusion on Bea’s face, but when the redhead realised why she had stopped Allie felt herself being pulled in closer.

“I’m sure, please Allie…” Bea said, her voice a few octaves lower than normal.  She wasn’t sure who made the first move but one second she was looking into slightly darker blue eyes, and the next they were kissing.  And what a kiss.  It was everything that she had expected it to be, and so much more.  Allie made her feel things she’d never felt before, and suddenly all the talk of fireworks and explosions made perfect sense.  It wasn’t even over yet but Bea knew that she wanted to do this again, and again, but only with Allie.  Always Allie.


	11. Mixed Emotions

Bea had been laid in bed for almost an hour now, and sleep was evading her.  She couldn’t get the kiss, or kisses out of her head, and the feel of Allie’s lips on hers was like nothing she’d ever experienced before.  They had spent the last hour before going to bed talking and sharing light kisses, and she couldn’t be happier.  The redhead suspected Allie was deliberately holding back through fear of freaking her out, and while part of her was grateful, the other part wanted to know what it would feel like if she lost control.  Bea never knew that she could feel so much just from kissing someone, although she was positive that she would never feel this way with anyone else.  But there had been something about Allie right from the start, something all-consuming and she couldn’t fight it, even if she wanted to.

As she laid there replaying the events of the evening she was hit with a sense of panic.  What if she couldn’t give Allie what she needed, or worse still ended up hurting her.  She’d had enough people hurt and abandon her in her life, and the last thing Bea wanted to do was be another name on that list.  It was just a kiss, she told herself over and over again, but what a kiss.  Bea had never felt so alive as she did when the blonde’s lips were on hers, and she knew that she wanted Allie.  But she was scared of getting hurt.  Allie was nothing like Harry, and she knew that the blonde would never raise a hand to her like he had.  But that didn’t stop her screwed up brain from going there.

If they continued to explore this thing between them then eventually the blonde would want more than just a few kisses, and that was what scared her the most.  It wasn’t Allie, she was crazily attracted to her, it was more about the physical aspect of it.  Sex had never been enjoyable for her, plus there was the matter of her never being with a woman before.  She had no idea what to do, it wasn’t like she ever touched herself like that.

On the one occasion she had tried it she’d been caught out.  Harry was meant to be at work but had called back at the house to pick something up that he’d forgotten that morning.  Bea was so lost in these new and strange, but not unpleasant feelings that she didn’t hear the front door.  So, when he walked into the bedroom and literally caught her with her hand down her pants he wasn’t amused.  He beat her pretty badly that day, although it made a change for it to be over something new rather than the usual excuses he gave.  She had never tried it again after that, deciding that whatever momentary pleasure it may bring, it wasn’t worth the pain.

That’s all sex had been to Bea, pain. So she avoided it wherever possible and now she was twenty-nine years old and didn’t have a clue.  As soon as Allie found out how pathetic she was she’d be running for the hills, leaving Bea even more broken than she already was.  Once that thought had wormed its way into her head there was no getting rid of it, which is why she found herself pacing the kitchen at nearly two in the morning.

Allie couldn’t stop smiling.  She was laid in bed in Bea’s house looking like she had a clothes hanger stuck in her mouth, all because of a kiss, or five kisses to be exact.  And while the redhead’s confidence had grown a little with each one their first kiss was the most memorable.  The way the older woman pushed back when Allie deepened the kiss sent shockwaves through her body.  She’d never felt anything like this before, and knew that it was as much to do with the person she was kissing as the actual kiss itself.  Turning onto her side she grabbed a handful of the shirt Bea had given her to sleep in and inhaled.  It smelt like the redhead, and that alone was enough to make her feel safer than she ever had done before.

She had fallen asleep easily, thoughts of red curls, brown eyes and the most kissable lips in the world filling her dreams.  A noise from downstairs woke her just before two, and after lying there listening to someone move around in the room below for a few minutes she decided to go and investigate.  There had been a string of burglaries in the area recently, and while it was probably nothing Allie didn’t want to ignore it, or worse still Bea or Debbie go down and get hurt in any way.  Opening the door as quietly as possible she made her way downstairs, trying not to make a sound.  She had almost made it to the bottom of the stairs when movement to her right startled her, causing her to slip and take the remaining couple of steps on her backside.

Bea was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t realised Allie was awake let alone on her way downstairs, at least not until she heard a bang, followed by a quiet curse.  Turning around she ran across the room, coming to a stop in front of the blonde who was now sprawled out on the floor.  Bending down she picked the younger woman up, helping her over to the sofa before sitting down beside her.  “Are you ok, does it hurt anywhere?”

Bea was wearing a pair of snug fitting boy shorts and a vest top, and the amount of skin on show was doing nothing to calm Allie’s already elevated heartrate.  She didn’t even realise she had been staring until her gaze shifted to the older woman’s face, the pink tinge in her cheeks just about visible in the dim light giving away her embarrassment.  “If I say yes will you kiss it better?” she replied, throwing the redhead a cheeky wink to let her know she was just playing around.  Not that she would turn down the offer.  “What are you doing up anyway, don’t you have work in the morning?”

“I knew you’d be trouble Novak” Bea threw back, loving how easily they could fall into this playful banter.  She knew the blonde was only teasing, but the thought of kissing Allie anywhere other than her mouth made the older woman’s stomach flip.  She’d never felt this kind of longing for another person before, but knew she wasn’t ready for anything like that yet, if ever.  Feeling the need to explain she tried to put her thoughts into some kind of logical order in the hope that Allie would understand. 

“I couldn’t sleep, I…Allie I…I like you, a lot.  And last night, no one has ever kissed me like that before.  But I’m out of my depth here, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do…and I’m scared that I’ll end up hurting you”

Taking the redhead’s hand in hers Allie allowed herself to get lost in her deep brown eyes for a few seconds.  “I meant what I said last night, you’re in charge, you set the pace.  I would never pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready for, you mean too much to me”

“But that’s just it, what if I’m never ready?  I don’t want to make promises I don’t know that I can keep, that wouldn’t be fair on you.  I have so much baggage, and then there’s Debbie”

“Do you know what I think?” Allie asked, running her fingers through the older woman’s wild curls.  “I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself here.  For the record we’ve all got baggage, and as for Debbie, I adore her.  She comes from you…how could I not.  I don’t expect anything from you Bea, and I never will.  Being here with you is more than I could ever imagine, and I’m just grateful that you’re willing to take a chance on someone like me”

“Someone like you?”

“Yeah, you know…a drug addicted prostitute.  I’m not exactly the catch of the century am I”

“Oh Allie, I don’t see you like that and I never did.  You did what you had to do to survive, and I will never think any less of you because of that.  And you’re wrong you know…I think you’re pretty incredible” the redhead replied, her heart aching at Allie’s words.

She was so much more that she gave herself credit for, and Bea was determined to make her see that.  Brushing her thumb over the younger woman’s bottom lip, she felt a jolt of electricity rushing through her body at the gasp that fell from Allie’s lips.  She wanted to kiss her so badly, but was scared that the blonde wouldn’t want her to.  But when their eyes locked all that fear dispersed, and was replaced with a sense of longing she never knew she could feel.  Deciding to be brave for once she closed the distance between them, and the second their lips touched Bea felt like she had come home.

 

 

Allie was pretty sure she had been smiling in her sleep, her dreams filled with the stunning redhead across the hallway that had well and truly captured her heart.  Allowing herself a few minutes to replay the events of the past few hours she felt her heart rate increase as she thought about Bea’s lips on hers.  For someone with so little experience she was one hell of a kisser, making the blonde feel things she’d never felt before.  While she wanted everything with Bea, she would never pressure her into anything.  The most important thing to Allie was the redhead’s happiness, she just hoped that she could contribute to that in some way.

She was glad they’d had the talk, even if it did mean she didn’t get much sleep.  The last thing she wanted was to freak Bea out or put pressure on her in any way, even unknowingly, and knew that if they did ever become more intimate that it would take time.  And she was fine with that, rushing into things had never ended well for her in the past, not that she had ever felt anything like the way she did for Bea with anyone else.  They both had a lot of demons in their past, and the only way this was going to work was if they took their time.  As hard as it was going to be to not get carried away, she knew she had to try.  For Bea’s sake, if not her own.

Hearing voices downstairs she checked the clock, seeing that it was just after seven.  Slipping out of bed Allie made her way to the bathroom to freshen up before heading downstairs.  Making sure to walk down the stairs this time and not fall she made her way into the kitchen, her heart warming at the sight of the two Smith girls making breakfast together.  Debbie was stood on a little step so she could reach the counter, and whatever they were making it smelt delicious.  Leaning against the doorframe she watched them for a few minutes, although her eyes kept drifting to Bea’s backside.  She was dressed for work in her lifeguard shirt and a pair of shorts that hung on her hips, accentuating the most perfect arse Allie had ever seen.  She was so busy staring that she didn’t realise she’d been caught until she heard the redhead clear her throat.  Snapping her gaze up she locked eyes with Bea, the older woman staring at her with one eyebrow raised.  _Way to go Novak.  It hasn’t even been a whole day and you’ve fucked it up already_ , she told herself, relief washing over her when the redhead shook her head then smiled.

Bea suddenly got the feeling she was being watched, and sure enough when she turned around she saw Allie standing in the doorway, and she was pretty sure the blonde had been staring at her arse.  The guilty look in the younger woman’s eye letting Bea know that she was correct in her assumptions.  After her fears the previous night she was expecting to feel a bit freaked out by the younger woman’s wandering eyes, so when she felt the same wave of arousal rushing through her body as she had when she woke up from her dream the previous week, she was more than a little shocked.  Smiling shyly at Allie she turned to face her daughter, tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention.  “Guess who’s awake” she said, hear heart warming as she watched Debbie spin around, jump off her step and race across the room before launching herself at Allie.  The laughter falling from the blonde’s lips was the sweetest sound she had ever heard, and Bea wished there was a way to capture this moment and keep it forever.

Launching herself at Allie, Debbie wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight.  She had been about to go into the spare room and get the stuffed dog that she won for the blonde, having forgotten to give it her the day before.  She was spending the day with G’ma Liz while her mum was at work, and was hoping they could take the dog to Allie on their way home.  So, when the redhead stopped her opening the door and told her that Allie was in there sleeping she was so excited.  After having a wash, she went downstairs to make her friend some breakfast, with her mums help of course.  She couldn’t wait to see the blonde, and was going to go and wake her up once they had made the waffles, so when her mum told her Allie was awake she couldn’t hold her excitement back any longer.

Allie had to grab onto the doorframe to steady herself.  She hadn’t expected the young girl to be quite so happy to see her, although deep down she was over the moon.  She knew that if there was any chance of building anything with Bea, she would need to pass the Debbie test.  And while they had gotten on well so far, she knew that could change in the blink of an eye.  So, when the young girl pretty much launched herself at her Allie couldn’t help but laugh, and when she looked up and saw the bright smile on Bea’s face as she watched their interaction, the blonde wished that every morning could be like this.

 

 

The three of them ate breakfast together, Debbie insisting that the blonde sat next to her.  Bea was sitting directly opposite and while she was trying her best to focus on what the young girl was telling her Allie couldn’t help but sneak glances at her mum.  Bea really was so incredibly beautiful, and she felt so lucky to be able to be here with her.  Whatever happened between them relationship wise Allie knew that she wanted the redhead in her life, both her and little Debbie.

Once they had eaten Allie offered to wash up while the redhead got Debbie dressed, and she knew they were making progress as this time Bea only objected twice.  After sending her daughter upstairs to pick out what she wanted to wear the older woman stayed behind, needing a minute or two alone with the blonde.  Walking back over to where Allie was standing she slipped into her waiting arms, sighing in contentment when the younger woman held her tight.  “Sorry, Deb can be a little full on in a morning, especially when you’re not used to it.  Oh, and good morning” she said tucking her head in the space between Allie’s chest and jaw.  She was a little bit taller than Bea, and they fit together perfectly, something that wasn’t lost on either woman. 

“Good morning beautiful” the blonde replied, pulling back slightly so she could gaze into the chocolate coloured eyes that she loved so much.  “And don’t worry about Debbie, she’s adorable…just like her mum.  I only wish I had that much energy first thing in a morning”

“Me too.  Although right now I’m perfectly happy where I am” Bea said, running her fingers through the younger woman’s tousled blonde locks.  The bedhead look was hot on her, and the older woman had real trouble stopping her mind from going there.  Knowing they didn’t have long until Debbie came back down in search of them Bea leaned in, dropping a soft kiss on Allie’s lips.  What started as a quick peck soon turned into something more, the redhead surprising them both by being the one to take it further.

Kissing Allie was addictive, and if she wasn’t due at work soon or they had the house to themselves she would happily spend the rest of the day doing just that.  But that wasn’t an option right now, and as much as she enjoyed being with the blonde like this she wasn’t ready for her daughter to find out.  Pulling back reluctantly, she gave Allie one more kiss before stepping away.  “I’m sorry, I should go and help Deb before she comes back down and catches us.  It’s not that I’m trying to hide anything, I just…” Bea starts to ramble, unable to finish her sentence when the blonde’s lips find hers again briefly.

“Babe, it’s fine, honestly.  I understand, we go at your pace remember.  Although I could get used to these morning kisses” Allie replied, winking at Bea before kissing her on the cheek.  “Go on, go and get ready while I wash up”

“You’re the best, I hope you know that”

“I try, although I’ll let you in on a little secret…there’s this redhead that I really like and I’m trying to impress her”

“She’s very impressed, trust me” the older woman replied, stealing one last kiss before going in search of her daughter.  She knew that she needed to put some distance between her and Allie, otherwise she’d be later for work.  Very late.

 

 

Bea’s shift had been manic, but even with the numerous rescues, stolen bags and lost kids Allie was never far from her mind.  She never thought she could ever feel this way about another person, although she very much doubted it would happen with anyone else.  Allie was special, in every way, and the redhead knew she was falling hard for the younger woman.  When she was with the blonde anything seemed possible, but now they were apart traces of doubt had started to creep in.  It wasn’t anything against Allie, she was perfect in the redhead’s eyes, she just couldn’t get past her own hang-ups.  The younger woman was smart, witty, compassionate and stunningly beautiful, and Bea was flawed to put it mildly.

She wanted so much to be able to live in the moment, throw caution to the wind and follow her heart.  But Bea wasn’t naïve, and good things didn’t happen to people like her.  Plus, she had Debbie to think about.  She had clearly grown quite attached to the blonde in the short time they had known each other, and the last thing the redhead wanted was for someone else her daughter cared about to disappear.  When Harry was sent to prison she tried to explain to the young girl that he had been naughty, so had to go away for a while so he could learn how to be good.  But she didn’t really understand it, and while she knew that her daddy was a bad man, in her little girls eyes he had left because he didn’t love her.

Seeing her daughter with Allie earlier that morning made her happier than she thought possible, and despite probably having no use for a giant stuffed dog the blonde seemed genuinely happy to receive the gift.  They were just about to leave when Debbie dropped her bag on the floor and went racing up the stairs, coming back a few minutes later with the stuffed toy.  It was as big as her, but the young girl was determined to carry it by herself.  Coming to a stop in front of the blonde she held the dog out, a wide smile on her face as she spoke.  “I got this for you when I went to the Luna Park last week.  He’s not a real, so you won’t have to clean any poop”

The smile on Allie’s face as she squats down, taking the stuffed toy in one arm and wrapping the other around Debbie, made Bea’s heart flip flop in her chest.  Allie had such a big heart, and the redhead couldn’t understand why anyone would ever want to hurt her in any way.  Bea knew that she came with a lot of baggage, but that hadn’t phased the blonde one bit

Allie had no idea what she was going to do with a giant stuffed dog, but she didn’t care.  It was a gift from Debbie, so she would cherish it, always.  The fact that the young girl not only took the time and effort to win it in the first place, but to think of her while she was doing so meant so much to the blonde.  In such a short period of time both Bea and Debbie had treated her better than her own family ever had.  She didn’t want to cry through fear that the redhead wold think she was weak, but she couldn’t stop the stray tear from escaping.  She was just about to wipe it away when Bea reached out, brushing her thump over her cheek and removing all traces.

Smiling at the redhead she turned her attention to the young girl who was cuddled into her side.  She was adorable, just like her mum, and she was already so important to Allie.  “He’s the best present anyone has ever given me, thank you Debbie.  I promise I’ll take really good care of him and you can come visit him whenever you want” the blonde said, kissing the curly haired brunette on the cheek.  “What’s his name?”

“He doesn’t have one yet”

“Why don’t you pick.  Have a think and let me know, then I can get him a collar with it on” Allie replied, internally cringing at the conversation she would soon be having with her colleague who sourced the dog collars for the shelter.  But if it made Debbie happy then bring on the embarrassment.

Debbie had been so excited, running through what felt like hundreds of different names for the dog on their drive over to Bondi.  Allie had offered them a lift, but the redhead would need her car after her shift finished, so reluctantly had to decline.  Allie looked so funny driving away with the giant dog buckled into the passenger seat of her car, and had even put a spare pair of sunglasses on it, much to Debbie’s amusement.  As she drove towards the beach all Bea wanted to do was turn around and head in the same direction the blonde had just gone.  They had been apart less than five minutes and she was missing her already.  It didn’t help that she had to go without a goodbye kiss.  It had been less that twenty-four hours and she was already addicted to Allie’s lips.

Realising she had been staring at the same page for well over ten minutes Bea tried to push all thoughts of blonde and blue from her mind, although that lasted for all of thirty seconds.  Her head was in a spin, and despite the rush of excitement whenever she thought of the blonde, she was scared too.  Bea was worried that if whatever this thing between her and the blonde was, didn’t work out, that her daughter would be the one to lose out again.  And that was something she wouldn’t allow to happen.  But where did that leave things with Allie?  Bea knew that she would be doing herself a massive injustice if she didn’t explore her newfound feelings, but she had responsibilities, she wasn’t a teenager with a crush, and if she had to miss out then so be it.

Just as the doubt was about to take over, erasing everything good that had happened over the past twenty-four-hours, Bea’s phone vibrated on the desk signalling that she had a message.  Picking it up she saw that it was from Allie, of course it was.  It was as though she knew the redhead was struggling and wanted to reassure her that she was there, that she didn’t have to be alone anymore.  Opening the message Bea felt her heart beat a little bit faster at the blonde’s words.

_“I know that you’re probably busy and won’t have your phone with you, but I just wanted to say thank you.  Being there with you and Debbie this morning meant so much to me, it showed me how a family should be, and I feel honoured that you were willing to share that with me.  Sorry, that sounded way less cheesy in my head, although I mean every word!  It’s only been three hours and I miss you already, what are you doing to me Bea Smith…anyway, I’ll leave you in peace, let you get back to saving lives.  I hope you have a good day beautiful xx”_

Smiling at the blonde’s words she sent her a reply, letting her know she was doing more paperwork than saving lives, and that she missed her too.  They exchanged a few more messages before the blonde asked what time her lunch break was, and thinking nothing of it Bea told her it wasn’t for another couple of hours.  She didn’t hear from Allie for about an hour, and after finally making a start on the paperwork the redhead was able to make a bit of progress.

She would be looking after things in Will’s absence, although after recent events he might not be going away after all.  She had spoken to him earlier and he was still hopeful that he could patch things up with Kaz so hadn’t cancelled his booking, although Bea wasn’t so sure.  She hoped they could, for Allie’s sake as much as his, and while she didn’t really like the older blonde she was important to her Alliecat.  The fact that she referred to the younger blonde as hers wasn’t lost on Bea, although she decided not to try and analyse it, at least for the time being.  She was perfectly happy to remain in her little Novak bubble for the time being, real life could wait.

 

 

After leaving Bea’s house on Sunday morning she had driven home, albeit reluctantly.  The blonde had sent her sister a message the previous evening letting her know that she was staying over at Boomer’s place for the night, then switched her phone off.  She was worried Kaz would cause a scene if she told her where she really was, and she didn’t want anything to ruin her time with Bea.  As soon as she walked through the door the next morning her sister was on her back, quizzing her over what she got up to with Boomer the previous evening.  Things had been frosty between them all week, so for the older woman to suddenly start taking an interest seemed a little strange.  Not wanting to get into an argument with the older blonde she told her they had just watched a movie and had a few drinks, something that wasn’t technically a lie.  She hated keeping things from Kaz, but knew if she told her the truth about where she had actually been, and who with the tension between them would only get worse.  Plus, things with Bea were so new, and as well as agreeing to take things slowly the redhead had also asked if they could keep it to themselves for now.

Unbeknown to Allie her friend had called around the previous evening to drop her old phone off.  Boomer had dropped hers at the shelter the previous week and cracked the screen.  She had to get it sent away to be repaired so the blonde had lent her an old one.  Had Allie remembered to switch her phone back on she would have already known this as Boomer had sent her a message, something she picked up once she had put her foot in it with Kaz.  Her sister called her on it straight away, demanding to know why she had lied, and seeing no other way out of it Allie eventually admitted who she’d really been with.  As expected the older woman blew up, accusing her of deliberately going behind her back and taking Bea’s side over hers.

But it wasn’t about taking sides, for Allie it was about going after what she wanted for once in her life.  And after spending the best part of twenty-four hours with the redhead there was no doubt in her mind that she wanted Bea, in every way possible.  She knew going into this that her sister wouldn’t be happy, but Bea was the first woman that had made her want a relationship in years, and the only one she wanted to do that with.  She just hoped that in time her sister would come around to the idea, although if she didn’t sort things out with Will soon then she feared she would be fighting a losing battle.  While Allie loved living with the older blonde, if they couldn’t get past this she would have no choice but to move out.  Deciding to try and explain in a bid to get her sister to understand Allie made them both a coffee before sitting down opposite Kaz at the kitchen table.  “I’m sorry I lied but I knew you’d have a go at me.  I hate fighting with you, and all this tension between us.  I just want things to go back to how they were”

“I hate it too Allie, and I don’t want to fight with you either”

“What do you say, can we just draw a line under everything and put it behind us?” the younger woman said, reaching across the table and taking her sisters hand in hers.  “I miss you”

“I miss you too kiddo” Kaz replied, squeezing the younger woman’s hand.  She hated fighting with Allie too, but didn’t want her getting mixed up with someone like Smith.  She was trouble, and her sister had been through enough crap in her life already.  “So, what are you going to tell Smith?”

“What do you mean…tell Bea about what?”

“Why you can’t see her anymore”

When Kaz gave her hand a squeeze she took it as to mean that she was willing to move on and forget everything that had happened over the past week.  But that clearly hadn’t been the case, and as much as she wanted the arguments to stop she wasn’t prepared to walk away from Bea.  She’d been happier in the past day than she ever had before, and was intending to hold onto that for as long as the redhead wanted her around.  “I…I’m not going to stop seeing her Kaz”

“But I thought…you just said you didn’t want to fight with me”

“I don’t, but my friendship with Bea is important to me”

“Oh, and I’m not!  Fuck Allie, after everything I’ve done for you.  If it hadn’t been for me you’d be lying in a gutter somewhere off your face on fuck knows what.  And this is the thanks I get!  You go behind my back, lie to me, and for what…some slut you’ve only known a week”

Something in Allie snapped, and while she would always be grateful for everything that Kaz had done for her, she wouldn’t have her talking about Bea like that.  What the older blonde said couldn’t be further from the truth and she wasn’t about to stand there and let her badmouth the woman who in such a short period of time had well and truly captured her heart.  “Don’t you ever call her that again, or anything else bad for that matter.  You’ve got no idea who she is or what she’s been through”

“You’ve got a thing for her haven’t you…I knew it!  I guess that explains everything”

“I…no Kaz it’s not like that.  I…”

Ever since she saw them together the previous week Kaz had her suspicions, but after Allie’s little outburst it was clear she had a thing for the redhead.  Ignoring her hatred for Bea Smith for a second, she was worried about her sister.  Allie didn’t exactly have the greatest track record when it came to relationships, and going after someone like her was a disaster waiting to happen.  “Bullshit, I can see it in your eyes.  You know she’s going to break your heart right…and if she isn’t already fucking Will, she will be soon”

Allie was pissed off, and what started out as a near perfect morning had taken a turn for the worse.  Ninety percent of her sisters’ problems were self-made, and while she felt for the older blonde she could understand why Will was avoiding her.  She didn’t want to get int another full-blown argument, but before she could stop them the words came tumbling from her mouth.  “For the record Bea would never hurt me, ever.  And you need to take your head out of your fucking arse and wake up.  She’s not interested in Will, they’re friend, nothing more.  The only person wrecking your relationship is you, and if you don’t get your shit together soon you’ll lose him for good”

The older woman was a little shocked by Allie’s outburst, her sister usually being the one to remain calm whenever they had a disagreement about something.  But there was a harshness in her voice that she hadn’t heard before, which also made her think there was something more than just a friendship at stake here.  “This isn’t about Will, it’s about you and that slut.  She’s using you Allie, and you’re too lovestruck to see it”

“Don’t call her that, I swear to god Kaz…” Allie yelled as she started to pace the room.  She’d never felt so much anger towards her sister before.  Bea had been through enough at the hands of her ex-husband, the near constant name calling and bullying, and she wasn’t just going to sit back and let Kaz do the same.  “She’s not using me, and she never will.  I’ll always be grateful for everything you’ve done for me and I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it wasn’t for you.  But Bea saved me too, she…”

“She saved you…fucking hell Allie, it’s been a week.  I’ve had stuff in the fridge longer than that”

“That day on the rocks, when I was going to jump and someone stopped me, it was her…it was Bea.  Without her I wouldn’t have been able to step out in front of your car, we wouldn’t have found each other again, and I wouldn’t be here now.  Whatever issue you have with her, it’s all in your head.  You can think what you like, I honestly couldn’t give a shit, but don’t ever say anything like that about her ever again” the younger woman yelled, getting up in her sister’s face so she knew she wasn’t playing games.  Turning on her heels she picked her car keys up from the table she’d dropped them on before walking out.  What had started off as the perfect morning had turned to shit in a matter of minutes, and right now Kaz was the last person she wanted to be around.

 

 

Allie had been driving around for a while now, no particular destination in mind.  Her argument with Kaz was playing on a loop in her head and she couldn’t believe that she had said such awful things about Bea.  Her sisters house was the only place that had ever felt like home to her, the only place she’d felt truly safe, but right now it was the last place she wanted to be.  If things continued in the way they were the younger woman knew she would need to find somewhere else to live, and while starting over again filled her with dread, she couldn’t stay there and listen to Kaz badmouth Bea like that.  As well as being untrue, her words hurt, Allie already feeling protective over the redhead.  She wasn’t planning on living with her sister forever and up until recently had been expecting the older blonde to move in with Will at some point.  But she always thought that it would be something they would sit down and discuss together, a mutual agreement.  But if things continued as they were then she would be left with little choice but to move out

Allie knew that she could lie, tell the older blonde that she wouldn’t see Bea again, but that didn’t feel right.  Denying the redhead in any way would feel like a betrayal to her, and that wasn’t something she was willing to do.  Bea meant too much to her, even though they hadn’t known one another long.  The blonde hoped her sister would calm down and see their friendship for what it was, although after recent developments maybe friendship wasn’t the right terminology to be using.  Deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to look into what accommodation as available she pulled into the nearest car park and cut the engine.  It wasn’t until she had stopped that Allie realised where she was, and although she knew the reason why, it still surprised her that she had come to Bondi beach.

Getting out of the car she bought herself a coffee from the nearby deli before making her way down to the promenade and finding an empty bench to sit on.  It was busy on the sand, and she had no idea how the lifeguards managed to keep a watch over everyone, especially when the conditions in the water were bad.  Luckily the ocean looked calm today, not that Allie would be getting any closer to it.  Knowing that Bea was out there somewhere offered her some comfort, but it also worried her.  It was a dangerous job and from hearing some of the stories Will had told her she knew the risks involved for the lifeguards every time they went out into the water.

Allowing herself a few minutes to replay the start of her day she found herself smiling.  Being at Bea’s house with her and Debbie had mean so much to her.  It also made her think about her life.  She’d never really thought of herself as the maternal type and having kids wasn’t something that she saw in her future.  But she loved spending time with Debbie, and knew that if she wanted a relationship with Bea then they came as a pair.  It was early days, and she was probably getting way ahead of herself here, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have breakfast with them every morning.

There had been something special about the redhead right from the start, even if Allie wasn’t in the best frame of mind the first time they met.  And despite not even knowing the other woman’s name she had helped her through so much over the past four years, even without realising it.  The blonde wasn’t sure if she believed in soulmates, but if they did exist she was certain she had found hers in Bea.  It had only been just over three hours since they parted but she was missing her like crazy.  Knowing she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything other than red hair and brown eyes she decided to send Bea a message letting her know how much she enjoyed spending time with both her and Debbie.

 

 

Bea didn’t even realise she was smiling at her phone until she heard Will laugh from across the room.  She had been so lost in all things Allie that she didn’t hear him walk into the office.  Her phone had been quiet for about an hour before the messages started coming in again, the blonde making her laugh by apologising for distracting her, and then continuing to chat.  She would choose Allie over paperwork any day, although truth be told she would chose her over most things.  It scared her a little, how quickly the blonde was taking over her every thought, although maybe it was normal to feel this way.  She just wished she had some experience in this department to compare it to.  But Harry had made sure that wasn’t the case.

Even when they first met she didn’t feel the all consuming need to be in his company, and kissing him was something she did out of necessity.  But with Allie, she never wanted to stop.  Bea never knew it was possible to feel so much just from kissing someone, but the second she felt the blonde’s plump lips on hers it as was though the fog had cleared and she could see for the first time.  She had been quite happy on her own, telling herself that as long as she had Debbie and her friends then she didn’t need anything else.  But then Allie Novak happened, and suddenly she wanted more, she wanted Allie.

Realising she had drifted off again she lifted her gaze, blushing when she saw the look Will was giving her.  Putting her phone back on the desk she looked down again, already knowing her cheeks would match her hair any second.  It was stupid, and it wasn’t like he knew who the message was from, but she couldn’t help but feel that he was reading her mind.  The redhead knew she was being irrational, and that she didn’t have “I kissed Allie Novak” tattooed on her forehead.  But in that moment, it felt like she did.

There was something different about the redhead, and Will had picked up on it as soon as she walked through the door of the lifeguard tower earlier that morning.  Bea was always more relaxed following a trip back home, but it was more than that this time.  There was a lightness about her he’d never seen before, and she seemed so much happier.  Not to mention the grin she’d been wearing all morning.  He recognised that smile, it was the same one he wore when he first got together with Kaz, he just never expected to see it on his colleague’s face.

While he didn’t know the full details of what happened with her ex-husband, Will knew he had hurt her, badly.  Whatever horrors she had been subjected to at the hands of that bastard seemed to have put her off relationships for good, and he couldn’t honestly say that he could blame her.  Bea was an attractive woman, stunning even, and when she first joined the team her had been quite taken with her.  After her divorce went through he had hoped they could become something more than friends, but it quickly became clear that she wasn’t interested in him in that way.  She wasn’t interested in anyone in that way.  Until now that was, whoever was on the end of that phone had clearly caught her attention.  Curiosity getting the better of him, he had to ask her about it.  “What’s his name?”

Bea was surprised by the question, and it wasn’t until her friend and colleague glanced at her phone on the desk that she realised what he was talking about.  “What…who…I, who’s name?”

“The guy that’s got you smiling so much” Will said, smiling to himself as her cheeks turned the colour of her hair.

“There’s no guy, it was a message from a friend” the redhead replied, glad that she didn’t have to lie.  Allie had just sent her a picture of herself holding a bag of food from the deli up the road, asking her what time her lunch break was.  Not wanting to stay here and be grilled by Will or keep the blonde waiting, she stood up, pocketing her phone before walking towards the door.  “I’m going to grab some lunch then I’ll head back over to the tower to and take over from one of the guys”

Nodding at the redhead Will watched through the window, surprised when he saw her walk over to Kaz’s sister.  He didn’t even realise they knew each other, but if the embrace they were currently sharing was anything to go by then he was clearly mistaken.  He was just about to turn away when Allie pulled back slightly before reaching out and running her fingers through the redhead’s curls.  Will couldn’t see Bea’s face from where he was standing but he didn’t miss the way she leaned into the touch.  He’d never seen Allie look at anyone the way she was doing Bea right now, and everything started to fall into place.  Technically his friend hadn’t lied when she said there was no guy, he was just a little surprised to see her like this with Allie of all people, especially given her sister’s views on Bea Smith.  Feeing like he was intruding on a private moment he moved away from the window before taking a seat behind his desk, making a mental note to speak to the redhead about this at a later date.

Despite it only being a few hours, it felt like a lifetime ago since Bea had looked into those baby blues that she adored.  Conscious that they were standing near the office she tried to keep the physical contact to a minimum, but when she felt the blonde’s fingers running through her hair she couldn’t help but chase her touch.  She had never craved anyone the way she did Allie, and despite all this being new to her, she really wanted to kiss her.  But there were too many people around, and she just wasn’t brave enough, at least not yet.  Bea wanted to say something, let her know how much her stopping by meant to her, but her words got caught in her throat as the nerves started to build.

Seeing the look of confusion on the beautiful redhead’s face Allie decided to step in and break the silence that had descended upon them.  “I brought you some lunch, didn’t want you going hungry” she said as she held out one of the bags containing the food.  She had bought herself something as well, but didn’t want the older woman to feel like she was crowding her.

Taking the bag from her, Bea thanked her before asking what was in the other one.  She was surprised when the younger woman said she’d bought herself something to take home, assuming they would be eating together.  “You’re not staying?” Bea asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep the disappointment from her voice.

The disappointment in the redhead’s voice gave Allie hope that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way.  She never wanted to leave Bea’s side, and that scared her a little.  But she knew that she needed to take things slow, tread carefully.  “I don’t want you to get sick of me” she replied, in explanation.

“Never” Bea said, hoping that didn’t make her sound too needy.  The last thing she wanted to do was scare the blonde off by being too full on, but she also needed her to know that she would always be welcome.  “Stay with me…please”

Allie knew in that moment that she could never deny the redhead anything.  “Always” she replied, her heart soaring when she felt the older woman’s hand slip into hers.  It was unexpected, but definitely not unwelcome, and showed her that this wasn’t just some experiment to Bea.  Unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face she gave the redhead’s hand a reassuring squeeze and allowed Bea to lead her over to a patch of grass behind the pavilion where they would have a little bit of privacy from the crowds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the continued support for both this story and FMG. I’m still finding it hard to see Allie as anything but the shadow of her former self we are being given right now, but I’m trying to push past it, for the sake of the Ballie bubble if nothing else.


	12. Friendly Advice

It had been two days since Allie had seen the redhead.  They had spoken on the phone each day, and exchanged several messages, but it wasn’t the same.  She missed seeing her beautiful face, and couldn’t wait until the following day.  Allie had asked Bea out on a date, and knowing that she would want to spend time with her daughter on her first day off since getting back from visiting her parents, had suggested the three of them do something together.  The older woman had offered to ask Liz to watch the young girl for a few hours, but it was important to Allie that Debbie didn’t think the blonde was trying to steal her mum away.  It had been just the two of them for three years, so someone new coming into their lives would be a big adjustment, one she wanted to make as easy on the curly haired brunette as possible.  Plus, she didn’t want Bea to think she had to choose between them.  Debbie was and would always be the redhead’s main priority, and she was fine with that.  She was a good mum, and that was the way it should be.  Plus, if truth be told Allie loved hanging out with the young girl.  She was so full of life, and sharp as a razor, something that surprised the blonde a little.

The problem then became where to take the Smith girls on their date, and with so little experience when it came to seven-year olds she was more than a little out of her depth.  It wasn’t as though Allie could just think back to what she loved to do at that age, as her parents never took her anywhere.  She wanted the day to be special for both Bea and Debbie, and was starting to wonder if suggesting the three of them go out together had been a mistake.  After spending hours wracking her brain and coming up empty handed Allie’s thoughts drifted back to a conversation they’d had over breakfast the morning after she’d stayed over.  The young brunette had been pestering her mum to take her to the zoo before the school holidays were over, so maybe that was an option.  What worried her was that Bea would think it was lame, and disappointing the beautiful redhead wasn’t something she ever wanted to do.

After driving herself crazy for several more hours, and coming up with nothing she grabbed her laptop and opened up the website, booking them tickets for both the zoo and wild ropes climbing courses.  Allie wasn’t sure about the latter, but suspected that both Bea and Debbie would enjoy it, especially if their antics on a surfboard were anything to go by.  The redhead had tried to describe the rush of adrenaline she got when catching a wave, and how the slight uncertainty in not knowing if you would wipe out or not only added to that rush.  So, climbing and swinging from trees would probably be a walk in the park to her, and young Debbie didn’t seem to be afraid of much either.  While Allie wasn’t afraid of heights as such, she wasn’t the most physically active of people, so was a little worried that she would embarrass herself in front of the woman she was trying to impress.  After entering her card details she pressed the order button, her booking reference popping up on the screen a few seconds later.  It was done now, and there was no going back.  She just hoped that the redhead wouldn’t mind the heavy breathing and wheezing she was most likely to be doing throughout the course.

Closing her laptop Allie made her way downstairs to grab a drink, surprised to see that Kaz was still up.  She knew her sister had an early start in the morning so had expected her to have been asleep by now, but judging by the look on her face she clearly had something on her mind.  They had hardly spoken since their argument a couple of days ago, and while Allie wouldn’t stand around and listen to the older blonde badmouth Bea, she also missed her sister.  She was the one constant in Allie’s life, and up until recently the only person she felt comfortable enough with to be herself.  Deciding to offer an olive branch she made a second drink before heading back through into the other room and taking a seat.  Handing the mug over to Kaz she studied her for a second, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.  “I know things haven’t been that great between us recently, but I’m here if you want to talk” she said, taking the older woman’s hand in hers. 

Kaz was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realise Allie was in the room until she sat down beside her, handing her a cup of chamomile tea.  Things had been strained between them, and she knew it was her fault.  While she didn’t like Bea Smith, she was clearly important to her little sister, and no matter what Kaz didn’t want to lose her again.  The years they were apart were tough on her, although she knew the younger blonde had it much worse.  She was just worried that if whatever was going on between Allie and Bea didn’t work out, that she would end up back there again.  It had been a big adjustment for both of them when Allie came to live with her, and she had seen her at her lowest during the first few months.  But together they got through it, and if anything, it made their bond so much stronger.  It had been hard for Kaz to see the younger woman like that, which is why she was so protective of her now.

She was determined to do everything in her power to prevent Allie from slipping back into that awful place again, even if that did mean doing things the younger blonde didn’t necessarily agree with.  Which was one of the reasons Kaz was so against her sister’s friendship with Bea.  It was clear by the way Allie’s eyes lit up whenever she talked about the redhead that her feelings ran deeper than friendship, and she knew that she was going to get her heart broken.  The trouble was that every time she tried to warn her sister Allie thought it was because of the bad blood between them.  Granted, that didn’t help matters, or make the older blonde feel any happier about who her sister chose to spend time with.  While she was happy that Allie was getting out more, she just wished that it was with someone else.  But things clearly weren’t about to change any time soon, so all Kaz could do now was be there to pick up the pieces when Smith got bored with the younger blonde.

Realising she hadn’t responded, she gave the younger woman’s hand a squeeze before replying.  “I hate fighting with you, but I’m worried.  When we first found each other after the car accident you were so broken don and I was scare that I was going to lose you all over again.  Whether you realise it or not I can see in your eyes that you want more than friendship with Smith, and I’m scared that when she breaks your heart you’ll end up back there all over again”

“That chapter of my life is over with, and swear I will never go back there ever again.  I know you have issues with Bea, and nothing I say will ever change that.  I just wish you’d give her a chance, get to know her.  She’s not who you think she is, and I know that she would never intentionally hurt me.  I do have feelings for her, I’m not going to deny that anymore, and maybe I’m setting myself up for a fall.  But I have to try.  There’s something about her, she makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, and if I walk away now I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life” the younger blonde said, wanting to be as open and honest as she could without betraying Bea’s trust.  “It’s more than that though, I can see it in your eyes” she added, the sadness in her sisters’ icy blue orbs giving her pain away.

“I miss Will, and before you say it I know it’s all my fault.  I’ve tried to talk to him, but he won’t return my calls.  Every time I go over to his place he just ignores me, and I know he’s home.  I don’t know what to do Allie, I just know that I can’t lose him”

The younger blonde had an idea, but she knew her sister was unlikely to agree, and if she did then Bea would also need some convincing.  But it seemed like the best way to put all these issues to bed once and for all.  “I’ve got an idea, although you’re not gonna like it”

“I’m willing to try just about anything” the older woman said, hoping that whatever Allie had in mind would work.  “So, what’s the plan?”

“You’ll just have to trust me on this one I’m afraid.  If I tell you, you’ll just make some excuse as to why you can’t make it” Allie replied and she stood up, grabbing her mug and finishing off the rest of her drink before walking towards the kitchen.  Stopping in the doorway she turned to face her sister, trying hard not to smile at the look of shock on her face.  Now all she had to do was convince the woman she was kind of seeing, albeit on the quiet, into going on a double date with a woman she hated.  What could possibly go wrong.

 

 

Bea had invited Maxine around for dinner the previous evening.  It had been a while since they spent any time together without the rest of the gang, and she missed her friend.  Plus, she gave really good advice, something the redhead could use right now.  Whenever she was with Allie she felt like anything was possible, the blonde giving her a sense of strength she hadn’t felt in a long time.  But when they were apart, or more specifically when the redhead was alone with her thoughts, that was when the doubt started to set in.  It was nothing against Allie, the younger woman had been nothing short of perfect, it was her own failings that were stopping Bea from throwing herself head first into what she knew would be the best thing to happen to her since her daughter was born.

She had been quiet over dinner, something Maxine picked up on straight away, and after tucking Debbie in and saying goodnight she headed back downstairs.  As soon as she walked back in the room her friend decided to ask her about what had gotten her so tongue tied.  Waiting until Bea was sitting beside her on the sofa Maxi took her hand, hoping to offer her some comfort.  “I know something’s bothering you, just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk”

“I wouldn’t know where to start” the redhead replied, closing her eyes and throwing her head back.  She felt like she was betraying Allie by having these doubts, even though it was nothing to do with the younger woman.  She was also frustrated with herself for allowing Harry to still affect her.  Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes again, surprised to see the look of complete understanding in her friend’s gaze.

“Is it about Allie?”

“I…what?  How…how did you know?”  Bea responded, stumbling over her words as she glanced around the room, too afraid to look at the other woman for fear of giving her feelings away.  She hadn’t seen Maxine since the day at the beach, the day she first met Allie properly.  Was she really that easy to read.

“I could see the sparks flying last week at the beach, it’s a wonder the two you didn’t start a fire” the brunette joked, happy when she saw the trace of a smile on her friend’s face.  “It’s so obvious that she has a thing for you” she added, watching as the redhead blushed slightly at the comment.

Sensing that Bea wasn’t going to speak anytime soon Maxine decided to continue in hope of getting her to open up.  “Ok so I’m going to tell you what I think is on your mind, and just nod if I’m on the right track, ok” she said, waiting for the redhead to nod before speaking again.  “Allie clearly likes you, a lot, and I think you like her too…as more than a friend”.  If she hadn’t been studying her friend so closely she would have missed the brief trace of a smile on her face, before it disappeared again.  “I think you like her, and that scares you.  After everything you’ve been through that’s perfectly normal, but I’d hate to see you miss out on something or someone special because of what he did.  I take it you’ve seen each other since our day at the beach?”

“Several times, we actually spent the next day together.  It started off as a coffee, but I love spending time with her, and it seemed she didn’t want our time together to end either.  She picked us up from the airport on Saturday, and the three of us spent the rest of the day watching movies.  We almost kissed, twice.  The first time we were interrupted by Debbie, and the second time by Harry, or his voice in my head at least” Bea said, pleased when her friend smiled at her encouragingly.  “All I could hear was his voice, telling me over and over again how worthless I was and that no one would ever want me, so I ran.  I ran and hid in the bathroom, I left her sitting there Maxi.  I stayed in there for a while, and when I came out everything was quiet so I thought she’d gone.  But she hadn’t, she stayed to make sure I was ok.  I ran from her and she was more worried about me than anything”

“Oh Allie…”

“I know.  I treated her like crap yet she stayed with me.  I told her about Harry…” Bea said, wiping the tears from her eyes before they had the chance to fall.

“About hearing his voice in your head?”

“About that, and everything else.  I needed her to know that what happened wasn’t her fault in any way, that it was all on me” the redhead replied, taking a moment to collect herself before continuing.  “I told her what he did to me, what he said.  I thought she’d run a mile, but she didn’t.  She held me when I cried, told me that it wasn’t my fault, any of it, and that I wasn’t all of those things he said I was.  And then…”

“And then what…did something happen?”

“And then she kissed me” Bea mumbled, so quietly that her friend would have missed it if she hadn’t been sitting right beside her.

“Oh honey, I’m so happy for you.  I mean, that’s a good thing right, you’re happy about it?”

“Very happy.  I’ve never felt…I never knew a kiss could be like that.  She’s perfect Max, everything about her is just perfect, and she makes me feel things I never thought possible.  She’s so good with my daughter too, and Debbie adores her. You should have seen her face when Allie walked into the kitchen the next morning” the redhead said, not realising how that would sound until the words had left her mouth.

“The next morning…Bea Smith.  Did the two of you…” the brunette asked, shocked that things had escalated so quickly.

“No, of course not…I’m not Franky” Bea replied quickly, wanting to set the record straight immediately.  “It was late, and she’d had a drink so she stayed in the spare room.

“And how were things the next morning, were you ok with what happened?”

Bea told her friend about freaking herself out by overthinking, how Allie had found her downstairs in the early hours, and their subsequent talk.  Even just thinking about what had happened that night made the redhead smile, something that didn’t go unnoticed by her friend.  Bea just wished that she could find a way to stop the negative thoughts from ruining things before they even began.  “I…I’m scared Maxine.  I really like her, and when we’re together everything’s perfect.  But when I’m alone all I can hear is Harry telling me that I’m nothing.  She deserves better than that, better than me, and I don’t want to hurt her”

Seeing the turmoil in the redhead’s eyes Maxine wrapped her arms around her friend and held her as she cried.  She hated seeing Bea like this, but could understand why she was feeling the way she was.  She had suffered tremendously at the hands of her bastard of an ex-husband, and Maxine knew that she hadn’t heard the worst of what he’d done to the redhead.  But Allie wasn’t Harry, and from what she had heard, the blonde was exactly what Bea needed.  She was just about to voice her opinion when the redhead’s phone beeped, indicating she had a message.

Extracting herself from her friend’s embrace Bea picked her phone up, smiling when she saw who it was from.  It was as though Allie could read her mind, and she didn’t even need to be here to know exactly what to say to chase her demons away.  They had been exchanging messages earlier that afternoon, and after Bea told the blonde that Maxine was coming over for dinner she said she’s leave her in peace for the night.  Not that Bea minded the distraction.  But it seemed that the younger woman had found it more difficult than she thought, especially if her latest message was anything to go by.

“I’m guessing by the smile on your face that it’s from Allie” Maxine said, indicating to the phone in her friend’s hand.  Whoever it was had definitely improved her mood, and she doubted anyone else could have such an effect on the redhead.  She was a little surprised when Bea handed her phone over for her to read the message though, but when she did, she understood why her friend was smiling again

_‘I know I said I’d leave you in peace, but it turns out that’s harder to do than I thought.  I don’t want to disturb your evening with Maxine, but I wanted you to know that you’re beautiful, I can’t stop thinking about you and I’m really looking forward to our date/outing.  Oh, and this is probably a stupid question, but is there anything Debbie doesn’t eat? A xx’_

“So, you’re going on a date then, where’s she taking you?”

“It’s more of a day out than a date, she wanted to include Debbie as well.  And I have no idea where we’re going, but as long as it involves food my garbage disposal unit of a daughter will be perfectly happy”

“And as long as Allie’s there you’ll be perfectly happy”

“Something like that” Bea replied, knowing by the look on her friend’s face that she was blushing again.  Taking the phone back from Maxine she replied to Allie letting her know that she hadn’t found anything that Debbie wouldn’t eat, at least not yet, and that she missed her too and couldn’t wait for their date.  The more she thoughts about it the more the nervous feeling she’s had most of the day morphed into excitement.  Excitement at going out on a date, but more than anything, excitement at the thought of spending time with Allie.

 

 

Franky was surprised when Bea’s mum called her, although as soon as the older woman started quizzing her about her daughter’s possible relationship with a certain blonde, it all became clear.  She just wished she had something to tell Alice.  They chatted for a while, her friend’s mum just as certain as Franky that there was something going on between the two women.  When the older woman told her about the flowers her daughter had received on her birthday it made the tattooed brunette even more determined to get to the bottom of it.  She had promised Gidge that she wouldn’t interfere, but a gentle push in the right direction wouldn’t hurt, would it.  Deciding the best way was to just come right out and ask the redhead, she figured there was no time like the present.  Bridget had back to back appointments all morning and Franky knew that it was Red’s day off.

Debbie was still off school for the holidays so they would more than likely be going out later in the day, but if she headed straight over there then she might just catch her friend.  She also wanted to apologise for what happened the previous week, in person.  They had spoken on the redhead’s birthday and she had apologised, well it was a Franky Doyle apology at least.  Bea knew she wasn’t one for all that soppy and sentimental crap, but she still felt guilty for upsetting her friend.  Stopping off at the coffee shop down the road from the redhead’s house Franky picked up a couple of coffee’s along with some cake for mini Bea.  Food was about the only thing that could distract the young girl, and although she wasn’t a fan of bribery at least she would get a few minutes to talk to Red alone if her doppelganger was eating.

Bea was surprised when she heard the knock on the door.  Allie wasn’t due for another hour, and despite exchanging messages with the younger woman since she woke up, the redhead was really nervous, something that had resulted in her running behind schedule.  It didn’t help that Debbie had insisted on making cookies for her best friend Allie, and turning the kitchen into what could only be described as a war zone.  On top of that she had no idea what to wear.  She had asked the blonde where they were going, but all she would give away was that Bea should dress casually.  The trouble was Bea wanted to look good for her, although she’d never admit that if anyone asked.  So, when she raced down the stairs to answer the door wearing only her robe she was relieved to see Franky standing there.  Although that relief was short-lived once her friend started hitting on her.

Bea knew that it was all in jest, and the tattooed brunette was in love with Bridget, not that it would ever stop her from flirting.  Stepping aside to let her friend in she closed the door, hoping it wouldn’t be a long visit.  While she had no doubt that Allie wouldn’t mind her current state of undress, the last thing she wanted was for the blonde to get Doyled.  Especially without prior warning.  She had told Allie about her friend, knowing at some point the two of them would have to meet, she just wasn’t ready for that to happen today.  “What can I do for you Franky?” she asked, watching as the brunette dropped down on the sofa and put her feet up on the coffee table.

“Just thought I’d swing by, see how your trip was.  Thought we could have a catch up, you’re not busy are you?”

“It was good, Deb went surfing with dad and I got some really good photos.  I’ll have to show you sometime” Bea replied, trying not to sound rude, but hoping her friend would get the hint and bugger off.

“Show me now, I’m not in a rush to leave”

“I can’t, we’re actually heading out soon and I need to get dressed.  Can we do this another time, tomorrow night maybe, over dinner”

“But I brought coffee and cake”

“Then stay and drink it, but I have to get ready” the redhead replied, the frustration evident in her voice.  Turning around she left the room, heading up the stairs and into her room.  She was nervous enough without having to deal with Franky. She just hoped she could talk the brunette into leaving before her date arrived.

It was clear that Bea wanted her to go, and while most people would be a little offended by this, Franky found the whole thing quite funny.  Whatever she had planned, the redhead clearly wanted to keep it a secret, which only made the tattooed brunette even more curious.  She was just about to follow Red up the stairs when the phone sitting on the coffee table vibrated.  Curiosity getting the better of her, she picked her friends phone up, the redhead’s somewhat frazzled state becoming clear when she read the message.  Knowing that Allie was on her way over made Franky even more determined to stay.  She would keep her promise to Gidge, and behave.  But if her suspicions were correct then she wanted to give blondie the once over, make sure she was good enough for her friend.

 

 

Allie was early again, but she couldn’t wait to see her favourite redhead.  It had been two days, which by her standard was two days too long.  Pulling up outside the older woman’s house she checked her reflection in the mirror before getting out.  She was a few steps from the door when it opened, and the woman in Bridget Westfall’s photos stood there, a smirk on her face as she checked the blonde out.  She wasn’t even discreet about it, something which Allie found more than a little irritating, especially as her girlfriend was such a good person.  Bea had warned her about Franky, said that she was a massive flirt and could be highly inappropriate at times, but completely harmless.  Although she wished she’d known she was going to be here this morning, giving her time to mentally prepare herself for what was sure to be an interesting start to her day.

After quickly getting dressed, Bea spent nearly ten minutes trying to tame her curls before giving up and tying it back.  She’d always had her hair down when she was around Allie before and just hoped the younger woman wasn’t put off by the shaved sides of her undercut.  When she first had it done Franky told her it made her look like a badass, and hot as fuck, but the tattooed brunette was full of shit most of the time so she didn’t really take much notice.  Harry hated it when she worse her hair up, saying it made her look manly, although her friend said he was just jealous that his jaw wasn’t as defined as Bea’s.

She remembered taking a beating one evening when they were meant to be going to dinner with a couple of his friends.  Debbie was spending the night with Liz, and despite hating Harry’s friends Bea knew she had no choice but to play along and pretend to be the doting wife.  Her mum had called as she was trying to get ready, and as a result she was running late.  After having trouble getting her hair to cooperate she had tied it back, and the second Harry saw her he blew up, accusing her of trying to embarrass him in front of his friends.  In his eyes it was bad enough that he had to be seen with her in public in the first place, so the least she could do was to try and make herself look as presentable as possible.  He laid into her after that, making sure to only leave bruises that wouldn’t be visible at dinner.  Just as Bea started to feel herself getting dragged back there she heard two voices coming from downstairs, and one sounded very much like Allie’s.

The last thing she wanted was for the blonde to get scared off before they could go on their date.  She knew that Franky had her best interests at heart, she just had an interesting way of showing it.  It was the combination of the tattooed brunette’s unique brand of charm and bravado, or sassholishness as Boomer often referred to it as, that made her so unpredictable at times, and Bea didn’t want Allie to have to deal with that alone.  Grabbing her boots from the bottom of her wardrobe she raced down the stairs and towards the kitchen, coming to a stop in the doorway when she saw the blonde standing toe to toe with Franky, both of them looking like they were sizing the other one up.  They were clearly in the middle of a heated discussion, and she was just about to intervene when Franky spoke up.

“I’m just making sure you’re good enough for her.  What kind of friend would I be if I just let her go off with anyone.  So, tell me Novak…are you good enough?” the brunette said, a bite to her tone as she tried to intimidate the younger woman.

Allie was surprised by how intense Bea’s best friend was, although she was glad she had someone so loyal and protective by her side.  That didn’t mean the blonde was willing to be intimidated by her though, or have her imply that her feelings for her friend were passing.  Not realising said redhead was within earshot Allie decided to be as honest as possible, without giving away that anything had happened between them.  “No one will ever be good enough for Bea, ever.  But if I’m ever lucky enough to be the object of her affections I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life trying to be worthy of her”

Bea was a little surprised at the effect the blonde’s words had on her, and she’d never wished that Franky wasn’t there more than she did in that moment.  Allie had made her feelings quite clear, but hearing her say what she did to the tattooed brunette made her want to hold onto her and never let go.  Knowing she needed to make her presence known before Doyle flipped into full on arsehole mode, she took a step into the room before speaking.  “What’s going on here?”

“Just having a little chat, right blondie” Franky said, her tone challenging as she stared Allie down, daring her to say otherwise.  What she hadn’t considered was that the blonde wouldn’t be intimidated by her, or if she was she certainly wasn’t letting it show.

Ignoring the brunette Bea turned to Allie, hoping her friend hadn’t said anything to either offend or scare her off.  “Are you ok?”

Allie could see the concern in those big brown eyes that she adored so much and it made her fall just a little bit harder for the older woman.  But there was also a trace of anger behind that concern, anger she knew was directed at the brunette standing in front of her.  The second thing she noticed was the redhead’s appearance, or more specifically the shaved sides of her hair that were only visible when she had her mass of curls tied back.  Just when Allie thought she couldn’t get any hotter she proved her wrong.  She couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to run her fingers over the short hair at the nape of the redhead’s neck as she left a trail of kisses over her jaw, and it took every bit of self-control not to act on said thoughts.  Although she knew that if they were alone her resolve would have snapped by now.  Realising she still hadn’t responded to the older woman she gave her a brief hug before reassuring her that everything was fine.  Sensing that Bea was trying to hold back from laying into her tattooed friend Allie decided to make herself scarce for a while.  “Where’s Deb, I want to go and say hi?” she asked, hoping the redhead would pick up on what she was trying to do.

“She’s in her room.  Go on up, I won’t be long” Bea replied, grateful that the blonde was being so understanding, and that she hadn’t been frightened off by her arsehole of a friend.  Waiting until she could hear Allie walking up the stairs she turned to face the brunette, the look on her face letting Franky know that she was less than impressed by her behaviour.  “What the hell was all that about?”

Completely unfazed by the glare she was receiving from the redhead Franky simply shrugged her shoulders, her trademark smirk firmly in place as she replied.  “Just wanted to see if she passed the test.  Someone had to make sure she was genuine, fuck knows you’re too far gone to think clearly.  I was doing what any good friend would do, and looking out for you…you’re welcome by the way”

“Do you have to be such an arsehole about it?  She’s only just got here, the last thing I want is for you to scare her off”

“No, I don’t…but where’s the fun in that Red” Franky threw back, her tongue tucked behind her teeth as she studied her friend.  There was something different about Bea when blondie was in the room, a lightness she’d never seen in her before.  Whether she admitted it or not, there was definitely more than friendship between the two of them, and Franky being Franky couldn’t resist pushing her luck.  “So…are you two fucking?”

“What…no.  Fucking hell Franky.  And keep your voice down will you” Bea replied, her gaze moving to the ceiling briefly before focussing back on the tattooed brunette.

“Well there’s something going on” Franky said, her eyes never leaving her friends.  She’d never seen the redhead like this around anyone before, and whether she realised it or not, she had a thing for Allie Novak.  “And don’t give me that ‘we’re just friends’ crap because I’m not buying it.  You were at risk of slipping in your own drool, and blondie looked like she wants to climb you like a tree”

Knowing that the only way to shut her friend up was to be honest, Bea took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly before reopening them.  She wasn’t brave enough to look at Franky while she said the words, so picked a spot on the floor and focussed on that instead.  “I…we kissed…a few times”

“I knew it!  Deny it all you want Smith, but I knew it was only a matter of time before you took a dip in the lady pool.  Although I am a little offended that you didn’t choose me to test out your budding lesbianism”

“Fuck you”

“Except you wouldn’t, would you.  Been saving yourself for blondie” Franky threw back, her comment earning her a slap on her arm.  “On a serous note, if you like her, then go for it.  I know that you’re probably scared, and that’s perfectly understandable given everything.  But she’s not Harry.  I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and trust me Red…she’s got it bad.  Novak looks at you the way I look at Gidge, and I was scared too, I still am.  But being with her is worth it, and I can’t imagine my life without her.  I know I joke around, but I’m here if you ever want to talk”

Franky was more than a little surprised when the redhead hugged her.  She’d never been an overly tactile person, and the only person she ever seemed comfortable hugging was her daughter, although she didn’t seem to mind Allie wrapping her arms around her earlier.  Deciding that bringing it up would undo the progress they had just made, she accepted the hug for what it was, a silent thank you.  Franky being Franky couldn’t just leave it there though, and before she knew it her mouth had engaged before her brain, causing Bea to push her away.  “I’m also here if you ever need any advice on how to make blondie scream your name”

Bea wasn’t at all surprised that her friend took the conversation there, she’d been around Franky long enough to know that she just couldn’t help herself.  What did shock her a little was the heat that rushed through her body at the thought of being intimate with Allie.  She wasn’t ready for anything like that yet, but the fact that she felt more curious than afraid was a huge step for her.  Bea knew that the blonde would never push her into doing anything she didn’t want to do, and she was grateful for that.  But in that moment it was as though a fog had cleared, and suddenly it wasn’t if, it was when.

 

 

Franky left not long after their conversation, calling up to Allie and telling her not to do anything she wouldn’t do.  The blonde was just as sharp in her response though, asking the tattooed brunette if such things actually existed.  Bea was happy that the blonde hadn’t been scared off by her friend, and that she could hold her own, although she suspected the two of them together would be trouble.  Heading back up the stairs she stood in the doorway of her daughters’ room, waiting until she got Allie’s attention before indicating for her to follow her.  Bea wanted to make sure Franky hadn’t offended her in any way, and was also hoping to get a minute or two alone with her in the process.

Waiting until Allie had walked through the door she pushed it too slightly, wanting a little privacy, but to also be able to hear Debbie if she called out.  Turning around she came face to face with the blonde, and judging by the smirk on her face she was about to make some inappropriate comment about being summoned to Bea’s bedroom.  The redhead wasn’t sure if it was her earlier conversation with Franky or just being so close to the object of her affections, but before she had a chance to think about what she was doing her lips were on Allie’s.  The thought of being intimate with the blonde in any way had ignited a fire within Bea, and right now she needed to be as close to her as physically possible.

Allie was surprised by the redhead’s actions, albeit pleasantly.  Deciding to go with it, she slipped her arm around the older woman’s waist and pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss.  The low moan that fell from the redhead’s lips made Allie’s body tingle in all the right places, and she never wanted this moment to end.  Running her left hand up Bea’s arm and over her shoulder, she brushed her thumb over her strong jaw before feeling the short hair at the nape of her neck under her fingertips.  Allie could feel herself moving backwards slowly, only coming to a stop when she felt the wall behind her.  This was a whole new side to the redhead, a side she’d never seen before, but one she hoped would appear on a regular basis.

The redhead pulled back slightly and Allie was just about to protest when she felt the older woman’s lips on her neck.  She could feel the heat building between them, and was struggling to maintain the self-control she was desperately trying to cling on to.  All she wanted to do was throw her down on the bed and ravish her, but she respected her too much to do that, and had meant it when she said that the redhead would set the pace.  That didn’t stop her right hand from wandering though, grabbing a handful of the most perfect arse ever.  Bea’s teeth grazing over her pulse point took the blonde by surprise, as did the low moan that fell from her lips.  It took Allie a few seconds to realise she was the one that had made the sound, not that she was given long to think about it.  The redhead’s lips were back on hers, and Bea was pressed so tightly against her that they pretty much became one.

The need to be as close to Allie had taken the redhead by surprise, so much so that she hadn’t realised just how close they were until she moved her hand, and accidentally brushed against the younger woman’s breast.  Jumping back, she fixed her gaze on the floor, hoping she hadn’t crossed a line and upset the blonde in any way.  “I…sorry, I didn’t mean to attack you like that”

“First of all, you didn’t attack me.  I was very much a willing participant in everything that just happened.  And secondly, any time you feel the need to do that again then please go right ahead.  I’ll never complain”

“No?”

“No” the blonde replied, taking a step closer before reaching out and holding onto Bea’s hand.  “In fact, I think it’s something we should do more often.  I’d encourage it even” she added, slipping her right arm around the redhead’s waist and pulling her into a kiss.  It wasn’t anywhere near as intense as their earlier kisses, but it was no less passionate.  Allie had never felt like this before, and she wished they could stay here forever, just the two of them together.  But they couldn’t, Bea had her daughter to take care of, and right now they were at risk of being caught out by the curly haired brunette.  Pulling back, she allowed herself to get lost in the older woman’s chocolate brown eyes for a few seconds before speaking.  “Good morning by the way.  Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to say it earlier, what with your rottweiler attacking my leg and all” she said, smiling so Bea would know she was joking.

Bea couldn’t help but laugh, especially as an image of Franky on her hands and knees biting at the blonde’s jean clad leg flashed through her mind.  She couldn’t deny that the description was pretty accurate, but was glad the younger woman didn’t seem to be phased by her friend’s natural ability to be such an arsehole.  “Good morning Alliecat” she replied, playing with a lock of blonde hair as she gazed at the woman in front of her.  She really was perfect in every way, and suddenly all her earlier insecurities didn’t seem important anymore.  “I’m sorry about Franky, if I’d have known that she was going to show up like that I’d have warned you.  I was worried she’d scare you off”

“Never going to happen” the blonde replied, dropping a soft kiss on the older woman’s cheek.  “In case you haven’t already figured it out, I’m kind of addicted to you.  Nothing anyone could ever say would make me run from you, not even Franky.  You were right about her being an arsehole though…I should introduce her to Kaz”

Bea was aware the blonde was having issues at home, and that things between her and Kaz were strained.  Despite Allie telling her on several occasions that it wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t help but feel responsible, even though she hadn’t actually done anything to the older blonde.  She just wished that Allie wasn’t stuck in the middle of whatever problem Kaz Proctor had with her this week.  She was just about to apologise again for coming between them when Allie spoke, and to say she was surprised by her words would be an understatement.  “I’m sorry things are still rough between you, maybe I should leave you alone”

“Don’t even think about it, not unless you want me camping out on your doorstep every day.  None of this is your fault ok.  I love Kaz, and she means well, but she can be a massive pain in the arse at times.  This is one of those times.  Being here with you means so much to me, you mean so much to me”.  While they were on the subject of Kaz, Allie wanted to ask Bea if she would help her out.  It would be a big ask, she knew that, especially given how awful her sister had been to the redhead.  But it was the only way she could think of dealing with Kaz and Will’s relationship, her sisters’ hatred of Bea, and her negativity towards her spending time with the redhead all at once.  Taking a quick breath, she held the older woman’s hand, taking comfort in their closeness.  “I need to ask you something and if you don’t want to that’s ok I just thought that maybe you would help me out and I know that…” she rambled, not even pausing to catch a breath, only stopping when she felt Bea’s soft lips on hers.

“You were rambling beautiful” the redhead said, her cheeks turning the colour of her hair when she realised what she had just said.

“Sorry, I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to force you into doing anything you’re not one hundred percent comfortable with.  And even before I ask I have a feeling this may be one of those things”.  The blonde went on to explain about the talk she’d had with her sister the previous evening, and how she wanted to try and get Kaz and Will together so they could talk.

“So where do I come into it?” the older woman asked, a little confused as to why Allie was so nervous.

“I thought maybe the four of us could go out to dinner together” Allie replied, taking in the look of horror that flashed over the redhead’s face.  “It’s probably a stupid idea, and maybe I’m crazy, but I thought that if she saw you and Will together then she’d stop all this crazy talk about the two of you.  Plus, if we’re there she’s less likely to pick another fight with him.  I know she’s been a colossal bitch to you, and I understand if you never want to have anything to do with her, but you’re both important to me”

The last thing Bea wanted to do was be in the same room as Kaz Proctor, let alone share a meal with her.  But she didn’t want Allie to feel like she was stuck in the middle of this stupid feud.  In the beginning she’d had no issues with the older blonde, and was happy that Will had found someone.  But as time went on and the accusations started to flow she couldn’t help but dislike her.  She’d spent years being dictated to by Harry, and she would be damned if she was going to sit back and let Kaz Proctor tell her who she could and couldn’t be friends with.  But if the blonde thought this would help, then she was willing to put their differences to one side for the night.  She wouldn’t do it for anyone else, but Allie wasn’t just anyone.  In such a short period of time she had become so important to the redhead, and Bea knew that if they were to have any kind of future together then she needed to try and make peace with her sister.  “Just let me know when and where, and I’ll be there”

“It’s ok, I understand, I…wait, did you just say yes?”

“I did.  She’s not my favourite person, I’m not going to lie.  But Will’s a good friend and I’m sick of him moping around” the redhead replied, slipping an arm around Allie’s waist and pulling her in closer.  “While there’s no love lost between me and Kaz I happen to think her sister’s pretty incredible, and if I can do anything to make her life easier then I will”

Bea was taken by surprise when the blonde launched herself at her, but as soon as their lips touched she lost herself in all things Allie.  Kissing the younger woman was becoming so natural to her, like it was something she’d always done, and she knew that was more to do with who she was kissing than the actual act itself.

“You’re perfect Bea Smith, absolutely perfect” the blonde said after they broke apart.  She knew it hadn’t been long, but she had fallen hard for the older woman.  She was just about to lean in for another kiss when a loud voice came from the room down the hallway, causing both women to spring apart.

“Allieee…you said you’d be two minutes, and it’s already been ten” Debbie called out as she made her way down the hallway and towards the redhead’s room.  She was happy that her mum had made a new friend, but Allie was her friend too, and she really needed to learn to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, I’ve been on holiday and things have been a little hectic since I got back. That along with my broken Ballie bubble has made finishing this chapter quite difficult.


	13. First Date

The three of them eventually made it out of the house, but not before Bea found herself getting reprimanded by her daughter for stealing her friend away.  They were a little over a mile away when the redheaded realised where they were going.  Debbie was too busy singing along to the radio with Allie to notice the sign for Taronga Zoo.  It had come up in conversation over breakfast the other day how much the young brunette wanted to go, and Allie had obviously remembered.  In the short time they had known each other the blonde had done more for her than Harry had during their entire relationship.  And she was so good with Deb, much better than her father had ever been.

Pulling up into the car park Allie cut the engine, a little surprised that Debbie hadn’t said anything about where they were.  Just as she was starting to think she had screwed up the young girl spotted the sign, letting out an excited squeal and causing both adults to cover their ears.

“Yesss! Allie, you’re the best” the young brunette shouted excitedly as she tried to undo her seatbelt.  “Allie’s the best isn’t she Mum…”

Locking eyes with the blonde Bea replied to her daughter, meaning every word that fell from her lips.  “She is, there’s no one in better in the whole world“.  Bea was surprised to see a slight blush on the blonde’s cheeks, and wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss her.  If it had just been the two of them in the car then she would have done, but she wanted to be sure about whatever it was that was going on between them before telling her daughter.  She didn’t want Debbie getting too attached, then Allie leave.

It was a big step for Bea, even just considering a relationship is something she never thought she’d do.  But that was pre-Allie, that was before she knew how incredible it felt to have someone look at her the way the blonde was doing right now.  But what if she was getting way ahead of herself, maybe a relationship wasn’t what Allie wanted.  Before the redhead had a chance to doubt herself or this thing between them she felt the blonde’s hand cover hers, reassuring her in an instant.  It was as though the younger woman knew what she was thinking or feeling, and while under any other circumstances that would scare her, with Allie it made her feel wanted.

After getting out of the car the blonde raced around to the other side, opening Bea’s door first and then Debbie’s.  It was the little things like this that really stood out with the redhead.  Harry never once opened a door for her, not even in the beginning before he showed his true colours.  But with Allie the small gestures like pulling her chair out for her, holding the door or making sure she had everything she needed before getting her own food when they had their picnic a few days ago seemed to come naturally to the blonde.  While it wasn’t something Bea ever really thought about, she couldn’t deny that it was nice to have someone around who wanted to do these things for her.  Once they had everything they needed Allie locked the car, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bag of carrot sticks and handing them over to Debbie just as she started to let them know how hungry she was.  It was both scary and magical how in-tune the blonde seemed to be with both Bea and her daughter, another thing that hadn’t gone unnoticed by the redhead. 

Fifteen minutes later they were inside the zoo, and to say that Debbie was excited would be an understatement.  What surprised Bea was that Allie seemed to share in her excitement, or at least she was doing a good job of pretending if not.  They spent a couple of hours watching and learning about various types of animals from Koalas to Meerkats to Giraffes, and all three of them were thoroughly enjoying their day so far.  That was until they reached the backyard to bush area of the zoo, or more specifically the spiders.  The keepers were just about to start a talk, and young Debbie was keen to listen.  Allie on the other hand wasn’t so enthusiastic.

She’d had a fear of spiders since she was little, something that intensified the night her father locked her in the garage for the night when she was Debbie’s age.  She couldn’t even remember what it was that she had done to cause him to punish her in that way, but would never forget waking up in the dark and cold room to find a large spider crawling over her face.  Screaming, she had jumped up, throwing the thin blanket off her in the process.  After finding a flashlight she’s checked her makeshift bed, finding another two smaller spiders crawling around on the fabric.  Allie had stayed awake for the rest of the night in fear that they would bite her if she didn’t.

Bea was surprised when the blonde didn’t follow them into the small theatre style room where the exhibition would be taking place.  After making sure Debbie was settled she made her way back outside, finding a pale looking Allie pacing up and down.  Approaching the younger woman, she reached out, placing her hand on her shoulder in a bid to get her to stand still.  “What’s wrong sweetheart?” she asked, brushing her thumb over Allie’s cheek.

Allie was embarrassed about both her fear, and being so weak in front of the woman she was trying to impress.  When she’d looked at the website she hadn’t seen anything about the exhibition they were standing besides, so when she saw the large spider on the advert outside it threw her a little.  “I…Imscaredofspiders” she mumbled so quickly that the redhead had no idea what she just said.

“You need to speak a little slower baby, I didn’t catch that” Bea replied, moving in closer and slipping her arm around the younger woman.

Kicking at the floor with the toe of her shoe the blonde looked anywhere but at Bea as she repeated her words.  “I’m scared of spiders, have been since I was Debbie’s age”

“Oh Allie, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  I’m petrified of snakes, hate the things.  If one comes on the tv I have to change channels”

“You don’t think I’m pathetic?” the blonde asked, the insecurity in her voice breaking Bea’s heart.

Wrapping her arms around the younger woman she held her for a few minutes before pulling back and kissing her softly.  “I think you’re perfect”.  The moment was interrupted by Debbie calling out to let them know that the show was about to start, and after telling Allie they wouldn’t be long Bea gave her hand a squeeze before heading back inside to her daughter, telling her the blonde had gone to find the toilet and would be back soon.

 

 

After grabbing a quick bite to eat they continued to walk around the zoo, the young brunette reciting all the facts she had learned about some of her favourite animals to Allie, who was listening intently.  While Bea loved that Debbie was so comfortable with the blonde, she was also a little frustrated.  Her daughter hadn’t left Allie’s side for more than a minute or two since they arrived at the zoo, making stealing even a few seconds together impossible.  After the kisses they’d shared earlier Bea felt the need to be close to the younger woman, something she didn’t feel comfortable with doing in front of Deb, at least not yet.  She knew that if things between her and Allie progressed then she would need to sit her daughter down and explain everything, something she wasn’t looking forward to.  But if it meant she was able to do even the little things like hold the blonde's hand or hug her then it would be worth it.  She just hoped Debbie would be ok with it when the time came.  It hadn’t even occurred to Bea that in thinking about the chat, it had been a case of when rather than if, something that would have freaked her out when they first met.

Bea knew that if she allowed herself to slip back into the mind set Harry had left her in then she would have run from Allie the second she started to show any interest in her, or at least she would have tried.  But no one had ever had such a hold over the redhead as Allie Novak did, and even after spending just a few hours with her she knew she wanted more.  She just wasn’t sure what of.  But now she knew, and despite feeling like she was holding a hot cup of coffee and was about to sneeze, she knew she was safe with the blonde.  Allie would never pressure her into saying or doing anything she wasn’t comfortable with, and despite her initial reservations Bea found herself craving the younger woman’s touch.  It didn’t matter what it was, a touch of the hand, a brush of the shoulder, Bea felt it to her soul.  No one had ever evoked such strong feelings in her just from one look, and despite it being early days she knew no one ever would.

After her divorce Bea swore that she would never let anyone get close to her in that way ever again, and she had meant it.  It didn’t matter what her friends and family said, she knew that no amount of time would ever heal the scars Harry had left her with.  While she didn’t exactly relish in the thought of being alone for the rest of her life, it was the only way.  Or at least that’s what she had thought, until Allie Novak came into her life, for the second time.  There had been something about her from the moment they met that day out on the rocks, and despite dealing with thousands of people in her job, the blonde stood out from the crowd.  Even before they met again recently she was never far from Bea’s thoughts.

Looking over to the blonde who was listening intently to something Debbie was telling her, Bea couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face if she tried.  She’d never seen her daughter take to someone as quickly as she did Allie, and despite her concerns about the blonde not wanting to be tied to someone with a kid, it was clear she loved spending time with the young brunette.  Bea just hoped that when the time came that she had to cancel a date or two in order to take care of her daughter, the blonde would understand.  Not only was she afraid that she wouldn’t be enough for Allie, she was also scared of becoming too attached, then losing her.  While four years wasn’t a massive age gap the blonde was still very young, and Bea was worried that once the newness of their relationship, or whatever it was, had worn off she would realise she didn’t want to be tied down.  By that time the redhead would be in too deep, and no doubt end up getting her heart broken.  Although given how her body just reacted when Allie turned her way and smiled, she was already in over her head.  Bea hadn’t even realised she had been staring until she heard the blonde’s soft voice right beside her.

Allie had been trying to get the redhead’s attention for a few minutes now, but she was clearly lost in her own world.  Although if the slight smile on her face was anything to go by whatever, she was thinking about couldn’t have been bad.  Letting Debbie know she wouldn’t be long she walked over to Bea.  “Everything ok?” she asked, not wanting to startle the older woman.

“Perfect…everything’s perfect” Bea replied, glancing over to where Debbie was standing to make sure she was still busy watching the chimpanzees play before taking a step closer to the blonde.  She wanted to kiss her so bad that it hurt, but despite her confidence growing since Allie came into her life she wasn’t brave enough just yet.  She could see her own desire reflected in the younger woman’s eyes, and felt guilty for being so closed off.  “I…I…sorry” the redhead mumbled, her cheeks colouring as she tried to hide her face.  Allie was beautiful, and didn’t deserve to be hidden away like some dark and dirty secret.  Bea wanted so much to throw caution to the wind and go after what she wanted, but she needed to speak to Debbie first.  Make sure her daughter was ok with whatever was going on between them.  

Allie could see the frustration in the older woman’s chocolate brown eyes, and wanted her to know that there was no rush, she would wait forever just for one kiss if that’s what it took.  While some people would get frustrated with the pace things were moving at, Allie both understood and appreciated the slow and steady approach.  She didn’t exactly have the greatest of track records when it came to relationships, but Bea was different and she didn’t want to rush into anything and risk spooking the older woman.  It was too soon to call it love, but Allie was definitely well on her way, and the more time they spent together the harder she fell.  Taking Bea’s hand in hers she gave it a gentle squeeze before stepping in closer.  “You’ve got nothing to apologise for beautiful.  Just being here with the two of you is enough for me”

“But…”

“No buts, even though yours is mighty fine” the blonde threw back with a cheeky wink.  “I’ve never been to a zoo before, so getting to experience this for the first time with my two favourite girls makes it extra special.  Today is one of the many firsts that I want to experience with you, whenever you’re ready.  I’m not going anywhere”

Glancing back to Debbie, who seemed to be doing an excellent job of communicating with a chimp through the glass, she turned to face Allie again, kissing her on the cheek.  It was only a peck, but they were in a busy public place and it was a big step for her, one she knew the blonde appreciated if the smile on her face was anything to go by.  Bea was about to voice her gratitude, but before she could get the words out she was interrupted by a very excited Debbie, who was eager to introduce the two adults to her new ape friend.

Watching on as the chimp copied everything her daughter did Bea couldn’t help but smile.  She loved her little girl so much, and even though part of her wished she didn’t have any ties to Harry, she wouldn’t change anything about the young brunette.  She was so happy and carefree, something the redhead wanted more than anything for her.  It had been so hard when Deb was little, and despite doing the best she could under the circumstances Bea knew she had missed out.  Which is why it was so important to her to spend as much time with her daughter as possible.  Taking her phone from her pocket she snapped a couple of photos of the young girl, switching to video when she saw that Allie had joined in the communications, along with three other chimps.  Her two girls had quite the crowd around them now and Bea felt her heart bursting with happiness. 

She was just about to take another photo when the blonde turned around, holding her hand out to Bea.  Smiling at her she moved closer, slipping her arm around Allie and allowing the younger woman to pull her in closer.  Standing there watching her girls interact with the primates, one arm over Debbie’s shoulder and the other around Allie’s waist, Bea couldn’t help but feel content.  Being here with the blonde made her realise how much she had missed out on by shutting herself off from people, although there was no one else she would ever want to be here with like this.  Allie was everything she never allowed herself to dream of, and Bea was both nervous and excited when she thought about what was to come, assuming the blonde didn’t get bored of her that was.

 

 

Despite the number of large animals within the zoo it was the Chimpanzee’s that captured Debbie’s heart the most, or more specifically Rocky the chimp, so much so that she wanted to take him home.  Just before they left the enclosure Allie had asked one of the animal keepers about him after seeing Debbie’s eyes light when he was playing with her.  Waiting until the redhead had taken her daughter to the toilet Allie made her way over to the information desk, requesting an adoption pack for the Chimpanzee’s, or more specifically for Rocky.  It wasn’t quite the same, but it was the best she could do under the circumstances.  After quickly filling in the required information she handed her card over, hoping to get everything finished before Bea came back.  She didn’t want the older woman to think she was stepping on her toes, it wasn’t about that.  She just wanted to do something nice for the little one.

Once everything was sorted she slipped the adoption pack in her bag before making her way back over to the spot Bea had left her in.  She cut it fine, but Allie had just made it back as the two Smith girls came walking around the corner.  She heard them before she saw them, the curly haired brunette still hassling her mum about getting a Chimp.  Waiting until they were standing in front of her Allie squatted down so she was on a level with the young girl before reacting into the bag and pulling out the stuffed ape that came with the adoption pack.  “I know it’s not the real thing, but he needs to stay here with his family” she said as she handed the toy over.  “Oh, and there’s this too” she added, taking the adoption pack out of the bag and showing it to Debbie.

“What is it?” the young brunette added, the stuffed toy tucked safely under her arm as she took a step closer to the blonde.

“It’s an adoption pack for Rocky.  You’ll get regular updates on how he’s doing, along with photos.  Plus, on your next birthday you can come back and you’ll be allowed to feed him, maybe hold him too if it’s ok with your mum” Allie said, glancing nervously at Bea.  The last thing she wanted was for the redhead to think she was trying to buy young Debbie’s affection.

Bea couldn’t stop her eyes from welling up if she tried.  Allie really was perfect in every way, and she was falling hard for the younger woman.  Her head was telling her to hold back, tread carefully, but her heart was a fully-fledged member of team Novak.  When it came to relationships of any kind she’d always allowed her head to lead the way, but this time she was determined to follow her heart, especially as she knew where it would lead her.  “It’s more than ok, on one condition…” she said, her gaze fixed on the beautiful blonde in front of her.

“And what’s that?”

“That you come with us”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else” Allie replied, grinning like a fool when Debbie threw her arms around her, the stuffed chimp getting squashed between them as they hugged.  Despite her initial reservations when it came to being around kids she found that she loved spending time with the young girl.  But she was a part of Bea, so how could she not.  And the fact that Bea was thinking about the three of them being together in the future didn’t go unnoticed either.  Allie had wondered if she was the only one that had allowed herself to dream of a life with the two Smith girls.  But maybe, just maybe Bea was in as deep as she was.

After leaving the zoo they spent a couple of hours on the two wild rope’s courses, or at least Bea and Debbie did.  Allie only managed one, embarrassing herself by having to get rescued by the redhead, not that she seemed to mind.  It had its perks though, the main one being having the older woman’s arms wrapped tightly around her as she guided her through the last section of the course.  Debbie found the blonde’s predicament hilarious, and proceeded to tease her mercilessly throughout dinner. 

The second they got back to the car she announced that she was starving, causing her mum too roll her eyes.  It had been a long day and they were all tired, so the last thing Allie wanted was for the redhead to have to go home and cook for her daughter.  Plus, what kind of date would it be if she didn’t take Bea to dinner.  Although when she thought about a romantic meal with the redhead a burger joint didn’t exactly spring to mind.  But Debbie had chosen, so here they were.  Deciding that she would take Bea on a real date very soon she sat back and listened to the playful banter between mother and daughter, feeling honoured that they allowed her to be a part of it.

 

 

It was just after seven thirty when they pulled up outside the house, Allie grabbing the bags and unlocking the door while Bea carried a sleeping Debbie inside.  The young girl had crashed out a few minutes after they left the restaurant, the excitement of the day plus a full belly pretty much knocking her out.  While the blonde was concerned about overstaying her welcome she also didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.  While she felt comfortable in the house, she didn’t want to take liberties so decided to wait in the hallway.  As she stood thee her mind wandered back to their day together, and despite loving every second of it, knew that it had been a poor first date.  Bea deserved to be treated like a queen, not dragged around a zoo and fed burgers.  And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Allie went and embarrassed herself by freaking out in front of the older woman.  Way to go and make a good impression there Novak, she scolded herself, wishing she could go back twenty-four hours and start the day all over again.

Ten minutes later the redhead came down the stairs finding Allie hovering in the hallway, still lost in her thoughts.  Taking her hand, she led her through into the lounge, taking a seat before pulling the younger woman down beside her.  She was unusually quiet and Bea couldn’t help but wonder if she’d done something wrong.  “Is everything ok?” she asked, both wanting to know the answer and fearing it.

“I’m sorry, a freak out over spiders and getting stuck on a high ropes course wasn’t exactly what I pictured when I thought about our first date.  You deserve so much better than that, than me” Allie replied, having spent the past ten minutes convincing herself she had blown it with the older woman.

Wanting to reassure the younger woman as quickly as possible Bea did the one thing she had wanted to do since they left the house that morning, she kissed her.  It wasn’t a quick peck like the ones in the zoo either, it was the kind of kiss that left them both wanting more.  Pulling back when they both felt the need to catch their breath, Bea brushed her thumb over the blonde’s cheek before cupping her jaw so she could gaze into her ocean blue eyes as she spoke.  “There _is_ no better than you Allie, not for me.  Today was perfect in every way, spider induced freak out or not.  Do you want to know why?”

Receiving a nod from the younger woman she continued, hoping she was able to find the words to let the blonde know just how much she meant to her.  It wasn’t just a step out of Bea’s comfort zone, it was a huge leap.  But it was worth it, Allie was worth it.  “Today was perfect because you were there with us.  Deb adores you, and she’s not the only one.  I know I come with a lot of baggage and that in weeks, months even you may decide that this isn’t what you want, that I’m not what you want.  But you gave me a glimpse of how life could be one day.  I’m probably not making much sense, but what I’m trying to say is that even when I was married to Harry we never felt like a family.  He would always choose a day down the pub with his mates over spending time with his daughter, with me.  Not that I wanted him around.  But Debbie did, and I know she blamed herself for his absence.  Seeing the two of you together today made me so happy, it also made me see what I’d been missing out on by closing myself off” Bea said, playing with a lock of blonde hair as she allowed herself to get lost in the most stunning eyes she’d ever had the pleasure of gazing into.  “I know we haven’t known each other very long, and I don’t want to scare you off by being too needy.  But I just wanted you to know how special you are to me.  I’ve never felt anything like this before, never wanted to be around someone all the time.  When we’re not together I miss you so much that it hurts, and all I can think about is when I’ll get to see you again.  And when you kiss me, holy fuck Allie…I never knew it could be like that”

“I feel the same beautiful, and I love spending time with both you and Debbie.  For the record we’ve all got baggage, and I will never change my mind about you.  I’ve never felt so drawn to anyone before, and saying goodbye to you at the end of the day is the hardest thing in the world.  Harry’s an idiot for letting you go, the biggest fool in the world.  You’re everything Bea, and I…I adore you.  Please don’t ever think you’re being needy, and if you are then I am too.  There are no expectations beautiful, I’m just happy to be here with you.  Both of you.”.  Taking the older woman’s hand in hers she brought it up to her lips, placing a soft kiss on her palm.  Allie wanted it all with the redhead, but knew she would have to be patient.  And that was fine.  But she also wanted her to know that she was all in.  Deciding to be brave and take the plunge she smiled at her before asking the question that had been on her mind all week.  “I know you want to take things slowly, and I want that too, but I also know that for me there’s no one else.  Bea Smith, would you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?”

Leaning forward Bea kissed the blonde like she’d never been kissed before.  Allie was everything to her, and she was hoping the kiss would convey everything she knew she wasn’t brave enough to say just yet.  “Yes…” she said, leaning in and stealing another kiss.  “Always yes”.

 

 

After their earlier chat they had spent a couple of hours cuddling on the sofa watching a movie, or at least the older woman had.  Allie couldn’t take her eyes off her girlfriend, she was a masterpiece in human form, and the blonde felt like she’d just won the jackpot.  She had been so nervous when she asked her to be her girlfriend, not wanting Bea to think she was trying to pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for, but also needing her to know she was serious about her.  As the end credits on the movie started to roll Allie noticed the redhead was fighting to stay away, and as much as she didn’t want to leave she knew Bea was working the following day and needed to rest.  Untangling herself from the older woman’s embrace she stood up, pulling her girlfriend to her feet.  “I should go, let you get some sleep”

“No, stay…please” Bea replied almost instantly, taking the blonde by surprise.  She knew the older woman was meaning for her to stay in the guest room as she had done the last time, and she was fine with that.  Just being under the same roof as the beautiful redhead was enough for her.

“Ok, if you’re sure” the blonde replied, waiting until her girlfriend had switched off the tv and lights before allowing herself to be led up the stairs.  Coming to a stop in front of Bea’s bedroom she waited until the redhead had come back out of her room with a shirt for her to sleep in before pulling her into a hug.  Giving her girlfriend one last kiss Allie said goodnight, waiting until Bea closed the door to her bedroom before entering her own room.

Allie awoke to shouting, and after glancing at her phone she saw that it was just before three.  Jumping out of bed she left the room, listening for a few seconds until she heard Bea calling out.  She was in two minds as to whether or not to go into her bedroom, not wanting to invade her privacy.  But after hearing the distress in her voice she opened the door gently, moving quietly towards the bed.  She could see the anguish on the redhead’s tear stained face, her wild curls splayed out on the pillow as she cried out again, telling whoever was in her dream to get off her.  Sitting down on the edge of the bed the blonde reached out, brushing a stray curl from her girlfriend’s face.  “Bea…wake up beautiful.  It’s just a dream, you’re safe” she said as she moved closer, shaking the redhead gently.

Harry hadn’t invaded the redhead’s dreams for a few weeks now, but tonight he was back with a vengeance.  They were at their old house, the night he got arrested.  She could see him hovering over her with the broken bottle in his hand and she tried to get away, but she couldn’t move.  Debbie was standing in the doorway crying and calling out for her mum, but Bea couldn’t get to her, couldn’t help her.  She felt so useless, and hated that he had so much control over her, but as hard as she tried she couldn’t break free.  Feeling his breath on her neck she let out an involuntary shiver as he moved closer.  All she could do was watch on as he raised his hand, his grip on the bottleneck tightening as he prepared to stab her with it.

But instead of feeling the pain and fear she had expected, Bea felt something else, something soft and gentle.  Opening her eyes, she sat up in bed, gasping for breath as she frantically scanned the room for any trace of her ex-husband.  The second her gaze landed on Allie she felt all the tension leave her body, quickly replaced by embarrassment.  “I…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to disturb you”

“It’s fine Bea, honestly.  I don’t care about sleep, as long as you’re alright that’s all that matters” the blonde replied, wrapping her arms around the now sobbing woman and pulling her into a hug.  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked after the older woman’s breathing started to return to normal.

“Harry…he was trying to kill me…” the older woman said before bursting into tears again, clinging on to the blonde like she was her only lifeline.

“He’ll never hurt you again, I won’t let him.  No one will ever hurt you again, I promise”.  Allie’s heart broke for the woman in her arms, and if there was any way she could erase the memories from Bea’s mind she would, in a heartbeat.  But she couldn’t, all she could do was be there for her in any way she needed her to be.  She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when Bea’s breathing evened out she thought she had fallen asleep.  Deciding that she needed to go back to the guest room she tried to slip out from under her girlfriend, only for Bea to hold on even tighter.

“Stay with me…please” the redhead said, needing the security only Allie could bring.  She hated feeling like this, but being close to her girlfriend made her feel safer than she ever had in her life.

“I’m not going anywhere” Allie replied, moving in closer and wrapping her arms around her girl.  Whatever Bea needed, she would do.  Not that she minded getting to fall asleep in the arms of the woman who had stolen her heart.

 

 

Bea couldn’t remember a time when she had slept so well, and waking up in Allie’s arms was something she could definitely get used to.  She’d never really been one for cuddling, preferring to stay as far away from Harry as possible.  But the blonde was different, and being with her like this felt so right.  Glancing at the clock she knew she only had a few minutes before her alarm went off.  Reaching over she switched it off, not wanting to disturb the sleeping goddess that was cuddled up against her.  Allie looked so peaceful lying there, her messy blonde locks partially covering her face.  Making the most of the opportunity to study her without interruptions Bea allowed herself to get lost in all things blonde and beautiful, not realising the other woman had woken up.  Her soft voice startling her slightly, before she felt her girlfriend’s arms tighten around her.

Allie had dreamed of this moment so many times, even before she met the redhead again at the beach.  But nothing that her mind could conjure up could ever feel as perfect as waking up beside Bea Smith.  Her flame red curls were wild and despite her earlier nightmare she looked relaxed, content even.  The blonde knew her girlfriend was checking her out, and not wanting to embarrass her in any way decided to close her eyes again and give her a few more minutes.  Feeling Bea’s strong fingers in her hair was too much for Allie, and she needed more than anything to see her beautiful face.  Opening her eyes, she smiled at her girlfriend before speaking.  “Good morning beautiful”.  Realising she had startled the older woman she pulled her in close, kissing her on the cheek.  “I love waking up with you like this, you make a great cuddle buddy”

Letting out a husky, fractured laugh that sent the younger woman’s heart rate into overdrive Bea buried her head in blonde hair.  Inhaling the scent that was uniquely Allie she smiled when she felt her girlfriend move in closer still.  “I love waking up with you too, although you do hog the blankets” she joked, loving how easy it felt to be close to her girlfriend in this way.

Allie was just about to protest when Debbie shouted through the door, letting her mum know she was awake, and absolutely starving.  Feeling the blonde start to pull away Bea held on tight, wanting to stay wrapped up in the comfort of her arms for a little bit longer.  “Go and get your things ready to take to G'ma Liz's and I’ll be out in a few minutes” she called out to her daughter, waiting until she heard her mumble something about wasting away before heading back to her own room.  Turning to face her girlfriend Bea smiled shyly, wanting more than anything to kiss her.

Seeing the hesitation in Bea’s chocolate eyes Allie ran her fingers through soft red curls, her hand coming to rest at the nape of her girlfriend’s neck.  “Take what you want Bea”

Closing the distance between them Bea let go of her inhibitions and kissed the blonde.  While she still wanted to take things slowly it was getting harder and harder to pull away from her beautiful girl, but she knew if she didn’t then Debbie would come back and catch them.  “You, I want you.  Only you…” she replied, stealing one last kiss before reluctantly dragging herself out of bed.

 

 

They hadn’t seen much of each other over the past week, and both women were having serious withdrawals.  One of Bea’s colleagues had injured himself while surfing so they were all having to pick up extra shifts.  She was trying to limit hers to the days where her daughter would be at school, but that meant she had less time to spend with Allie.  To make matters worse the blonde had exams coming up as part of her studies at university.  They had spoken on the phone at least once a day but it wasn’t the same, and when they were together Debbie was there as well.  Not that Allie minded.  She was growing attached to the young girl and loved spending time with her, she just missed her alone time with the older of the Smith girls.

Allie had booked a table at Kaz’s favourite Italian restaurant, although it had taken some convincing to get her to agree to go.  After their chat the previous week she’d hardly seen her sister, the older blonde choosing to throw herself into work in hope that it would take her mind off her broken relationship.  Despite everything she really did love Will, and could see herself building a life with him.  She knew she had a stubborn streak, one that had gotten her into trouble in the past, and she was to blame for their current situation.  She just wished that he would talk to her.  The last thing she wanted to do was get dressed up and go out to dinner, even though she knew she wouldn’t have to put on a fake smile for her sister.  Right now, her perfect evening was curling up under her duvet with a book and a glass of wine, or bottle as it had been for the past few days.  But saying no to Allie would be like kicking a puppy, so she knew she had little choice but to suck it up and get ready.

When the blonde first explained the details of her plan for getting her sister and Will back together Bea thought it was a terrible idea, not that she would tell the younger woman that.  She knew how close they were, and seeing Kaz so down was definitely taking its toll on Allie, but Bea suspected that her presence would make an already difficult situation even worse.  She had voiced her concerns, but one look from the younger woman and she would pretty much agree to anything.  It would be worth suffering through an evening with Kaz Proctor just to see that smile on Allie’s face again, the one the redhead had a feeling was reserved only for her.

Getting Will to agree to dinner had been surprisingly easy, although that could have something to do with the fact that he had no idea that Kaz would be there.  Being a member of staff down meant that they hadn’t had as much time to catch up as they usually did, and Bea missed their chats.  Although it was probably for the best at the minute, especially after he had seen her with Allie a couple of weeks ago.  Will had quizzed her about it, but she had made some excuse about the blonde leaving something on the beach that day they met.  By the look he gave her she knew he didn’t buy it, but at least he had the decency not to call her on her apparent lie, something she was grateful for.  It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Will, but this was all so new to her, and other than Franky and Maxine she hadn’t told anyone about her relationship with Allie.  And even they didn’t know that they had made it official.  Bea knew what she wanted though, but in getting that it would mean having to go public with their relationship, something she wasn’t sure she was quite ready for just yet.

The table was booked for seven thirty, and if all went to plan Allie would be staying over at Bea’s house for the night.  Although the redhead suspected she would be going home alone.  Liz had picked Debbie up from school, giving Bea more time to get ready.  Despite the extra few hours she still found herself racing around her bedroom at the last minute frantically trying to put away all the clothes she had tried on, then dismissed.  This was the first time Allie would see her in something other than her casual clothes, and she didn’t want to disappoint.  Although she had a feeling the blonde wouldn’t care what she wore.  What was worrying Bea the most though was that she wouldn’t be able to get through dinner without Kaz picking up on what was going on between them.  They had spoken about Allie telling her sister, but had both agreed that it would be better to wait until after the night out, something the redhead was now questioning.  Not that she could do much about it, other than maybe sit on her hands to stop them reaching for Allie.

After picking Will up the redhead drove to the restaurant hoping that the two blondes weren’t running late.  He had been a little surprised when she told him were thy were going, so had made up an excuse about having a voucher that needed using up.  Although as soon as he saw who else was there he would know that she had lied.  Bea just hoped that he wouldn’t be too pissed at her for playing a part setting him up, especially if things didn’t go the way her girlfriend wanted them to.  Pulling up into the car park she checked her phone, pleased to see she had a message from Allie letting her know they had just arrived and were waiting at the table.

Allie would swear her heart stopped for a second when she spotted Bea walk through the door.  She literally took her breath away, so much so that everything around her faded and all she could see was the redhead across the room.  The temperature in the room had definitely increased, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t tear her eyes away.  To say that Bea looked stunning would be doing her an injustice.  Her hair was in loose curls that were cascading over her shoulders and down her back, and the snug black pants, fitted white shirt and braces combo had the blonde practically drooling all over the table cloth.  She just hoped that Will and her sister made up quickly so they could all get out of here.  Not being able to see the older woman much over the past week had been hard, but nothing would compare to having to sit here for the next couple of hours and pretend to be just friends with the red-haired goddess.  Unfortunately, the moment was broken all too soon, and if her sister reaction was anything to go by it was going to be an interesting night all round.

Kaz knew something was going on the second they were led over to a table for four, although her sister had dismissed it, putting it down to the restaurant being relatively quiet due to it being midweek.  But the second she saw Will walk through the door she knew that she’d been set up, and as if that wasn’t bad enough Bea Smith was with him.  Turning to face her sister she was just about to give her a piece of her mind when she noticed the faraway look.  Following her gaze, it soon became clear what or more specifically who had caught her eye.  And if the way her tongue was hanging out was anything to go by then Allie had more than a little crush on the redhead.  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…” she mumbled as she watched Bea look back at her sister with the same level of intensity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the longer than usually delay between chapters. My first week back at work after the holiday has been a busy one and I’ve been struggling to find the time to write. I haven’t forgotten about FMG but have had a case of the writer’s block. I’m back on it again now so should have the next chapter up soon :)


	14. Scars

Bea hadn’t expected Will to react the way he had when he saw who was sitting at the table they were being led towards, so when he stopped suddenly she had little choice but to slam straight into the back of him.  Something else for Kaz to hate on her for.  If it had been anyone but her girlfriend sitting beside the older blonde she would have turned around and walked straight back out, but she couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to Allie.  Stepping out from behind Will she ignored the steely glare she was receiving from her girlfriend’s sister, focusing on the younger woman beside her.  As she approached the table Allie stood up to greet her, and the electricity that shot through the redhead’s body took her by surprise.  Her girlfriend had literally taken her breath away, she was so beautiful.

The dress she was wearing brought out the colour in her eyes, making them appear even bluer than usual, and Bea found herself getting lost in them.  She was aware she was staring, and given neither of their dinner guests knew about their relationship that probably wasn’t the best idea, but she couldn’t help it.  Allie was like a magnet, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away.  She just hoped she wasn’t drooling.  As she allowed herself to gaze longingly at the woman who was quickly stealing her heart she tried to memorise every detail, from the way the dress hugged her in all the right places to the plunging neckline, something the redhead’s eyes found hard to move on from.  Knowing that if she didn’t get a grip she was going to get caught, assuming she hadn’t been already, she reluctantly raised her head and if the smirk on Allie’s face was anything to go by she knew the blonde was aware of where her eyes had just been.  Bea was aware she was blushing, something she knew her girlfriend loved.  When she thought about it, it was really strange how everything she hated the most about herself the blonde seemed to love the most.  But then Allie understood her better than anyone ever had, or at least that’s how it felt.

It was quite clear that the redhead was struggling, and the desire in her deep brown eyes as they roamed over her body ignited a fire within Allie.  She’d seen a glimpse of this side of Bea before, but that had been when they were alone, and following a rather heated make-out session.  The older woman was usually so good at masking her emotions, especially when they were in public, but for whatever reason it wasn’t working right now.  Something Allie was quite thankful for.  It was good to know that she wasn’t the only one affected by the other, and that despite her initial reservations the redhead was attracted to her, and not just the idea of her.

That was Allie’s main concern when it came to perusing a relationship with Bea, that it would be the interest in her that the older woman was drawn to, and not Allie herself.  Although given the redhead’s history she doubted she would have let her get this close if that had been the case.  It wasn’t that she doubted Bea’s integrity in any way, she had just become so used to people using her to get what they wanted then throwing her away that it was hard for her to believe someone as perfect as the redhead would want someone like her.  But the way she was looking at her right now erased all of Allie’s fears.  It also made her wish they were alone and somewhere less public.  If the thoughts currently running through Allie’s head were anything to go by it was probably a good thing that they were in the middle of a restaurant.  Her girlfriend looked so hot, and she knew that if they were alone her resolve would be tested to the max, not that she would ever pressure the older woman into doing something she wasn’t ready for.  Kaz’s mutterings dragged her from her Bea Smith induced daze, and when she turned to face the older blonde could see the anger radiating from her.

   

 

Kaz was fuming.  Not only had she been set up by her sister, she’d also brought that woman along to witness her turmoil.  Glancing over at Allie again she saw that she was still in an eye-fucking contest with the redhead, one that didn’t look like it was going to end any time soon, another thing that was pissing her off.  Of all the people in Sydney why did she have to set her sights on Bea fucking Smith, someone Kaz was still pretty sure was after Will.  Although if the way she was looking at her sister was anything to go by maybe she was wrong.  Either way she really disliked the other woman, and didn’t want her anywhere near Allie or Will.  Knowing that she would need to try and bite her tongue so she didn’t come across as the bad guy, she decided to let her feelings be known before their dinner guests arrived at the table.  “We’ll talk about this later, but I’m so pissed at you right now.  And what the fuck is she doing here?”

Leaning in a little closer to her sister Allie replied, her tone firm as she tried to hold back her frustration.  “In case you hadn’t noticed I did all this for you because you’re too bloody stubborn to admit you were wrong.  Bea helped me get Will here, so it wouldn’t kill you to be nice to her for once.  She’s not your enemy Kaz”

“Yeah, well she’s not my friend either.  I don’t want her here”

“Tough shit, because I do.  And if you do or say anything to upset her then we’re done.  I mean it Kaz, she’s important to me” the younger blonde said, glaring at her sister for a second before turning to face her girlfriend and Will, who were almost at the table.

Even though she had already seen her when she walked in Bea took her breath away for the second time in a few minutes, and the blonde knew she was the luckiest person in the restaurant.  She looked beautiful from across the room, but up close she was stunning.  She seemed nervous though, and despite understanding why she hated that her sister’s presence made her girlfriend feel like this.  After everything Bea had been through with Harry she deserved to be worshiped, not forced into going to dinner with someone who would no doubt go out of their way to make her uncomfortable.  Allie felt like she had failed the redhead for the second time in a week, something that didn’t sit well with her.  If Bea still wanted to be with her after the night was over, she was determined to be the best girlfriend she could ever wish for.

After greeting Will she turned her attention to her girlfriend, her eyes roaming over the redhead’s body before she could stop them.  Allie knew she would have to be careful if she didn’t want her sister to figure out they were together, not that she wanted to keep it from her.  She just felt that it was a conversation for home, rather than a public place.  She knew Kaz would be pissed at her, and would more than likely try to convince her to stay away from Bea, but that wasn’t going to happen.  She meant too much to Allie for a start, and for the first time in her life it felt like someone actually liked her for who she was, not what she could do for them.

 

 

Dinner had been both better and worse than Bea expected it to be.  She was glad that Will seemed to be patching things up with Kaz, but was also concerned about her own relationship.  She was torn between keeping quiet and letting the older blonde’s words get into her head, or risk hurting her girlfriend by telling her what her sister had said.  The thought of lying to Allie, or keeping anything from her made her feel physically sick, and she knew how important trust was to the younger woman.  She was just worried that if she did tell her it would end their relationship.  It was so new, and Allie had not only grown up with Kaz, she also saw her as family, a bond the redhead didn’t want to break.  But she also didn’t want to lose Allie either, and knew that was a possibility either way.

Pushing the older blonde’s words to one side for a second, she thought back to the rest of the evening and how her girlfriend seemed to sense when she was feeling a little awkward or uncomfortable.  Although running her foot up the inside of the redhead’s leg wasn’t exactly the best thing to do to calm her nerves.  Not that she hadn’t enjoyed the feelings it evoked in her.  Kaz’s icy glare had felt like a bucket of cold water being thrown over her though, causing Bea to move back out of Allie’s reach.  She had seen the look of hurt flash through her girlfriend’s eye and hated herself for being so weak in that moment.  Allie was what was important here, nobody else, and the redhead would be damned if she was going to sit back and let Kaz Proctor of all people dictate to her.  Deciding to be brave she reached across the table, placing her hand on her girlfriend’s and giving it a gentle squeeze.  Locking eyes with her girl’s beautiful blue pools she smiled lovingly at her, ignoring the glare from the woman sitting beside Allie.

Knowing how much courage it would have taken Bea to do that made Allie’s heart fill with love for the woman opposite.  She was aware of the looks her sister had been giving her girlfriend for the past half hour, and was waiting until the redhead went to the bathroom before calling Kaz on it.  The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene or embarrass Bea in any way, but she needed the older blonde to know that she was out of line.  The last thing Allie wanted to do was have to choose between them, and she hoped that given time her sister would see that the redhead was exactly what she needed.  But if not, she knew who she would stand beside.  As hard as it would be to turn her back on the other woman.  She just hoped that it wouldn’t come to that.

A short while later Bea excused herself and headed for the bathroom.  Will had gone outside to take a call from one of his staff so Allie decided to make the most of having her sister alone.  Turing to face the older woman she took a second to gather her thoughts before speaking.  “I meant what I said earlier, you make nice with Bea or I’ll start looking for somewhere else to live.  I won’t have her hurt in any way, especially by you of all people”

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Someone who goes out of their way to help a complete stranger, who helps women.  I admire you Kaz, the shelter and what you guys do there means so much to so many people.  Those women that come through the door, the ones you welcome with open arms, some of them haven’t been through half of what Bea has.  Yet all she gets is the cold shoulder, I don’t understand.  You’re my sister, you’re meant to be there for me”

“You’re right, I am, and that’s why I’m more protective of you than anyone.  I just don’t want you to get hurt, and if you continue to pursue Bea Smith then you will.  People like her, they don’t keep people like us around for long.  It’s quite obvious by the way you two keep staring at each other that you’re fucking, and as soon as she gets it out of her system she’ll drop you and walk away”

“She wouldn’t do that to me Kaz, she’s not like that.  If you’d just give her a chance you’d see how incredible she is.  And it’s not like that…I haven’t, we’re not sleeping together.  No one knows what the future will hold, maybe I’ll get hurt and maybe I won’t, I guess only time will tell.  But she means a lot to me, so please, for my sake if not hers just try and be nice”

Not wanting to upset the younger blonde after everything she had done for her in getting her and Will in the same room, Kaz simply nodded.  She would try, but no matter what her sister said Bea Smith wasn’t good enough for her, and never would be.  The frustrating thing was that it wasn’t anything in particular that she had done, and Kaz was starting to think that maybe there hadn’t been anything going on between the redhead and Will, if anything they seemed more like siblings than lovers.  There was just something about her, something that she didn’t like.  Call it a gut instinct, and that had never done her wrong in the past.  But like Allie said only time will tell, and if she had to be there to pick up the pieces then she would.  That’s what sisters did.

 

 

The rest of the meal had gone pretty well, and Kaz had eased up on Bea, even going as far as to try and include her in the conversation.  Or so Allie thought.  After paying the bill, something that caused a minor disagreement between all four of them, she nipped to the bathroom not realising that Will had gone as well.  If she had known she’d be leaving her girlfriend and sister alone for even a second then she would have waited, even though Kaz had been towing the line for the past hour and a half. 

As soon as the older blonde saw her sister head for the bathroom she decided to make the most of getting Bea alone for a few minutes.  Turning to face the redhead she dropped the fake smile she’d been putting on in front of Allie before speaking, keeping an eye on the door to the bathroom so she could see when the younger blonde was coming back.  Promise or not, she needed Smith to know exactly what she thought of her and her budding friendship or whatever it was with Allie.  It was a risky move, one that could end up backfiring on her, but it was a chance she was willing to take.  Plus, it was her word against Bea’s, and there was no way Allie would believe the redhead over her.

Seeing the door to the bathrooms open Kaz quickly moved back to her own seat, having slid over into her sisters so she could have her little chat with Smith.  Fake smile back in place, she waited for Allie to get back to the table before speaking.  “Thank you for tonight, and not just paying for dinner” she said, her smile widening when she saw Will walking towards them after finishing his phone call.  They had a lot to work through, although Kaz knew that the majority of their issues were a direct result of her jealousy. But at least they were talking again, and Will had even invited her back to his place for a drink when they left the restaurant.  That had to be a good thing right.

After saying goodnight to her sister and Will, Allie waited until their taxi were out of sight before taking her girlfriend’s hand as they walked to the car.  Overall, she was happy with how things had gone and by the end of the meal the conversation was flowing pretty freely between the four of them, she just wished Kaz would be a bit friendlier towards Bea.  But she wasn’t naïve, and knew that it would take time for her sister to get used to the idea of them together, once she told her that was.  She was just glad the older blonde had stuck to her word and played nice, although seeing the two women in conversation when she exited the bathroom had concerned her a little.

 

 

Bea had been quiet on the drive back to the house, something that didn’t go unnoticed by her girlfriend.  It wasn’t intentional, but she couldn’t get Kaz’s words out of her head.  She was aware of what the other woman was trying to do, yet despite knowing this it didn’t stop the doubt creeping in.  She felt guilty for even having these thoughts, and while she was pretty sure Allie would never hurt her, Bea was worried that her sister had been right in what she said.  The confidence that she had started to build when she was around the younger blonde had been stripped away by a few words, and she could feel herself starting to slip back into the darkness that she felt when she was with Harry.

Pulling up outside the house she smiled at the blonde before getting out of the car.  Unlocking the door Bea stepped aside to let her girlfriend enter first, unable to hide the smile when she saw the younger woman checking her out.  Allie was everything she could ever want, and she knew that it would be so easy to fall in love with her.  But what if Kaz was right, what if she would never be good enough.  Knowing she would only drive herself crazy she tried to push Proctor’s words to the back of her mind and focus on the woman beside her.  Grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge she took her girlfriend’s hand and led her through into the other room, surprised when Allie stopped in the doorway and let go of her hand.

Something was going on, and while the blonde had an idea who had caused the change in her girlfriend she was still concerned. Wanting to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible she decided on the direct approach, although slightly concerned about what the answer to her question would be.  “Do you want me to leave Bea?”

“I…what…no.  Why would you even think that?” the redhead asked, not even realising she had been quiet.

“I don’t know, maybe because you’ve hardly said more than two words to me since we left the restaurant.  Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not, you were perfect…you are perfect. I just, I…” the redhead said, her sentence trailing off as her mind played a game of tennis over whether to tell the blonde what was bothering her.  While she didn’t want to lie to her, she was scared of losing her of she told the truth.

“Ok come on, out with it.  What did she say?”

“Who?”

Brushing a lock of hair from her girl’s face Allie gazed into her conflicted brown eyes.  It was clear that the older woman was having some sort of internal battle with herself, and she had a pretty good idea who was responsible.  “Kaz.  I saw her saying something to you when I was on my way back from the bathroom…and I also know she can be an arsehole at times”

Bea knew from the look in her girlfriend’s eyes that she wasn’t going to get out of this.  Taking a breath, she looked down at her feet, not wanting to see the disappointment in the blonde’s eyes at her words.  “She told me that she knew something was going on between us and that I should cut you loose, do us both a favour.  She said that I’m not good enough for you, and I never will be, and that I should walk away now because you’ll get bored and dump me soon enough” she replied, giving Allie the edited version of what her sister had said.

“She said what!!” the blonde shouted, taking a step back from her girlfriend before starting to pace the room.  “I’ll fucking kill her!”

“Allie…baby, calm down.  Please…”

“Calm down, how am I meant to be calm when she’s going around saying that shit to you?  If anything, it’s the other way around, I’m the one that’s not good enough for you.  I’m so sorry beautiful, she had no right to say any of that to you.  And for the record I’ll never get bored of you.  You're everything to me Bea, everything, and I adore you” the blonde said as she ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back from her face.  She was livid, and if Kaz had been in the same room she would have ripped her fucking head off.  But what worried Allie the most was that her girlfriend would believe the shit her sister had been spouting, and break up with her.  Not even caring if it made her sound needy or vulnerable, she said the only thing she could think of to stop Bea from breaking up with her.  “Please don’t leave me, I lo…err…please.  You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t lose you”.  Realising what she had almost said made Allie nervous, she just hoped the redhead hadn’t noticed.  The last thing she wanted was to scare her off by coming on too strong, especially after what her sister had done.

Seeing the fear in the younger woman’s eyes broke Bea’s heart, and as much as she wished she could run from her feelings that would also mean running from Allie.  Something she never wanted to do.  Taking her girlfriend’s hand, she led her over to the sofa, taking a seat before turning to face her.  “I spent years letting Harry dictate what I could and couldn’t do, what I should say, or wear, he took everything from me.  But then you came into my life and suddenly I could breathe again.  I’m scared Allie, scared of getting hurt again, of not being enough for you.  But most of all I’m scared of hurting you.  I don’t want to be the one that comes between you and Kaz, that wouldn’t be fair, but I don’t want to lose you.  Does that make me selfish?”

“No, not at all, it makes me happy though.  I don’t want to lose you either Bea, and I’ve never been as happy as I am with you, both you and Debbie.  I know Kaz can be a pain in the arse, but I can handle her.  I’ve never felt like this before, and as long as I have you I can handle anything anyone throws at me”

“Even Franky?” Bea asked, a trace of humour in her voice as she tried to lighten the moment.  She knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, and that her self-doubt would rear its head again soon, but she was determined to fight it for her own benefit as well as her girlfriends.

Playing with a lock of the older woman’s hair Allie smiled lovingly at her before responding.  “Especially Franky.  She can play the hard ass all she likes but she’ll never scare me away.  You’re too important to me.  I’m sorry that my sister’s such an arsehole”

“I’m sorry I freaked out”

“You’ve got nothing to apologise for babe, just promise me you’ll talk to me if you start to feel like that again.  As hot as the dark and brooding look is on you, I’d much rather see that beautiful smile of yours” the blonde said, her girlfriend rewarding her with that very smile that she adored so much.

“I promise” Bea replied, leaning in and doing what she’d been dying to do all night.  Kissing Allie was like nothing she’d ever felt before, and as her girlfriend’s fingers ran up and down her back, over her shirt, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like without the fabric barrier.  The redhead still wanted to take things slowly, that hadn’t changed, but the more time she spent with the younger woman the more she craved her touch.

 

 

They spent a while chatting and cuddling on the sofa, Bea never feeling as safe as she did in her girlfriend’s arms.  There was something about the blonde, the way she looked like she didn’t have a care in the world, even after everything that had happened to her in the past.  It had put Bea at ease right from the start, and drawn her to the younger woman in a way she never had been with anyone before.  She wasn’t sure if it was because they had met years ago, albeit briefly, or her girlfriends warm and welcoming nature, but it felt like she had known her a lot longer than a month.  Being here with Allie like this felt so natural, and Bea just hoped it would become a more regular thing.

She wanted to speak to Allie about her daughter, or more specifically what to tell her about their relationship, but was worried the blonde would think it was too soon.  Maybe it was, but it’s not like the redhead had a lot of experience when it came to this kind of thing, and it wasn’t a conversation she ever saw herself having.  But all of that was pre-Allie, and now everything had changed.  Bea would never voice it through fear of scaring her girlfriend off, but the house felt so empty without the blonde.  She wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, but in doing so knew that she couldn’t put off the talk with her daughter for much longer.  Mainly due to her own inability to keep her hands to herself whenever Allie was near.  Whatever she decided, it was a conversation for another time.  Seeing the younger woman trying to stifle a yawn Bea stood up, pulling her to her feet before grabbing her overnight bag and leading her out of the room and up the stairs.  They had called at Kaz’s house on the way back to pick her things up, that way she could go straight to work from Bea’s rather than having to leave early so she could go home and change.

When they got to the top of the stairs Allie was expecting the redhead to say goodnight, so when she kept hold of her hand and led her into her bedroom she was more than a little surprised.  While she had loved waking up in the older woman’s arms last week she didn’t want Bea to think she had to do anything she wasn’t ready for, and needed her to know there was no pressure.  “Are you sure about this babe?”

“I…do you want to sleep in the other room?” the redhead mumbled, feeling the tell-tale signs of the blush on her cheeks.  She felt stupid for even thinking that maybe Allie would want to stay with her.  It had been a spur of the moment decision, one she was now starting to regret.  Just as her insecurities were about to take over again she felt the blonde’s soft lips on hers, making her forget about everything other than the two of them.

Allie was getting better at reading her girlfriend, and sensed that she was about to withdraw.  She hated that Bea thought so little of herself, and swore right there that she would make it her mission in life to get her girl to see just how special she was.  Deciding in that moment that she needed to tread carefully when explaining she took a few seconds to get her thought’s together.  The doubt and uncertainty in Bea’s eyes broke her heart, and taking a step forward she did the one thing she could think of to try and stop her from distancing herself.  She kissed her.  Relief washing over her when she felt her girlfriend pulling her in closer and deepening the kiss.

Breaking apart when they both needed air she locked eyes with the older woman, wanting her to know she only had her best interests at heart, that and she meant every word she was about to say.  “I want to be wherever you are, but I also want you to be one hundred percent sure.  As much as I loved falling asleep with you the other night, if you’re not ready for this then I’ll be perfectly happy in the guest room.  Your happiness is the most important thing to me Bea, everything else can wait.  But if you are sure then I’d love to cuddle with you…as long as I can be the big spoon”

Tugging on the blonde’s hand, Bea led her further into the room before closing the door behind them.  Just being given a choice about what happened meant so much to her, although she suspected it would always be this way with Allie.  “I’m sure…I just want to be close to you” she replied, smiling at her girl.

Not feeling comfortable enough to change clothes in front of the blonde just yet, Bea had gone into the adjoining bathroom.  After brushing her teeth and going through her usual night time ritual she realised that she had left her shorts and singlet in the bedroom.  Not thinking anything of it she opened the door and walked back into the adjoining room, coming face to face with a half-naked Allie.  Bea knew she was staring, yet she couldn’t tear her eyes away.  She’d never really thought about another woman’s breasts before, but right now all she could think about was touching them, touching Allie.  That feeling was back again, the one she’d woken up with after her pretty graphic dream about the blonde.  But having the object of her desires standing in front of her, and half-naked as well, was making it hard for Bea to do even the simplest things like breathe.  Her heart was racing and she could feel a throbbing in her lower abdomen, the intensity of it taking her by surprise.

The redhead had worried at one point that when it came down to it she wouldn’t be attracted to Allie, sexually.  But if her body’s reaction was anything to go by she knew that wasn’t the case.  The problem she now had was sticking to her suggestion of taking things slow.  Every time the blonde kissed her she wanted more, although up until a few minutes ago she hadn’t been sure of what.  But there was no doubt in her mind anymore, she didn’t just want more of Allie, she wanted all of her.  She just hoped that when the time came she wouldn’t embarrass herself due to her lack of experience.

 

 

Allie had decided to get changed while the redhead was in the bathroom, and had just removed her dress when the door opened and the older woman walked back in.  She couldn’t wear a bra with the dress she had worn to dinner, so when she turned around to face a shocked looking Bea she was only wearing her red lace undies, and they didn’t leave that much to the imagination.  Allie knew exactly where her girlfriend’s eyes were fixed, and couldn’t deny that she liked the feelings it evoked in her.  She was in two minds as to whether to grab her shirt and cover up, knowing Bea would be embarrassed when she realised what she was doing, or just wait it out.  She knew the older woman liked her, it was obvious in every look, every kiss, but the hunger in her eyes right now took Allie by surprise.  She wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them, take the redhead into her arms and kiss her, but she knew Bea would freak out.  Before she could work out the best way to handle the situation, as well as her own arousal, her girlfriend realised what she was doing, and where she was looking.

Bea was mortified, not only had she been unable to tear her eye away from her girlfriend’s half-naked body, she had been caught staring at her chest.  Although if the look on the blonde’s face was anything to go by she clearly wasn’t offended.  That didn’t lessen her embarrassment in any way, and feeling both overwhelmed and out of her depth she did the only thing she could think of and ran back into the en-suite, closing the door behind her.  Sitting down on the edge of the bath she held her head in her hands, her mind racing at what felt like a million miles an hour.  Seeing Allie like that had ignited a fire within her, one she didn’t see fading any time soon, and now she had the added problem of sharing a bed with her.  A very pleasant problem, but a problem all the same.  Standing up she walked over to the washbasin, splashing her face with cold water in a bid to reduce the redness in her cheeks.  Bea hadn’t even realised how long she’d been in there until she heard a knock on the door, her girlfriend’s soft voice asking if everything was ok.

The redhead had been in the bathroom for over ten minutes, and Allie was starting to worry.  She suspected that Bea was probably embarrassed at being caught staring, but in all honesty, she loved having her eyes on her.  Every time her girlfriend looked at her it made Allie feel like she was important, something she rarely felt.  She had changed into her sleep shirt after the older woman had fled the scene, not wanting to cause any further embarrassment, but when she failed to make an appearance the blonde began to fear the worst.  Bea was so strong, yet also very fragile in certain ways and Allie was conscious of doing or saying something to trigger a bad memory.  She knew that given time things would get easier, and that she would learn to read the older woman better, but no matter what she would be there for her.  Crossing the room, she knocked on the door, calling out to her girl to make sure she was alright.

Despite still feeling mortified about how she had behaved Bea knew that hiding in the bathroom all night wasn’t an option, plus that wouldn’t be fair on her girlfriend.  Allie didn’t deserve any of this, and she wouldn’t blame her for walking away, but deep down the redhead knew that she wasn’t going anywhere.  The blonde had made it perfectly clear on numerous occasions that she wasn’t put off by Bea’s awkwardness, going as far as to tell her how cute she was when she blushed.  Taking a couple of seconds to get herself together Bea opened the door, coming face to face with a concerned looking, and fully clothed Allie.  Although if she was being totally honest she was a little disappointed by the latter.  Pushing the very pleasant but extremely distracting thoughts from her mind she pulled the younger woman into a hug, hiding her face in a mass of blonde.  “I’m sorry about earlier, I didn’t realise that you were getting changed.  I didn’t mean to…you know…look”

Pulling back slightly Allie took in her girlfriend’s flushed appearance, and she couldn’t deny that she looked beautiful.  She knew how lucky she was to be here with Bea in her bedroom, and was determined not to blow it.  Brushing a stray curl from her face she lifted her chin slightly, their eyes locking in an intense gaze.  “First of all, you’ve got nothing to apologise for, and I’m sorry I embarrassed you by being all naked” she said, kissing her girl on the cheek before continuing.  “And second, you can look at me ay time Bea…in fact I’d even go as far to say that I would encourage it.  I love your eyes on me, your hands too.  There’s no pressure and there never will be, but I just want you to know that I’m yours and I will be for as long as you want me”

Unable to find the words to say Bea simply kissed her girlfriend, hoping she would understand how much that meant to her.  And how much she wanted her not only in her life, but by her side.  It was still early days but with her optimistic head on, Bea could see a future with the blonde, something that made her happier than she’d ever been.  Being close to Allie always gave her the confidence she often lacked in her day to day life, and as they broke apart she decided to be brave.  “I can’t imagine ever not wanting you” she said, the smile she was rewarded with made stepping out of her comfort zone worth it.

 

 

An hour later Bea found herself staring at the ceiling.  Allie was cuddled up against her under the covers and had fallen asleep not long after they got into bed, but the redhead hadn’t been so lucky.  She was still wound up following the younger woman’s accidental strip show, and now she knew what was under the shirt she was wearing, it was all Bea could think about.  She was no longer worried that she wouldn’t be attracted to the blonde when the time came, but it was her own fears of being touched that was holding her back.  She knew Allie meant what she had said and that she would never push her into doing anything she didn’t want to, but to the older woman sex had always meant pain and humiliation.  As if the mental scars weren’t enough to deal with, Harry had also left her with plenty of physical ones as well.

Bea hated them, hated how rough they felt under her fingers, but most of all she hated that she had been left with a constant reminder of him and what she had let him do.  She felt disgusted by them, and by herself for putting up with it for so long.  But what was worrying her the most that was once Allie saw her scars she would be disgusted by her too.  Even though they hadn’t been together very long the blonde had become so important to Bea, and the thought of losing her was too much to bare.  As on so many occasions so far it was as though Allie could read her mind, or knew she was starting to doubt herself at least.  The redhead had thought her girlfriend was asleep, so when she heard her voice in the darkened room it startled her a little.

Allie wasn’t sure what it was, but something had woken her from a very pleasant dream involving the Smith girls.  The three of them were on holiday somewhere, relaxing on a beach in some exotic and tropical part of the world.  It was unusual for any dream involving water or even the beach to be a pleasant one, but then her two favourite people hadn’t been present in any of the others.  It took her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkened room, but as soon as they did it was clear what had woken her.  Bea was awake, and if the look on her face was anything to go by she was deep in thought.  She knew that look, it was one she had quickly learned to read, one that meant the older woman was doubting herself again.  Allie hated that her girlfriend thought so little of herself, and was determined to make her see how special she was, how much she adored her.  Taking a few more seconds to study the woman she knew she was falling hard for, she tried to reassure her.  “Stop overthinking…you’re beautiful and I adore you”

“I…how…”

“I know you better than you think, and I hate that you doubt yourself so much” Allie replied, taking her girlfriend’s hand and placing it on her chest above her racing heart.  “Can you feel that?” she asked, waiting until the redhead nodded her head.  “It does that whenever I’m near you.  It’s never done that with anyone before, only you.  Always you”

Copying her girlfriend’s actions Bea placed the blonde’s hand over her heart, that was also racing at what felt like a million miles an hour.  “Mine does it too.  I...I’ve never felt anything like I do when I’m around you, never wanted anyone like this before.  But I’ve got scars…from Harry, from when he hurt me.  I hate the way they look, the way I look with them and I don’t want you to be put off by them, by me”

“Nothing, and I mean nothing would ever put me off you Bea.  You’re perfect to me, in every way.  Scars and all”

Feeling a sense of bravery wash over her at the younger woman’s words Bea turned the bedside lamp on before pulling the covers back and lifting the hem of her singlet slightly.  It wasn’t the worst scar that she had, but it was still pretty bad, and one of the reasons she always wore a swimsuit at the beach.  Taking Allie’s hand, she moved it from where it was still resting above her heart and placed it over her ribs, over the scar.  Turning her head, she focused on a spot on the wall, not wanting to see the disgust in her girlfriend’s eyes.

Fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall Allie brushed her fingertips over the slightly raised skin, torn between wanting to hold onto the redhead and never let go, and hunt down the bastard that had done this to her and make him suffer.  “Wh...what happened?” she asked, her words catching in her throat as the tears started to fall.

“They had an event at Debbie’s nursery, and it went on longer than expected so I was late home.  When Harry got in from work his dinner wasn’t ready, so he beat me.  He knocked me to the floor, and he kept on kicking me over and over again.  I broke two ribs, but the bottom one was really bad and it broke through my skin.  I remember driving over to Liz’s house to drop Deb off so I could go to the hospital.  I was so dizzy and was scared that I would pass out and crash the car.  I know I shouldn’t have driven, but if I’d called for an ambulance my next beating would have probably been my last.  Liz knew something was wrong when I didn’t get out of the car, plus I was wearing a coat and it was warm out, but I made some excuse up about being in a hurry after getting called into work.  I know she didn’t buy it for a second, but I was so grateful that she didn’t call me on it that I didn’t care” the redhead replied, hating herself even more for what she allowed that man to do to her, for what he made her do.  She still couldn’t bring herself to look at the blonde through fear of seeing disappointment in her eyes, not that her girlfriend really gave her a choice, her hand cupping Bea’s jaw and turning her head so they were now face to face.  But instead of the disgust the older woman was expecting, she saw nothing but pain in her beautiful blue eyes.  “I hate it, it’s ugly.  And every time I look at it, it reminds me how weak I was” she said, her voice breaking along with Allie’s heart.

Allie didn’t want to overstep the mark, but needed Bea to know that she wasn’t put off by her scars.  “It’s not ugly it’s beautiful, like the rest of you” she replied, locking eyes with her girlfriend briefly before leaning down and kissing the scar.  Her heart was breaking for the pain that the older woman still carried, and at the thought of anyone hurting her in any way.  It was also filled with so much love for the incredible woman lying beside her.  “Perfect” she said, kissing the scar again.  “Brave”, followed by another kiss.  “Strong” she added, dropping one last kiss to the scar before lifting her head and locking eyes with her girlfriend.

Bea had been trying to hold it together, but the second her eyes locked with tear filled blue ones she lost the battle.  Clinging on to Allie she allowed her tears to fall, knowing she was safe.  They laid there for a while, the younger woman caressing Bea's stomach and loving the feel of the muscles twitching under her fingertips.  She knew the redhead was toned, but was surprised by just how defined her stomach muscles were.  Under any other circumstances she would have been struggling to control herself, but right now the redhead needed comfort, and to know that she was loved and didn’t have to deal with anything alone.  “I’m going to tell Kaz about us tomorrow after work, tell her we’re together, that you’re my girlfriend”

“Are you’re sure?  She’s not going to like it, although I think that will have more to do with who you’re dating”

“Then that’s her problem.  I love her, and I owe her a lot, but I won’t let her do anything to come between us.  You mean so much to me, more than you could ever know.  It’s only been a month, and maybe I’m getting way ahead of myself, but I’ve fallen hard for you Bea Smith.  You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m in this for the long haul.  If you want me to be that is”

“This is all so new to me Alliecat, and I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.  But I do know that I want a future with you.  I also want to talk to Debbie about us.  After everything that happened with Harry I swore that I’d always be honest with her, although this was never a conversation I saw myself having” the redhead replied, playing with a lock of Allie’s hair.  “I have no idea what I’m going to say though.  I mean how the hell do I explain it to a seven-year-old when I don’t fully understand it myself.  Although I know I want to be with you, that I am certain of”

This was all new to the blonde as well, especially the whole telling the kid part, but she knew that whatever she was feeling it would be so much more confusing for her girlfriend.  There was no rush, but if Bea wanted to tell her daughter then she would be there to support her in any way she could.  “You can say no if you want, and I won’t be offended, but would it help if we talk to her together?  That way I can be there to try and answer any questions that you can’t”

Debbie clearly adored the blonde, that much was clear, but what was worrying Bea more than anything was her daughter thinking she wouldn’t have any time for her anymore.  Something that the redhead would never let happen.  It had been just the two of them for three years now, so anyone else coming into the mix was bound to take some getting used to.  She just hoped that the young girl would accept their relationship.  Deciding that having Allie there would help her get through what she suspected would be a difficult conversation she pulled her in close, kissing her softly before accepting her offer of help.  The next few days were going to be interesting in many ways, and Bea knew that she would need to tell her parents as well.  But right now, Debbie was her priority.  That and making sure Kaz didn’t lose her shit with Allie when she found out about their relationship.


	15. She’s My Girlfriend

After finishing her shift the following day Bea decided to call and see Liz at the salon.  She still had another hour before she needed to pick her daughter up from school and was hoping to catch the older blonde during a quiet moment.  She was like a second mum to the redhead, and she didn’t want her finding out about her relationship with Allie from anyone else, that wouldn’t be fair.  Opening the door to the salon she was pleased to see that it wasn’t busy.  Smiling at Maxine she made her way over to the reception desk, and Liz, who was just finishing up a phone call.

“Hiya love, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.  Is everything ok?” the older woman asked.

“Everything’s good, better than good actually” the redhead replied, pushing a stray curl from her face before continuing.  “Do you have a few minutes, I wanted to talk to you about something?”

Smiling at the younger woman Liz took a few seconds to study her.  She had noticed a change in her recently, and she seemed more like the old Bea.  The person she was before Harry came along and tried to destroy her.  Looking over to Maxine who simply smiled and nodded at her, Liz pointed to the door that lead through into the staff area. “I’ve always got time for you.  Come on through, I’ll make us a cuppa”

Maxine had a good idea what Bea wanted to talk to Liz about, so was happy to keep a watch on the reception desk for a while.  It was a quiet afternoon and she only had one more client anyway, so it wasn’t as though she’d be rushed off her feet.  Since she went over for dinner at the redhead’s house just over a week ago they had spoken on the phone a couple of times, Bea filling her friend in on how their date had gone.  She could hear the excitement in the younger woman’s voice as she spoke about their day together, and when she told her friend about Allie adopting the chimp that Debbie had befriended Maxine fell in love with her a little bit as well.  Bea hadn’t had it easy, not by a long shot, and if anyone deserved to find happiness it was her.  And from what she had heard Allie Novak seemed perfect for her friend.

After making them both a drink Liz sat down on the sofa beside the younger woman, hoping that whatever she wanted to talk to her about wasn’t something bad.  Smiling encouragingly at the woman she thought of as a daughter she waited until she was ready to speak, knowing that trying to force the conversation wouldn’t help.  She had learned to read Bea pretty well over the years, and while she looked nervous she had a glow about her, one that the older woman had witnessed fading to nothing over the years.

As the silence filled the room Bea knew the older woman was giving her time to get her thoughts together, something she was always grateful for.  There was never any pressure, any expectations from Liz, only kindness and support.  Something the redhead hoped would continue once she told her about her new relationship.  Liz had never had any issues with Franky being gay, so was hoping she would be ok with her news, although Bea wasn’t sure if she would necessarily class herself as gay.  It was Allie that she was attracted to, only Allie, so she wasn’t sure what that meant for her.  Right now she would define herself as Allie-sexual, something she was sure would put a smile on her girlfriend’s face.  With that smile in mind she took a breath to steady her nerves before speaking.  “I…I met someone.  We haven’t been together very long but things are going well, really well actually”

“I’m so happy for you darlin’.  What’s his name?  Do I know him?” the older blonde asked, although she had a pretty good idea who this someone was.  Not that she wanted to jump to any conclusions.

Feeling the butterflies taking flight in her stomach Bea fought back the urge to run.  She was proud to call Allie her girlfriend, she just wasn’t used to having this kind of conversation.  Although she suspected the one she knew she needed to have with Franky would be even more difficult, and very embarrassing.  “You do, but it’s not a he…it’s a she.  It’s Allie” she said, the silence that followed worrying her.

The past few times she had looked after Debbie she had talked none stop about her new friend Allie, and had let slip that the blonde had stayed over at their house on more than one occasion.  Liz had also spoken to Maxine after that day at the beach when they first me the other woman.  She had seen the way she looked at Bea, although she hadn’t been the only one over the years, the redhead was beautiful.  What had surprised the older blonde was Bea’s reaction, or more specifically the way her eyes had followed Allie.  Whether she was aware of it at the time or not was something Liz may never know, but there was clearly a spark between them, something Maxine had also picked up on.

Turning slightly Liz pulled the younger woman into a hug, feeling the tension leave her body.  Moving back slightly she cupped her face, their eyes locking as she spoke.  “Oh sweetheart, that’s great news.  And she’s beautiful, but then so are you.  The pair of you together will break a few hearts no doubt.  I’ve got to admit I did wonder if something might happen between the two of you, I’ve never seen you so at ease with someone new as you were with young Allie.  Pus she looks at you like you’ve hand painted the stars in the sky”

“She…she does?”

“She does, and I wasn’t the only one to pick up on it either.  She seems to get on well with young Debbie as well, the little one hasn’t stopped talking about her for the past month”

“Allie’s so great with her.  The three of us went to the zoo last week and Deb befriended a chimp” the redhead said, laughing when the older woman rolled her eyes.  It was such a Debbie thing to do.  “She wanted to take him home with her and was giving me grief about it but when we went to the bathroom Allie adopted him for her.  You should have seen her face Liz…she was so happy”

“Sounds to me like she wasn’t the only one”

“No, I…Allie, she’s everything Harry wasn’t, she’s done more for Deb in a matter of weeks than he ever did.  I…I’ve never felt like this before Liz, and it’s so exciting but also scary.  I’ve got so many demons, so many hang-ups, but she just takes it all in her stride”

“You want to know what I think love?” the older woman asked, waiting until she received a nod from the other woman before continuing.  “I think you’ve found yourself a keeper there.  I know it’s early days, and it will take time for you to let go of the past, but with Allie’s help I know you can do it.  You’re strong Bea, so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you deserve to be happy…to be loved”

“I…I do?” the redhead mumbled, tears filling her eyes as she thought about all the time she had been told otherwise.

Pulling the younger woman into another hug she held her tight, hoping to offer some comfort.  “You deserve the world a million times over my darlin, and Allie sounds like she could be the one to give you that.  Every word that man said to you was a lie, and if he wasn’t locked in a concrete box he’d be buried in a wooden one, I’d make sure of it.  He’s pond scum, and that’s being generous.  But you, you’re beautiful, and kind, you’re a fantastic mum and you’ve done an excellent job raising that girl of yours.  But most importantly you are worthy of love.  If Allie makes you happy then you go for it and don’t let anything that bastard said hold you back”

“I’ve never been happier Liz, she’s everything I never knew I wanted.  I just hope Debbie is ok with everything”

“Does she know…about the two of you?”

“No.  Allie’s coming over tonight so we’re going to sit down and try to explain it to her, I just…what if she freaks out?” Bea replied, the panic evident in her voice.  Deep down she knew that her daughter wouldn’t have an issue with her relationship.  But good things didn’t happen to her, and things had been going so well that she couldn’t help but wait for the wheels to fall off.

“She’s a smart kid, she’ll be fine.  It’s clear she adores her so you’ve got nothing to worry about.  Although we should all get together soon so I can get to know Allie better…make sure she really is good enough for you”

After suggesting that everyone comes around to the house the following Saturday for a barbeque Bea thanked Liz, letting Maxine know she would call her soon before making her way to her daughters’ school.  She felt so much better now she had told her second mum, now all she had to do was get through tomorrow night and hope Kaz didn’t give Allie a hard time.  Bea knew she would need to tell her parents soon, and Franky too, something she wasn’t really looking forward to.  Although that was more due to the teasing she knew her friend would subject her to.

 

 

Despite wanting everything to be out in the open Allie wasn’t looking forward to the conversation she was planning to have with her sister when she got home.  So much so that she had taken the long way back.  She had called the older blonde on her lunch break wanting to make sure she hadn’t made any plans for the evening, and as much as she was dreading having this chat with her, she also couldn’t wait for it to be over.  It was important to the blonde that her girlfriend knew how serious she was about their relationship, and in telling her sister she was taking a big step.  Allie knew that Kaz wouldn’t like it, and would try to belittle their relationship, discredit Bea in some way, and while she hated that, she was also prepared for it.  That didn’t mean that she would just sit back and let the older blonde talk shit about her girlfriend.

Pulling up on the driveway she cut the engine, taking a few minutes to figure out what to say to the older woman.  Kaz’s car was there so she knew she was home, and not wanting her to come out and see what the issue was she took a deep breath before getting out and heading into the house.  Her sister was sitting on the sofa watching the news, a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of her. That was often a tell-tale sign that she’d had a bad day, but she looked a lot more relaxed than usual and Allie hoped that would prove to be beneficial given the conversation she had planned.  She knew that Bea would never pressure her into anything, but she had told her girlfriend that she was going to speak to her sister tonight.  If she didn’t do it she would feel like she was letting the redhead down in some way, and that was something she never wanted to do.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge she took a seat beside the older woman, making small talk for a few minutes while she figured out the best way to go about this.  Not that it really mattered, she already knew what the outcome would be.  She was just about to speak when her sister beat her to it, her words taking Allie by surprise.

Kaz had an idea what her sister wanted to talk to her about, but hoped she was wrong.  There was definitely something between the younger blonde and Bea Smith, but she just hoped that it hadn’t gone any further than harmless flirting.  While she wanted Allie to find someone and be happy, she just didn’t want her happiness to include that woman.  Kaz would never forget the way the redhead behaved that day at the shelter when she’d come over to help Will do the talk, the way she looked at the place like it was something she’d trodden in.  She couldn’t get away fast enough once it was all over, and in was clear to her that Bea Smith thought she was better than the place and anyone in it, Kaz included.  Allie hadn’t had the best start in life, and things had gotten considerably worse for the younger blonde over the years, and while Smith seemed ok with everything what was to say she wouldn’t throw it back in her face in a few months’ time.  People like her were all the same.

She hadn’t intended to try and set Allie up with anyone, but one of the new girls who worked in the office was gay, and she seemed like her sisters’ type, not that she had much to go on, the younger blonde hadn’t exactly been dating much over the past few years.  If she could distract Allie for a while, until her little crush on Smith passed at least, then she would have dodged a bullet.  They both would.  “I’ve just set a new girl on to help Doreen out in the office.  She’s cute, and gay, I think you’d like her.  I showed her a photo of you and I can tell she’s interested…want me to give you her number?” she asked, knowing if her suspicions were correct the offer wouldn’t be very well received.

“I’m sure she’s perfectly nice but I’m not interested, plus I already have a girlfriend” the younger woman replied, a little taken aback at her sisters’ sudden interest in her love life.  Kaz clearly hadn’t believed her the previous evening when she said that she wasn’t sleeping with Bea, and although they had slept in the same bed, it was still technically true, at least in the way Kaz had meant it.

“Since when?”

“Officially, two weeks, but I knew the second I saw her that she was the one”

“So, are you going to tell me who she is then…do I know her?” Kaz asked, although if the nervous look on her sister’s face was anything to go by she knew that her fears were about to become a reality. 

“You do know her.  It’s Bea…Bea Smith, she’s my girlfriend” Allie replied, holding her sisters gaze.  She knew that the older woman wouldn’t be happy but she was proud to call Bea her girlfriend.  The redhead was incredible in every way, and every time she looked at her she felt like she’d won the jackpot.

“Fucking hell Allie, I thought after everything that you went through with Paige that you’d have better taste in women these days…guess I was wrong” Kaz spat out, the anger building in her.  While she was glad that Smith wasn’t actually interested in Will, it didn’t mean she liked the redhead.  And she had no idea what her sister saw in her.  “Why the hell would you waste your time with somebody like that…somebody like her”

“For the record I’m not wasting my time, and how dare you even compare Bea to that bitch.  She’s everything that Paige wasn’t, and she would never hurt me.  I don’t know what the hell your problem is with Bea, but she’s done nothing to you”

“She’s a stuck-up bitch that thinks she’s better than anyone else.  When she came to the shelter to help Will with that talk she looked at the place like it was shit, looked at us like we were nothing.  I’ve worked so fucking hard to build that place up from the ground, provide a safe place for women who need our help.  So when people like her look at them like they’re something they stepped in, or barely speak when they try and talk to them how do you think it makes them feel.  I tried to talk to her, explain what we do and how many of the women are there as a result of domestic violence, but she just made some bullshit excuse about needing to check in with a colleague before walking away.  People like her, they’ve got no idea how hard life can be, looking down on us all from their ivory fucking tower”

“People like her…you’ve got no fucking idea what she’s been through.  Her ex-husband was a grade A bastard and beat her on a regular basis, in fact he almost killed her.  She could have easily ended up at your shelter, or one of the others across town.  The things he did to her, no one should have to go through that, but she did.  Every day she got out of bed, put a brave face on and did the best she could for her little girl, knowing full well that by the time she went to sleep that night she’d have a fresh set of bruises if not worse.  Being there, seeing the women and hearing their stories…it must have triggered all kinds of awful memories.  So, if she was quiet or a little off kilter that day at the shelter then I’m sure you can understand why” Allie replied, her tone firm as she glared at the older woman.  She knew that it wasn’t her story to tell and that Bea would probably be angry with her for discussing it with Kaz, but she couldn’t just stand back and listen to her sister disrespect her girlfriend like that.  The redhead was one of the kindest, most compassionate people she had ever met, and given what she had been through there was no wonder being at the shelter spooked her.  Allie had found it difficult too, the first time she went there with Kaz, so could understand how overwhelmed Bea must have felt.

The uncomfortable silence that descended upon them did little to diffuse Allie’s anger, and she was frustrated that her sister didn’t even have the decency to acknowledge what she had just said.  Determined to make her see how wrong she was, not only for judging the redhead, but also about her, she continued, hoping Kaz would see sense.  “How about actually trying to get to know her instead of judging her, and I don’t mean that shit you pulled last night either.  I know all about that by the way.  She already struggles with her self-confidence without you spouting shit about me getting bored of her.  It backfired though…after we got back to hers we talked, and we’re closer than ever, so I guess I should than you for acting like a twat”

“I…I…I didn’t know…about her ex” Kaz mumbled, stumbling over her words, and for once not having a clue as to what to say.

“I love you Kaz, and I will always be grateful for what you’ve done for me.  But if you’re going to continue to disrespect Bea like this then I can’t be around you.  I know we haven’t been together that long but I want it to work, I want a future with her, and I also want you to be a part of that future.  But if you won’t accept our relationship then I can’t stay here…I need to move out.  The choice is yours” the younger woman said, both frustrated by her sister’s lack of response and relieved that she hadn’t gone on the attack.  Turning around she walked away, heading for her room, although how long she could call it that depended on Kaz.  The last thing she wanted to do was move out, but if the older blonde refused accept her relationship then she couldn’t stay either.

 

 

Kaz felt like complete shit.  Up until half an hour ago it had been a good day, great even.  She was a little tired having been up until the early hours talking things through with Will, but it had been worth the lack of sleep.  They still had a long way to go, but she had apologised and they had both admitted to being miserable without each other.  He was still concerned about her jealousy but she had promised to try and talk to him if she was feeling a little out of sorts, or if anything was bothering her.  Something he knew would be a big step for the blonde.  They were due to go on their mini break in a few days, but he had suggested they postpone for a couple of weeks.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go but felt they needed a little time to work through their issues first.  It was a good idea, although Kaz was surprised he still wanted to go away with her given how she had behaved.

She had ended up staying the night, although nothing had happened between the two of them, not that she minded.  Just getting to fall asleep with his arms wrapped protectively around her was enough right now, and she was determined not to fuck things up again.  They had spoken about both Bea and Allie in the taxi on the way to his place, Will seemingly equally as surprised by how close the two women were.  When he had seen them together that day at the beach he had wondered of something was going on, but the redhead had insisted they were just friends.  Seeing them together over dinner though, stealing glances when they thought no one was looking, made him think it was more than friendship.  Not wanting to screw things up again Kaz hadn’t brought up the concerns over her sisters’ possible relationship any more during the course of the evening, knowing if she did it would be like taking one step forward and five back.

She had been exchanging messages with Will all day, and he had even called her during his lunch break to let her know how much he had loved waking up with her that morning.  She had been on cloud nine when she arrived home, but after her conversation with Allie the good mood from earlier was nothing more than a distant memory.  She hated fighting with her sister.  No matter what was going on around them they always had each other’s back.  But Kaz knew she had gone too far this time.  They’d had their disagreements in the past, but the younger blonde had never threatened to move out before.  She also felt guilty for judging Bea as well, and while she wasn’t aware of the redhead’s past she shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.  She hated when people did it to her, yet she had behaved just as badly.

Kaz was still worried about her sister though, especially as this was her first real relationship in four years.  Allie had a tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve, and as a result had been taken advantage of in the past.  She was a good person who tried to see the best in everyone, but unfortunately some people were simply out for what they could get, using anyone and everyone to get what they wanted.  She just hoped that history wouldn’t repeat itself.  Allie deserved to be with someone who would steal the stars from the sky if she asked them too, and Kaz hoped more than anything that Bea Smith could be that person, for her sister’s sake.  She was clearly smitten with the redhead and would be heartbroken if it turned out to be nothing more than an experiment for the other woman.

Deciding the best course of action would be to give Allie time to calm down before apologising, Kaz picked her phone up and called Will.  She needed to be the one to tell him what had happened, both wanting to keep the promise she had made, and needing his advice.  He was more level headed than she was, and tended to see things differently.  Plus, he knew Smith pretty well, and would hopefully be able to reassure her that she wasn’t just using Allie.  It would be hard and Kaz didn’t like it, but if Bea was going to be a part of her sister’s life then she would have to find a way to deal with it, one way or another.  She couldn’t, wouldn’t lose Allie over this, even if it did mean pretending.

After taking a shower Allie dropped down on her bed.  She hadn’t eaten since lunchtime but didn’t want to go back downstairs and risk bumping into her sister.  She loved living with the older blonde, and didn’t want to leave, but knew that her girlfriend would never be welcome here if Kaz didn’t change her attuite.  The frustrating thing was that she knew the older blonde would get on well with Bea, if she would only swallow her pride for once and admit that she was wrong.  She wanted to speak to her girlfriend, just hearing her voice always seemed to make her feel better.  But she also didn’t want to worry her, knowing Bea would blame herself for the argument.  That was the last thing Allie wanted.  Deciding it was something that she needed to deal with alone for now she dropped her phone down on the bed beside her, the device starting to ring a few seconds later.  Picking her phone back up Allie smiled when she saw Bea’s name flash up on the screen.  Answering the call, she laid back, allowing the redhead’s husky tones to wrap around her like a safety blanket.

 

 

Bea had suggested that her girlfriend come over for dinner that evening so they could sit Deb down for a chat.  She still had no idea what to say to her daughter but felt better knowing that the blonde was going to be there by her side.  On top of that she also felt guilty for Allie’s current difficult living situation.  The blonde had told her several times already that it wasn’t her fault, but she’d spent years being blamed for every little thing that happened that it was a hard habit to break.  She felt a little better following her chat with Liz the previous day, the older woman pretty convinced that Debbie wouldn’t have a problem with their relationship.  When she had told the redhead that the young brunette was always talking about Allie and how great she was, she couldn’t help but smile.  Something she had done a lot more of since the blonde came into her life.

When the redhead told her daughter that Allie was coming over for dinner on the drive back from school the squeal of excitement she had let out almost deafened her, although Bea hoped that her feelings towards the blonde wouldn’t change once she found out the truth.  Her girlfriend was coming over straight from university, and if the conversation with Debbie went well was planning on staying the night.  Things were strained at home with Kaz, plus they both had the day off so were planning on spending Saturday together.  The redhead wanted her girlfriend and daughter to spend as much time together a possible, hoping that at some point in the future it would be a more permanent thing.  That was way down the line though, and Bea was determined not to get ahead of herself.  It was still early days, and while she was hopeful, she knew better than most that life had a way of tripping you up.

It was just after six when the blonde arrived, and to say she was stressed would be an understatement.  She’d spent all afternoon sitting one of her final exams, and although it was the one she was most confident about, that hadn’t stopped the nerves from taking hold.  Allie had felt sick earlier as she stood outside the sports hall waiting to go in, and was starting to question why she was even there in the first place.  As a kid she’d been called stupid, dumb, by so many people that she had assumed they must be right.  Kaz was the only one that had ever believed in her, but even she had failed to acknowledge that she had an important exam when their paths had crossed in the kitchen that morning.  It didn’t help that they weren’t really speaking, although that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Just as she felt the nerves start to take control completely her phone vibrated in her pocket.  Taking it out she checked the screen, smiling when she saw Bea’s name flash up.  Opening the message Allie felt a calmness wash over her, quickly followed by a sense of pride.  Reading the message a couple of times she wiped the tear that had formed in the corner of her eye before looking at it one last time, loving how just a few words from the woman that was fast becoming her everything could lift her mood so quickly.

_‘Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and I hope everything goes well.  You’ve got this, I know you have, and I’m so proud of you Alliecat.  I can’t wait to see you later beautiful girl xx’_

Responding to her girlfriend, she let her know that she was nervous and worried that she would forget everything once the exam started.  She was just about to switch her phone off when a reply came through, making her eyes fill with tears.

_‘You’re incredible Allie Novak, and so smart.  I believe in you, and I know that you can do this xx’_

Knowing Bea believed in her gave Allie the confidence boost she needed to tackle the exam head on.  Other than her sister no one had ever said that to her before, and coming from the redhead it meant the world.  It was both scary and exciting how in tune with one another they seemed to be, and even without being there Bea could make everything brighter.  With a newfound spring in her step Allie made her way into the sports hall and took a seat, determined to make her girlfriend proud.

The exam had gone reasonably well, but she ran out of time on the last question and didn’t get to write down everything that she had wanted to.  On top of that when she got back to her car there was a scratch down the side of it.  Determined not to let it ruin her evening she jumped in, started the engine and set off in the direction of her girlfriend’s house, only to get stuck in a massive traffic jam.  After what felt like hours of tail lights and car horns she eventually pulled up beside the redhead’s car, a feeling of calm and safety washing over her when the front door opened and she saw Bea standing there.  Allie knew it was far too soon to be thinking like this, but she couldn’t deny how good it would feel to get to go home to the redhead every night.  Maybe one day, she told herself as she grabbed her bag from the boot, locked the car and walked towards her girlfriend.

 

 

The door had only just closed behind her when Allie felt herself being pulled into a hug.  Burying her head in a mass of red curls she allowed herself to get lost in all things Bea.  Being close to the redhead like this made her happier than she had ever been in her life, and while she wanted to get everything out in the open she was a little worried that Debbie wouldn’t accept their relationship.  Her girlfriend had told her not to worry, and that the young girl adored her, but she couldn’t help it.  Debbie was Bea’s number one priority, that’s the way it should be, but if she didn’t approve Allie knew it would be the end of her relationship with Bea.  As hard as it would be she knew she’d have little choice but to walk away.  No matter what she felt for the redhead, she wouldn’t do anything to come between her and her daughter. 

“How did the exam go?” Bea asked, pulling back slightly so she could see those blue eyes that she loved so much.  She could feel the tension radiating off her girlfriend and was worried about her.  When she had first mentioned talking to Debbie tonight she hadn’t realised the blonde had an exam, but had suggested they wait a few days once she found out.  Allie was having none if it though, although seeing how stressed she looked right now maybe they should change their plans.

“It went well I think, I ran out of time on the last question but managed to answer everything”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I…I guess I’m just more nervous about telling Debbie than I thought I’d be.  I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to family do I” the blonde said, playing with a lock of the older woman’s hair.  “So, what’s the plan…when do you want to talk to her”

“We don’t have to tell her if you’re not ready, or I can do it another day on my own”

“No, I want to be there with you.  I’m just scared that I’ll lose you if she doesn’t approve”

“Please don’t worry beautiful girl, everything will be fine” Bea said, hoping she wasn’t lying to her girlfriend.  Truth be told she was worried too, but right now she needed to be strong for Allie.  “I figured I’d feed her first, she’s always more pleasant when she’s got a full belly” she added before taking a step closer and pinning her girlfriend against the door.  “I missed you”

“I missed you too babe” the younger woman replied, slipping her arm around the redhead and pulling her in closer.  “Where’s Deb?” she asked as she gazed into desire filled brown eyes.

Moving in closer still, Bea ran her fingers through soft blonde locks.  While she was worried about her daughter’s reaction she was determined to find a way to make this work.  Allie meant too much to her to walk away, and she knew that if she did, she’d never feel this way about anyone again.  “She’s upstairs…in her room” she replied, briefly losing herself in the bluest eyes she had ever seen before leaning in for a kiss.  Feeling her girlfriend start to respond Bea deepened the kiss, her right hand slipping under Allie’s shirt and caressing her stomach.

When Allie felt her girlfriend’s hand slip under her shirt her resolve broke and all rational thoughts went out of the window.  She loved it when Bea took control, went after what she wanted.  Letting out a low moan when she felt the redhead trying to get even closer she held on tight, hoping this wouldn’t be the last time they were close in this way.

They were so lost in the moment that neither of them heard the tiny footsteps coming down the stairs.  Feeling like she was being watched Allie pulled back after a while, catching her breath as she looked over her girlfriend’s shoulders.  Bea knew something was wrong the second she felt the blonde tense up in her arms before pulling away, something she’d never done before.  Turning her head, she felt her heart drop when she saw Debbie standing in the doorway, her arms folded and a serious look on her face.

Debbie had been busy playing with her Lego when she heard voices downstairs.  Her mum had told her that Allie was coming over for dinner, but hadn’t said what time.  Packing the bricks away she headed out of her bedroom, the excitement building in her when she realised that her friend was here.  Racing down the stairs and around the corner she came to a stop in the doorway, taking in the scene before her.  Her mum was leaning on Allie, and they were kissing.  She knew what it was, having seen Franky and Gidge do it often enough.  But that didn’t make it any less gross, and she didn’t understand why her mum was doing it to her friend.  Folding her arms, she glared at them as she tried to get her head around what was going on.

 

 

Bea felt all the air leave her lungs. This was not the way she wanted Debbie to find out about them, but there was nothing she could do to change that now.  Glancing back over to her daughter she was glad that the glare was directed at her rather than Allie.  The blonde looked like she was about to pass out, either that or turn and run.  Taking her girlfriend’s hand, she gave it a reassuring squeeze before turning to face Debbie again.  “There’s something we wanted to talk to you about, why don’t we go and sit at the table” the redhead said, hoping she sounded more in control of the situation than she felt.

Nodding her head Debbie turned and walked towards the kitchen, her arms still folded across her chest.  She was angry, Allie was her friend first and her mum was trying to take her away.  She was always wary of new people, knowing how mean they could be.  She’d seen her daddy hurt her mum so many times when she was little, and while she didn’t understand why she knew adults could be horrible.  But Allie was different, she had felt safe with her right from the start.  And she was interested in what the young girl had to say, something that nasty man never had been.  Sitting down at the table she waited for the others to join her, and for her mum to explain herself.

The three of them sat in an awkward silence for what felt like hours, although in reality it wasn’t more than a few minutes.  Bea knew that she needed to take charge of the situation, but the stern look on her daughter’s face was worrying her more than she wanted to admit.  The young girl would always be her number one priority, but what she had with Allie was so important to her, and she didn’t want to lose her.  Taking a breath to calm her racing heart she opened her mouth to speak, only to be beaten too it by an angry seven-year-old.

“Why are you trying to steal my friend away?”  the young brunette asked when it looked like neither adult was going to provide an explanation, her gaze fixed solely on her mum.

Bea was taken aback by the question.  Of all the things she expected her daughter to be upset about, this was not one of them.  Reaching across the table she took the young girl’s hand, holding on a little bit tighter when she tried to pull away.  “I’m not trying to steal Allie away, I promise you”

“Then why were you playing kissy face with her then?”

“I…Allie and I…we’re…dating” the redhead replied, tripping over her words slightly as she readied herself for her daughter’s reaction.  “Do you understand what I’m saying?” she added when all Debbie did was stare at her.

“Yes…” the young girl replied, although she didn’t sound overly convincing.  Shaking her head a few seconds later she answered honestly, needing her mum to explain it to her.  “No, not really”

Bea wasn’t sure how to explain, but knew she had to try.  She didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings between them, and it was important to her that her daughter was comfortable with everything that was going on.  “You know how Franky and Bridget kiss, hold hands and have sleepovers…” she asked, waiting until she received a nod from the young brunette before continuing.  “They do that because they are in a relationship, they’re dating each other.  Allie and I are doing the same thing, that’s why we were kissing”

“But Gidge is Franky’s girlfriend…”

“And Allie is my girlfriend.  I know she’s your friend and that won’t change.  I would never try and steal her away from you, I swear”

“So…you’re still my friend?” Debbie asked the blonde, her big brown eyes gazing up at the older woman in hope.

Standing up, Allie made her way around to the other side of the table before squatting down beside the young girl.  Taking her hand she smiled warmly at her, hoping to reassure her that she wasn’t going anywhere.  “I’ll always be your friend Debbie, I promise.  What I have with your mum is special to me, but so are you, and nothing will ever change that.  You’re my best friend and I love hanging out with you”

“Promise?”

“I promise, now can I have a hug?” the blonde asked, her eyes locking with Bea’s briefly before she felt Debbie’s little body wrapping around her.  “Can your mum have a hug too, she looks like she needs one?” she added, seeing the tears in the redhead’s eyes.  Receiving a nod from the young brunette Allie held her hand out, smiling as her girlfriend made her way over to them.

Wrapping one arm around Debbie the blonde stood up, moving away from the table slightly to make room for Bea.  Smiling at her girlfriend the redhead moved in closer, slipping one arm around her daughter and the other around Allie.  When she had seen the young girl standing there in the hallway she was sure that they were in for a rough evening, although she only had herself, or her lack of self-control to blame.  Bea knows she should have been more careful, but keeping her hands off of her girlfriend was proving to be more and more difficult every day.

“Are you sure you’re ok with everything we’ve just talked about?” Bea asked a short while later, relief washing over he when her daughter nodded her head.  “Do you have any questions?” she added, hoping the answer would be no, but needing to know that she really was fine with everything.

“Is someone going to feed me soon?  I’m soooo hungry” Debbie replied, confused as to what both adults found so funny.  She hadn’t eaten in at least an hour so thought it was a valid question.

Allie was relieved when she heard the young girl’s question.  While she knew it was important to Bea to be as open and honest as possible, she was a little worried about what the young girl might ask.  But as seemed to be the case quite often with the younger Smith, it had turned out to be food related again.  The blonde was so happy that Debbie seemed to be ok with everything, although she wasn’t naïve enough to think that issues wouldn’t arise as time progressed.  It had been just the two of them for a few years now so there were bound to be a few teething problems, ones she was hoping they would deal with together.

Waiting until Allie had put the young girl down Bea told her to go and play for half an hour while she cooked dinner, smiling when her daughter looked expectantly at the blonde.  “Allie can go and play too if you want, I’ll call you both down when it’s ready” she said, her heart melting when she saw Debbie’s eyes light up.  It was important that she got to spend some one on one time with Allie, and Bea was more than happy to cook for her two girls while they bonded over whatever toy or game her daughter decided to pick out.

 

 

After sending the young brunette up first Bea wrapped her arms around her girlfriend before leaning in for a kiss.  Keeping it brief she pulled back slightly, smiling when she saw the same desire she knew was in her own eyes reflected back in the blonde’s.  While the evening hadn’t exactly gone to plan she was glad everything was out on the open, and her daughter seemed to both understand and accept their relationship.  “Sorry, I just wanted to get a minute alone with you.  I have a feeling Deb’s going to be stuck to you like glue for the rest of the evening”

“I think you might be right there babe, although I don’t mind...I love spending time with her.  As long as I get to spend the night cuddled up with you then it sounds like a perfect Friday night to me”

“Such a charmer” Bea threw back, happy with how things had gone so far, despite the shaky start to the evening.  “And easily pleased”

“As long as I’m with you I don’t need anything else”

“It’s a good job I’ not going anywhere then isn’t it” the older woman replied, kissing the blonde again before taking a step back.  She knew if she didn’t they would end up getting caught again, and as good as Deb had been about everything so far, it was best not to push their luck.  “You’d better go before your shadow comes looking for you”

“Are you sure you don’t want any help with dinner?” Allie asked, not wanting to upset the young girl, but feeling guilty for letting Bea do all the work.

“No, I’ll be fine.  I’ve done most of it anyway, it just needs finishing off then putting in the oven.  Go do your best friend duties”

“But what about my girlfriend duties?”

“You can deal with those later” Bea replied, pulling the blonde in for one more kiss before pushing her in the direction of the stairs.  She couldn’t take her eyes off Allie as she walked away, stopping in the doorway to throw her a cheeky wink before disappearing into the hallway and up the stairs.  The redhead had never felt so comfortable with anyone as she did with Allie, and she hoped that it would always be this way.

Forty minutes later Bea made her way up to her daughter’s room.  The door was ajar and she could hear her girls chatting as she approached.  Knocking on the door she took a few steps into the room, finding both her daughter and girlfriend sitting on the floor surrounded by Lego bricks.  Between them sat a rather impressive house, with three figures standing in what the redhead assumed was the front garden.  It had a little fence around the edge, and a tree house in the corner as well as a swing set.  “Looks like you two have been busy” she said, taking a seat on the floor beside the blonde.

“So busy.  This is you” Debbie said, turning to face her mum after pointing to the figure with the red hair.  “This is me” she added, indicating to the smaller of the three figures.  “And this is Allie” she said, picking up the blonde figure and moving it so it was between the other two.

“And who’s house is it?” Bea asked, although she had an idea what the answer would be.  She just hoped her girlfriend wouldn’t feel like she was being pressured into anything.  If the redhead was being completely honest she had thought about the future, about what life would be like if Allie became a more permanent fixture.  And while she knew they were nowhere near ready for anything like that, she couldn’t deny that she had liked the idea of it.  But she was getting way ahead of herself, plus the blonde was still young and that probably wasn’t what she wanted.

“It’s our house, we all live here…and we have a dog too” the young girl replied, picking up the small grey figurine and showing it to her mum.  “Allie helped me build it.  This is my room” she added, picking the smaller of the figures up, along with the dog and placing it in one of the bedrooms.  Picking the Bea and Allie figures up Debbie moved them into the other bedroom at the opposite side of the house.  “This is where you two sleep”

Worried her daughter had said too much, Bea told her she had done a really good job building the house but, she needed to go and wash her hands as dinner was almost ready.  Waiting until she heard the water running in the bathroom she turned to her girlfriend, the concerned evident in her voice as she spoke. “I’m so sorry, I hope Deb hasn’t freaked you out with the whole white picket fence and pet dog”

“You’re joking right…I’d move in tomorrow if I could fit” Allie replied, dropping a quick kiss to her girlfriend’s lips before standing up.  Holding out her hand she pulled the older woman to her feet.  “I believe you mentioned something about food.  All this home building has made me hungry” she said, her gaze roaming over Bea’s body before focusing on her soulful brown eyes.  “Although I need to save room for dessert…err cuddles later” she added, winking at the redhead before walking away.

Bea loved this flirty playful side of the blonde, although she could hear the sincerity in her voice as she spoke.  The redhead had been on edge all day at the thought of telling her daughter about their relationship, but it had all been for nothing.  She was so proud of Debbie and the mature way in which she had handled everything, and happy that she seemed to have accepted Allie as part of their family.  Neither of them were ready for that kind of commitment, and wouldn’t be for some time.  But at least Bea knew that if, no when the time came, that her daughter would be ok with it.


	16. Best Friends

Bea had never been so happy to be going to bed.  Her daughter had been glued to Allie all evening, going as far as stretching out on the sofa so there was no room for the redhead to sit down.  While she understood that the young girl needed reassurance and to know that she wasn’t losing her friend, they would need to set some ground rules if this continued.  She decided to let it go for now, hoping it was just a knee-jerk reaction to their news earlier.  But if that wasn’t the case Bea wanted to nip it in the bud before it got too out of hand.  She hadn’t had a minute alone with her girlfriend since before dinner and she was having serious withdrawals.  They had taken to communicating via lingering looks and not so subtle winks in the younger woman’s case.

The three of them had decided to watch a movie after dinner, but when the time came for Debbie to go to bed she wasn’t happy, begging and pleading with her mum to stay up for another hour.  Not wanting to be seen as the bad guy the redhead had allowed it as a one off, as long as her daughter promised to go straight to sleep once the hour was up.  She agreed, although when the time came for her to actually go to bed she threw a massive tantrum, clinging on to Allie in the hope that she would convince her mum to let her stay up for a while longer.  She knew she was pushing her luck but didn’t want to miss out on spending time with her friend.  What she wasn’t expecting was for Allie to take her mum’s side though.

Allie could feel the tension radiating off of her girlfriend, even from across the room.  While she didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes or end up in the middle of a mother daughter argument, she needed Bea to know that she could depend on her to have her back.  When it became clear that the only thing the two Smith girls were doing was butting heads she decided to step in, hoping her girlfriend wouldn’t be angry with her.  Turning to face the young brunette she brushed the wild curls from back from her face, waiting until she had her full attention before speaking.  “How about we make a deal.  If you go to bed now, the three of us can do something fun together tomorrow”

“But I want to stay with you…and we can still have fun tomorrow”

“Only if you say sorry to your mum and go to bed.  If not then I’ll have to go home”

“But…”

“No buts.  It’s your choice Deb…so what’s it going to be?” Allie asked, looking over at the redhead to make sure she wasn’t overstepping.  When Bea rewarded her with a bright smile she knew she was doing the right thing.

“If I go to bed now will you read me a story?”

“I will, but first you have to say you’re sorry to your mum.  She only wants what’s best for you ok, so don’t give her a hard time”

Nodding her head Debbie jumped off of one sofa and crossed the room before climbing up onto the other one beside her mum.  “I’m sorry mummy…I didn’t mean to be bad” she said, wrapping her little arms around her as best as she could.

Holding on to her daughter, Bea played with a lock of her messy hair.  “I’m not sending you to bed as a punishment you know, I just want to make sure you get enough sleep.  If you stay up too late tonight then you’ll end up falling asleep tomorrow, and you don’t want to miss out on the day we have planned, do you?”

“No, I want my eyes to be open…all day” the young girl said, pulling back slightly and staring wide eyed at her mum, before cuddling up close again.  “I love you”

“To the moon and back” Bea replied, kissing the crown of her daughter’s head.  She loved the little girl so much, even when she was being stubborn.  “Go on, off you go” she added tickling her so she would run to where Allie was waiting in the doorway.

Watching on Bea felt her heart melt as Debbie held her arms out, snuggling into the blonde once she had picked her up.  Allie was so good with her, and for the first time since she was born the redhead got a glimpse of what it would be like to be a part of a real family.  One that loved and respected one another, rather than punched and kicked.  Her feelings for the younger woman were growing stronger and stronger with every day that passed, and she knew it would be so easy to fall in love with her.  As incredible as these newfound feelings were, she was also scared.  Scared of becoming dependant on another person, but most of all scared that Debbie would get too attached to the blonde.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want them to be close, she was just worried that if things didn’t work out Allie would end up being yet another person that would disappear from her little girl’s life.

Debbie had been so brave when Harry got sent to prison, although the redhead wasn’t sure if she really understood what had happened and were he had gone.  She had tried her best to talk to her about it, but it was so hard.  Even just saying his name back then had felt like someone was choking her, and she didn’t want her daughter to see her so weak.  Bea knows that she should have tried harder, anything to make the transition easier for Deb, but she was barely holding it together at the time.  Plus, she blamed herself for her daughter losing her father.  Franky had been great, explaining as best as she could to a four-year-old, and the redhead knew that if it wasn’t for her friend and Liz she wouldn’t have coped with everything.

But now she had Allie, and for the first time since Harry’s sentencing she felt strong enough to talk about it.  She would never go into any detail about what had happened with the young girl, and despite what he had done to Bea, he was still Debbie’s dad.  By the time he got released she would be old enough to make her own decisions, and if she wanted to see him then the redhead wouldn’t stand in her way.  She suspected that seeing her and Allie together as a couple would throw up some questions regarding Harry, and she would do her best to answer as honestly as possible.  Having her girlfriend by her side gave her a strength she’d never had before, and she was so thankful that her daughter’s frisbee skills had been lacking that day at the beach.  Although she had a feeling they would have found each other again one way or another.

It was strange really, and although she hadn’t actually known Allie that long, it felt like it had been years.  Even before she knew her name the mystery blonde from the rocks four years ago was never far from her mind.  It was as though life was showing her a preview, a trailer of what was to come, steering her in the right direction maybe.  Until recently she hadn’t believed in fate, but it seemed like too much of a coincidence that the woman that Bea couldn’t get out of her head turned out to be the one her daughter decided to befriend.  Maybe she was reading too much into it and it really was just a case of right place, right time.  Or maybe Allie was the one she was destined to be with, her person in this crazy world.  The one thing she did know was that having the blonde here made their little family feel complete.

 

 

Allie had gone to the bathroom while Debbie got changed into her pyjama’s, waiting until the young girl had brushed her teeth and climbed into bed before taking a seat beside her.  She’d never read a bedtime story to a kid before, and although she was a little nervous she felt honoured that Deb had asked her.  She just hoped she wouldn’t screw it up, and that Bea wouldn’t feel left out.  Once they were both settled on the bed she picked up the book that the young brunette had chosen, and couldn’t help but wonder if it was some kind of test.  When Debbie started giggling after she had read the first couple of pages Allie knew she’d been set up.  “You think this is funny, do you?” she asked, dropping the book down on the bed before tickling the young girl.

“Noooo…Allieee…stop” the brunette half squealed, half said as she wriggled around on the bed in a bid to escape the blonde’s hands.  “Muuuuummyyy…heeelp!” she added, laughing loudly when Allie grabbed her arm and blew a raspberry on it.

Bea could head her daughter giggling, despite being a floor below.  Standing up she made her way up the stairs and to the young girl’s room, unable to hold back the smile at the scene in front of her.  Debbie’s laughter was infectious, and seeing her so happy and carefree around the blonde brought a tear to her eye.  She was falling for Allie, and falling hard.  She just hoped she wasn’t about to crash land.  Their eyes locked from across the room and time stood still, or at least that’s how it felt to Bea.  The way the blonde was looking at her sent her heart racing and a jolt of electricity through her body.  If she was to try and imagine the perfect partner she wasn’t sure if her imagination could ever conjure up someone as wonderful as Allie. 

“It’s a fair punishment considering I’ve been set up big time” the blonde said, holding up the copy of Dr Seauss’s Fox in Socks that the young girl had chosen.  The frown on her face quickly being replaced with a smile when she heard the raspy giggle fall from her girlfriend’s lips.

“What’s wrong Novak…not up to the job?” Bea asked, raising her eyebrow challengingly.

“Yeah, Now-vak” Debbie piped up, joining in the teasing.

“Oh, I’m up for it…the real question is can you handle what I’m about to lay down?”

“I can handle anything you throw at me Alliecat” the redhead threw back, her eyes raking over her girlfriend’s body.  When their eyes locked and she saw the smirk on Allie’s face she couldn’t help but blush.

“Then make yourself comfortable” Allie replied, winking at her girlfriend.

While Bea was getting settled on the bed beside her daughter the blonde was scanning though the pages of the book, hoping all those hours rapping along to the radio would finally come in useful.  Spotting one of the young brunette’s caps on the handle of the wardrobe she grabbed it, putting it on sideways.  It was far too small, but would have to do for now.  Turning back around to face the Smith girls Allie started beatboxing before beginning to rap the words in the book.  It didn’t take her long to get into the flow of it, and before she knew it she had gone through the entire book, throwing in a few random dance moves along the way.

With no microphone to drop, the blonde closed the book and threw it down on the bottom of the bed before folding her arms, exaggerating her every move.  Debbie was clapping and cheering, and Bea was trying to hold it together in a completely different way.  Her shoulders were shaking in silent laughter, and she was biting down on her bottom lip, something Allie found incredibly hot.  But then it didn’t matter what the redhead did, she would always find it hot.

“I’m impressed Alliecat…I’d say you knocked the fox’s sock off” Bea replied, managing to keep her composure until she got the words out, before losing it completely.  Just when she thought her girlfriend couldn’t get any more perfect she goes and does something like this, and even though it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever seen and heard, it was also one of the sweetest.  Debbie had been watching on in awe, giggling uncontrollably at the blonde’s crazy dance moves.  For someone with so little experience at being around kids Allie was a natural and Bea knew she had struck gold with her.

 

 

After tucking Debbie in and saying goodnight the couple headed back downstairs, Bea asking the blonde to choose a movie while she organised drinks and snacks.  Walking back into the room a few minutes later she found her girlfriend standing in the middle of the room, lost in her own little world.  Sitting the tray down on the table she took a couple of steps closer before taking the younger woman’s hand.  “Is everything ok Alliecat?”

“I…err, before we watch a movie there’s something I need to talk to you about” the blonde replied, her gaze flickering around the room nervously before settling on the older woman.  While she was worried about how her girlfriend would react, she knew that she needed to be the one to tell her.  Given how awful Kaz had been the previous day she wouldn’t put if past her to deliberately go out of her way to tell Bea in a bid to cause trouble between them.  It had been on her mind since the previous evening, but it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over the phone.

“I have a confession to make” Allie said, the nerves evident in her voice.  Waiting until Bea had taken a seat she followed suit, turning slightly so she was facing her girlfriend before continuing.  “Last night when I was talking to, or getting yelled at by Kaz, she started spouting shit bout how judgemental you were.  She reckons that you were looking down your nose at everyone at the shelter that day you went to do the talk, and that you couldn’t get out of there fast enough”

“I…I couldn’t, but that wasn’t the reason why.  Kaz…she was telling me about what work her and the team did, and how they were in the process of setting up a unit especially for victims of domestic violence.  It brought back so many memories, and for a few seconds I felt like I was back there with him…with Harry.  I panicked, couldn’t breathe, and knew I needed to get out of there.  So, I made up some excuse about needing to check on something and I ran.  I was embarrassed, so I avoided her for the rest of the afternoon”

“I figured as much, but she wouldn’t let it go, and I couldn’t just sit there and listen to her talking shit about you.  I…I said something that I shouldn’t, and I’ll understand if you want me to leave once I tell you.  I told her that…that Harry hurt you, that you almost died.  I didn’t go into detail, but I just needed her to know why you freaked out that day, that you’re not who she thinks you are.  I’m sorry, and I know I shouldn’t have said anything at all.  But hearing her talk like that about you…it hurt, it made me angry” Allie said, unable to look at her girlfriend fear of seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

When Bea didn’t say anything, Allie knew she had blown it.  She hadn’t meant any harm, but hearing her sister say those things had made her feel physically sick, and she had reacted without really thinking things through.  But in doing so had screwed up the best thing in her life.  She knew how this worked, having been in a similar situation with Paige on several occasions.  Allie had lost count of the number of times she had found herself locked out, after her then girlfriend decided she had done something wrong.  Being physically pushed out of your own front door was mortifying, and as a result the blonde had just left of her own accord towards the end of their relationship.  The result would be the same, her sleeping in the car for the night, but at least that way she would retain a little bit of dignity.

Bea didn’t like the thought of Kaz knowing anything about her, so when her girlfriend told her what she had said she felt sick to her stomach.  The older blonde already thought she wasn’t good enough for Allie, and her knowing how weak and pathetic she was certainly wouldn’t change that any time soon.  She hated herself for what she had allowed Harry to do to not only her, but also Debbie, and while he had never physically hurt her, Bea knew her little girl had missed out on so much because of him.  Kaz knowing anything about it just made her feel even more worthless than she already did.  But that wasn’t Allie’s fault, it was her own for not standing up to him.

The redhead hadn’t even realised that she had drifted off until she felt movement beside her as the younger woman stood up.  She had tears in her eyes and looked scared, and Bea felt her heart breaking as Allie choked out an apology before racing out of the room.  Forgetting all about Kaz and Harry the redhead jumped up and chased after her girlfriend, knowing that the only thing that mattered right now was Allie.  She reached her just as she was about to open the door, grabbing onto her hand and pulling her back into her arms.  “Please don’t leave me” she said, wrapping her arms around the younger woman and holding on tight.

“I…I’m so sorry…”

“Look at me, please Allie” the redhead replied, waiting until her girlfriend lifted her head.  Gazing into the bluest eyes she had ever seen she continued, hoping to get through to her.  “I’m not angry with you, and the last thing I want is for you to leave.  Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts, in my head, and I don’t always realise that I’m doing it.  That’s why I was quiet, there was no other reason I promise.  While I’d rather Kaz didn’t have any more ammunition to use against me, I understand why you said what you did.  And I’m glad that you told me” 

“I just didn’t want you to think I was going behind your back.  It was stupid, and if I could take it back I would.  Are you sure you don’t want me to leave?”

“No, that’s the last thing I want.  I know it’s crazy, but the house feels so empty when you’re not here.  I trust you Alliecat, and that isn’t something that comes easy to me.  I don’t know what it is about you, I’ve never felt so…” Bea replied, groaning in frustration when words failed her.

“I get it, and I feel the same.  I have no idea what you’ve done to me Bea Smith, but I’m addicted to you” the blonde said, feeling the nervous energy radiating from her girlfriend.  She could sense that there was something on her mind but she was clearly having an internal battle over whether or not to voice it.  Lifting her hand Allie cupped her chin, brushing her lips lightly over the older woman’s.

Feeling brave Bea decided to throw caution to the wind, something she had been doing a lot of recently.  “Can I have my bedtime story now?” she asked, her cheeks turning the colour of her hair despite the obvious fire in her eyes.

“You can have anything you want beautiful…always” Allie replied, watching on as Bea grabbed their drinks before taking her hand and leading her upstairs and into the bedroom.  The movie they had planned on watching long forgotten.

 

 

They were lying in bed a short while later, Bea filling her girlfriend in on her chat with Liz the previous day.  “I invited her and Maxine around for a barbeque next weekend, thought it would give them both a chance to get to know you better.  Boomer will be there as well I would imagine, she’s never been one to turn down free food.  And Franky, if she’s not on duty.  I need to tell her about us, and I want you to meet her girlfriend Bridget as well.  You’ll love her, plus Doyle’s always more pleasant when she’s around.  I thought I’d invite them around for dinner one night during the week, if you want to that is…there’s no pressure”

“I’d love too, although I might need a couple of drinks before Franky arrives.  I also have another confession to make, although this one’s more of a coincidence.  I actually meant to tell you as soon as I found out, but you’re too distracting.  Do you remember me telling you about the therapist I was seeing a while ago?” the blonde asked, waiting until her girlfriend responded before continuing.  “When you were in New Zealand I was so confused.  I knew I was attracted to you from the start, but I’d never felt anything like this before and I needed to talk to someone before I drove myself crazy.  Kaz clearly wasn’t an option, and I didn’t want to talk to Boomer in case she figured out it was you that had gotten my head in a spin.  So, I called my therapist and we met up for a drink.  I didn’t tell her your name, but after I explained what had happened and how you were the lifeguard that rescued me that time she must have figured it out.  She told me she knew you and showed me a photo of Debbie with her and her girlfriend.  It was Franky.  Franky’s girlfriend used to be my therapist”

While Bea was surprised that Bridget had been Allie’s therapist, it certainly didn’t bother her in any way.  “So, the two of you already know each other, excellent”

“She also knows about my past, the things I did…”

“I don’t care what you did Allie, it’s who you are that matters to me.  And I happen to think you’re pretty special.  Bridget would never judge you either, and if it’s Franky you’re worried about then don’t.  Her girlfriend would never share anything confidential for a start, plus I’ve got enough dirt on Doyle to keep her quiet” the redhead said, throwing her girlfriend a cheeky wink.

“I just don’t want her to think badly of me.  I’m hoping to be around for a long time, and if your best friend hates me then things are going to be really awkward”

“Trust me Allie, she doesn’t hate you.  Franky can be an arsehole at times, but she’s also very protective”

“Is this meant to make me feel better, because it really isn’t…” Allie replied, only half joking.  These people were important to Bea, and if they hated her then what kind of future would they have.  If any.

“She’s more like family, and if she disliked you in any way there’s no way she would have left you alone with me and Deb the morning of our date.  She’ll try and push your buttons, piss you off, but that’s just her way.  She does it to me all the time.  Plus, she already knows that we kissed, so it’s not going to come as a complete surprise.  Don’t worry about her ok, I’ll protect you”

“My hero” Allie replied, brushing her thumb over the older woman’s cheek before capturing her lips in a tender kiss.

Being here with Allie like this felt so right, and Bea knew that she wanted everything with the blonde, even if that did take time.  She also knew that in being with Allie, she would have to learn to get along with her sister, or tolerate her at least.  “I was thinking, maybe you could invite Kaz.  I doubt we’ll ever be the best of friends but the last thing I want is for you to be stuck in the middle, so I’m willing to try again if she is”

“She’s the one with the problem, not you.  But thank you for making the effort, I appreciate it.  I’ll ask her if she wants to come and bring Will with her.  She might be a bit nicer that way” the younger woman said, brushing het thumb over the exposed skin on her girlfriend’s hip.  “Now can we talk about something else, the last person I want to be thinking about when I’m lying in bed next to a beautiful woman is Kaz”

“Maybe we should just stop talking then”

“Oh yeah, something else you’d rather be doing is there?”

“Now you mention it…” Bea replied, grabbing a handful of the blonde’s shirt and pulling her in closer.  “We should probably get some sleep…” she added, before kissing her in such a way that it left no doubt that sleep was the last thing on her mind.  While she wasn’t ready for the next step just yet, that didn’t stop her from wanting to be as close to Allie as possible.

 

 

The following day the three of them had breakfast together, Debbie picking up where she left off the night before and staying as close to Allie as possible.  Bea knew that if this continued she would have to talk to her daughter, but was hoping that once she realised she wasn’t losing the blonde she would ease off a little.  After they had eaten, they all went to get ready so they could head out for the day, the young brunette insisting that Allie help her chose what to wear.  Half an hour later the two of them came walking back down the stairs, and Bea found it so hard to contain her laughter.  They looked almost identical, the only difference being the colour of the stripe on Debbie’s shirt.  While Allie’s was navy and white, the young girls was more of a teal colour.  Other than that, they were both wearing denim shorts and white converse.  “Well don’t you two look cute…”

“That’s because we are cute” the young girl said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  Although Bea couldn’t deny that it wasn’t true.

“You’re not looking too bad there yourself babe” Allie replied as she approached the redhead, surprised when she leaned in and kissed her.  It was only a quick kiss, but she had done it in front of her daughter, something the blonde knew would be a big step for Bea.

“Eww…gross” Debbie joked, squealing when her mum reached down and grabbed her before dropping several kisses on her face.

Once they were all settled in the car the redhead suggested the head over to Darling Harbour, that way Debbie could burn off some of the excessive energy she seemed to have woken up with while they decided what to do for the rest of the day, and she could get a few minutes alone with her girlfriend.  Well, as alone as they could be in a busy park.  As soon as the young girl saw the 10-metre-high rope net she broke into a run, Bea calling out to her to be careful.  Finding a bench nearby they watched the young girl pretty much fly straight up to the top of the net, the redhead commenting on the fact that not only had her daughter adopted a chimp she was also half monkey.

Making the most of their time alone together Bea let her girlfriend know that she was going to call her parents at some point over the next week and tell them about their relationship.  But when she saw the colour drain from the blonde’s face she wondered if she was moving too fast.  “I…err, it was just a thought.  I don’t have to tell them” she said, desperately trying to backtrack.

“It’s not that, I just…I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to family, and I don’t want to screw this up.  You mean so much to me Bea, I guess I’m jut scared that they won’t think I’m good enough”

“Oh Allie, you’re more than good enough…too good even.   Please don’t worry ok, everything will be fine.  I think mum suspects something anyway, she spent enough time questioning me about you when I was there” the redhead replied, tucking a lock of hair behind her girlfriend’s ear as she gazed into her ocean blue eyes.  “I don’t want to hide you, hide us.  I’ve spent enough time living in the shadows, worrying about what I said, too scared to be myself.  You’re the best thing to happen to me since Deb was born, and I’m so happy that I get to call you mine”

“My beautiful Bea” Allie replied, leaning forward so she could kiss her girlfriend on the cheek.  She wasn’t sure how the older woman felt about public displays of affection, but when Bea turned her head so the kiss landed on her lips instead she felt her heart skip a beat.  When they first got together she had been a little worried that she would have to go back in the closet.  It was a big step for the redhead, and Allie was willing to do anything in her power to make sure she was happy, but pretending they were just friends when they were in public would have been difficult.

They had been lost in each other’s gaze for a while when they heard a commotion on the other side of the rope net.  Standing up Bea took her girlfriends hand before leading her in the direction of whatever was going on.  To say she was surprised to see her usually placid daughter standing toe to toe with two boys who looked to be a few years older than her at least, would be an understatement.  There was also another boy who Bea assumed was Debbie’s age standing behind her, his nose bloody and shirt ripped.

As the couple got closer one of the older boys pushed Debbie, causing her to stumble backwards slightly.  As she started to fall the younger boy standing behind her, stepped in to steady her.  After thanking the kid who they now knew was called Shayne Deb, turned to the one that had pushed her, charging forward and kneeing him in the groin.  The kid dropped to the floor like a dead weight, and while Bea hated that her daughter was involved in an altercation, she couldn’t help but feel proud of her too.  Breaking into a run the redhead managed to slip in front of the young brunette as the other older boy tried to grab her.  “Don’t you dare lay a hand on her” she said, her tone firm as she stared the kid down.  Up close he looked to be around eleven or twelve, old enough to both know better and not pick on young kids.

“Yeah…what are you gonna do about it lady?” he spat back, a cocky grin on his face.

“That’s my mum, you punk ass” Debbie replied, moving so she was beside her mum.

While Allie knew her girlfriend wouldn’t be happy with her daughter’s language she couldn’t help but find it funny.  The fire in the young brunette’s eyes as she moved to stand alongside her mum, all the while staring the little shit down was quite terrifying.  A similar look to the one Bea had given Kaz the day they officially met day at the beach when she had started running her mouth off.

 

 

Shayne’s mother appeared out of nowhere a minute or two later, reprimanding him for ruining a perfectly good shirt before taking his hand and dragging him away.  Not once did she ask if he was hurt in any way, despite it being clear from the blood on his face that he was.  Turning around he called out to Debbie, thanking her for her help and letting her know he would see her at school.  Bea was fuming, and had wanted to call his mother out on her shitty behaviour but her girlfriend had managed to talk her out of it.  Allie had been in a similar situation when she was a kid, only it had been her dad that had acted like a prised arsehole, not her mum.  When they got back home he beat her, saying it was her fault that someone had questioned his parenting skills.

Knowing Allie was right Bea decided to speak to Debbie’s teacher on Monday and ask her to keep an eye on him.  Taking her daughter’s hand, the redhead led her back over to the bench they had been sitting on before pulling her into her lap.  “While I’m really proud of you for standing up to those bullies, and for protecting Shayne, you shouldn’t use language like that”

“What did I s…oh, punk ass.  Sorry mummy” the young girl said, a guilty look on her face as she covered her mouth with her hand.

“It’s ok, just don’t say it again ok” her mum said, holding on to her daughter a little bit tighter.  “Where did hear it from anyway?”

“Franky.  When Tommy was being mean to me at school last year she called him a punk ass kid”

“Yeah well, Franky has a special way with words, one’s that you’re far too young to be repeating ok” Bea replied, smiling when her daughter nodded her head enthusiastically.  “So, what’s the deal with Shayne then, why were they bullying him?”

“The bigger one has a little brother in my class called Ryan.  He’s mean to Shayne all the time”

“In what way?” Allie asked, sympathising with the young boy.

“He’s poor so Ryan calls him names and pushes him around.  Shayne’s my best friend and it makes me mad”

“I thought I was your best friend” the blonde said, feigning hurt and making the young girl giggle.

“You’re my big best friend silly, Shayne’s my little best friend” Debbie replied, in a tone that suggested that the blonde had just asked the stupidest question in the world.  “Can I go and play again now?”

Shaking her head at the little ball of sass that was her daughter, Bea couldn’t help but smile.  She was glad her little girl didn’t take any crap from anyone.  Her biggest fear was of her growing up and allowing someone like Harry to push her around, the way Bea had done.  But Debbie was stronger than that, even at such a young age.  “Go on then, off you go.  Just for half an hour though, then we can go and get some food”

“Yesss!” the young girl replied, with a mini fist pump.  Hugging her mum, then Allie before making her way over to the slide hill.

Moving so she was sitting behind her girlfriend on the bench, Allie wrapped her arms around her, her chin resting on her shoulder.  “I really don’t know where she gets all her energy from, I’m exhausted just watching her”

“She’s full of it, that and attitude.  I love how she’s not afraid to stand up for both herself and her friends, but I don’t want her getting hurt because of it”

“Don’t worry so much, she’ll be fine.  She has you to protect her for a start…and I’ll be right here by your side” the blonde replied, holding on to her girl a little bit tighter.  Her life had changed so much in a matter of weeks, and despite worrying that she would do something to screw it up, she’d never been as happy as she was now Bea and Debbie were in her life.

They had been chatting for a while when something caught the redhead’s attention.  Before she had a chance to stand up one of the older boys from earlier pushed Debbie off the slide, sending her crashing to the ground.  Bea felt her heart drop at the thought of her little girl being hurt in any way.  At the same Bea stood up, the young brunette jumped up and dusted herself off before running at them.  Taking the redhead’s hand Allie pulled her down into her lap.  “Let her handle it ok.  If she needs us we can step in, but I have a feeling they’re about to get outsmarted by a seven-year-old girl”

They watched on as Deb ran around the park, weaving in and out of various pieces of equipment with the two boys following closely behind.  Allie suspected that the curly haired brunette was leading them into some sort of trap, although she wasn’t sure what it was.  A few seconds later it all became clear.  The young girl kept running by the swings, changing direction quickly in order to maintain the upper hand.  She was clearly biding her time, waiting until the kids on the swings got high enough.  Changing direction one last time Debbie ran closer to the swings, the two older kids hot on her heels.  She was too quick for them though, meaning she cleared the area just in time.  The two boys weren’t so lucky though, one of them getting kicked in the face by a kid on the swings.  The momentum sent him crashing into his friend before they both hit the floor, hard.

Stopping to take in the scene for a second or two, Debbie ran back to her mum and Allie, her hair a mess from racing around for so long.  “Can we get food now, I’m so hungry?” she asked, not even acknowledging the fact that she’d just put too much bigger kids on their arse.

“I guess it has been three whole hours since you last ate” Bea replied, smiling when her daughter held both hers and Allie’s hands.  “Plus, we should probably get out of here before they come back for more” she added, still trying to wrap her head around what had happened.  After establishing that Debbie wanted a burger as big as her head they left the park area, making their way over to the Harbourside shopping centre in search of something suitable for the little girl with the big appetite.

 

 

The waitress in the restaurant Debbie had chosen had suggested the young brunette order off of the kids’ menu rather than the main one, and had tried to tell Bea that it would be too big for her.  So, when she came back a while later, having not only witnessed the little girl demolishing the huge burger, but also stealing fries from who she assumed to be her mum’s plate she was more than a little surprised.  And very impressed.  After eating they decided to go and see a movie, Allie insisting on paying for the tickets, much to the redhead’s frustrations.  She wanted to treat her girlfriend, but the blonde had shot off to the ticket machine the second Deb decided what movie she wanted to see.  Despite eating her own bodyweight in burger and fries a little over half an hour ago the young girl insisted that they needed snacks as she would be hungry again soon, something both adults had little trouble in believing.

The combination of copious amounts of food, a dark movie theatre, and too much racing around at the park had resulted in the young girl falling asleep as soon as they got back to the car.  It was just before six thirty when they arrived back at the house, Allie unlocking the door for the older woman while Bea carried her daughter inside and straight up to her room.  Once Debbie was settled the redhead made her way back downstairs, her phone ringing a few seconds later.  It was Liz calling to let her know that she wasn’t feeling too well so wouldn’t be able to watch Debbie while she was at work the following day.  Bea knew that Franky was working, so didn’t really want to ask Bridget on her one day of peace, and taking her to work wasn’t ideal.  Deciding that her only option would be to call Will and try and rearrange her shift she told the older woman not to worry, to call her if she needed anything and that she hoped she felt better soon. 

After filling her girlfriend in on what had happened she was surprised when Allie offered to watch her daughter, assuming she would want a break from them.  “I can’t think of anything better than spending the day with Deb, well nothing that doesn’t include you that is” the blonde said after Bea asked if she was sure.  “I love that kid so much, she’s great”

“You…you do?”

“I do, and I’ll let you into a secret as well” the younger woman replied, taking a step closer to her girl.  “Her mum is pretty incredible too”

Moving in closer still Bea slipped her arm around her girlfriend’s waist, their eyes locking as she spoke.  “You’re the incredible one Allie Novak, and I’m so glad you’re in my life”.  Leaning forward slightly she captured the blonde’s lips in a slow kiss, Bea’s heart rate increasing when she felt Allie’s hands grabbing at any part of her they could reach.

What started out relatively innocent, quickly heated up, and all Bea could think about was how much she wanted to touch the blonde.  Moving her hands from her girlfriend’s hair she ran them down her sides before slipping them under her shirt.  As a wave of confidence crashed over her the redhead moved her right hand higher, accidentally skimming the underside of Allie’s breast and causing her to let out a low moan as she arched her back, chasing her touch.  “God Bea…what are you doing to me…”

Pulling back slightly the redhead studied her girlfriend.  Her hair was a mess when her hands had been, and her lips were swollen from their kisses, something Bea knew she needed more of.  “Do you want me to stop?” she asked, her voice coming out more husky than usual.

“I want you…” Allie replied before leaning back in and crashing their lips together.  She was trying so hard to let the redhead take the lead, but when she felt Bea’s hand cup her bra clad breast she almost lost control.  She’d never reacted this way to anyone’s touch before, and it wasn’t even skin on skin contact.

Slipping her arms around the younger woman Bea lifted her up, sitting her down on the kitchen table.  She could see the fire in Allie’s eyes, and knew it would be reflected in her own.  Grabbing the hem of her girlfriend’s shirt she lifted it over her head, dropping it down on the chair beside her.  Her heart was racing at a million miles an hour as her eyes roamed over the masterpiece in front of her.  “So beautiful” she said as she kissed along Allie’s collarbone before moving her lips to her neck.  The previous night she had discovered that her neck was a particularly sensitive spot, that and the fact that it drove the blonde crazy when she kissed her there.  Something she was keen to do right now.

Bea’s lips on her neck was testing every ounce of the blonde’s resolve, and she knew that if she didn’t take control of the situation her girlfriend may end up doing something she wasn’t ready for just yet.  Running one hand through her hair she lifted her head slightly, the redhead’s desire filled brown eyes almost making her throw caution to the wind and just go for it.  But it wasn’t about sex, it was more than that.  Allie knew she was falling in love with the older woman, and was determined to do everything in her power to make sure Bea was one hundred percent ready before they took things any further.  She was just about to voice this when she felt Bea’s lips on hers, sending her thoughts into a spin.

Hearing a cough from the opposite side of the room Bea froze for a few seconds, thankful that her back was facing the door.  She could tell by the tone that it wasn’t Debbie, not that it made the situation she found herself in any less uncomfortable.  She knew she shouldn’t have let things go so far, but she couldn’t help herself.  Every kiss they shared left her wanting more and more, to the point where her desire had taken control, all logical thoughts going out the window.  The way Allie’s body reacted to her touch lit a fire within the redhead, one that was still burning wildly despite being caught out.  She had been so wrapped up in the feeling of having Allie close she hadn’t even heard the door.

While Bea hadn’t exactly been looking forward to having the conversation she knew that it was going to much worse this way around.  Throwing an apologetic glance her girlfriend’s way she steadied herself before turning around, making sure she kept Allie out of view until she had managed to put her shirt back on.  Despite not wanting too, Bea knew that she needed to make eye contact at some point.  After taking a couple of breaths she lifted her head, coming face to face with a rather smug looking Franky.  The smirk on her face letting the redhead know how much she was enjoying this.


	17. Out in The Open

Franky had been meaning to call her friend for a couple of days, but decided to swing by on her way home from work.  It had been a long shift, and she couldn’t wait to get home and crash out.  Bridget had gone out for the evening with a couple of friends and wouldn’t be back until after midnight.  The thought of going home to an empty house didn’t exactly appeal to her, so she figured she would call in and see Bea for an hour.  They had an arrangement where her and Bridget would take Debbie out for the day every week or two, both giving the redhead a break and allowing them time with the young girl.  Things had been a little hectic over the past couple of weeks, the tattooed brunette’s shift pattern being all over the place hadn’t helped, so any free time she had, she’d spent with her girl.

As well as arranging a play date with Deb, she also wanted to talk to the redhead about something.  And it was a conversation she wanted to have in person.  It had been on Franky’s mind for a while now, although she wasn’t sure if it was too soon.  Bridget was the one, there was no doubt in her mind about that, but she was nervous about taking the next step.  The thought had first crossed her mind a few months ago when they’d been out at a bar one night, and despite them being pretty much inseparable all night some woman had still managed to make a move on Gidge the second the brunette went to that bathroom.  Bridget had shut her down instantly, but she didn’t give up.  Franky was making her way back over to her girlfriend when she spotted the woman standing far to close.  She was determined to keep her cool, but when she heard her say that Bridget was fair game as she wasn’t wearing a ring, it took every ounce of the brunette’s police training to stop herself from going boonta on her arse.

The comment had been playing on her mind for days afterwards, and while she knew that wasn’t a good enough reason to get married, it got her thinking about her future.  She had never met anyone like Bridget before, and while she sometimes pushed her buttons Franky knew she was only doing it out of love.  Thinking back to when she had told her girlfriend about her childhood, she had worried that the older blonde would think less of her.  Opening up to anyone was hard for her, but when it was to someone who meant so much it was twice as scary.  But Gidge had been incredible, and when Franky had days where thigs would get on top of her, she would hold her tight and tell her how special she was, how much she loved her.

Since that night the thought kept popping into her head at the most of random times, until the point where it was pretty much a constant.  The scary thing was that it wasn’t the thought of marriage that scared Franky the most, it was of not having Gidge in her life.  Her girlfriend had made a joke a while ago about the brunette flirting with everyone in the nursing home they’d both be in when they got old, but had never pushed for anything more than what Franky was comfortable with.  She knew she was loved, and that seemed to be enough for her.  That was one of the reasons Franky was even considering this, the other, and more important reason was that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Bridget Westfall.  She just didn’t want to move too fast and fuck everything up.

Which is where Red came in.  For someone with such a shit history in relationships she gave excellent advice, and always knew what to say to Franky when she was doubting herself.  Pulling up outside the house she cut the engine, jumped out of the car and made her way down the path.  There were two cars in the driveway, but Red often let her neighbour park there when her son came to visit so she didn’t think anything of it.  Unlocking the door, she opened it, calling out to her friend to let her know she was there.   There was no answer, but she could hear music playing in the kitchen so decided to try there.  What she wasn’t expecting was to find a shirtless Allie sitting on the table, her legs wrapped around Bea’s waist, hands in her hair and their lips fused together.  She couldn’t see where Red’s hands were, but suspected they wouldn’t be anywhere innocent if the moan that Novak had just let out was anything to go by.

Franky knew she should just turn around and head back out, but there was no way she was missing out on an opportunity like this.  When her friend said that blondie had kissed her, she’d thought more, quick peck than anything, especially given how closed off and clueless the redhead was when it came to anything remotely intimate.  But looking at the two of them now that clearly hadn’t been the case.  The brunette knew how hard it would have been for Bea to let anyone in, even in a friendship capacity, but anything more…as much as Franky loved to tease her friend, she never thought she would ever take things any further.  She just hoped Novak was as invested as Red clearly was, otherwise she would end up getting her heart broken.  And that was something that the tattooed brunette didn’t want for her friend.

Deciding that she had been lurking in the doorway long enough, she let out a loud cough, making her presence known.  Franky couldn’t help but laugh at the speed in which the couple broke apart, Bea spinning around to face her while trying to keep the blonde’s bra clad chest out of view while she hurriedly put her shirt back on.  Her face was as red has her hair, and her breathing laboured following their heated make out session but she looked happy.  Although that probably had a lot to do with the half-naked woman in her arms.

“Sorry Red.  If I’d have known you were getting your fuck on, I’d have called first” Franky joked, winking suggestively at the redhead before wiggling her eyebrows.  “Looks like you’ve got more game than I gave you credit for, not that I can blame you” she added, leaning to the side and winking at Allie, knowing full well that it would piss Bea off.

“I…we…we were…making dinner…” the redhead mumbled unconvincingly.

“Yah, sure you were.  By the look of things Novak was the starter, main course and dessert” the tattooed brunette threw back, laughing at how mortified her friend looked at getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Was there something you wanted?”

“You mean other than to catch the two of you going at it on the kitchen counter…”

“We weren’t…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…you were making dinner.  Although in all my time working as a chef, I’ve never seen it done like that before.  If I had maybe I wouldn’t have been so keen to join the police” Franky replied, ignoring the eyeroll she received from her friend.  “I actually came around to see if I could steal the little rugrat Friday night, maybe take her out somewhere Saturday as well.  It feels like a lifetime since we got to spend any time with her”

Bea had been surprised the first time her friend suggested having her daughter over to stay, never having Franky down as the maternal type.  But she was so good with Debbie, and her daughter adored both her and Bridget.  The redhead was planning on doing something special for her girlfriend to celebrate finishing her exams, just the three of them, although getting to spend some alone time with the blonde sounded like heaven right now.  “I’ve invited the girls over for a barbeque Saturday afternoon, thought it would give Allie a chance to get to know everyone better.  I was going to call you about it tomorrow, but I guess the surprise visit saves me the trouble”

“So, me catching you with your pants down has it’s perks…for you as well as me then…”

“Piss off” Bea bit back, although there was no malice to her tone.  “I can drop Deb off after school, or you can pick her up if that would be easier” she added, swiftly changing the subject.

“I’ll check with Gidge, but we’ll probably just pick her up from school.  Is there any chance I can grab her board now though, thought we could take her down the beach for a while Saturday morning?  That way it’ll give us enough time to get here for the barbeque”

After sorting out the plans for Friday the redhead suggested that Franky go with her into the garage, that way she could put Debbie’s board straight into her car.  The brunette had other ideas however, telling her friend that she was just nipping to the loo so she would meet her out there.  Franky had no intention of using the bathroom, but knew this would be the best opportunity to get Novak alone for a few minutes.  They’d had a little chat that morning a few weeks ago, but things between blondie and Bea had clearly escalated, and she needed to make sure her friend was in good hands.

 

 

Allie knew as soon as her girlfriend disappeared into the garage that she was in for another grilling from the brunette, and while it wasn’t something that she was looking forward to she knew she had to reassure Franky, for Bea’s sake if no one else’s.  She was just glad that it was happening now, and not on Saturday in front of a garden full of people.  Especially if Kaz did agree to come.  She was apprehensive about asking her sister.  Kaz could be a loose canon at times, and the last thing she wanted was for the older blonde to cause a scene in front of Bea’s friends.

She was nervous enough about spending the afternoon with them as it was.  The afternoon at the beach was different, she was merely a stranger then.  But this time she would be spending time with them as Bea’s girlfriend, and after what the redhead went through with Harry, she suspected that Franky wouldn’t be the only protective one.  Not that it was a bad thing.  She just wanted to make a good impression, and having Kaz throwing a toddler tantrum wouldn’t be the best way to go about it.  Franky clearing her throat dragged her from thoughts of Kaz and the following weekend, and the second their eyes locked she knew that it was interrogation time.

“So, what is this to you then blondie…you just scratching an itch, or is it something more?” Franky asked, her jaw locked as she stared the blonde down in a bid to try and intimidate her.  It wasn’t that she didn’t like the other woman, she just had a way of drawing the inner arsehole out of people.

Allie knew by the brunette’s tone that she was trying to rile her up, and as much as her questioning her intentions pissed her off, there was no way she was going to allow herself to be intimidated.  Think of Bea, she told herself as she answered Franky’s question with as much confidence as she could muster.  “This isn’t just a bit of fun for me, I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.  Not that it’s any of your business.  Bea knows how I feel about her, and her opinion is the only one that matters, other than Debbie.  I adore Bea, both of them, and I know how lucky I am that I get to be a part of their lives.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them, so if you’ve got a problem with me then do your worst”

“If you hurt her in any way, I’ll hunt you down and make your life a living hell”

“If I hurt Bea in any way then my life will already be a living hell, but I’ll gladly accept anything you throw my way.  Now are you going to back off, or do we have a problem here…” Allie threw back, getting up in the brunette’s face in order to show her that she wasn’t scared of her.  She had dealt with worse people while she was living on the streets, and the only thing that scared her these days was losing Bea.

Franky was taking her time, so much so that the redhead started to wonder if going to the bathroom had just been an excuse to get rid of her.  Deciding that she’d better go and check on her she grabbed her daughter’s surfboard before making her way back into the house.  While part of her wasn’t surprised to see her girlfriend and best friend standing toe to toe, what shocked her was the steely grit in the blonde’s eyes as she stared Franky down.  Bea hadn’t heard any of their conversation, but it was quite clear just from looking at them that Franky was being her usual charming self.  While she appreciated the sentiment, the last thing she wanted as for her to make Allie feel unwelcome.  Stepping into the room she approached the blonde, slipping her arm around her waist and feeling her relax into her embrace, before fixing her glare on her friend.  “Leave her alone Franky, we’ve been over this already”

“Don’t get your undies in a knot Red, assuming you’ve put em back on that is…” the tattooed brunette replied, her signature smirk in place.  “I’m just doing my duties as best friend, making sure you’re getting fucked and not fucked over”

Feeling the tension radiating off her girlfriend, Allie decided to step in and try and defuse the situation.  “Then you’ve got nothing to worry about Franky, I’m a lover not a fighter…right babe” she said, dropping a quick kiss on Bea’s lips and causing her cheeks to turn the colour of her hair.  Allie loved how easily she could make the older woman blush, it was adorable.  But then anything she did the blonde found adorable.

Sensing that she wasn’t going to get a rise out of Novak, Franky decided to leave them to it.  Seeing Bea so comfortable with someone was going to take time to get her head around, and despite the teasing she was genuinely happy for her.  Shocked, but happy.  The brunette had suggested she should try dating women on a few occasions, and every time the response had been the same.  Then in walks Novak, and suddenly Red’s breaking down the door to the pantie palace.  Not that she can blame her, if she hadn’t met Gidge then blondie would definitely have caught Franky’s eye.  After letting Red know she was happy to give her a few tips should she need them, she grabbed Debbie’s surfboard and raced out the house, a flushed looking Bea hot on her heels.

“Well that couldn’t have gone much worse” the redhead said, turning to face her girlfriend after closing the door behind Franky.  While she was glad that she didn’t have to actually tell her friend about her relationship, getting caught like that had been mortifying, and she knew that Franky would take great pleasure in teasing her about it for years to come.

Despite thoroughly enjoying their earlier make-out session Allie couldn’t help but feel guilty.  They were meant to be taking things slowly, and as the one with the most experience she should have been able to control herself.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let things go so far.  I just…when you push like that, I can’t think about anything but you.  You make me feel things that I’ve never felt before”

“I could have stopped too, I just…I didn’t want to” Bea replied boldly, surprising herself as well as her girlfriend.  Every kiss left her wanting more, and if it hadn’t been for Franky’s lousy timing, she was pretty sure they’d have ended up doing more than just kissing.

 

 

The following morning Allie had taken the young brunette out for breakfast, not wanting to risk burning the kitchen down while trying to cook.  Bea had left for work at what felt like the middle of the night, despite the blonde’s attempts to get her to come back to bed.  Even though they hadn’t really done anything other than kissing, Allie felt closer to Bea than she had any of her past girlfriends, but then she’d never felt as connected to anyone as she did the redhead.  The more time they spent alone together, the more confident Bea was becoming, making it more and more difficult for the younger woman not to act on her desires.  But she respected the redhead far too much, so was willing to wait as long as it takes for her to feel comfortable and ready to take things further.  While she wanted Bea in every way, just being allowed to fall asleep in her arms was enough right now, and so much more than Allie ever expected.

After the day at the beach she knew she was falling for the older woman, but never imagined that Bea would even look twice at someone like her, let alone feel the same.  But she did, and every day the redhead was opening another door, allowing Allie to get even closer.  It was something the blonde would never take for granted, especially given how guarded Bea could be at times, not that she could blame her.  While it was clear from the start that the older woman was shy, Allie would never have thought she’d been through so much.  She was so strong, so brave, and the younger woman knew how lucky she was that Bea even gave her the time of day.

And then there was Debbie, the young girl that had well and truly captured her heart.  Allie had never really thought about kids, her own life resembling a tornado for so long that the thought of taking care of a child never entered her mind.  But with Deb it was different.  She was so smart, full of sass, and Allie adored her.  It didn’t hurt that every time she looked at her, she saw Bea.  The young brunette really was a mini version of her mum, without the mental and physical battle scars.  She saw so much of her girlfriend in the young girl, and even though Bea wasn’t there it felt like she had a part of her sitting opposite.

After they had finished breakfast, Debbie putting away more pancakes than the blonde thought was physically possible, they decided to go roller skating.  Allie was hoping that it would help the young girl burn off some excess energy, plus she hadn’t been skating in years and was keen to see if she could still stand up.  She was surprised by how easily she picked it up again, although for the first ten minutes was a little unstable.  The young brunette was really good though, whizzing around the rink like she was born wearing skates.  After about half an hour Allie had found her wheels, spinning around with Debbie and making her laugh.  The young girl’s laugh was infectious, and the blonde loved that she was able to spend the day with her.  She also felt privileged that Bea trusted her with the most important person in her life, a responsibility she wasn’t taking lightly.

They spent a couple of hours at the roller rink before heading to the nearby ice cream parlour, Debbie finishing hers in record time before pinching a spoon full of the blondes.  Allie was coping with playing parental figure far better than she thought she would, although the young girl was so well behaved that it made the job so much easier.  Debbie decided that she wanted to go bowling after they had both stuffed their faces with far too much ice cream, something the blonde was happy to go along with.

Allie was pretty good at bowling, especially given the fact she’d only been a few times, but there was no joy in beating a seven-year-old.  She made sure to play well enough so that the curly haired brunette didn’t pick up on what she was doing though.  They had both won a game, and the final one was close.  All Allie needed to take it was four pins.  She knocked two over with her first ball and started to tease Debbie a little before accidentally on purpose putting a spin on her second so it veered off into the gutter just before it reached the remaining pins.  The excitement on the little girl’s face let her know she had done the right thing in throwing the game.  They stopped off at the local park for an hour on the way back, and after receiving a message from Bea letting her know she would be home in half an hour Allie decided to pick some food up.  Debbie had been saying she was hungry for the past half hour, and she wasn’t sure if her girlfriend had eaten.  Plus, she didn’t want her to have to start cooking after a long day at work.

Getting to spend the day alone with Debbie meant so much to the blonde, but nothing compared to the feelings that rushed through her when her eyes locked with Bea’s.  They had only been home a few minutes when the redhead walked in, kissing her daughter on the cheek, then greeting her girlfriend in the same way.  It had been a long shift, and a difficult one, but everything seemed so much better when she opened the door and found her two favourite girls waiting at home for her.  She could get used to this, but decided to keep her feelings to herself for now, through fear of scaring Allie away.  It took her a few minutes to notice that the table had been set, and after Allie told Deb to go and wash her hands, she crossed the room before pulling Bea in for a quick kiss.

“I missed you” the redhead mumbled against her girlfriend’s lips, feeling Allie’s arm slip around her waist.

“Mmm…missed you too, so much” Allie said, stealing another kiss before taking a step back when she heard Debbie racing down the hallway.  “I didn’t know if you had eaten so we picked up some diner on the way back.  Deb wanted Chinese so I hope that’s ok”

“It’s perfect…you’re perfect” Bea replied.  Taking the blonde’s hand in hers she gave it a squeeze before following her into the kitchen so they could dish the food up before Debbie complained that they were trying to starve her.

 

 

Allie had gone home after dinner that evening, much to both Debbie and Bea’s frustration.  The older of the two not wanting to come across as needy so had let her leave.  Lying in bed a couple of hours later she was regretting not putting up more of a fight.  It was crazy, and after escaping Harry’s clutches she had loved sleeping alone.  But now the bed felt too big, and she couldn’t seem to relax without the blonde beside her.  When she first made sense of her feelings for Allie, she wasn’t sure if anything would ever happen between them, and after their first kiss her concerns moved to what would be expected of her.  It soon became clear that the blonde didn’t expect anything and seemed more than happy to take things slowly.  The more time she spent with Allie the less she feared, and she knew it wouldn’t be long until she wanted everything with the younger woman.  Even if that did bring up fresh concerns. 

Not only had Bea never been with a woman before, she knew very little about sex in general, and at twenty-nine was embarrassed by this.  Every day spent with the blonde felt like a step further away from Harry and her old life, and she didn’t want any trace of him in her head when she finally took the next step with Allie.  Her girlfriend had said on many occasions that she was happy to go at Bea’s pace, and while she had given the redhead no reason to doubt this Bea still felt guilty.  Allie was beautiful in every way, and she had the biggest heart.  She could have anyone she wanted, yet for reasons unknown to the older woman she seemed to want her.  Deciding not to question it Bea allowed her thoughts to drift back to the previous evening, before they got caught.  Franky really did have the worst timing.

Kissing Allie made the redhead feel things she never thought possible, left her entire body awash with electricity.  And when she touched her…oh my god.  Allie’s touches had been relatively innocent so far, and while Bea knew she was trying to be respectful that didn’t stop the frustration.  She knew that if she wanted to take things further, she would have to be the one to make the first move.  The trouble was that she had no idea what to do.  Bea knew that she could always ask Franky for advice, but would rather risk making a fool of herself in front of Allie than face the teasing she knew her best friend would subject her to.

Part of her was glad they got interrupted the previous evening, and despite being the one to instigate things, she wanted their first time to be special.  Although at the time she wasn’t amused by Franky’s timing.  Allie gave her a confidence she’d never had before, and every touch, every kiss made her feel so alive.  All Bea wanted to do was to make the blonde feel as good as she did in those moments.  Grabbing the pillow from Allie’s side of the bed she held it tight.  She could still smell her girlfriend’s perfume, and despite her absence it made her feel safe.  Although she would much rather be holding onto the real thing.  Grabbing her phone from the bedside table she decided to send the blonde a message, deleting and re-typing a couple of times before finally pressing send.

_‘Why didn’t I try harder to convince you to stay, my bed feels cold and lonely without you here.  It’s only been a couple of hours and I miss you already xx’_

Hearing her phone vibrate Allie sat up in bed before picking it up and smiling when she saw her girlfriends name on the screen.  Opening the message, she read it a couple of times, her heart racing as she thought about Bea lying in bed.  It hadn’t even been three hours and she was already pining for the redhead, and while she would have loved to have stayed over again, she knew that she needed to revise for her final two exams.  Once they were over, she would be by Bea’s side for as long as she would allow her to be.  Typing out a reply she laid back down, her thoughts drifting to red curls, brown eyes and the most perfect woman she had ever laid eyes on.  While she loved exchanging messages with the older woman, she missed hearing her voice, an idea popping into her head as soon as she had hit send.

_‘Why did I even suggest going home in the first place…we both know I’d rather be cuddled up with you.  I miss you too beautiful, so much. A xx’_

Bea didn’t even have time to reply before her phone started to ring, her girlfriend’s name flashing up on the screen.  Answering the call, she sunk back into her pillow, unable to keep the smile from her face as Allie’s voice came down the line.  They spent about an hour talking about everything and nothing, neither one wanting to be the first to hang up.

 

 

To say that Bea was nervous would be an understatement. She had just come off the phone with Allie, her girlfriend stressing herself out over her upcoming final exam.  She was worried about the blonde, but felt at a loss as to how to help her.  They hadn’t seen much of each other since the weekend, and as hard as it was Bea was trying to do the right thing.  She knew the younger woman needed to study, and it was only a few days, but she missed her so much.  It was crazy really, and having resigned herself to the fact that she was going to spend the rest of her life alone, it came as a shock how much she craved Allie’s company.  And it had only been two days.

Deciding that this would be a good a time as any, Bea dialled a familiar number, her Mum picking up after a couple of rings.  She felt bad keeping her new relationship from her parents, and although she hadn’t actually lied to them it still felt as though she had, by omission at least.  While she wasn’t looking forward to the conversation she was about to have, she knew it was necessary.  Plus, she adored Allie, and didn’t want to hide what they had like some dirty little secret.  She just hoped her parents would accept it.  They’d never had a problem with Franky, but then she wasn’t their daughter.  Although the redhead was sure her mum had her suspicions, the trouble was she wasn’t sure how she would react when those suspicions were confirmed.

They chatted for a while, Alice telling her daughter abut a party they’d been to for a friend’s 50th birthday at the beach on Saturday   She could tell Bea had something on her mind, although after the conversation she’d had with Franky on Sunday evening she had a pretty good idea as to what it was.  If her daughter was happy, she honestly didn’t care who she was dating, as long as they treated her right.  And from what Franky had said, it seemed that she had nothing to worry about.  Plus, she had a hundred dollars and a shopping trip riding on this, although her husband was refusing to pay up until Bea confirmed that she was in fact dating Allie.

When she had first aired her suspicions to Michael, he was convinced his wife had lost her mind, so much so that they had a little wager and he had told her he would take her shopping for the day if she was right.  He knew how much Alice longed for their daughter to find someone special, but thought that she was allowing her imagination to run away with her in this instance.  While he was competitive, he saw this as a win, win situation.  Either he made a hundred dollars and got to spend the day surfing, or his little girl finally found somebody worthy of her.  While he loved the ocean, if it meant that Bea was happy, he would much rather spend the day being dragged around the shopping mall by his wife.

After about twenty minutes Alice could hear the nerve creeping into her daughter’s voice, and knew how daunting this must be for her.  She was just about to tell her about the conversation she’d had with Franky a couple of days ago when Bea blurted it out, so quickly that if Alice hadn’t already known she wouldn’t have had a clue what her daughter was talking about.

Bea couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her heart thumping in her chest.  She felt sick and she was sweating.  Reminding herself that if she wanted any kind of future with Allie, she needed to be brave and say the words, she took a couple of deep breaths to steady her nerves.  Bringing up a photo she had taken of the blonde and Debbie on Saturday at Darling Harbour she smiled, feeling a sense of calm wash over her.  “I met someone, we’re dating, it’s Allie” she rushed out without taking a breath, the silence down the line causing her heart rate to increase again.  “Mum…you still there?”

“I’m here sweetheart, but you’re going to have to repeat that, I didn’t quite catch it.  What are you doing with Allie?” Alice asked, wanting to be sure she had heard correctly.

Bea blushed, her mind instantly replaying in great detail everything she did with Allie in the kitchen a few nights ago.  She could feel the heat cursing through her body, and had to mentally scold herself in order to tame her thoughts.  There would be plenty of time for that when she was laid in bed alone later, but now wasn’t it.  Composing herself quickly she tried again, hoping she wouldn’t have to repeat herself for a third time.  “I’m seeing somebody, as in dating…I’m in a relationship”

“Oh Bea, that’s wonderful news.  Do I know them?” the older woman asked down the phone, needing her daughter to confirm what she already knew.

Picking up on the use of the word _them_ , rather than _him_ , Bea felt a tiny bit of encouragement.  Although the gymnastic butterflies were still mid rehearsal in her stomach.  “Kind of…it’s Allie, I’m dating Allie” the redhead said, the nerves taking hold and causing the verbal diarrhoea to kick in again.  “I know this must be a shock, and I understand if you need some time to get your head around it…but she makes me happy…and Debbie adores her…and Allie’s so good with her…and me…and I’m happy mum, really happy”

Walking through into the other room Alice switched to speakerphone and took a seat on the sofa beside her husband before continuing the conversation.  “I’m so happy for you sweetheart, you deserve the world and so much more.  I’ll need to meet Allie in person before she gets the seal of approval though, although if she’s won you over then she must pretty special”

“She is mum, very special, and she treats me well” the redhead replied, a fresh wave of anxiety washing over her as she thought about the other person she needed to tell.  Her Dad.  “Is Dad there…I…I need to be the one to tell him”

“I’m here peanut…and I’ve just lost a hundred dollars”

“I…what?”

“Remind me to never bet against your mother again.  Oh, and I’m happy for you, but the same rules apply…your girl needs to pass the test.  I need to make sure she’s good enough for my girls”

“Dad…she’s more than good enough.  Do you honestly think I’d be with her if she wasn’t?” Bea replied, feeling protective over her girlfriend.  She could understand their concerns, and the conversation had gone far better than she could have ever imagined, but she knew that she was safe with Allie.

“I know Bea, and I trust your judgement, I do.  But after what happened with that bastard you can’t blame us for being worried”

Deciding that the best way to put their minds at risk was to introduce her girlfriend to her parents, something she had been wanting to put off for as long as possible.  It wasn’t that she didn’t think they would like Allie, she was the best person Bea had met and it was impossible not to love her.  Love, there it was again, the word that had been invading her thoughts every time she looked at the blonde.  Her head was telling her that it was too soon for that, but her heart was completely ignoring it.  The trouble was she had nothing to compare her feelings too, having never been in love before.  The one thing she did know was that she wanted a future with the blonde.  “Why don’t you come over for a visit.  You can meet Allie, and see how incredible she is…plus I know Debbie would love to see you”

After arranging for them to visit in a couple of weeks’ time Bea told them a little more about her girlfriend before hanging up.  She was pleased with how the conversation had gone overall, she just hoped that Allie wouldn’t freak out when she told her about their upcoming visit.  Her girlfriend had a big enough week as it was with her final exams, so Bea decided to wait until the weekend to break the news to the blonde.  She was glad everything was out in the open now, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she couldn’t wait to see what the future held, hopefully with Allie by her side.

 

 

The following week was a nightmare for Allie, not only did she have her final two exams, she still wasn’t speaking to Kaz.  In a way it worked out well as she could use needing to study as the reason for staying in her room, but that didn’t help the tension between them on the odd occasion their paths crossed in the kitchen.  Her final exam was on Friday morning and it was the one she was dreading the most.  No matter how much she studied, nothing seemed to be sinking in.  She hadn’t seen much of the Smith girls either, which was only adding to her frustration.  Bea was insisting that she focussed on her studies, letting her know that they would still be there once her exams were over, and while she was grateful for the support it didn’t stop her missing them.

They had spoken on the phone and over facetime every night, but it wasn’t the same.  Bea had called her girlfriend on Thursday morning once she had dropped Debbie off at school, and after sensing how stressed she was decided to risk coming face to face with Kaz, jumping on her bike and heading straight over to the house.  Pulling up behind Allie’s car she was pleased to see that it was the only one in the driveway, and hoped that was a good sign.  Cutting the engine to the Harley she climbed off, removing her helmet before making her way over to the door.  Knocking, she waited a few minutes before it opened, a tired looking Allie standing in front of her.  Before Bea even had a chance to speak the blonde pulled her through the door and into her arms, holding her tight.

“I’m so glad you’re here…I feel like I’m losing my mind”

Wrapping her arms around the younger woman Bea ran her finger up and down her back comfortingly.  “It’s ok, I’ve got you”

Pulling back slightly Allie led her girlfriend into the lounge, apologising for the mess.  She had revision noted scattered all over the floor, the coffee table was hidden under a paper mountain and she knew she looked rough.  She’d hardly slept, and no mater how hard she tried nothing seemed to be sinking in.

“Have you slept at all?” the redhead asked after noticing the dark circles under Allie’s eyes.

“A little, couple of hours maybe”

“Allie…you need to look after yourself”

“I know, and I will, when this exam is over, I can’t seem to remember anything” the younger woman replied, starting to tidy her notes up.

Bea was worried her girlfriend was pushing herself too hard, and felt guilty for leaving Debbie with her the previous Sunday when she probably should have been studying.  After helping her tidy up she asked her what she was struggling with the most.  Taking the relevant notes from the blonde Bea sat down, waiting until the younger woman had made herself comfortable.  Allie decided to lay on the sofa, her head in the redhead’s lap, as she gazed into the deep brown eyes of the woman who was quickly becoming her everything.  She was so tired, and had worked herself up into a panic earlier when she couldn’t seem to remember anything.  But just being near Bea made her feel so much calmer, and suddenly things didn’t seem so scary anymore.

Having never been to university Bea felt a little out of her depth, so decided to just read through the notes initially.  Running her fingers through her girlfriend’s soft blonde locks she scanned the first page quickly before starting to bring the words to life.  Not wanting to overload Allie with too much information at once she tried to break it up by asking her a few questions, rewarding her with a kiss when she got the answer correct.  She was impressed, her girlfriend clearly knew more than she thought she did, and the redhead wished she wouldn’t be so hard on herself.  “See, you know more than you think you do…you’ll smash it, I know you will”

“But what if I don’t, I…I don’t want to disappoint you”

The doubt and worry in the younger woman’s voice broke Bea’s heart.  While she knew Allie hadn’t had the best start in life, she suspected that other than Kaz, no one else had ever believed in her.  “You could never disappoint me Allie, ever.  I believe in you, and whatever happens tomorrow I’m so proud of you”

“You…you are?”

“I am, I’m so proud of you and everything that you’ve achieved.  Especially given that fact that you had fuck all behind you before Kaz came back into your life.  You’re an inspiration Allie Novak, and pass or fail, I’m, proud of you.  You’ve got this though, I know you have.  Just one more day then it will all be over, and after your exam I’m going to spoil you”

“I don’t need anything else, just you” Allie replied, sitting up slightly and pulling the redhead into a kiss.  Just knowing that Bea had faith in her gave her the confidence boost she needed, along with a newfound determination to pass her final exam.

 

 

They had been working through the revision notes for a couple of hours when Bea noticed the blonde had fallen asleep.  She looked exhausted and it was clear that she hadn’t been sleeping properly for days.  Grabbing her phone, the redhead took photos of the revision sheets, that way she could try and help her girlfriend out later.  It would be over the phone, but she knew that if she took Allie home that Debbie would be hounding her all evening.  Bea felt a little uncomfortable being in Kaz’s house without her knowledge, but Allie needed her, so she was determined to push her feelings to one side and be there to support her girl in the same way that Allie had done for her.

The blonde had been her rock during the few difficult moments she’d had, reassuring her when all she could hear was Harry’s voice in her head telling her that she was nothing.  She had heard it so often that she started to believe that it must be true, but when Allie told her she was everything, it reminded Bea that Harry was the one who was nothing, not her.  Feeling the need to tell her girlfriend how much she meant to her she decided to just go for it, her confidence increased with the knowledge that the younger woman was sleeping soundly in her lap.

“I’m so glad you came into my life Alliecat.  I thought I was living, happy even, but I wasn’t.  You made me realise what I’ve been missing out on my whole life.  I never knew that it was possible to feel this way about anyone, and while it’s scary, I know I’m safe with you.  It’s only been a few weeks, and I know that I don’t have a lot of experience with these kinds of things but I’ve fallen for you…I’ve fallen hard”.  Brushing her thumb over the blonde’s cheek she continued, not realising they were no longer alone in the house.  “I know that I’m closed off at times, but I’m going to try and be better, be the best version of myself.  For you.  I’d do anything for you…I hope you know that.  I just wish I was brave enough to say all this to you while you were awake”

It had been quiet at the shelter all morning so Kaz decided to make the most of it and head home for an hour.  She had overslept, leaving the house in such a rush that she had forgotten her phone.  Letting Mel know she wouldn’t be long she headed out, pulling up outside the house about twenty minutes later.  Jumping out of the car she noticed a motorbike parked behind her sister’s car, knowing as soon as she saw it who it belonged to.  Not wanting to get into another fight with the younger blonde she thought about turning back around and leaving, but Will had said he would call her once his shift was over and she really needed to talk to him.

Deciding to suck it up she let herself in, trying to be as quiet as possible as she closed the door behind her, listening to see if she could hear anyone in the house.  A few seconds later she heard Smith’s voice.  She was speaking quietly, but her words were clear in the otherwise silent house.  She didn’t mean to snoop, she really didn’t, but when she heard what the redhead was saying she found her feet rooted to the spot, and she couldn’t turn away.  Kaz was a little surprised by the scene in front of her.  From where she was standing, she could see that Allie was asleep, her head in the redhead’s lap and her arm wrapped around her.  Bea was running her fingers through Allie’s hair as she spoke in hushed tones, but the sincerity in her voice was evident.

In that moment she knew that she had made a mistake in judging Bea.  Whatever was going on between her and Allie clearly wasn’t just an experiment or bit of fun, and she knew that she had to try and fix her fuck up.  Not wanting to get caught snooping Kaz took a step back, opening and closing the door again a little louder this time so Smith would hear it.  Retracing her steps, she walked into the lounge, the redhead looking a little nervous as their eyes locked across the room.  Not wanting to create anymore tension Kaz smiled at the other woman, hoping to put Bea’s mind at rest.

Deciding to bite the bullet Kaz crossed the room, asking the redhead if she had a minute.  She wanted to rip the band aid off so to speak, and get this over with as soon as possible.  She knew she shouldn’t have judged Smith the way she did, but at the time she couldn’t see past her and Will.  Kaz knew she had been unfair to both of them, and shouldn’t have punished them for the way someone else had treated her in the past.  She had never told anyone about what happened, not even Allie.  She was embarrassed, and knew she had let what he did to her affect her judgement.  It wasn’t Will’s fault, he was a good guy and deep down she knew that he would never use her like that.  Sometimes she got so caught up in her head that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her, and as a result had almost lost him.  Allie as well.

Admitting she was wrong wasn’t something that came easy to Kaz.  She had learned to trust her judgement from an early age, and during her time in prison it had been her only means of survival.  But as much as it pained her to say, she shouldn’t have been so quick to think the worst in this case.  Listening to the redhead talk to a sleeping Allie warmed her sometimes cold heart, and she realised that she had been so fixated on her preconceived idea of who the Bea was, that she hadn’t taken a minute to really see her.  Deep down Kaz knew that her fear had everything to do with losing her sister, of something happening to make her go back to her old life, the one that had almost killed her, and less to do with the woman she was with.  But her fucked up brain had convinced her that was Bea Smith’s fault too. 

Watching on as the redhead slipped out from Allie’s embrace, placing a cushion where her lap had been so she didn’t disturb her, Kaz smiled again.  Her sister had never let anyone get this close before, and seeing how gentle and caring Bea was with her, made the older blonde feel like an even bigger arsehole.  Pointing towards the kitchen she led the other woman out of the room before speaking, deciding that the direct approach would be best.  “We need to talk”.


	18. Building Bridges

The last thing Bea wanted right now was to talk to Kaz, but she knew how much strain all of this was putting on her girlfriend and didn’t want to add to it by being stubborn.  Nodding at the other woman she made sure to keep a little distance between them as she waited for her to voice what was on her mind.  She knew that the blonde was probably going to lay into her again, although at least this time it would be for something she was actually doing.  Assuming she didn’t think that dating her sister was another elaborate way of getting closer to Will of course.  It would make no sense, but neither did everything that Kaz had accused her of so far, so nothing would surprise the redhead anymore.  But she was doing this for Allie, and if playing nice with someone who hated her was what she had to do to make her girlfriends life easier then she would do it.  She would do anything for Allie.

Kaz was stalling, and it was clear that the woman standing opposite knew that too.  She was nervous, unusually so, although that was more due to the worry that she would slip up and say something stupid, making the situation twice as bad.  She knew that she had to be the one to take the first step if she wanted to try and wipe the slate clean, although if she was being completely honest, she didn’t deserve it.  While she knew she had been too quick to judge the woman standing opposite, she wasn’t doing this for her.  Being at loggerheads with Allie was making them both miserable, and she had to fix it one way or another.  Her sister was the most important person in her life, and she would do whatever it takes to make her happy.  Even if that did mean giving Smith a chance.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, she tried to appear more confident than she felt as she attempted to explain her recent behaviour.  “Allie…she’s the sister I never had growing up.  I love her, and I’ll do anything to protect her.  I don’t know how much of her past she’s told you about, but we lost contact for a few years.  When I found her again she was in a bad way, she was so broken down that I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the Allie back that I remembered.  If she’d even make it out the other side.  It was hard, and we fought a lot, but she never gave up.  There were times when I thought she would, that I might lose her, but she was so determined to beat it.  After she got her life back on track, I tried to set her up with a few women, but nothing ever came of it.  Allie’s got such a big heart, and I didn’t want her to end up alone, but she just wasn’t interested.  It was more than that though, and although she never said anything, I know that she felt like she wasn’t worthy of love.   Then you came along, and it was though a light had been turned on.  I’ve never seen her react this way to anyone before, especially not straight away, even though she claimed you were just friends.  She’s had a shit life, and she deserves the best of everything.  If you hurt her in any way then you’ll be sorry you were born, I’ll make sure of it”

Knowing that she needed to take a step out of her comfort zone if she had any chance of convincing the older woman that she was serious about Allie, Bea pushed the negative thoughts that Harry had left her with to the back of her mind.  “We were just friends, at the time, she didn’t lie to you Kaz.  Up until recently I’d never even thought about being in a relationship with a woman, with anyone for that matter.  My ex-husband, he wasn’t a good guy.  He hurt me in ways that no one should ever be hurt, and I was determined I wasn’t going to allow anyone to get that close to me again.  And then Allie came along.  I’ve never met anyone like her before, and without even realising it, I’d let my guard down.  This is all still so new to me, and no one knows what the future will hold, but I can assure you that I’m taking it very seriously.  I adore Allie, and believe me when I say that I know how special she is.  She told me about her past, and I felt sick to the core.  How anyone could hurt her in any way is beyond me, but to do what he did…” the redhead replied, wiping a stray tear from her eye before it had a chance to fall.  “I know you’re worried, and I can understand that.  It’s not quite the same but I’d lay down my life to protect my daughter, and I have no doubt you would do that for your sister too.  It probably won’t mean much coming from me, but I only want to make her happy, I’ll do anything to see her smile”

“I heard you talking to her earlier, I didn’t mean to pry…I just came back to get my phone.  I’ve got to admit that I wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea of the two of you together, and that’s probably a massive understatement.  But hearing you talk to her like that, it made me realise I’d been too quick to judge.  I’m not even going to try and pretend to know what you’ve been through in the past, but I can imagine that opening up to anyone doesn’t come easy.  Allie’s the same you know, she hides it well, but she doesn’t trust easily.  Yet with you it was different, I could see it that day at the beach, and I think that’s part of the reason I got so angry.  Well that and I thought you were screwing around with Will behind my back”

“Will’s like a brother to me, I can assure you that I’ve never thought of him in that way…ever.  My ex-husband Harry, he was a shit father and an even worse husband.  My parents live in New Zealand so Debbie doesn’t get to see them as often as I’d like.  He helped me out a lot when her dad got sent down, and he’s so good with her.  I don’t really have any male friends other than Will, and he’s a good role model for Deb.  I don’t want her growing up thinking all men are bastards”

“Just most of them…” Kaz mumbled, making the redhead smile.

“I don’t want to cause any problems for you guys though.  He’s happy with you, anyone can see that, and I don’t want to come between you.  He was a miserable shit when you split up, so much so that we made him stay in his office.  He was like a black cloud over the tower, brought us all down”

“He could win an Olympic medal for sulking” the older blonde replied, having been on the receiving end of a Will Jackson strop on a couple of occasions, although she knew hers were much worse.  “He’s the most genuine guy I’ve ever met though, and although we’ve had our differences, I love him”

“And he loves you too.  You’re right about the sulking though, we always try and leave him alone when he’s in one of those moods at work.  He could clear the beach with one look”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest” Kaz replied, laughing at the thought of a surly Will causing beachgoers to flee.  She was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Smith, and could see why he liked her so much.  The redhead’s warm and friendly nature only made her feel even worse about the way she had treated her, and Kaz knew that she had to try and made amends somehow.  Although it would take time.  “I owe you an apology.  I haven’t exactly been overly friendly to you have I, even before Allie.  In fact, I was a bitch.  I wish I could come up with some deep and meaningful reason as to why I behaved the way I did, but I can’t.  The truth is Will’s the first guy I’ve ever felt safe with, and he means so much to me.  I guess I saw the bond you have with him, and let my insecurities get the better of me.  And then I saw how taken with you Allie was, and I thought I was going to lose her too.  When people let you down often enough it’s easy to assume the worst, and I did that with you.  I’m sorry Bea”

While Bea was relieved to be having a civil conversation with her girlfriend’s sister, she hadn’t expected an apology, so was a little taken back by it.  Suspecting that it had taken a lot for Kaz to admit she was in the wrong she decided to go easy on her, for Allie’s sake.  “We didn’t get off to the best start did we.  But Allie’s important to me, and I know how much you mean to her as well, so I’m willing put it behind us and start a fresh if you are”

 

 

Allie woke up from her nap feeling quite refreshed, although when she realised that she was no longer using Bea’s lap as a cushion she got a little worried.  Hearing voices she stood up, running her fingers through her hair in a bid to tame it slightly before making her way to the kitchen.  Coming to a stop in the doorway she took in the scene in front of her, surprised to see her sister and girlfriend sitting around the table drinking coffee and chatting.  For a second, she thought she was dreaming, but when Bea turned her head and their eyes locked the rush of heat that ran through Allie’s body let her know she was very much awake.  “How long was I asleep for?” she asked, confused by the sudden change in Kaz’s behaviour.

“About an hour, you clearly needed it though.  How are you feeling?” Bea answered, smiling at how cute the younger woman looked.

“Better.  Thank you for being here, for helping me” Allie replied.  Crossing the room, she bypassed the two empty chairs and headed straight for her girlfriend, sitting on her lap instead.  Wrapping her arm around the older woman’s neck she snuggled up against her, smiling when she saw Bea blush.  “Come on then, what did I miss?”

When it became clear that Bea wasn’t going to respond to the question Kaz decided to step in, knowing she was the cause of the tension in the room.  “Figured it was about time I made a start on my list of apologies, and while I seem to be on a role then I guess I should continue.  I’m sorry Allie.  I’ve been a nightmare to live with recently, and I haven’t been there for you like I promised I would”

“No, you haven’t.  And as for being a nightmare to live with, I’d say that was a massive understatement.  I’ve been walking on eggshells in my own home, trying to stay out of your way to avoid saying anything that might set you off again” Allie replied, the stress of her upcoming exam making her more snappy than usual.

“I should go, leave the two of you alone so you can talk” Bea said, lifting her girlfriend off her lap before standing up.  “Thanks for the coffee Kaz” she added, smiling at the older blonde before taking Allie’s hand.

“But I don’t want you to go” Allie replied, giving the redhead her best puppy dog eyes.  Just being near the older woman made her feel so much more relaxed.

“I know sweetheart, and I don’t want to leave you either.  But I’ve got to pick Deb up from school soon, and we have no food in the house.  You know how she gets when she’s hungry.  I’ll call you later ok”.  Leaving her girlfriend was the last thing that Bea wanted to do, but she was hoping that Kaz would keep her promise and apologise to Allie, and knew it would be a lot easier for the older blonde if she wasn’t there.

Allie knew why her girlfriend was leaving, although that didn’t mean she liked it.  But she couldn’t deny that she was sick of fighting with her sister, so if they could find some common ground it would do them both the world of good.  “Are we still on for tomorrow?” she asked, wanting to keep Bea there for as long as possible, and already looking forward to spending the following evening with the redhead.

While Allie was saying goodbye to her girlfriend Kaz called Mel, letting her know she would be away from the shelter for longer than expected.  They had a lot going on and she really needed to be there, but Allie came first, and always would.  Plus, Mel was perfectly capable of dealing with any issues that may arise in her absence.  The day had taken an interesting turn, and Kaz had been surprised at how easily Bea had accepted her apology, although she was in no doubt that it was for Allie’s sake and not hers.  But she was fine with that, as long as her sister was happy that was all that mattered.

Walking back into the kitchen Allie grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before taking a seat opposite her sister, wanting to retain a little distance in case they ended up getting into another argument.  While she appreciated that her sister seemed to be making the effort to be at least pleasant to her girlfriend, she had said so many hurtful things about her over the past few weeks, and she was still angry with her for it.

Waiting until Allie was settled Kaz took a couple of breaths, her leg bouncing nervously as she addressed her sister.  She knew it was all her fault, and the tension in the house was unbearable.  She was just worried about the younger woman.  “I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be.  I should have been more supportive, should have trusted that you knew what you were doing when you got involved with Bea”

“It’s about more than that Kaz.  The things you said about Bea, I can’t just forget that.  This isn’t just some pastime for me you know, it’s not some fling.  I’m serious about her, she’s the one.  I know we haven’t been together that long, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone before”

“I know that now, seeing the two of you together today made me realise how wrong I was about her”

“You made her life a misery Kaz, and for what.  Please enlighten me, because I’m struggling to understand”

“Not long after I got released from prison, I met someone.  He was charming, and so good to me, but after a few months something changed.  He’d disappear for days on end, and when I questioned him about it, he said he was working away.  Things got better for a few weeks, but before long he was back doing his disappearing act, only this time it was worse.  He came over one night looking so broken.  A deal he’d been working on had fallen through, and he needed money to keep his business afloat.  He never asked me for anything, but I offered anyway.  I thought I loved him, thought he loved me” Kaz said, fighting back the tears as she recounted the one thing from her past that she had hoped would stay buried.  “A couple of weeks later he came back in a worse state.  The money I’d given him wasn’t enough and he was about to lose everything, including his apartment.  I ended up giving him twice the original amount, it was only sitting in the bank and he promised I would get everything back, plus interest in time for the refurbishment I’d planned at the shelter.  I bumped into him out in the city a few days later with another woman, and when I questioned him, he said she was a colleague.  That was the last time I saw him.  She was his colleague, and also his wife.  He’d played me to get money and I fell for it.  I was so fucking stupid to think that he actually wanted me, that he loved me.  When I saw how close Will and Smith were, I guess I just assumed the worst, and I’m sorry”

Standing up, Allie moved around the table, pulling one of the empty chairs next to her sisters before sitting down.  Wrapping her arms around the older woman she held her tight, knowing how hard it would have been for her to open up like that.  While she was still annoyed with her for being a bitch to Bea, she hated seeing her cry.  Kaz was tough, or at least that was the image she portrayed, but Allie was one of the very few people that had seen the real Karen Proctor.  Her behaviour made a little more sense now, although she still wasn’t happy about some of the things she’d said about her girl.  “I’m sorry Kaz, had no idea.  For the record you’re not stupid, and he was an arsehole for not realising how special you are.  I get where you’re coming from, but Will’s not like that, and neither is Bea.  He loves you, anyone can see that”

“And you love her”

I…it’s too soon for that”

“Is it?  There are no rules here kiddo, no timescales you have to stick too.  I’ve learnt the hard way recently, but if you’ve found someone special then don’t waste time worrying about what other people think.  And I know that sounds hypocritical coming from me, especially after everything I’ve said recently.  But it was obvious just by seeing the two of you together that you’ve found your person”

“What exactly did you see…I was asleep for most of it”

“I overheard Bea taking to you, I wasn’t snooping I swear.  I guess it just made me realise that she was in as deep as you are.  It took me a while, and I truly am sorry about that, but I’m happy for you Allie, and I think she’ll be good for you.  Although if she hurts you in any way, she’ll be straight back on the top of my shit list” Kaz replied, locking eyes with her sister in a bid to get her point across.

There was no malice behind her sisters’ words, although Allie knew that Kaz meant what she said.  She was just glad that the older blonde wasn’t hanging shit on her girlfriend anymore.  “She won’t hurt me Kaz, that’s one thing I’m certain of.  I’m more worried about hurting her, I don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to relationships do I”

“None of that was your fault ok, it was all on them.  You deserve love Allie, please don’t ever think otherwise” the older blonde replied, pulling Allie into a hug.  “I’m just glad your taste in women has improved significantly” she joked as she pulled back slightly, both women knowing full well that wasn’t what she had said on previous occasions.

 

 

Allie felt surprisingly confident as she walked out of the room the following day, a sense of relief washing over at finally being finished with university.  She’d enjoyed it, and was glad that Kaz had given her a gentle push in the right direction, but for the past three years she had doubted herself, doubted her ability to actually complete the course.  It wasn’t the failure as such that worried her, it was letting Kaz down, and now Bea as well.  Despite the redhead’s reassurance that she was proud of her no matter what, she wanted to not only pass, but achieve as good a result as she could.  Making her way across campus with a couple of her university friends she was surprised to hear someone calling her name, although she would recognise that voice anywhere.  Turning around she spotted her girlfriend across the car park, her wild curls blowing in the breeze as she leaned against her bike.  As their eyes locked Allie was awash with emotions and had to fight back the tears.  It was crazy really, and she knew she was overreacting, but something as simple as Bea being there for her made her fall in love with her even more.

She knew it was fast, and had tried to convince herself that it was too soon, but she couldn’t deny it anymore.  She was in love with Bea Smith.  She knew that she had to keep that particular revelation to herself, for now at least.  While part of her wanted her girlfriend to know that she was loved, and how much she meant to her, Allie was worried she would scare her off by coming on too strong, and that was the last thing she wanted.  If she was being completely honest, she was already a little bit in love with the redhead by the time they left the beach that first day.  She had managed not to blurt out any ill-timed confessions so far, so waiting a while longer wouldn’t hurt.  Bea’s happiness was more important to her than anything, and she was willing to do whatever it takes to make sure the relationship lasted.  After saying goodbye to her friends, she crossed the car park and approached her girlfriend, a wide smile breaking out on her face as Bea opened her arms, inviting her in.  “Well this is a surprise” Allie said as she wrapped her arms around the older woman, feeling herself relaxing for the first time that day.

“A good surprise I hope?”

Brushing her thumb over the older woman’s bottom lip she smiled again, feeling her heart pounding in her chest as Bea’s tongue swiped over the pad of her thumb.  “The best kind of surprise.  Not that I’m not happy you’re here, but shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I took the afternoon off, wanted to be here with you instead”

“Lucky me” Allie said as she leaned forward, stealing a quick kiss.  “So, does that mean I have you all to myself for the next twenty-four hours?” she asked, running her fingers up the outside of her girlfriend’s leather clad thigh.

“Later, I want to take you somewhere first” the redhead replied, suddenly wishing they could go straight back home.  Home, somewhere she hoped that they could both call that in the future.  While the relationship was still relatively new, she couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to build a home with Allie.  Stopping herself before she got too carried away, she locked eye with her girlfriend, losing herself in the ocean blue pools for a few seconds before remembering why they were here.  “How did the exam go, you seem pretty calm”

“My mind went blank at one point, but I closed my eyes and concentrated, and pretty soon all I could hear was that sexy voice of yours reading my notes back to me” the blonde said, her heart fluttering when Bea blushed.  “Thank you for being there…even though technically you weren’t.  Oh, and you look so fucking hot when you blush like that babe” she added, cuddling into her girlfriend.  It felt so good to have someone there waiting for her, supporting her like this.  It didn’t hurt that she was the hottest woman on campus either, in the world even.

“I knew you could do it, there was never any doubt” Bea replied, handing her girlfriend the spare helmet before climbing onto the bike.  “Come on charmer, the quicker we get going the quicker we can get home” she added, sending a quick message to Will while she waited for the blonde to get comfortable behind her.

It had been a spur of the moment decision, and after ending the call with her girlfriend the previous evening she had called her friend and boss to see if he could get a message to Kaz.  Luck was on her side as she had gone over to his place for dinner so Allie could have a bit of peace and quiet while she studied.  The second the words were out of her mouth she wondered if it was too soon.  The last time the four of them had gone to dinner together it hadn’t exactly gone well, but reminding herself that she was doing this for Allie, she was determined to make it work this time.  Plus, she had made it through an entire conversation with Kaz without the blonde taking a shot at her, so progress was definitely being made.  Pulling up at the restaurant about twenty minutes later she waited until Allie had climbed off the bike before following suit.  Taking her hand, she led her down the street, smiling at the look of confusion on her girlfriend’s face.

Coming to a stop outside Allie’s favourite Italian restaurant Bea leaned in, kissing the blonde on the cheek.  “I’m so proud of you Allie Novak” she said, letting out a fractured giggle when her girlfriend’s cheeks coloured.  “Seriously…that’s what makes you blush!”

“You can talk…queen blusher” the blonde threw back, causing her girlfriend to do just that.  “I’m just not used to people saying things like that to me”

“Well you’d better get used to it, because I’m always going to be proud of you” Bea replied, the term _always_ not lost on her girlfriend.  Opening the door, the redhead waited for Allie to walk into the restaurant before following her, giving her name to the host.

As they followed him to their table, they rounded the corner, Allie surprised to see her sister and Will sitting there.  Turning to face her girlfriend she knew by the look on her face that she was behind it.  It must have taken a lot to put everything behind her and try to play nice with Kaz, even after their talk the previous day.  But she was grateful to her girlfriend for being the bigger person here.  Having the two most important people in her life there for her on such a big day meant the world to Allie, and for the first time in her life she felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

The meal couldn’t have gone any better, her girlfriend and sister seemed to be getting on well and the food was excellent.  Although Allie suspected they were both making an extra effort for her sake.  It would take time, and they would probably never be the best of friends, but she hoped that one day they wouldn’t have to try so hard.  A couple of hours later they were leaving the restaurant, Bea asking her girlfriend if she wanted to go for a drink before heading home.  There had been an issue at the shelter which Kaz had to deal with, and after thanking Bea for inviting her she made a note of her address in preparation for the barbeque the following day.  It was a warm evening so the couple decided to take a walk before finding a bar, Bea surprising her girlfriend by taking her hand as they wandered down the busy street.

Walking into one of the bars she had been in a few times with her sister Allie found them a booth before heading to the bar, despite protests from the redhead that it was her treat.  Bea had paid for dinner, at the frustration of her sister, Allie finding out very quickly that her girlfriend was just as stubborn as Kaz.  They had been there about half an hour when Bea excused herself and headed to the bathroom.  She had only been gone for a minute and the blonde already felt like she was being watched.  Telling herself she was being paranoid she took a sip of her beer, flicking through the photos on her phone to pass the time until her girlfriend returned.  Curiosity getting the better of her, she couldn’t help but look up, turning her head slightly so she could try and spot who was watching her.  There were a group of women on the other side of the room, but no one seemed to be looking in her direction and she didn’t recognise any of them.  Deciding that it was probably just the stress of the past week playing with her mind she tried to relax, a sense of calm washing over her as she saw her girlfriend approaching.  Taking Bea’s hand, she pulled her down into the booth beside her.  While she loved being able to gaze into her soulful brown eyes, right now she needed to be as close to the older woman as possible.

While Allie knew it would be a while before she found out if she had earned her degree, she was still awash with a sense of achievement, a feeling so unfamiliar to her.  While she couldn’t be happier, she also felt a little vulnerable, although that was probably another side effect of staying up most of the night studying.  Just having Bea near made everything so much better though, and she was determined to enjoy their evening together.  They stayed for another hour, Allie being the one to suggest they leave when the need to be alone with her girlfriend became too strong.

As they made their way out of the bar Allie felt a hand on her arm, pulling her back and away from the redhead.  Spinning around she came face to face with the owner of said hand, someone she had hoped she would never see again.  In a city this big the chances of running into her were slim, yet the first time she goes out to a bar with her girlfriend this happens.  Feeling the blonde’s hand slip from hers Bea turned her head, surprised to see a raven-haired woman standing very close to Allie.  She looked a few years older than Bea, and seemed to know her girlfriend pretty well, although if the look on Allie’s face was anything to go by, she wasn’t exactly pleased to see her.  It was loud in the bar so Bea couldn’t hear what was being said, but when she saw the colour drain from the blonde’s face, she knew that whatever it was, it wouldn’t be good.

“I’m surprised to see someone like you in a place like this.  Although I have to admit you look a lot better than you did the last time that I saw you”

“Wish I could say the same about you…” Allie replied, unable to keep the bite out of her tone.  If she was being honest, she looked great, as annoying as it was.  Although she wasn’t in Bea’s league.

“Picking up your next client, are you?” the raven-haired woman spat back in a bid to try and retain the upper hand.  Her attention shifted to the redhead approaching, the one that Allie had been leaving with.  She was attractive, hot even, and she wondered if she could convince her to go home with her rather than Novak.

Before Allie had a chance to reply her girlfriend was by her side, her arm slipping around the blonde’s waist loosely.  “Is everything ok?” she asked, her gaze shifting from Allie to the woman standing opposite her.

“It’s fine.  Come on, let’s get out of here”

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your latest conquest… hope she pays well”

Knowing the other woman wasn’t going to give up she turned to her girlfriend, shooting her an apologetic look before addressing the person she hoped she’d never see again.  “This is Bea, my girlfriend. Babe, this is Paige”

“I’m the ex-girlfriend…”

As soon as her girlfriend said her name Bea felt the anger build within her.  How dare this bitch just approach Allie like that, try to belittle her in that way.  When the blonde had told her about what happened with her ex it made her so angry, but seeing her standing there looking so smug tested the redhead’s self-control to the max.  “I know exactly who you are” Bea replied, her tone firm as she took in the woman standing in front of her.  She was nothing like she expected, although her inner bitch had clearly come out to play for the evening.

“You want to be careful with that one.  She’s fucked half of Sydney…don’t know what diseases she’s carrying.  She’s disgusting.  You did know about that right…that she’s nothing but a dirty little whore”

Allie didn’t even have time to respond before her girlfriend lurched forward, grabbing a fist full of Paige’s shirt and getting right up in her face.  “Don’t ever talk about her like that again.  She’s a thousand times the person you’ll ever be” she shouted, making sure she was heard over the music in the bar.

“And what are you gonna do about it hot stuff…hurt me?” Paige threw back in what she hoped was a seductive tone, although it did nothing but make Bea’s skin crawl.  “I’ll let you in on a little secret…pain turns me on darlin”

“Yeah well, manipulative, vindictive and bitchy don’t do anything for me…darlin.  Now stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, or I’ll make you sorry you were even born” Bea spat back, the last sentence coming out as more of a growl.  Taking Allie’s hand, she pushed Paige out of the way before leading her girlfriend out of the bar and down the street.

As they rounded the corner Allie pulled her girlfriend into an alleyway, pinning her against the wall before kissing her hard.  Bea was taken by surprise, but it didn’t take long for her to respond, moaning into the blonde’s mouth when she felt her hands grabbing at her arse in an attempt to get even closer.  She had been a little worried that the younger woman would be angry with her, or embarrassed by her behaviour, although if their current position was anything to go by it would seem she was feeling neither of those emotions.

“I’m sorry about going off on her like that, I…” Bea said, unable to finish her sentence when she felt her girlfriend’s lips on hers again.

“Oh Bea, I’m not mad…far from it.  Watching you get all hot and protective like that…it was such a turn on” Allie replied before grabbing a handful of the older woman’s shirt and crashing their lips together again, all thoughts of Paige and the hurtful things she had said leaving her mind as she felt Bea’s hands running through her hair, pulling her in closer.

 

 

The ride back to the house felt like it lasted forever, and for the first time in her life Bea couldn’t want to get off her bike.  Her girlfriend’s right hand had found its way inside her jacket and under her shirt, and every stroke of Allie’s fingers on her stomach sent jolts of electricity through her body.  She had to concentrate so hard just to keep them on the road.  Pulling up on the drive she pressed the button on her remote, opening the garage door before riding in and parking the Harley.  Taking her girl’s hand Bea led her over to the door, unlocking it before following her inside.  She had never been so thankful to be home, and was looking forward to having the blonde all to herself for a while.

Allie had only just closed the front door when she felt herself being pressed against it, her girlfriend’s lips on her neck and her hand in her hair.  Letting out a loud moan she threw her head back, giving the redhead better access.  She loved this side of Bea, and when she let go like this, claiming what was hers, it was such a turn on.  Bea was surprised by how strong the desire to kiss Allie was.  The more time she spent with the blonde the more she wanted her, and tonight was no different.  Having her pressed so tightly against her as they rode home on her bike was playing havoc with her hormones, and as soon as she heard the door click shut behind them, she couldn’t hold back anymore.  The way Allie had pinned her against the wall in the alleyway had ignited a fire within her, one that she knew wouldn’t extinguish any time soon.  Not that she wanted it to.

Running her hands down the blonde’s back she moved them lower, picking her up and causing a soft giggle to fall from Allie’s lips.  Feeling her girlfriend’s legs wrap around her waist she carried her through into the lounge, sitting her down on the sofa.  As Allie sat back, she kept her legs around the older woman, causing her to stumble forward and land on top of her.  Bea let out an involuntary gasp as she saw the raw desire in the blonde’s eyes.  As she moved slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position her leg accidentally slipped between Allie’s, causing her to let out a loud moan.  Bea was surprised by her body’s reaction to the sound that fell from her girlfriend’s lips, and couldn’t help but move her thigh a little higher, increasing the contact in a bid to see what other delectable sounds she would make. 

Allie felt a firm thump between her legs when her girlfriend lifted her leg slightly, and she had to bite down on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out.  Being carried through the house by the redhead was such a turn on, but having her pretty much lying on top of her was driving her wild with want.  Arching her back, she pressed her body into Bea’s, the older woman being the one to moan this time.  There was a fire in her girlfriend’s eyes that Allie hadn’t seen before, one that was making her tremble in anticipation for what was to come.  Bea’s confidence had been growing recently, and she had been going after what she wanted more and more.  Something the blonde was more than happy about.  Not that she wasn’t willing to wait as long as it took for her to feel comfortable.

Feeling a surge of confidence rush through her Bea grabbed the hem of her girlfriend’s shirt, tugging on it slightly before locking eyes with the woman below her.  She was just about to ask for permission to remove the garment when she felt Allie’s hands on top of hers, guiding them up and lifting her shirt in the process.  Once the offending item was discarded on the floor Bea’s gaze returned to the expanse of exposed skin, and while it wasn’t the first time that she had seen Allie in this state of undress, she hadn’t been straddling her before.  This new position felt much more intimate, and the feelings it evoked in Bea both excited and terrified her at the same time.  Pushing all negative thoughts from her mind she ran her fingers over the soft skin now exposed to her, the blonde’s muscles jumping and twitching under her gently touch.  “Is this ok?” she asked, worried that she would do something wrong.

It's perfect…you’re perfect” the younger woman replied.  Pushing herself up slightly she removed her own bra, discarding it on the floor alongside her shirt before pulling Bea into a heated kiss.

Bea was rapidly losing control, and she couldn’t get enough of the woman below her.  She’d heard people talk about the all consuming need to touch another person, and had never really understood it until now.  As their lips parted, they were both breathless, the redhead knowing that the desire she saw in her girlfriend’s eyes would be reflecting in her own.  Sitting back on her heels slightly she took in the sight before her, struggling to believe that the beautiful blonde laid out before her was hers.  It was the first time Bea had ever really seen another woman’s breasts up close, other than the night she accidentally walked in on Allie getting changed, and she couldn’t ignore the way her body reacted.  Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was aching to touch her.

Whenever she’d been in a surfing competition, or on tour she’d always hung back in the changing rooms, waiting until the others had left before taking a shower.  She was naturally shy, but after marrying Harry had so many bruises that she didn’t want anyone to see them and start asking questions.  Bea had always envied the other women, and how carefree and body confident they were.  While she knew she was physically fit, Harry had told her so often that she was ugly, repulsive even, that she started to believed it.  As a result, she was always a little awkward around the rest of the team, so much so that in the end they stopped trying to include her in things.  It had been hard, and lonely at times, but at least she wouldn’t have to make up stories to cover up the abuse she was so often subjected to.

But having someone like Allie look at her in the way she was doing right now erased all the hurtful things he had ever said to her, and for the first time in years she didn’t feel ugly.  Feeling more confident than usual Bea grabbed the hem of her own shirt, pulling it over her head and discarding it in one quick motion.  The way her girlfriend’s eyes roamed over her exposed torso made Bea tremble.  She never knew it was possible to feel so much for another person, and so quickly, but Allie Novak had taken up residence in her heart, and she couldn’t be happier about that.  Feeling the blonde’s fingers tracing patterns over one of her scars, Bea felt like all the hurt and pain she’d kept hidden deep inside was finally being set free, like she was physically being set free from a life she once knew.  A prison she was once held in.

Being with Allie in this way felt so right, and despite the rather active butterflies in her stomach she leaned forward capturing her girlfriend’s lips in a long, slow kiss.  Bea let out a low moan as the blonde wrapped her right leg around her, pulling her down so their bodies were flush together.  Running her right hand up the younger woman’s side Bea brushed the underside of her breast accidentally, a little surprised when Allie arched her back, chasing her touch.  She wanted more, wanted it all, but still wasn’t brave enough to go after it.  “Can I…can I touch you?” she asked nervously, scared that she would do something wrong.

“You can do anything you want babe, I’m all yours…completely”

Pushing herself up slightly so her left arm was supporting her weight, Bea locked eyes with her girlfriend briefly before shifting her gaze down to her bare chest.  Moving her hand slowly she cupped her left breast, a firm thump resonating through her body as she felt the soft but firm mound under her fingertips.

Allie was a quivering mess, and all the redhead had done so far was touch her breast.  She knew that when they did eventually make love she would come undone far too quickly.  She’d never felt so aroused before, especially from such a light and gentle touch.  Arching her back again she pushed her chest into Bea’s hands, letting out a loud whimper when she felt the older woman’s thumb caressing her nipple.  If she thought this feeling was intense, nothing could prepare her for her body’s reaction to Bea replacing her fingers with her lips.

Things got heated very quickly, and Bea couldn’t get enough of her girlfriend’s beautiful body.  Her hands and lips were everywhere, and the sounds Allie was making only fuelled the fire within the redhead.  She felt the blonde’s hands on her arse, pulling her in closer and causing her hips to roll.  The jolt of electricity that shot through Bea’s body was like nothing she had ever felt before, and she knew in an instant that she wanted to feel it again and again.  She was so lost in all thing’s Allie that she didn’t realise her girlfriend’s hand had slipped inside her pants until she felt her hand on her butt cheek, causing her to tense up.  She had no idea why her body reacted the way it did, she was safe with Allie, she knew that without a doubt, and up until that point had been thoroughly enjoying herself.

Allie was rapidly losing control, Bea’s lips and hands taking her to places she’d never been before.  She hadn’t even realised what she had done until she felt her girlfriend’s body tense up in her arms.  Moving her hand straight away she brushed the wild red curls from the older woman’s face, feeling the tears starting to form in her eyes as she took in the lost look on Bea’s face.  She was worried about the redhead, and angry with herself for getting carried away and being so thoughtless and insensitive.  She just hoped that she hadn’t ruined the best thing to happen to her, because she couldn’t control herself.  “I’m so sorry Bea, so sorry.  I let myself get caught up in the moment and I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you uncomfortable in any way”.

When the older woman did nothing but stare Allie thought that was it, and Bea was going to break up with her.  Despite wanting to stay strong for the redhead, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.  While she was pretty sure, the thought of losing Bea made her realise how in love with her she was.  It also made her feel sick to her stomach that she had just destroyed everything they had built together.  She knew it was all her fault, and despite wanting this to work more than anything it had always been there at the back of her mind, that little voice telling her that she wasn’t good enough.  And she had just proved it right, and everyone else that had told her she wasn’t worthy of love.

Seeing Allie cry dragged the redhead from whatever faraway place her mind had wandered to, bringing her back to the present with a swift bump.  Moving her hand from her girlfriend’s chest almost reluctantly, she wiped away the tears before leaning in and kissing her plump and inviting lips.  “I’m the one that should be sorry, not you, you didn’t do anything wrong sweetheart.  I don’t even know why I froze up like that.  Your hands on me like that…fuck Allie…I’ve never felt so much, so wanted.  This is all so new to me, and I don’t know…maybe my fucked-up brain was waiting for the pain to start”

“I would never hurt you Bea, ever.  Your happiness is the most important thing to me”

“I know Alliecat, and I trust you, I do.  I guess I’m just not used to wanting someone the way I want you, and it freaked me out a little” the older woman said, her eyes dropping to the younger woman’s bare chest.  She was exquisite, a work of art, and she couldn’t help but stare.

“I want you too baby, so much but I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.  I…Bea…are you even listening to me?” the blonde said, a fresh wave of excitement running through her body when she realised the older woman’s gaze was fixed on her breasts.  Reaching out she lifted Bea’s chin, forcing her to look up.  “As much as I love you staring at me like that, I think we should slow things down a little, maybe talk for a while” she added, giggling when the redhead’s cheeks turned the colour of her hair and she tried to hide her face in embarrassment.

Moving back Bea took her girlfriend’s hand, pulling her up into a sitting position before reaching down and grabbing both of their shirts from the floor.  Although now she knew what was underneath it, she as more than a little reluctant to let Allie put hers back on.  While she was embarrassed at being caught staring, she couldn’t help it, and even as she handed the blonde her top her eyes drifted back to her bare breasts.  Fuck sake Smith, get a grip, she told herself, knowing she was acting like a horny teenager.

Once they were both fully dressed again Allie disappeared through into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses, coming back through a few minutes later and pouring them both a drink before sitting down next to the redhead.  Bea was clearly lost in thought, resulting in her jumping when the blonde placed her hand on her thigh.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” she said, tucking a stray curl behind the older woman’s ear.

“You didn’t, I was just thinking” the redhead replied, taking a second to gather her thoughts before continuing.  “I’m sorry I ruined our evening with my stupid freak out, I wanted it to be special”

“Oh Bea, it is special.  We’re together aren’t we”

“It…it is?  It doesn’t bother you that I’m so clueless?”

“Fuck no, if anything it just makes you even hotter” Allie replied, leaning forward and stealing a quick kiss before locking eyes with her girlfriend again.  “I’d be honoured if one day I could be the one to show you how incredible it can be.  But this isn’t, and never has been about sex for me.  I love just being here with you.  Being close to you like this is more than I could have ever imagined, so please don’t worry about anything beautiful.”

Bea felt her anxiety diminish in an instant, her girlfriend’s words calming her in a way she’d never felt before.  She wanted Allie, there was no doubt about that, but she also wanted to be free of Harry’s cruel words before they took the next step.  She just hoped the younger woman wouldn’t get bored, although if what she had just said was anything to go by then she was pretty confident that she wouldn’t.  Allie was so patient, so thoughtful, and she knew she had struck gold with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in posting, the past few weeks have been a little manic and I haven’t been able to find the time to sit and write. I’m hoping to get another chapter out before I get Cormacked in a couple of weeks, but am wanting to update FMG as I’ve neglected that a little recently. Thanks for all the comments, and apologies for not replying to them individually this time.


	19. Three Little Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the huge delay in getting this chapter finished. I was on my Cormack cloud for several days after the Ballie/Danko events, then have had a bad dose of the flu over Christmas and New Year so haven’t really felt like writing. Thanks for sticking with this, and hopefully the updates should start to come more frequent now.

To say that Allie was nervous would be an understatement.  Bea’s friends were more than that, they were family, and she wanted to make a good impression.  It was important to the blonde that they not only liked her, but saw her as someone who was worthy of the redhead’s time and affection.  Bea meant everything to her, Debbie too, and she hoped that one day they could be a family.  She had come so close to telling her girlfriend that she loved her the previous evening, but was worried she would scare the older woman off by being too forward.  While Allie had more experience when it came to relationships, she’d never felt so drawn to anyone before and was scared she was going to fuck it up before it had a chance to fully develop.  Plus, every other relationship she’d had paled into insignificance compared to this one.  What she felt for Bea was real love, not some desperate need to be accepted, masquerading as love.  That’s all she’d ever had with Paige, nothing more, and she was ok with that.  It didn’t matter anymore.  Bea and Debbie were her life now, and hopefully her future as well, assuming she didn’t screw up with the redhead’s friends that is.  Allie had been quiet all morning, although she hadn’t realised.  The redhead had though, and was starting to think that maybe she was moving too fast, pushing Allie into doing something she didn’t want to do.

Bea was concerned, her girlfriend had been unusually quiet all morning.  They had been busy preparing everything for the barbeque later that afternoon, and while there was no tension between them the redhead couldn’t help but worry that she had done something wrong.  While Allie had said she was fine with how things had played out the previous evening Bea wondered if she was getting bored with her.  She wasn’t surprised, the blonde had been nothing but patient with her, but even she had limits, and maybe she had reached them.  Bea was in this for the long haul, of that she was certain, but as terrified as she was of losing Allie, if she was unhappy then she knew she had to let her go.  Not wanting the younger woman to have to play pretend in front of her friends if she really did want out, the redhead decided to bite the bullet and ask her outright.  Taking the glass from her girlfriend’s hand Bea moved so she was standing in front of the blonde, taking a breath to try and calm the churning feeling in her stomach.  “If this isn’t what you want, if I’m not what you want you don’t have to stay…”

Allie was surprised by her girlfriend’s words, as well as a little blindsided.  She knew she had been a little quieter than usual, but that was down to her own insecurities.  It hadn’t even crossed her mind that Bea would think it was because of her, or that she wasn’t wanted.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  While she was embarrassed about her insecurities, Allie knew she had to be honest, the last thing she wanted was for the older woman to blame herself.  Getting the words out proved to be a little more difficult than she had expected though.  “I…what?  Why would I want to leave?” she stuttered, tripping over her words.

“You’ve hardly said a word to me all morning, and I can tell there’s something on your mind.  I know I’ve got issues, and if it’s too much then I understand…I’d never force you to stay”

Dropping the napkin that she was fiddling with down on the table Allie reached out and took the older woman’s hand, before pulling her in closer and gazing into concerned brown eyes.  “I don’t care about any of that, only you.  You’re the most important person in my life, and wherever you are is where I want to be.  I lo…err I adore you Bea.  I’m sorry if I’ve been a little off, the truth is I’m really nervous about meeting your friends.  I know how important these people are to you, and I’m scared they’ll think I’m not good enough for you”

Moving in a step closer Bea took the blonde’s other hand, pulling her in before wrapping her arms around her.  “Please don’t worry about anything beautiful girl, they’ll love you.  How could they not.  Plus, you’ve met most of them before”

“But that was different, I was just a random stranger that day at the beach.  I wasn’t meeting them as…as…”

“As my girlfriend…as the best thing to happen to me since Debbie was born?”

“You really see me that way?”

Pulling back slightly, Bea gazed into the bluest eyes she had ever seen, the ones she was quickly falling in love with.  It was far too soon to say the words, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to embrace the newfound feelings.  “Of course I do Alliecat.  I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m with you, and everyone’s noticed…Liz even commented on it the other day when I went to drop Deb off.  Please don’t worry sweetheart, everything will be fine.  And you’ve already passed the two hardest tests, my daughter and Franky.  Everyone else will seem like a walk in the park compared to Doyle”

“I guess you’re right, and Franky is definitely a tough nut to crack, although Kaz wasn’t any better.  It’s just…I’ve never really done the whole meeting my girlfriend’s family, even if it is just the extended family”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend to introduce to my extended family before, so I guess it’s a first for both of us.  If you don’t think you’re ready for this then I understand, I’d never force you to do anything you don’t want to do”

“No, I want to stay…I do.  I want to be here with you and Deb, and get to know the people who are important to you.  I just hope Kaz behaves herself”

“Don’t worry about her, I’ve got Boomer on both Kaz and Franky watch.  If either of them starts anything, she’ll deal with it” the redhead replied, knowing that Kaz and Franky had almost come to blows once before when the tattooed brunette was working on a case that involved one of the women from the shelter.  They could both be pretty volatile when they wanted to be, so it was a given that they would clash on a professional level.  She just hoped that it wouldn’t happen on a personal one too.

“How did you manage that?”

“It was easy, I just promised to make an extra chocolate cake that she could take home.  The hardest part will be keeping it hidden from Deb” the redhead replied, rolling her eyes at how accurate the last sentence was.  She honestly had no idea where her daughter put all the food she consumed, although it looked as though Allie could probably give her a run for her money some days.  “Are you ok now?” Bea asked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her girlfriends’ ear.

“I’m all good.  Sorry I freaked out before, I just want today to be perfect”

“You’re here with me, how could it not be…” Bea replied, leaning in and kissing her girlfriend.  She loved the feel of Allie’s soft lips against hers, loved how her body would respond to a simple kiss.  And if Bea was being honest with herself, she loved Allie.  Pulling back before things became too heated, she smiled at the younger woman, getting lost in her ocean blue eyes for a second.  “As much as I’d love to do nothing but this all day, we should probably finish up in the kitchen”

Stealing one more kiss, Allie took a step back from the redhead, knowing if she didn’t then nothing would get done.  Well, nothing productive at least.  “Why don’t I go and help Debbie pick out something to wear, while you hide the cake”.

 

 

Everyone else was already there by the time Kaz and Will arrived, the blonde working herself up into a bit of a panic a couple of hours earlier, resulting in Will having to calm her down.  She had been feeling guilty since her talk with Smith on Thursday, and despite the conversation flowing relatively well between them at lunch the previous day, that didn’t make her feel any less of an arsehole.  She’d been too quick to judge Bea, too quick to assume the worst.  Not only in respect of Will, but also the redhead’s intentions with her sister.  Kaz had managed to convince herself that the redhead was using Allie to get to Will, although when she thought about it now it sounded utterly ridiculous.  Especially after seeing the two of them together during the meal yesterday.  Everything and everyone around them could have disappeared, and neither of them would have noticed.  They only had eyes for each other.

Seeing the look of pride in Bea’s eyes as she listened to Allie talk about her final exam, and how relieved she was that it was all over, and surprised she’d actually completed the course, caused a mixture of emotions within the older blonde.  While she was happy to see that the redhead adored her sister, it also made her feel a little bit jealous.  For so long it had just been the two of them, and she had always been the one that Allie had gone to whenever she needed anything, but things were changing, and pretty soon Bea would be the one she would seek out.  Kaz knew she was being irrational, and a little selfish, she had Will after all.  But that didn’t stop her from feeling this way.  There would come a time when she wouldn’t get to see the younger blonde nearly every day, and while it was inevitable, she knew she would miss having her around.  But they weren’t at that stage yet, something Will had reminded her of as he held her in his arms earlier and tried to reassure her that she would always be important to Allie.

Franky Doyle answering the door didn’t help to settle Kaz’s nerves in any way, the tattooed brunette simply nodding her head in acknowledgement before greeting Will in a much friendlier manner.  While it stung a little, Kaz couldn’t exactly say that she blamed Doyle, nor could she say that she wouldn’t react in the same way had the tables been turned.  She admired the fiery brunette, but her hatred for the police had caused her to lash out at the younger woman, blame her for the faults within the system when all she was trying to do was help the women involved in the case she was investigating.  They had bumped into one another on a few occasions after that, although that had mainly been when she went to meet Will after shift.  Kaz hadn’t known it at the time, but when she found out that Franky was friends with Smith, that just made her dislike the officer even more.

Looking back, she thought about how much being in prison had changed her as a person.  She’d become bitter and resentful without even realising it, and it had taken almost losing her sister for her to finally realise that something needed to change, that she needed to change.  It wouldn’t be easy, and Kaz knew she could be hot-headed at times, but being invited here today felt like a fresh start, and she was determined to make the most of it.  Turning to face Franky she asked how she was doing, fighting back the smile at the surprised took on the younger woman’s face.  While Kaz doubted they would ever be the best of friends, Allie and Bea together meant she would likely be spending more time in the tattooed brunette’s company, so if they could get by without arguing or snapping at one another then it had to be a bonus.  Following the younger woman through the house they made their way out into the back garden, Kaz stopping in her tracks when she spotted her sister.

Allie was cuddled up with Smith on one of the loveseats at the opposite end of the garden, and as she watched on young Debbie ran across the grass, climbed up and snuggled into the pair of them.  Bea was looking at her sister like she’d just hung the moon, and Kaz knew in that moment that this was exactly where Allie belonged.  Grabbing her phone from her pocked she snapped a few pictures before turning to face Will.  “I really misjudged Smith didn’t I…” she said, glancing back at what looked like a perfect little family before turning to face him again.

“You really did.  I’ve known Bea a few years now, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen her like this before”

“Happy?”

“Happy…and in love” Will replied, glancing over to his friend briefly before turning his attention back to Kaz.  He’d seen hundreds of guys and girls try to hit on the redhead since she started working as a lifeguard, and she was either oblivious to it, or simply not interested.  Until Allie.

“You…you really think so, that she loves Allie?”

“I’d bet on it.  She hasn’t had the best experience when it comes to relationships so she probably doesn’t even realise it yet, but it’s clear by the way she looks at Allie that she’s in love with her”

“It’s all I ever wanted for Allie you know.  For someone to not only see her, but also appreciate what an incredible person she is.  And for that woman to look past what she’s been through and love her despite of it.  I’ve never seen her so happy, they look like a little family” Kaz replied, wiping the stray tear from her eye. 

While Allie was thoroughly enjoying the afternoon so far, she was making the most of a few quiet moments with the two Smith girls.  Being here with them like this made her feel like part of the family, even if it was only for a short time.  She had never been one for wishful thinking, but she couldn’t help but hope that it was a sign of things to come.  She would love nothing more than for them to become a family, just the three of them, but didn’t want to get her hopes up.  Allie was just about to tell Bea how much she was enjoying the afternoon when she spotted her sister and Will standing across the garden.  Dropping a quick kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek she stood up and made her way over to the older blonde, surprised when Debbie jumped up and followed her, grabbing her hand as they approached the couple.

“Uncle Will…” the young brunette shouted as she dropped Allie’s hand and raced towards him, giggling when he picked her up and spun around in a circle before putting her back down again.  It was only when her feet were firmly back on the ground that Debbie noticed who was standing beside him, and she was not impressed.  She remembered the blonde lady from the day she first made friends with Allie, and she had shouted at her mum.

Seeing the look the young brunette was giving her sister Allie decided to introduce them, properly this time, hoping it might break the tension that has surrounded them.  “Deb, I want you to meet Kaz, my big sister.  Kaz, this is Debbie…my best friend”

Squatting down so she was eye level with the young girl Kaz smiled at her before speaking.  “Hi Debbie, it’s nice to meet you”

“You were mean to my mum…you shouted at her when we were on the beach” Debbie blurted out, taking the older blonde by surprise.

Hearing the exchange Bea stood up and made her way over, hoping to defuse the situation quickly.  While she was proud of the fiery streak her daughter had, she didn’t want to ruin the little progress she had made with Kaz.  Before she could intervene, the older woman spoke up, surprising the three other adults around her.

“My behaviour that day wasn’t good, and I regret that.  I’ve already apologised to your mum, and I want to tell you that I’m sorry too.  I was having a bad day and I didn’t mean what I said, I know that’s no excuse but I promise I’ll never do it again” Kaz said, hoping to convince the brunette to give her a chance.  She was so much like her mum, and for someone so young her glare was more than a little intimidating.

Studying the blonde for a minute or two, Debbie came to the conclusion that she couldn’t be all bad.  She was Allie’s sister after all, plus Uncle Will was holding her hand, and he wouldn’t do that if she was really mean.  Although she still wasn’t happy that she had shouted at her mum.  “I have bad days too, but that’s usually when I’m hungry.  I forgive you, but if you’re mean to my mum again then you’re in big trouble” she said, her hands on her hips as she glared at Kaz in a bid to get her point across.  “So…if you’re Allie’s sister, does that make you my auntie then?” Debbie added, her stance softening a little as she looked Allie briefly before turning her attention back to the older blonde.

Allie wasn’t sure how to respond.  While she understood Debbie’s logic, she didn’t want Bea to think she was stepping on her toes in any way.  Her worries were quickly diminished when the redhead responded for her, letting the young girl know that if it was ok with Kaz, then she could call her Auntie.  Smiling at the young brunette, Kaz told her that she would be honoured to be her Auntie, and that she’d never had a niece before.

“I’ve never had an Auntie Kaz before.  I’ve got a G’ma Liz, an Auntie Maxi, Auntie Boomer, Auntie Bridget and an Auntie Franky…but I can’t call her that or she gets mad.  She says it makes her sound old…but she is old”.  The young girl continued to chat away, completely oblivious to the intense look being shared between her mum and Allie.  Taking the older blonde’s hand, she tugged on her arm, pulling her in the direction of the stairs.  “Come on Auntie Kaz, I want to show you my room”

Bea, Allie and Will watched on as Kaz was led from the room, an excitable Debbie chatting away to her about the Lego house she had built, all three of them laughing at how animated the young girl was.  “Sorry Will, I don’t think you’ll be seeing your girlfriend for a while.  Go join the others, I’ll grab you a beer” Bea said, dropping a quick kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek before disappearing into the kitchen.

While it wouldn’t be the first time that she’d had a house full of her closest friends, having Allie by her side made it even more special.  She couldn’t ask for better people around her, better friends, but even so she always felt like something was missing.  Bea had no idea what that something was until a certain blonde came into her life, and while she thought she was happy being alone, the happiness she once felt paled into insignificance compared to how she felt when her Alliecat was there.

 

 

Allie was in the kitchen making another batch of her bunch a couple of hours later, the first one having gone down exceptionally well with Boomer as usual.  To the point where no one else really got a look in.  She was glad they had a friend in common, it made the whole meeting the extended family far less daunting knowing that as least one person in the room had her back.  Other than Bea and Kaz of course.  Not that she had anything to worry about as it turned out.  Allie was happy with how the afternoon was going, and Bea’s friends seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her, something that had surprised her a little at first.  Although that was more down to her own insecurities than anyone else.  She had just finished adding the fruit juices when she heard footsteps approaching.  She knew it wasn’t hr girlfriend, her heart rate hadn’t increased the way it always did whenever Bea was near.  After stirring the punch Allie turned around, finding Maxine standing in the doorway watching her.

Smiling at the blonde, Maxine stepped into the room.  She had been wanting to have a quiet word with the younger woman all afternoon, but the opportunity hadn’t presented itself until now.  Bea was a good friend, and a very special person, and Maxine hated seeing her alone.  She understood why the redhead didn’t want to get involved with anyone, after what she had been through there was no wonder that she had issues with trust.  But she had such a big heart and so much love to give, that it seemed a shame to let it go to waste, and hide herself away.  Then Allie came along, and Bea became a different person.  She was lighter, more carefree, and Maxine had seen the sparks flying between the two women that day at the beach.  Although she was still a little surprised that Bea had acted on it.

“I’m sorry, am I in your way…did you need something?” Allie asked, a little unsure as to why the older woman was watching her.

“No, I was looking for you actually, I just wanted to say thank you” Maxine replied, smiling at the confused look on the younger woman’s face.  “I’ve known Bea a long time, and I can honestly say that I’ve never seen her look as happy as she does right now.  That’s all down to you, you know”

“I didn’t do anything…not really”

“Oh Allie, that’s not true.  You’ve done so much, just by loving her.  You put the light back in her eyes, a light I can honestly say I’ve only ever seen when she looks at Debbie”

“I just want her to be happy, she deserves that more than anyone, they both do”

“You make her happy, and little Debbie clearly adores you” the brunette replied, taking Allie’s hand in hers before continuing.  “It’s as though we’re all seeing the real Bea for the very first time, the one that’s no longer broken down and battling demons.  I’m so glad that Debbie’s frisbee skills were lacking that day, and that it was you she nearly hit.  Although I have a feeling you and Bea would’ve met somehow, you’re clearly meant to be together”

“You…you really think so?”

“I know so, you’re perfect for one another.  Just promise me you won’t hurt her, she’s been through enough”

“I’d rather die than hurt her in any way, Debbie too.  They’re everything to me, and I promise to do whatever it takes to make sure they are both happy” Allie replied, wanting the older woman to know that Bea was safe with her and always would be.  “I…haven’t said anything yet but I love her Maxi, I’m so in love with her”

“You should tell her”

“I can’t, not yet.  It’s too soon, and I don’t want to scare her off by coming on too strong”

“Don’t underestimate the strength of her feelings for you.  Bea’s in just as deep as you are, it’s clear to see just by looking at the two of you together.  I’m not the gambling type, but I’d bet everything that I own that she’s in love with you too.  I also suspect she’s a little scared by how deep her feelings run, and maybe knowing she’s not alone in this will give her the reassurance she needs” the older woman said, pulling Allie into a brief hug before taking a step back.  “Just think about it ok…” she added, before smiling and walking out of the room.

Taking a few minutes to go over what Maxine had said, Allie started to wonder what she was waiting for.  She knew it was fast, although if she was being truly honest with herself knew she’d been in love with the beautiful redhead for some time now.  Allie wasn’t expecting her girlfriend to say anything back, that wasn’t what this was about.  But Maxi was right, knowing she was loved had to be a good thing right, and Bea deserved the best of everything.  Deciding she would tell her girlfriend how she felt once they were alone together, she grabbed the bowl of punch and made her way back outside, her heart skipping a beat when Bea smiled at her from across the garden.

 

 

Franky had been watching the couple for most of the afternoon, and she could honestly say that she’d never seen Bea look so happy and carefree.  Something had definitely changed over the past week, and if the near constant touches and long, lingering looks were anything to go by she had a pretty good idea what that something might be.  Before blondie came along, she hadn’t expected Bea to let anyone get into her pants, let alone another woman.  But she knew that look, and was happy that her friend had finally taken a dip in the lady pool, although she would take great pleasure in teasing her about it as well.  Despite what everyone thought she wasn’t a complete arsehole, so wouldn’t call her out on it in front of everyone, but as soon as she got her alone, she would be having a little chat with her best friend.

The opportunity to wind Bea up a little came as the evening was starting to wrap up.  Allie was busy in the kitchen, so making the most of it, Franky decided to have a little chat with her friend.  While she loved embarrassing her, it wasn’t just about that.  She knew that it would have been a big step for the redhead, one she wouldn’t have taken lightly, and she just wanted to make sure she was ok with everything.  Waiting until Boomer had gone back into the house to grab another drink she swooped in, dropping down in the seat beside her friend.  “You know I’m always here if there’s anything you want to talk about you know…any advice you might need”

“Thanks…I think” Bea replied, slightly puzzled by the look her friend was giving her.  “Things are going well though, I…I really like her Franky”

“Like…or love?”

“I…like…it’s too soon for anything more”

“Oh come on Red, there’s no time limit on things like this.  It’s obvious just from watching the two of you together that you’re in love with her…and that you’re going at it like rabbits”

“I…what?” Bea mumbled after choking on the mouthful of beer she had just taken.  Her cheek turning the colour of her hair at what the tattooed brunette was implying.  “I…we haven’t done _that_ …”

“Jeez Red, it’s been over a month…what are you waiting for?”

“I just…I don’t know if I’m ready.  How the hell am I supposed to know, I’m out of me depth here Franky…I…”

“Relax, it’s ok.  I didn’t mean to freak you out, I’m sorry.  I just thought…never mind” Franky said, running her fingers through her hair.  She felt guilty for causing Bea any kind of distress, that had never been her intention, she’d just clearly misread the situation.  “You’ve just got this glow about…you’ve never looked happier.  I just assumed…Look, I know it’s hard, but try not to overthink things ok.  How do you feel when you’re alone with her, when she kisses you?”

“Like I’m flying...like we’re the only two people in the world”

“And what about when she touches you…how do you feel then?”

“Like I never want her to stop”

“Then I think you’re worrying for nothing.  And there’s no rush…blondie would wait forever for you”

“You think so…that she won’t get bored of waiting?”

“She’d walk to the ends of the earth for you if you asked her too.  Just remember that she’s not him, in fact she’s everything he’s not…she’s hot for a start” the tattooed brunette said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at her friend, knowing it would lighten the mood.  It worked, as expected, although it did earn her a slap on the arm as well.

“Yeah well, she’s mine so keep your beady eyes off Doyle”

“Like she’d even see anyone else when you’re in the room.  I swear I could dance naked in front of her and she still wouldn’t notice me”

“I’d be grateful if you didn’t test that theory out…” Bea threw back, laughing as her friend tried, and failed to look offended.

As Allie walked back outside, she spotted Bea across the garden chatting with Franky.  Making her way over to the two of them she dropped a kiss on the redhead’s cheek before speaking.  “Why does it look like you’re up to mischief over here?”

“Me, I’m perfectly innocent.  It’s the quiet ones you have to watch…right Red” Franky replied, trying her best to sound sweet and innocent.

“Don’t worry about that, I’m always watching” Allie threw back, her eyes roaming the full length of her girlfriends’ body, then back up again.

Bea suddenly started to feel a little warm, and knew it was down to the way Allie was looking at her.  Not wanting to embarrass herself in front of her friend she tried to focus on anything other than how much she wished she was alone with the blonde right now.  “Franky was just telling me how she’s planning to dance naked in front of you”

“No offence Doyle, but you’re really not my type.  Plus, I’ve got everything I need right here” Allie replied, raising her eyebrow at Franky as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend.  She had no idea what was going on, but the only person she wanted to see naked, or dancing, or both, was Bea.  The thought of any of those options sending a rush of heat through her body.  Get a grip Novak, she told herself, knowing the last thing she wanted was for Bea’s family to see her drooling over the redhead.  That really wouldn’t be the best way to make a good impression, although she couldn’t help the way her body reacted whenever Bea was near.

 

 

It was just gone ten thirty by the time Boomer, Franky and Bridget left, the former having to be pretty much dragged to the car after polishing off three bowls of Allie’s punch.  Debbie had insisted on staying up until everyone left, resulting in the young girl butting heads with her mum.  Bea had already let her stay up longer than usual, so was getting frustrated when she started acting up and refusing to go to bed at nine thirty as agreed.  She was a good kid most of the time, but when she was tired or over excited then she could be a real pain in the arse.  Tonight, it was the latter, although the copious amount of chocolate she had eaten over the course of the evening likely wasn’t helping her mood.  During Bea’s final attempt to get her daughter to go to bed things turned sour, Debbie lashing out and yelling at the redhead that she hated her before storming off up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door.

Allie could see the hurt flash through her girlfriend’s chocolate brown eyes at the young girls’ words, even though deep down she was sure Bea knew her daughter didn’t mean what she said.  When the redhead apologised to the remaining guests for Debbie’s behaviour then started to follow the young girl up the stairs Allie took her hand, stopping her in her tracks.  “Let me try”

“I can’t ask you to do that, it wouldn’t be fair”

“You didn’t ask, I offered.  I want to help.  Grab yourself a beer and go relax with the others while I deal with the little monster upstairs”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so glad you’re here”

“I ask myself the same question every day babe, and right here with you is the only place I want to be” the blonde replied, pulling the older woman into a kiss and grabbing a handful of her arse in the process.  “Now go sit down…and wish me luck” she added stealing another quick kiss before pulling back and making her way up the stairs.  She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say to the young girl, but wanted to help Bea in any way she could.

Coming to a stop outside Debbie’s room she knocked on the door, pushing it open after receiving no response.  Walking into the room she found the young girl lying on her bed facing the opposite wall, her little arms wrapped around the stuffed chimp Allie got her from the zoo as part of the adoption pack.  Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she brushed the messy curls from the brunette’s face before speaking.  “What was all that about Deb?”

“I want to stay up with you, and Boomer, and Franky, and Auntie Bridget…but she was being mean”

“Your mum’s not being mean when she tells you no, she’s just trying to do what’s best for you.  It’s been a long day, and I know you’re tired, I am too.  She just wants you to get enough sleep so you don’t get sick”

“But I’m not tired” the young girl argued back, trying to stifle a yawn.  “I’m not a baby, I’m old enough to know when I need to go to bed.  She’s just being a meanie”

“I know you’re not a baby Deb, and so does your mum.  But you’re not an adult either, and trust me when I tell you that everything she does is out of love.  You’re the most important person in her life, and she’d do anything for you.  What you said to your mum, it wasn’t ok.  Hate is a very strong word Debbie, and you should think very carefully before you use it.  Words can be just as hurtful as physical pain, and you really hurt her kiddo.  I’m disappointed in you” 

Turning over, tear filled brown eyes locked with blue as Debbie fought back the tears.  She loved her mommy so much, and the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt her.  She also hated Allie being mad at her, and knew she had messed up.  She just hoped she could fix it.  “I’m sorry Allie, I didn’t mean to hurt mommy.  I love her so much.  She’s the best mum ever, even when she was really sad all the time”

While Allie had an idea what the young girl was referring to, she was also curious to see how much Debbie knew about what had happened in the past.  “Why was she sad all the time?”

“My daddy, no…Harry, he’s not my daddy anymore.  He was mean to her.  He was always shouting at her, and sometimes when she thought I was asleep I could hear her crying.  I know you said I shouldn’t say it, but I hate him.  He’s a punk ass…” Debbie replied, holding her hand over her mouth when she realised what she had said.  Her mum had told her that day at the playground that she shouldn’t call people that, so she was expecting to get into even more trouble than she already was.

Allie tried not to smile, she really did, but the young brunette looked so cute when she was being all serious.  And she reminded her so much of the woman that held her heart.  She was also saddened by Debbie’s words, and hated that she knew some of what went on between Bea and that monster she was married to.  “I think under the circumstances that it’s ok to use that word, and punk ass too…although don’t tell your mum, otherwise I’ll be in trouble” she said, lifting the young girl up so she was sitting in her lap.  “Things were hard for your mum back then, but she’s strong, and brave, and most importantly away from him.  I’ll never let anyone hurt her like that again, I promise.  You and your mum, you’re the most important people in the world, and I give you my word that I’ll always keep you safe”

“But who’s going to keep you safe?”

“There’s strength in numbers, and as long as we stick together then no one can hurt us”

“Like the three muff-kateers?” Debbie asked, causing the blonde to bite down on her lip to stop herself from laughing at the young girl’s word mix up.

“Exactly, we’re the three Musketeers.  You, me and your mum” Allie replied, her heart melting when the young brunette wrapped her tiny arms around her.  “I need you to do something for me though, you need to say you’re sorry to your mum” she added, standing up and sitting Debbie back down on her bed.  “I’ll go downstairs and ask her to come and see you, ok”

Waiting until the young girl had responded she made her way back downstairs, finding Bea sitting on the smaller of the two sofas.  She was clearly lost in thought as she didn’t realise Allie was in the room until she sat down beside her, before taking her hand in hers.  “Debbie’s asking for you, she wants to apologise”

Bea could feel herself getting choked up, and was embarrassed by her reaction.  To most people Allie’s actions wouldn’t really mean much, but to the redhead, it meant everything.  Having someone there beside her, fighting her corner was so alien to her, or at least it was in the sense of a partner.  She knew her closest friends had her back, but when it came to parental responsibilities it was nice to have someone else step in from time to time.  And she knew it would be good for Debbie too, having someone like Allie she could go to.  Assuming she didn’t screw it all up that was.  “I…thank you” Bea said, her voice cracking slightly as she fought back the emotions.  “What you did, it means so much to me.  I…I…”

“I know sweetheart, I know.  I’ve got you” Allie replied, running her fingers through soft curls before leaning in and brushing her lips over the redhead’s.  “You’d better head on up, don’t want to keep princess Debbie waiting”.

 

 

After saying goodnight to Franky and Bridget Bea locked up and switched everything off while the blonde grabbed them a couple of bottles of water from the fridge.  Hand in hand they made their way up the stairs and into the redhead’s room, Bea pulling her girlfriend into her arms the second the door was closed.  While she had enjoyed having her extended family around, she had been craving some alone time with Allie all evening.

A short while later they were lying in bed facing one another, both women thinking back to the separate conversations they’d had earlier that day.  Bea knew that what Franky had said made sense, and that she should focus more on how she was feeling than how much time had passed.  That didn’t make it any less daunting though.  Allie had decided that Maxine was right, and that telling the redhead how she felt could only be a good thing.  As a result, she had been waiting to get Bea alone, but now she had, doubt was beginning to creep in.  She was in love with Bea, there was no doubt about that, she was just scared of ruining what they had by freaking her out.  Gathering up all the courage she could find, she smiled lovingly at the older woman before speaking.

“Bea…” “Allie….” They both said at the exact same time, the older woman letting out a nervous giggle and making Allie’s heart skip a beat.

“Can I go first, I’m a little nervous so I may not get the words out of not” the redhead asked, knowing that if she didn’t, she may bottle it completely.

“You can do anything you want beautiful” Allie replied, playing with a lock of her girlfriends’ hair as she gazed into her eyes.  There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for the older woman, or the little girl who was sleeping peacefully down the hall.

Smiling at the blonde Bea wrapped her arm around her, needing some kind of physical contact in order to stay grounded.  Taking a few seconds and a couple of deep breaths, she reminded herself of Franky’s words, and knew that she needed to trust her feelings.  “As you know, my relationship experience hasn’t exactly been that great, and if there’s a rulebook for this sort of thing, then I never got my copy.  It might be too soon for this, and if it is then I’m sorry, and I hope I haven’t ruined anything between us” the redhead said, the butterflies in her stomach increasing tenfold as she tried to stop herself from rambling.  Come on Smith, you can do it, it’s only three little words.  She told herself over and over as she plucked up the courage to say them out loud.  “I’m sorry, this sounded so much better in my head.  What I’m trying to say, very badly right now, is that I…I love you Allie.  I’m in love with you…”

The silence in the room was deafening, and Bea wished that the ground would open up and swallow her.  It was clear what the lack of response meant, and she knew she had just ruined everything.  Allie much think she was crazy, and was more than likely trying to come up with excuses as to why she needed to leave immediately.  She was considering hiding in the bathroom to give the blonde a chance to make her escape when she felt soft fingertips brushing over her cheek.  Lifting her head, she gazed into tear filled blue pools, and for the first time since saying those three words felt a little hope creeping back in.

It took Allie a few seconds to realise what her girlfriend had just said, but as soon as the words sunk in, she felt her heart hammering in her chest.  She loves me, my beautiful Bea loves me, she repeated over and over in her head, struggling to believe how truly blessed she was.  She’d never felt so happy or wanted in her life, and in the excitement of it all hadn’t realised that her silence was freaking the redhead out.  She could see fear in her eyes, although the love she felt was also shining through.  Reaching out, she brushed her fingers over Bea’s cheek and over her jaw before cupping her face and lifting her head slightly.  “Can you say that again…please”

“I love you” Bea said, repeating the three words that meant so much to her.  She was even more nervous this time around, although the fact that the blonde hadn’t run for the hills offered her some comfort. 

“Oh Bea, I love you too…I have for some time now.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I was on my way to being in love with you the day I took you to the airport.  I’ve wanted to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want to scare you off by coming on too strong”

“You…you love me too?”

“I do, I love you so much.  Both you and Debbie are everything to me, and I’m so thankful that I get to be close to you like this.  I want everything with you Bea, and I hope that someday we can be a family”

“I want that too Allie, although it scares me sometimes how much I want it.  How much I want you”

Brushing a stray curl from the redhead’s face Allie leaned forward, capturing the older woman’s lips in a searing kiss.  Pulling back when they both needed to breathe, she smiled at her girlfriend before turning over and cuddling up against the older woman.  “You’ve got nothing to be scared of beautiful, there’s no rush.  I’m where I want to be, right here with you, and I’m not going anywhere” she added, knowing that after such a huge declaration Bea more than likely needed time to process everything.

Wrapping her arm around the blonde Bea moved in closer still, taking on the role of big spoon.  Burying her face in soft blonde locks she inhaled the scent that was uniquely Allie.  After the train wreck that was her marriage, she never thought she would ever allow anyone to get this close to her, but now the thought of Allie not being here was what scared her the most.  “I love you, beautiful girl” she said, holding on to the woman she adored.

Placing her hand over her girlfriends, Allie linked their fingers as she snuggled up even closer.  “I love you too, so much”

“To the moon and back” Bea replied, feeling happier than she had in a long time.  She was safe, and she was loved, two things that were once so alien to her.  She knew in that moment that she was ready to take the next step with the blonde, and while she was nervous, she trusted Allie completely.


	20. Looking for Acceptance

Bea Couldn’t stop smiling, and had been the same for the past couple of days, ever since Allie said those three little words back to her.  She never imagined she would ever meet anyone who she felt comfortable enough with to let in, never mind fall in love with, but the blonde wasn’t just anyone.  She was everything, and so much more.  She had felt even closer to the blonde since the weekend, and knowing that Allie loved her back made the redhead feel like she was on top of the world. 

It had been a busy few days, so much so that the redhead hadn’t had a chance to let her girlfriend know that her parents would be visiting this coming weekend.  It wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over the phone, so had put it off until she could tell her face to face.  She had been on the early shift that morning, so finished work just after lunch.  Allie had worked over the previous day so she could take the afternoon off and spend it with the older woman.  The first half of the week hadn’t been overly kind to them, and after their not so little declaration at the weekend all she wanted to do was be wherever her girlfriend was.  Which is how they found themselves cuddled up on the sofa, enjoying the few hours of peace and quiet before Bea had to go and pick Debbie up from school.  Allie was laying half on the older woman, her head resting on her chest as Bea ran her fingers through her hair.

While Bea loved her daughter, and wouldn’t be without her, getting time alone with her girlfriend wasn’t easy.  She was glad her girls got on well, but sometimes felt like she was fighting for Allie’s attention.  It was stupid, not to mention childish, but she couldn’t help it.  Bea had never craved anyone like she did the blonde, and it was clearly making her crazy.  She knew part of it was due to the fear of losing Allie, of her girlfriend waking up one morning and realising she was selling herself short by being with Bea.  The redhead hadn’t even realised that he had allowed her mind to wander, until she felt soft fingertips caressing her cheek.  “Is everything ok, you look like you are miles away”

“I was just thinking…about us.  I know I’m not the easiest person to read, to love, and I come with way more baggage than anyone should have.  But despite all that you’re here with me, when you could be off out with someone worthier of you.  And then there’s Debbie.  As if all my issues aren’t enough to take on, I come with a kid too”

Allie was a little surprised by her girlfriend’s words, although she knew moments like this would occur.  She couldn’t even begin to imagine the effect Harry’s words had on the beautiful redhead, but would be there to reassure her every time she doubted herself.  Pushing herself up slightly, she locked eyes with Bea, hoping her words would offer some comfort.  “You’re wrong you know, loving you is the easiest thing in the world for me.  I’m nothing special Bea, and if anything, I should be the one thanking you for even giving me the time of day.  And as far as Debbie goes, I adore her.  I never saw kids in my future, but then I didn’t know that someone as wonderful as you were out there either.  This isn’t just some quick fling for me, and I know we haven’t been together long, but I want a future with you, with both of you.  I’m not going to pretend that I know what I’m doing when it comes to looking after a kid, and I may screw it up a little at times, but I want to learn.  You’re not a burden Bea, please don’t ever think that, and neither is Debbie.  I love you both so much” she said, brushing a stray curl from Bea’s face before leaning in and kissing her softly.

“I love you too, and you are special Allie…you’re everything to me” Bea replied, pulling the younger woman in and kissing her again.  She always hated kissing Harry, and would do anything to avoid it.  But the blonde’s lips were like a drug, and Bea couldn’t get enough.  “I forgot to mention that my mum and dad are coming over on Friday and staying for the weekend” she added after they broke apart to catch their breath.

“That’s great babe, I bet you can’t wait to see them.  I’d better make sure I get my Queen Bea fix in before Friday then, so I don’t miss you too much”

“Why would you…” the redhead asked, trailing off when she realised what her girlfriend meant.  “I told them about you, about us and they want to meet you.  That’s why they’re coming over”.  Seeing the colour drain from the blonde’s cheeks Bea slipped her arm around her waist, holding her close.  “Please don’t worry beautiful girl, everything will be fine.  They’ll love you.  How could anyone not”

“My parents didn’t seem to have that problem…”

“That’s on them, not you.  I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through, but in the end you won.  You’ve come so far Allie, and achieved so much…with sweet fuck all behind you.  I’m so proud of you, but if it’s too soon then I understand, I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with”

“No…no, I want to meet them, I do.  It’s just, I’m worried that they’ll think I’m not good enough for you.  I’m planning on being around for a long time, assuming you don’t get tired of me that is, so it’s important to me that they’re ok with us.  With me”

“Allie, sweetheart, everything will be just fine.  I love you, and nothing will change that, I promise.  I know that they both felt guilty after what happened with Harry, and I guess they just want reassuring that I’m safe with you.  Dad will have some questions no doubt, but he’ll be a walk in the park compared to Franky.  And as long as I’m, happy then mum will be too”

“And you are…happy I mean?”

“I’ve never been happier” Bea replied without a trace of hesitation.

 

 

Before Bea knew it Friday had come around, and as she stood in the arrivals hall at the airport waiting for her parents her mind drifted to the events of the previous day.  Allie had been working for a few hours in the morning, but had dragged the redhead along with her, wanting to introduce her to her four-legged friends at the shelter.  While the redhead was happy to play along, she had a feeling there was more to it than that, although she wouldn’t push her girlfriend to talk about what was on her mind.  Bea suspected the younger woman was still worried about meeting her parents, and while she could understand Allie’s concerns, she was confident that they would adore the blonde once they got to know her.

A couple of hours later Bea found herself sitting on the floor in one of the pens, five puppies crawling all over her while her girlfriend calmed their mother down.  Allie had been giving the older woman a tour when one of the vets called her over to help.  The mother and pups were new to the shelter, and he needed to check her over, but she wasn’t exactly cooperating.  He’d been here a few times and knew that the blonde seemed to have a natural ability to calm the animals, something that was clearly needed right now.  Once the dog started to relax a little, he quickly checked her over, happy with the progress she was making, before thanking Allie for her help and heading for the next animal on his list.

As she entertained the lively pups Bea’s gaze shifted to her girlfriend.  She was so gentle and caring, the complete opposite of Harry in fact.  Every touch of his was filled with pain and suffering, whereas the blondes was filled with love.  She feared Harry, but craves Allie.  They still hadn’t taken the next step in their relationship, but Bea was sure she was ready.  She had tried to instigate it the previous evening, but just as things started to heat up, the blonde pulled back.  It wasn’t the first time, although Bea knew why she had done it.  While she was grateful for the respect her girlfriend always showed her, she had been left feeling a little frustrated.  Something that was very new to her.  An excited squeal from beside her pulled her from thoughts of Allie, and back to the task at hand, locating her parents in the busy airport.  Looking up she found the cause of Debbie’s reaction.  Bea had been so lost in all things Allie Novak that she hadn’t realised they were approaching.

After scanning the room briefly and spotting her family, Alice led her husband across the room, studying her daughter as she closed the distance.  There was something different about her, she seemed lighter in a way, more carefree, and it warmed her heart to see Bea like this.  It killed her to see the light going out in the redhead’s eyes, but the night they got the call from Liz was the worst night of their lives, and both Alice and Michael wanted to kill the lowlife that had hurt their little girl in the worst possible way.  While Alice was thrilled that Bea had finally found someone that she was willing to take a chance on, she knew her husband was a little more apprehensive.  It was understandable given everything that had happened, she just hoped that once he saw the two of them together it would put his mind at rest.  Franky had sent Alice a message the previous weekend, attaching a photo of the blonde with both Bea and little Debbie.  They looked good together, there was no denying that, but what made Alice smile was seeing how happy both her daughter and granddaughter looked in Allie’s presence.

A few minutes later Alice was pulling her daughter into a hug, young Debbie giggling away beside them when Michael picked her up, spinning her around.  After greeting both Bea and Deb she scanned area, expecting to see blonde hair nearby.  When that wasn’t the case Alice turned to her daughter, slight confusion on her face.  “Where’s Allie?  I thought she’d be here with you”

“She wanted to give us some family time, but said that she’d come over tomorrow for dinner”

“Nonsense.  Is she busy today?” Alice asked, waiting for the redhead to respond before continuing.  “As soon as we get to the house, I’ll book a restaurant and you give your Allie a call.  She’s part of this family now, so she needs to be there.  And tell her I won’t take no for an answer”

Bea was a little taken back by her mum’s words, but suspected she’d already spoken to Franky to get the lowdown on her girlfriend.  While she wasn’t in any doubt that they’d have questions, she was glad that her parents seemed to accept the recent changes in her life.  It would have made things difficult if they hadn’t, but she was already in deep with the blue-eyed blonde, and she had no intention of giving her up.  Not for anyone.

As soon as Bea got home, she was given strict instructions to call Allie, Alice telling her to use any method necessary to get the blonde to agree to join them.  As she watched her mum leave the room her mind drifted back to the previous night.  The blonde had stayed over, wanting to spend as much time with her girlfriend as possible.  While she had agreed to spend some time with the redhead’s parents, she also wanted them to have some family time together, something the older woman said wasn’t necessary.  As expected, Allie was a little reluctant, but after Bea explained that if she didn’t agree to come to dinner there was a high chance that her mum would turn up on Kaz’s doorstep randomly, and unannounced, she finally agreed.  That was something they both wanted to avoid.  At some point the redhead knew she would have to introduce her parents to her girlfriend’s sister, but thankfully now wasn’t that time.

 

 

Her girlfriend had suggested that she meet them at the restaurant, but Bea wasn’t having any of it.  She knew the younger woman would be nervous, and didn’t want her driving alone when her mind was potentially elsewhere.  Plus, she hadn’t seen her since early that morning, and was missing her like crazy.  It was insane.  She’d been perfectly happy on her own for the past four and a half years, and spent the majority of the time that she was married to Harry wishing that she was alone.  But since Allie came into her life her days seemed darker when the blonde wasn’t by her side.

Allie had been pacing the room for the past ten minutes.  The redhead was due any minute and as she attempted to wear a hole in the carpet her thoughts were full of excuses as to why she couldn’t join them for dinner.  It was nothing against Bea’s parents, from what she had heard they seemed genuinely lovely.  But she was worried they would take one look at her and see her for what she really was, the waste of space that no one wanted.  She was so lost in her head that she didn’t hear the first knock on the door, the second, louder one finally bringing her back to reality.  Taking a deep breath, she ran down the stairs before opening the door.  She must have looked as terrified as she felt as before she knew it Bea had walked through the door, closing it behind her before wrapping her arms around the blonde.

Bea could feel the nerves radiating off her girlfriend, and knew how hard this would be for her.  Not that she had anything to worry about.  Debbie had been singing the blonde’s praises pretty much none stop since her parents arrived, telling them all about her best friend and how special she was.  The redhead had just finished getting ready for dinner when her dad knocked on her bedroom door, asking if she had a few minutes to chat before they left.  She had an idea what it was about, but was more than a little surprised when he pulled her into a hug.  She knew he felt guilty over what had happened with Harry, and blamed himself for not picking up on it sooner, not that any of it was his fault.  Pulling back after a few minutes he brushed the stray curl from her face before studying her.  The change in his daughter was evident, and he was pleased that young Debbie seemed fond of Allie.  Although he would be reserving judgement for when he met her.  “Allie sounds lovely, but I want you to be careful, ok.  Not everyone’s like that bastard, I know that, but I can’t, won’t have you hurt again”

“I trust her dad, Allie would never hurt me.  Right from the start she’s always put me first, Deb too, and she always will.  I understand your concerns, I do, and I was scared too in the beginning.  But she’s the complete opposite of Harry.  I love her dad, and I know you will too if you give her a chance”

“I will, I promise.  I just, I worry that’s all”

“I know, but you really don’t need to, not anymore”

“It’s my job to worry, and that will never change.  I’m glad that you’re happy peanut, and I can’t wait to meet your Allie”

Bea knew she was blushing, but she couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face when her dad referred to Allie has hers.  Her girlfriend was everything, and so much more, and the redhead felt so lucky to have someone like the blonde in her life.  Ten minutes later they were pulling off the drive, Debbie chatting away to her grandparents about all the fun things she had done with her best friend Allie over the past few weeks.

Turning her attention back to the woman in her arms, Bea gave the blonde a few minutes to calm down before pulling back slightly, losing herself in ocean blue for a few seconds before speaking.  “Please don’t worry beautiful girl. I’d never do anything to hurt you, or put you in a difficult situation.  I can’t even begin to imagine how scary this must be for you, but they’re really excited about meeting you.  Plus, Deb’s spent that past two hours telling them how incredible you are.  And she’s not wrong.  I love you, and they will too, I promise”

Bea had been gone for about ten minutes, and Alice was starting to wonder if something was wrong.  She didn’t want to interfere in her daughter’s relationship, but young Debbie had let slip how nervous Allie was about their visit, having overheard a conversation between the blonde and her mum a couple of days ago.  After letting Michael know she wouldn’t be long she jumped out of the car before making her way down the drive and knocking on the door.  She wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing here, but figured it would be less awkward meeting the blonde when they weren’t all sat in the car.

Allie was surprised when she heard a knock on the door.  She wasn’t expecting anyone else, so wondered if Kaz had forgotten her keys again.  It happened quite often, and as she opened the door, she was just about to make a comment about old age when she realised the woman standing there wasn’t her sister.  It was her girlfriend’s mother.  Neither of them spoke for what felt like hours, although Allie knew only a few seconds had passed.  While Bea’s presence had calmed her considerably, she could feel the nerves kicking in again.

“Allie, it’s great to finally meet you in person.  I’ve heard so much about you from my girls, and they both seem quite taken with you” Alice said, taking a step forward and pulling the younger woman into a hug.

Recognising the second voice, Bea started to worry.  While she knew her mum would be nothing but polite to her girlfriend, Allie was so nervous.  Making her way into the hallway she was a little surprised to see them hugging, although she suspected her mum had been the one to instigate it.  “Is everything ok?” the redhead asked, the question directed at her girlfriend more than her mother.

“Why don’t you go and keep an eye on the two trouble makers in the car, make sure they’re not getting into any mischief” Alice replied, taking in the concerned look on her daughter’s face.  “We’ll be out in a few minutes, I just want a quick chat with your Allie”

Turning her attention to the blonde Bea took her hand, leading her away from her mum slightly before speaking.  “Are you ok with this?  I can stay if not…” she said, relaxing a little when Allie rewarded her with a smile, the kind reserved only for Bea.

“I’m fine, I promise.  Don’t worry so much”

“Can’t help it” the redhead replied, moving in closer and wrapping her arms around Allie.  “I love you” she added quietly, although her mum still heard the exchange.

Alice didn’t want to eavesdrop, but found that she couldn’t look away from the two women.  She’d never seen her daughter so comfortable with anyone before, and any concern she may have had about Allie’s intentions disappeared the second she saw how she looked at Bea.  Harry always looked at her like she was a possession, inferior to him in some way.  But not Allie, she looked at the redhead like she was the eighth wonder, like she was the reason the world kept on turning.

While Bea wasn’t exactly happy about leaving Allie alone with her mum, she trusted that the older woman wouldn’t say anything to scare her off.  Or at least she hoped that would be the case.  Throwing her mum, a look that screamed ‘play nice’, she kissed her girlfriend’s cheek before leaving the house, knowing full well that Debbie would be talking her dad’s ear off by now.

Waiting until the door had closed behind her daughter, Alice turned to face the blonde, feeling the nerves radiating off her.  “I’m sorry for barging in like this, but a little birdy with a big mouth let slip that you were a little nervous and I wanted to put your mind at rest.  I worry about my daughter, and I’ll never apologise for that.  But I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy.  She’s definitely not smiled this much before.  I’m not sure how much Bea’s told you, but Debbie’s father was, no is, a grade A bastard”

“She told me everything.  I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate Harry, even though we’ve never met.  The thought of anyone even harming a hair on her head makes me sick.  I know that Bea sometimes struggles, and that she still believes what he said about her.  But she’s the strongest, bravest person I know.  She’s beautiful, inside and out, and I’ll do anything to get her to see herself the way I do” Allie replied, feeling the tears building at the thought of what that animal did to her beautiful Bea.  “I want you to know that I’d never hurt her, you have my word.  I’d die before I let that happen.  Bea means everything to me, they both do, and I just want to make them happy.  I love her, more than I thought it was possible to love another person”

“And she loves you too, it’s so obvious by the way she looks at you.  Michael, Bea’s father, he blamed himself for what happened with Harry.  I’ve tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, and so has Bea, but he won’t listen.  She’ll always be his little girl, no matter how old she is, and he thinks he let her down.  I just wanted you to know that.  He might be a little quiet to start with, but it’s nothing personal against you.  Although once he sees how you look at Bea, I’m sure he’ll come around” the older woman said, squeezing Allie’s shoulder affectionately.  “What about your parents, have they met Bea and Debbie yet?” she added, wishing she could take the words back the second she saw the stricken look on the blonde’s face.

“I…I don’t have any family, other than Kaz.  She’s like a sister to me.  My parents, they…I wasn’t wanted” the younger woman said, struggling to get the last few words out as she choked back the tears that were threatening to fall. 

“Well you have one now, a family I mean” Alice replied, pulling the younger woman into another hug, her heart breaking for the blonde.  She sensed there was a lot more to the story, but it wasn’t her place to ask.  She just wished she hadn’t put her foot in it.  The last thing she wanted to do was upset Allie in any way, the whole point of this chat was to try and break the ice in a more private setting.  “I’m sorry Allie, I didn’t mean to upset you.  That was never my intention.  Bea’s going to kill me when she sees that I made you crying”

After reassuring Alice that everything was fine, Allie suggested that they make a move, knowing young Debbie would be getting impatient waiting in the car.  Especially as they were on their way to get food.  Waiting until her girlfriend’s mum was outside, she locked the door behind them, her eyes locking with Bea’s the second she turned back around.

 As soon as Bea saw her girlfriend had been crying, she jumped out of the car, raced over and wrapped her arms around her, throwing her mum a questioning look.  She was just about to ask when had happened when the blonde in her arms spoke up.  “I’m ok, I promise” Allie said, smiling reassuringly at the redhead as Alice got in the car to give them a little privacy.

 “Yeah, well you don’t look it”

“Bea Smith…are you saying I look rough…”

“I…no that’s not what I meant, you…you’re beautiful.  I just… I can tell you’ve been crying.  What did she say to you?”

“Nothing bad, she just asked if you’d met my parents.  When I told her that I didn’t have any, that I wasn’t wanted, she said I was a part of your family now.  I guess I’m just not used to it”

“Well you’d better get used to it, now that I’ve found you, I don’t have any intention of letting you go.  I love you Alliecat”

“I love you too beautiful” Allie replied, leaning in and stealing a quick kiss.  She wasn’t sure how comfortable the redhead would be about showing affection in front of her parents, but she needn’t have worried.  As soon as she moved back slightly, Bea was pulling her back in for a proper kiss, taking her by surprise.  The moment didn’t last long though, the couple interrupted by a loud voice coming from the car.

“Muuum, Allieee…stop playing kissy face and feed me, I’m hungry” Debbie yelled, her head hanging out of the now open car window

“When are you not hungry…” Bea mumbled as she reluctantly pulled away from her girlfriend.  Taking her hand, she led her over to the car, glad that her mum seemed to be accepting of her relationship with Allie.

 

 

Michael had suggested they go down to the beach on Sunday morning, wanting to spend some time out in the water with his daughter and granddaughter.  They had just finished breakfast and were sitting around the table when he made the suggestion, Debbie squealing in excitement at the thought of getting to show her Gramps how good she was getting on her board.  While Bea would love nothing more than to spend the day in the water, she also wanted to be with Allie.  Glancing at her girlfriend, Bea could see the worry on her face, and while she had been hoping they could all spend the day together she would understand if the blonde didn’t want to go.

Allie was getting more comfortable on the beach, but would sometimes have a flashback to the night her father did the unthinkable, and Bea suspected she was worried in case it happened in front of her parents.  They would never judge Allie, that was something the redhead was certain of, but she didn’t want to put her girlfriend in a position where she was on edge.  Especially near the water.  It would only end up setting her back.  Waiting until her parents and daughter had gone upstairs to get ready for the beach, she took Allie’s hand, pulling her to her feet.  “If you don’t want to come to the beach I’ll understand, and so will they”

“I do…I just, what if I freak out, I don’t want to embarrass you”

“You could never embarrass me sweetheart, ever.  I just don’t want you to feel anxious or on edge at all”

“I need to get over this fear, I don’t want it to control me.  I know how much you and Deb love the ocean, and I want to share that experience with you.  I want to share everything with you” the blonde replied, running her fingers through the older woman’s wild curls.  “There’s no way I’m getting on a surfboard though, no matter how hot you look on it” she added, throwing her girlfriend a cheeky wink. 

An hour later they were parking up at Bondi, after making a quick stop so Allie could change into her beachwear.  Michael had loaded the roof rack while his daughter got ready, so it wasn’t until he unloaded a fourth board, one of the redhead’s old ones, and handed it to Allie that Bea realised his mistake.  Not that he knew anything about the blonde’s fears.  She was surprised when her girlfriend simply smiled at her dad, before taking the board and following both him and Debbie down to the beach, the young girl chatting away excitedly about how much fun they were going to have in the water.

Alice could see that something was bothering her daughter, but had learned a long time ago not to push her.  Bea would open up in her own time, and trying to rush her would result in the redhead withdrawing.  She had a feeling that whatever was worrying her had something to do with Allie, and the blonde seemed rather nervous as they settled themselves down on a patch of sand not too far away from the water.  Once all the towels were laid out and young Debbie was lathered in sun cream, she grabbed her board and Michael’s hand and headed for the surf.  Bea would usually go with them, leaving Alice to read her book in peace for a while, but not this time.

This time she stayed close to her girlfriend, helping her put on sun cream and making sure she was comfortable.  It was a little strange to see Bea like this, although it was clear how much she cared for the younger woman.  While Alice was happy her daughter had finally let someone in, that didn’t mean she didn’t have concerns.  Although they felt like a distant memory now.  The way the two women looked at one another reminded Alice of her and Michael, when they were much younger.  They’d had their ups and downs over the years, like anyone, the roughest patch coming after Harry almost killed their daughter.  Yet despite that she loved him as much as she did back then.  More so even.  And always hoped that one day Bea would find that kind of love.  It was early days, she knew that, but she had a good feeling about Allie Novak.

They had been on the beach for around an hour and Bea hadn’t left her side.  While Allie appreciated the gesture, she wanted her to be able to enjoy herself, and spend some time with her dad and daughter out in the surf.  Alice was engrossed in her book, leaving the couple to make the most of their time together.  Bea had been surprisingly affectionate over the past couple of days.  That in itself wasn’t unusual, but with her parents being there the blonde had expected her to be a little more closed off.  She was glad that wasn’t the case though, and knew what a big step it was for Bea to not only be open about their relationship in front of her parents, but also her colleagues.  She’d seen a couple of them glance their way, the younger of the two guys looking a little surprised when Bea kissed the blonde.  She knew her girlfriend liked to keep her personal life to herself, and while Will knew about them, Allie suspected the redhead hadn’t made it public knowledge.  It didn’t bother the blonde in the slightest, as long as Bea was comfortable, that was all that mattered.

“You don’t need to stay with me all the time you know, I’ll be fine here on my own.  Plus, your mum doesn’t look like she’s planning on moving anytime soon”

“Am I…am I bothering you?” the redhead asked, suddenly feeling stupid for crowding Allie.

“No, of course not.  I’d spend every second of every day with you if I could.  I just want you to go out there and have some fun, spend some time with your dad and Deb”

“Every second of every day…I like the sound of that” Bea replied, leaning forward and stealing a quick kiss.  “Are you sure you don’t mind me going for a surf?”

“Go and have some fun, just be careful ok”

“I will, I promise.  I love you”

“I love you too beautiful, now get your sexy arse in the water…” the younger woman replied, swatting her girlfriend on the backside as she stood up.  As Bea grabbed her board and ran towards the water, Allie couldn’t take her eye off her, or more specifically a certain part of her.

 

 

Just the thought of Bea out there in the water, waves crashing over her, sent a chill down her spine. But when those thoughts turned to the image of the redhead in her swimwear, cold wasn’t something Allie was feeling.  It had been hard to stop herself staring that first day at the beach, but now she knew a little of what was underneath the fabric, it was near on impossible.  But openly perving on her girlfriend while her parents were there wouldn’t exactly make a great impression.  She knew Alice had caught her staring when Bea was heading for the surf, the slight smile on her face a clear giveaway.

When Bea first mentioned that her parents were coming over for a visit, Allie was worried that it would be awkward, or that she would feel uncomfortable in their presence.  But that wasn’t the case, far from it in fact.  Alice was lovely, an older version of her girlfriend only without the insecurities.  But Bea clearly got her sense of adventure and active nature from Michael.  He was much quieter than his wife, but was the one to race around with Deb, coming up with fun and exciting things for them to do together.  While it was clear the young girl loved both of her grandparents, she definitely had a soft spot for Michael.  But what surprised Allie the most was how comfortable she felt in his presence.

He’d been a little quiet at the start of dinner on Friday evening, but by the time they were getting ready to leave it was as though she’d known him years.  Although when she found herself alone with him at the table for a few minutes the nerves came flooding back.  Bea had taken Deb to the toilet, and in their absence, Alice had insisted on paying for dinner, knowing her daughter would argue if she caught her.  As soon as she headed over to the counter her husband turned to face the blonde.  Allie was expecting some sort of interrogation, especially after what Alice had said about Bea’s dad blaming himself for the Harry situation, so when he reached over the table and placed his hand on top of hers, she was a little taken aback.

“Thank you, Allie”

“What for?”

“For turning the light back on in my daughters’ eyes, for bringing our little girl back to us, and for loving her the way she deserves to be loved” he said, smiling at the look of shock on the blonde’s face.  She was probably expecting some kind of interrogation, and while he had been planning on it, knew the second he saw them together that it wasn’t necessary.  “I was worried when Bea told me about the two of you, I’m not going to lie.  And that has nothing to do with you being a woman.  I just couldn’t stand to see her go through what she went through with that…that animal.  I failed her, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.  I should have picked up on it, should have stopped him” Michael said, quickly wiping the stray tear from his eye.  No matter what Alice said, he would always blame himself for what happened.  Seeing Bea so happy dulled that pain, but it would never leave him.

Allie’s heart broke for the man opposite, and even though she didn’t know Bea back then, the thought of what Harry did to her, filled the blonde with rage.  It made perfect sense that he would feel like that, but in the same way that Bea blamed herself, it was out of their control, and the only one to blame in all of this was Harry.  When Bea told her what he had done her first thought was that she would never let anyone hurt her again.  The second was how hard would it be to break into the prison and kill an inmate without being caught.  But it was too risky, and she knew if she got caught, she could say goodbye to any future with the beautiful redhead, and that wasn’t something she was willing to risk.  Placing her other hand on top of Michaels, Allie gave it a squeeze.  “Bea blames herself too you know, thinks that it was her fault that he was that way.  I’ve never met Harry, but if there was any way I could hurt him the way he hurt her, then I would.  But then that would make me just as bad.  Everything that happened is on him, no one else, and I promise you that all I want to do is make her happy.  I love her…more than anything”

“I can see that, and anyone within a hundred-mile radius can too.  It makes me happy to know that my girls are in good hands” Michael replied, smiling at the blonde before pulling his hand back as he saw Bea and Debbie approaching.

 

 

Movement to her left pulled Allie from her thoughts, and when she turned her head, she felt her stomach drop.  Michael was standing beside her with a surfboard under each arm, and an expectant look on his face.  She knew what he was expecting of her, and while she didn’t want to disappoint him knew there was no way she could get in the water.  Looking from her girlfriend’s dad to the board, and back again, she felt a chill down her spine and her throat start to close over.

“Come on, you can’t lie here all day.  Come and keep me company for a while” 

“I...I can’t surf.  I’ll only hold you back”

“It doesn’t matter.  I’m nowhere near as good as my daughter, but I can teach you the basics.  We can stay in the shallow water, we won’t go very far out” Michael replied, giving the blonde the same pleading look that Bea sometimes did.

Allie knew it was a bad idea, but didn’t want to her girlfriend’s dad to think badly of her.  Michael had said that they would stay near the shore, so she would be able to touch the bottom.  It couldn’t be that hard, surely.  Young Debbie made it look so easy.  Standing up, she accepted the board from Michael, the smile that spread across his face giving her a false sense of confidence.  She could do this, she would do this, for Bea, if not for herself.  She was tired of being afraid, of feeling like part of her was broken.  It wouldn’t be easy, Allie knew that, but she wanted to be able to enjoy every minute she spent with Bea and Debbie.  And that included the beach.

Her heart was beating out of her chest as she felt the water lapping at her ankles.  Allie was aware that her girlfriend’s dad was speaking to her, but all she could hear were the sound of the waves.  It was a relatively calm day, and the waves on the shoreline were gentle, not that it helped.  As she looked around her all she could see was ocean, there was no beach, no people, just water for miles.  Allie knew it wasn’t real, that it was just her mind playing tricks on her, but as hard as she tried, she just couldn’t ground herself.

Michael could see the change in the blonde the second she set foot in the water, but put it down to beginners’ nerves.  He still remembers his first time on a surfboard, and the fear and rush of adrenalin that came with it.  All he planned on doing was having Allie lie on it and try to ride a small wave to shore, but to a complete novice that could still be intimidating.  And then there was the embarrassment of falling off, something which happened to even the best of surfers.  “I’ll hold the board while you get on.  Don’t be embarrassed if you fall straight off, it took Bea a few attempts to get her balance.  Not that you’d notice, seeing her now” he said, hoping to set Allie’s mind at rest.

She tried, she really did, but the second she lifted her left leg she felt the now thigh height water pushing against her, causing all the memories from that night to come flooding back.  “It’s not that, I just…I…the water…I…I just can’t” the blonde choked out, already feeling like she couldn’t breathe.  It was the same feeling she always got, like her lungs were filling with water and the life was draining from her.  While Bridget had taught her how to control her panic attacks, the added pressure of having one in front of Bea’s dad only added to the stress of it all, making her forget everything she had learned.  Letting go of the board, she mumbled something about needing the bathroom before racing out of the shallow water, across the sand and onto the promenade, no particular destination in mind.

Allie had no idea where she was going, the only thought racing through her mind was that if she didn’t get away from the water she would die.  That, and that she had just embarrassed herself beyond belief.  Bea’s dad would think she was crazy, and maybe she was.  She was an adult for fuck sake, and should be able to control these feelings.  It wasn’t real, not anymore, but in that moment, her messed up brain didn’t see it that way.  Whatever progress she had made with Alice and Michael over the past day and a half will have been unravelled in an instant.  Not only would they think that she was unstable, she doubted they would want her anywhere near their daughter, or granddaughter for that matter.  Not that she could blame them.  Coming to a stop beside a tree, Allie fell to her knees, gasping for breath.  On top of the anxiety, she felt like a failure.  What kind of idiot couldn’t handle a day at the beach with her girlfriend’s parents without freaking out.  She hated that what happened, what her father did still affected her so much, but the worst part was that she still allowed it to happen.  That and the fact that she had probably blown it with Bea.  She knew from the start that the beautiful redhead was out of her league, and that she was on borrowed time.  She suspected that time had just come to an abrupt end.

Bea was sitting on her board watching Debbie catch a small wave, when something caught her attention.  Glancing over to the shoreline she was surprised to see her girlfriend and dad standing in shallow water, both of them holding onto a surfboard.  Knowing that Allie would be battling her demons, while no doubt trying to keep Bea’s dad happy, she called out to her daughter, telling her to make her way back to the beach.  She had an idea what was going on, so wanted to get over there as quickly as possible.  Looking back over her shoulder, the redhead saw a wave approaching.  It wasn’t that big, but if she hit it right it would take her straight back to shore.  Bea was half way back when she saw her girlfriend say something to her dad before letting go of the board and running from the beach.  Taking Debbie’s hand, she raced over as quickly as she could with a seven-year-old and two boards, and after making sure the young girl was settled with her mum, she turned her attention to her dad.  “What the hell happened, and why was Allie in the water?”

She was worried, and as soon as her dad confirmed that he was, as Bea suspected, trying to teach her to surf, she felt her stomach churning.  It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t to know that Allie had a fear of water, but that didn’t stop the frustration setting in.  She needed to find her, make sure she was ok, and having witnessed one of the blonde’s anxiety attacks didn’t want her going through it alone.  She didn’t want her to ever have to suffer anything alone ever again.  Turning to face her dad, she knew she needed to offer some kind of explanation as to why Allie took off. But didn’t want to betray her girlfriend’s trust.  “She…something happened to her when she was fifteen.  I won’t go into details as it’s Allie’s story to tell, if she wants to, but she nearly drowned.  For years she hasn’t even been able to come near the beach, and while she’s doing a lot better, she’s still afraid of the water”

“I’m so sorry peanut…I didn’t…I’d have never suggested that she go out there if I’d have known” he said, worry written all over his face.  He hadn’t meant any harm, he just wanted the blonde to feel like she was included in family activities.

“I know dad, and it’s not your fault.  I just, I need to find her, she shouldn’t be alone right now”

“I’ll help you look for her” Michael replied, the concern evident in his voice.  He liked Allie, and hated that he had caused her distress, albeit unwittingly.  After reassuring Debbie that the blonde was fine, they left her in Alice’s capable hands.  Bea heading to the left, and Michael to the right, hoping that if they split up, they would have a better chance of finding Allie.


	21. A New Family

Bea was starting to panic.  It had been over half an hour since the blonde fled the beach, and she still hadn’t found her.  She knew that the longer Allie was alone, the worse her panic attack would be, and the last thing she wanted was for her to suffer a setback.  They had been coming to the beach as often as they could, mainly during the week when it was just the two of them.  They didn’t stay long, but Bea knew that the blonde needed slow and steady.  She had been doing so well, and every time they came here she could tell that her girlfriend was starting to relax a little more.  But that hard work had probably been undone in a matter of minutes.

And then there was her dad.  Bea could tell how worried he was, and on top of that he was clearly feeling guilty.  Not that any of it was his fault.  It was no one’s fault really, actually that wasn’t true.  The only person to blame for this was Allie’s sick and twisted fucker of a father.  Hatred wasn’t a new feeling to Bea, she’s spent years feeling that way about Harry.  But this was different, more intense in a way.  While she’d never met the blonde’s father, that didn’t stop the all-consuming rage that burned inside her when she thought about what he had put her beautiful girl through.  While what Harry did had broken her in so many ways, Allie had come to mean so much to her in such a short period of time, and the thought of anyone hurting her in any way was far worse than anything her ex-husband ever did.  Bea knew in that moment that she would put herself in harms way if it meant keeping both Debbie and Allie safe.

The promenade was a lot busier now, making the search a lot more difficult.  Knowing Will was at work, Bea took a chance and headed for the lifeguard tower, hoping he would be in there.  She was just approaching the door when it opened, and her boss walked out, radio in his hand.  He could tell straight away that something was wrong, and his first thoughts went to the water.  But seeing the fear in Bea’s eyes he knew it was something closer to home this time.  After quickly explaining what had happened, the redhead let out the breath she didn’t realise she had been holding before following Will into the tower.  She had been scanning the area through the binoculars for about ten minutes when there was a knock on the door, a member of the public wanting to report a woman in distress behind the Pavilion.  Bea didn’t even need to wait for the description to confirm, knowing in an instant that it would be her girlfriend.  Dropping the binoculars down on the counter she leapt over the balustrade and raced out of the door, the only thing on her mind was getting to Allie as quickly as possible.

Allie’s hands were clammy, but she couldn’t stop shivering.  Just when she thought she was starting to get her breathing under control another memory of that night flashed through her mind, causing her lungs to feel like they were filled with water.  Her vision had cleared slightly, and she could no longer see the ocean, not that it seemed to be helping much right now.  She could feel the grass under her legs, and hear the birds in the trees, but she still felt like she was suffocating.  The air around her was getting thinner, and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t breathe.  Clawing at her throat, she threw her head back in a bid to try and clear her airway, not that it seemed to be helping at all.  Just when she was about to lose herself to the memories, she heard the only voice that could ever ground her, belonging to the person she loved more than life itself.  Her beautiful Bea.

As soon as the redhead laid eyes on Allie she broke into a run, weaving in and out of the beachgoers in a bid to reach her as soon as possible.  Even from a few metres away she could see the blonde was shaking, something that had happened the first time she’d had a panic attack in front of Bea.  Picking up speed she raced forward, reaching her girlfriend in a matter of seconds.  Not wanting to startle the younger woman she called her name.  Receiving no response Bea took a step closer, moving slightly so she was in the blonde’s eyeline before calling her name again, a little louder this time.  When Allie’s head turned slightly and Bea saw the fear in them, she felt her heart breaking for the woman she loved.  It was the same look she’d seen in other peoples, seconds before they were about to drowned.  Taking a step closer she knelt down in front of her girlfriend and cupped her chin, concerned brown meeting frightened blue as she spoke again.  “Allie…sweetheart, it’s ok, you’re safe”

As her vision started to clear a little more Allie saw the wild red curls that she loved running her fingers through, followed by worried brown eyes, and she knew everything was going to be ok.  She was still finding it hard to breathe, but could feel herself starting to relax in Bea’s presence. “B…Bea…” she gasped, desperately clinging onto the older woman.

Rubbing her back soothingly, Bea held on to her girlfriend.  “Try and relax Alliecat, I’ve got you.  You’re safe with me, I’ll never let anyone hurt you again I promise”

Feeling the tension start to leave the blonde’s body, Bea went through the same process she did the day of their first coffee date in a bid to slow her breathing down a little.  There were a few people hanging around, desperate to get a look at what was going on, much to the redhead’s frustration.  It happened a lot when she was working, large crowds often gathering around them as they tried to resuscitate someone they had pulled from the water.  It annoyed her then, but knowing that it was her girl everyone was staring at made her blood boil.  She was just about to voice her frustrations when her dad came racing over, quickly moving everyone on.

Once the blonde had calmed down a little the three of them made their way back to the promenade, Michael fussing over his daughter’s girlfriend.   While Allie wanted to be with Bea and her family, she knew she couldn’t stay here.  She also felt guilty for cutting their trip to the beach short, which is why she had suggested that she go back home.  The redhead wasn’t having any of it thought.  It was clear that the younger woman was still on edge, and she suspected she would be for some time.  Plus, Kaz was working at the shelter all day, and she didn’t want Allie to be alone.  Debbie would be perfectly fine spending the day with her parents, in fact she would probably prefer it that way, especially knowing how much they would spoil her.  The younger woman tried to convince Bea to stay one more time, to no avail, and in the end Michael ended up stepping in, telling his daughter to go and get their things while he chatted to the blonde.  It was clear both women were as stubborn as each other, and he feared they would be there all night if he didn’t intervene.  Plus, he really wanted a few minutes alone with Allie.  Leaving her girlfriend sitting with her dad on one of the benches on the promenade Bea made her way down the ramp and over the sand, finding her mum and daughter chatting away as they built a pretty impressive sandcastle.

Waiting until her daughter was out of sight Michael turned to the blonde, resting his hand on her arm.  “I’m so sorry Allie, I didn’t realise you had a fear of the water.  I’d have never suggested going in if I’d have known.  I never meant to upset you in any way”

“It’s not your fault Michael, it’s mine, I should be able to control it by now.  You did nothing wrong, and I’m sorry if I embarrassed you”

Moving his arm so it was draped over her shoulder, he pulled Allie into a hug.  While he didn’t know the details, he suspected that there was more to the near drowning than what Bea had told him.  He usually left things like this to his wife, mainly due to never really knowing what to say.  But there was something about Allie that made him want to step out of his comfort zone.  He could see why his daughter was so taken with the younger woman, and the two of them were perfect together.  “You didn’t embarrass me Allie, not at all, I’m just glad you’re safe.  There’s no pressure, and I understand if it’s not something that you want to talk about, but if you ever do then I’m here.  And so is Alice.  You’re a part of this family now, and we’re here if you need us”

Allie was taken back my Michael’s kindness, and as a result her eyes filled with tears again, something which clearly worried him.  “Oh shit…I’ve done it again haven’t I, put my bloody foot in it.  Bea’s going to kick my arse”

“No, it’s ok, I…” she reassured him.  “I’ve never really had a family, not one that wanted me around at least.  It’s just going to take a bit of getting used to that’s all”

“You take all the time you need.  My daughter isn’t going anywhere, and neither are we” Michael replied, meaning every word.  While he had been a little sceptical at first, he knew that the blonde was perfect for Bea.

 

 

The couple spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in the garden.  It was a warm day, yet despite that Allie made sure to stay as close to her girlfriend as possible.  She knew she was being needy, but couldn’t help it.  Just being close to the redhead calmed her more than she ever thought possible, and right now that was exactly what she needed.  It was just after five when the others arrived home, Debbie making a beeline for the blonde, wanting to make sure she was ok.  Bea had used the excuse that Allie wasn’t feeling well as the reason they were leaving the beach early, and she had made the redhead promise to look after her.  She loved how close Debbie was to the blonde, and really hoped that things would work out between them.  Other than her daughter, good things didn’t happen to Bea, or at least that was how it felt.  Until Allie came along that was, and suddenly she had everything she ever wanted in life and so much more.

The young brunette had been stuck to Allie like glue all night, to everyone’s amusement.  She had even stood up in her chair during dinner and cut the blonde’s food up into smaller pieces, something Bea would do with her when she was unwell.  Allie had played along with everything, going as far as to say that Debbie’s care had made her feel so much better.  She wasn’t lying though, being here surrounded by Bea’s family was exactly what she needed right now.  Michael had apologised again, and while Allie appreciated his concern felt guilty that he still blamed himself.  He had been so welcoming, and despite the thought of reliving that night making her feel physically sick, she felt like she owed it to him to try and explain why she had freaked out.

Later that night after Debbie had gone to bed Michael asked the blonde to join him for a drink out on the rear decking, wanting to make sure she really was ok after what happened earlier that afternoon.  They sat in silence for a while, although neither of them felt uncomfortable in the others presence.  Michael had a calmness about him, and although it was an unfamiliar situation for Allie, she was glad she got to spend some time alone with him.  She wanted to explain why she’d freaked out at the beach earlier, but was almost certain he would hate her if she did.  Although what worried her the most was that he would think she wasn’t worthy of his daughter, even if it was true.

Taking a sip of her beer, she sat the bottle down on the floor before turning so she could see her girlfriend’s dad better.  Her hands were shaking and she was starting to sweat, but Allie knew that she had to be honest about one part of her past at least, the rest she would rather stay buried.  “When I was a little kid I loved the water, and would swim any chance I got, either in the ocean or the pool.  Not that my parents ever took me that often.  As soon as I was old enough I would go alone, partly because I found swimming so relaxing, and partly to get away from my father.  He never wanted a daughter, I’m not sure if he even wanted a son, but I do know that I was an inconvenience.  Mum was great, for the first few years at least, but then something happened and she changed.  She would lie in bed all day, either crying, shouting or sleeping, and I was pretty much left to fend for myself” Allie said, pausing to wipe the stray tear from her face.  She didn’t even know why she was crying, it wasn’t like it was going to change anything.

She was really nervous now, knowing she was about to relive one of the darkest times in her life.  Although she started to feel a little calmer when her girlfriend’s dad took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.  “Things got progressively worse over the years, to the point where the only time he spoke to me was to yell insults.  It wasn’t an ideal situation, but I could handle it, or so I thought.  Things came to a head when I was fifteen, and he found out I had a girlfriend.  Having a daughter was bad enough, but a lesbian daughter was too much.  My memory of that night is a little sketchy, but there are parts of it I’ll never forget.  He…he drugged me, brought me to Sydney, took me out on a boat and threw me overboard.  I’m not really sure what happened after that, but I woke up alone in the hospital a few days later”.  She spent the next ten minutes giving him a shortened version of what happened since then, including what happened to her parents, finding Kaz again and how she met Bea for the first time.  Allie didn’t go into too many details, but she made sure not to leave anything out.  If she wasn’t honest with him now and he found out further down the line, things might be awkward between them.  She just hoped he wouldn’t judge her too much.

Michael wasn’t sure which emotion was the strongest, the pain he felt for the blonde and everything she had been through, or the hatred of a man he’d never met.  Slipping an arm around Allie, he held her as she cried.  There was no wonder she reacted the way she did on the waters edge, and she was so brave for even attempting to get in.  While he hated that she had been through so much, in a twisted kind of way it might be a good thing.  Michael knew that his daughter thought that she was unlovable, partly due to what Harry had repeatedly told her, and partly down to her thinking no one would want someone so broken.  But both Bea and Allie knew what it was like to surrounded by evil, and even though the circumstances were different they had both witnessed humanity at it’s the worst.  As a result, they would both know and appreciate a good thing when they found it.  After what Allie had just told him, he knew there was no way she would ever judge his daughter, something that had concerned him a little when he first found out about their relationship.

Leaning forward slightly he kissed the crown of her head, holding on to her a little bit tighter as he spoke.  “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I’m glad he’s dead.  I just wish Harry had met the same fate, the more bastards we can rid the world of the better.  Thank you for telling me all that, I can’t imagine it was an easy thing to do.  But I want you to know that I would never judge you, and neither will Alice.  You were put in a no-win situation, and did what was necessary to survive.  You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for Allie, just like my daughter.  I’m so glad you and Bea found each other again, not only because it’s the happiest she’s ever been, but also because we gain a daughter.  I know it’s not the same, and that we can never replace your own parents, but you have a family now”

As a fresh wave of tears fell from her eyes, Allie tried to get her head around the fact that not only had Michael not judged her, he’d welcomed her into the family without any questions asked.  This is how her own father should have reacted when he found out that she liked girls, not drugged then tried to kill her.  Yet this person she barely knew had stepped in and been the man she needed almost ten years ago.  His words not only breaking her heart by reminding her how things should have been, but more importantly healing it again.  “You’re right, you could never replace my parents, and that’s something I’m thankful for.  You’ve done more for me in the past few days than my so-called father did in fifteen years, and I’m so grateful that you’ve welcomed me into your family.  It means more to me than you could ever know.  I love Bea with everything that I am, and I want to be the best version of myself…for her.  She deserves the whole world over, and I’d give it to her in a heartbeat if I could.  I just hope I’m enough for her”

“Oh Allie, you’re more than enough.  I’ve never seen Bea like this before, she’s totally smitten.  I can tell by the way she looks at you that she’s found her person in life, so please don’t doubt yourself.  I know it can be hard at times, but anytime you want to talk you only have to pick up the phone.  It doesn’t matter what time, day or night.  I’ve always told Bea that, and the same rule applies to you.  We’ve had to put restrictions on young Debbie though as she took it far too literally and called us at four in the morning for a chat.  Apparently, she couldn’t sleep so just assumed the rest of the world would be awake too” Michael replied, a wide sile spreading over his face as he heard Allie’s laughter.  While the weekend hadn’t exactly turned out how he had expected, he knew that his daughter had struck gold with the blonde.

 

 

It had been two days since Bea’s parents had gone back to New Zealand, and Allie was surprised by how much she missed them.  Especially Michael.  She was trying not to get too attached, knowing that if things didn’t work out the way she wanted them to with the redhead then walking away would be even harder.  The thought of Bea not being in her life terrified her, and she hoped that for once things would work out the way she wanted them to.  Allie could picture them together in years to come, and she knew that she would love her just as much, if not more.  She wanted to be around to see Debbie grow, and to be there to help Bea guide and support her.  But most of all, she just wanted to love and protect them both.

She had stayed at home the previous night, feeling a little guilty for neglecting her sister, not that Kaz had been around much either.  She was going away for the weekend with Will, so had asked the younger blonde if she would be home so they could spend a bit of time together.  While Allie had enjoyed catching up with her sister, she missed the Smith girls terribly.  She’d spoken to Bea before going to sleep and had been exchanging messages throughout the course of the evening, something which Kaz took great pleasure in teasing her about.  Not that she was any better when it came to Will.

Allie had spoken to her girlfriend on her way to work that morning, and while it had definitely cheered her up, she was still a little frustrated that she was rostered on while Bea had a day off.  She loved spending time with both the redhead and her daughter, but it was nice to have some time alone together too. Allie was staying over that night, partly so she wasn’t disturbed by Kaz and Will when they set off for the airport early the following morning, and partly because one night apart from the woman she loved was long enough.  She had sent her girlfriend a few messages throughout the day, but they had all gone unanswered.  As had the three phone calls.  She was starting to worry, wondering if something had happened to the older woman, or if she had done something to upset or offend her.  Opening up the messages from earlier that day, she read through them, finding nothing that could be taken the wrong way.  Making her way into the meeting she could really do without, she tried to push all other thoughts to the back of her mind and focus on the task at hand.  Her job.

That had proven to be more difficult than she thought, and as hard as she tried to hide the fact, she knew her boss had picked up on her distraction.  Thankfully she hadn’t called her on it, and after gathering her things Allie had fled to her office, closing the door behind her before dropping down into her chair.  Grabbing her phone from the desk and finding no response from her girlfriend still, she tried calling her again, frustration setting in when it rang out before going to voicemail.  Leaving yet another message, she let the redhead know she was worried and asked her to call her back.  Ten minutes later her phone rang, and when she saw Bea’s name flash up, felt a wave of relief wash over her.  That relief was short-lived however, and when Franky’s voice came down the line, and not the husky tones that she longed to hear, she knew something was wrong.

 

 

Franky was in the office when she got a call from Debbie’s school saying that no one had arrived to pick her up.  Bea had added her to the list of contacts for young girl a while ago, along with Liz, wanting to make sure they could always get a hold of someone if she was working.  The tattooed brunette knew her friend wasn’t working that day, so was surprised the school had contacted her.  After trying and failing to get in contact with Red, she made her way over to the school, finding the young girl sitting in the office drawing a picture.  As soon as she spotted Franky she leapt out of her seat, racing across the room before launching herself at the brunette.

“Franky…I’m so happy you’re here…I didn’t want to be here all night.  Where’s my mum?”

“She’s not feeling well kiddo, so I’m going to take you to see Liz for a little while” Franky replied, managing to think on her feet.  As they made their way back to the car Franky called Liz, asking if she could drop the young girl off with her while she went to check on Bea.  Debbie was her number one, so something bad must have happened to cause her to be late like this, especially on her day off.  Fifteen minutes later they were pulling up outside the salon, Debbie asking more questions as to why she wasn’t going home.  After getting her settled in one of the chairs Franky and Liz headed into the back room, the younger woman explaining as best as she could, what was going on. 

Franky was worried, and although she really shouldn’t, she flicked the siren and lights on, knowing it would reduce her journey time considerably.  A short while later she came to a stop outside her friend’s house, doing a quick check out front before knocking on the door.  Receiving no answer, she let herself into the quiet house, listening for any sign of movement.  After searching the ground floor, she headed up the stairs and towards the redhead’s bedroom. Finding it empty she made her way along the hallway, checking the spare room and main bathroom before coming to a stop outside Debbie’s room.  Franky was just about to push the door open when she heard a sniffling sound coming from behind it.  Pushing the door open slowly she scanned the room, finding Bea sitting on the floor by her daughters’ bed.  Her knees were up against her chest, her eyes red from crying, and there was what looked like a letter on the floor beside her.

The brunette didn’t even need to read the letter to know who it was from, there was only one person who could break Bea like this.  Harry fucking Smith.  Even behind bars he still wouldn’t leave her alone, let her live her life the way she deserved to live it.  He was a monster, a waste of perfectly good oxygen.  As a police officer Franky knew she shouldn’t have these kinds of thoughts, but she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t wish him dead.  The redhead had been through so much, and just when she was starting to open up, let someone in, he comes along and tries to destroy her once again.  Crossing the room, she took a seat beside her friend, wrapping an arm around her before reaching for the discarded piece of paper.  She wasn’t even two lines into the letter and she already wanted to kill the bastard, so could only begin to imaging how Bea must be feeling.  Franky was just about to speak when the redhead’s phone started to ring, and when she saw Allie’s name flash up ion the screen was surprised when her friend let it go to voicemail.  “Have you spoken to blondie today?”

“Yeah…this morning?”

Grabbing the phone from the floor Franky checked the call list, seeing that Allie had called the redhead four times in the past four hours, each one going unanswered.  “You should talk to her, she’ll be worried”

“I…I can’t.  I don’t want her to see me like this, she deserves better.  Harry’s right, I’m nothing, and I always will be.  I can’t, won’t drag her down with me” the redhead replied, a fresh wave of tears starting to fall.  She loved Allie more than she ever thought possible, but she didn’t deserve this.  Just when Bea was starting believe that maybe she could put everything behind her and build a life with the blonde, Harry comes along with his carefully selected words and she’s right back to being the broken woman she used to be.  Allie was so full of life, and had such a bright future ahead of her.  Bea would only hold her back, and despite not wanting to lose her, knew that if she really loved Allie, she had to let her go.

Wiping the tears from her eyes she turned to face her friend.  While she was surprised to see Franky, she was grateful for the company.  “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but shouldn’t you be at work?” she asked, noticing for the first time that the brunette was wearing her uniform.

“I was, but I got a call from Debbie’s school…”

“Is she ok…why didn’t they call me?”

“They tried, and she’s fine.  No one came to pick her up and they were a bit concerned.  She’s over at the salon with Liz at the minute, I told her you weren’t feeling well”

Looking around the room, Bea’s gaze fixed on the clock by her daughter’s bed, not even realising how late it was.  She had been out for a run that morning, wanting to get an early start on her training for the end of season lifeguard challenge.  She’d finished fourth last season, something she was determined to improve on this year.  Arriving back from her run she had grabbed the mail, planning on quickly checking through it before taking a shower.  Said plan went out of the window the second she saw the Walford correctional centre stamp on one of the envelopes.

Bea knew she should have just ripped it up and tossed it into the trash, but before she realised what she was doing, she had opened the envelope and taken out the letter.  It wasn’t too late, but like a car crash you can’t help but look at, she started to read it.  As soon as her eyes scanned the words, she felt the effect of them.  She hated that Harry could still get to her like this, but felt powerless against the viscous words and insults.  Was he right when he said she was repulsive, unlovable?  Allie said otherwise, but the good stuff was harder to believe.

It wasn’t the first time she’d received a letter like this, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last, no matter how many times she contacted the prison to complain.  But this one was a little different from the others, Harry’s words darker and more cutting than usual.  He’d threatened her, as he so often did, but this time he’d directed those threats towards her daughter as well, something which terrified her.  Debbie had seen and heard things that no kid should ever have to, and Bea felt guilty enough about that.  But for Harry to threaten to come after her, take her away as soon as he got out of prison, made her blood run cold.  The thought of him anywhere near her little girl made her feel sick, but in his eyes, she was fair game.  Bea had taken his life from him, and as soon as he was released, he would take hers.  Debbie.

Debbie, the only reason she’d kept fighting against Harry, flighting to stay alive.  She swore to her little girl when she was born that she would always protect her, and she had tried, although maybe not hard enough.  Her beautiful daughter, who in the midst of all the bad memories, she had forgotten to pick up.  Harry was right, not only was she repulsive, worthless and unlovable, she was also a shit mother.  Her forgetting to pick Deb up from school was proof enough of that.  It didn’t matter how hard she tried, she just kept on letting her little girl down.  She was a mother with responsibilities, and should be putting Debbie’s needs first, not wasting time feeling sorry for herself.  Jumping up, she looked around she room, hoping to find the car keys that she’d discarded when she first came into her daughters’ room.  “I need to go and pick Debbie up from the salon”

“You need a shower first” the brunette threw back, standing up before nudging her friends shoulder playfully.  “You stink” she added, tugging at the hem of Bea’s running top.

“But…”

“No buts Red, shower first.  The little grommet will be fine with Liz and Maxi for a little bit longer, plus she wouldn’t want to get in the car with you smelling like that.  Now are you going to go and shower, or do I need to drag you in there and scrub your back”

“Piss off Doyle” Bea replied, smiling for the first time since she read Harry’s letter.  Franky could be blunt, and so inappropriate at times, but she had been her rock through everything.  She was a good friend, and Bea knew that no matter what, the tattooed brunette would always be there for her.

As soon as she heard the water running in her friend’s en-suite Franky grabbed Red’s phone, calling Allie and asking her to come over.  While she could understand where Bea was coming from, having struggled with self-doubt for most of her life too, she needed the blonde.  Novak was good for her, and the redhead was much stronger with her by her side.  She’d been a little suspicious of the blonde’s intentions in the beginning, but it was clear how much she loved Bea, and Debbie too for that matter.  They were sickeningly cute together, and made the perfect little family.  It made perfect sense that the redhead would try and put her walls back up, and Franky knew it was more out of a need keep Allie safe than anything, but they were stronger together.  If she pushed the blonde away, not only would she be hurting them both, Harry would have won.

Turning the shower on, Bea stripped her clothes before stepping under the stream of water.  Now that she was alone again every word, every insult in Harry’s letter raced through her mind again like it was on a spin cycle.  Useless, pathetic, ugly, worthless, every one dragging her deeper in towards the darkness she had hoped she’d escaped from.  But she would never be free of him, she knew that now, and when he was eventually released from prison, she knew he would come for her.  As the tears flowed down her cheeks, mingling with the running water she looked around, her eyes coming to rest on a razor on one of the small shelves.  Reaching out, she grabbed the handle, turning it around a few times and admiring the blade.  Slamming the edge of the plastic casing against the wall, she sighed in relief when it shattered, giving her access to what she really needed.  Sliding down the tiled wall, she sat for a few seconds, her gaze shifting between the shiny blade and the soft skin on her inner thigh.  She felt weak for even considering it, but knew from past experience it would help.

She wasn’t sure why, but she knew that as soon as the sharp blade sliced through her skin, she would feel some of the pain and suffering escape her body.  Or at least it had done the last time she’d been in this position.  The first time she’d taken comfort in a razor blade was after Harry raped her.  He’d been to the footy with his mates, and had come in drunk as usual, demanding to be fed.  After eating, he’d retreated to the sofa, but not before instructing her to bring him another beer.  Once he was sorted, she headed back into the kitchen to make a start on the dishes, knowing she would be on the receiving end of his fist if he came in and saw his dirty plate still on the side.  The TV was on loud, so she didn’t hear him call out for more beer.  A few minutes later he came storming into the kitchen, slapped her around the face before dragging her across the room and throwing her face down onto the table.  That was the first time he raped her.

He took something from her that night, something she thought she would never get back, until Allie came crashing into her life.  The thought of anyone putting their hands on her body had terrified her after what he did, but with the blonde it was different.  What she once feared, she now craved, Allie’s touch healing her in a way she didn’t think possible.  But if Harry could threaten his own daughter, he’d think nothing of going after the blonde, if he ever found out about her.  It wasn’t a risk Bea was willing to take, despite even the thought of losing Allie ripping her heart to shreds.  She loved her too much to put her at risk, and even though the blonde might not understand her reasoning, she’d never forgive herself if something happened to her.  Turning the blade over in hand again, Bea moved it lower, a sob escaping her lips as she pressed it against her thigh.  Before she had a chance to do any real damage, she heard Allie’s voice, causing her to drop the blade instantly.

 

 

Allie was half way out of the door by the time Franky hung up, calling out to her boss to let her know she had a family emergency before running to her car.  The brunette hadn’t gone into any details, simply telling her that Bea wasn’t in a good place after receiving a letter from Harry.  Her first thought was getting there as quickly as possible, wrapping her arms around the woman she loved and never letting go.  Her second thought was how she could erase Harry from Bea’s life completely, without getting herself locked up.  Even without knowing the extent of what he had said to her girlfriend, she felt her heart breaking for her.  For once things seemed to be going her way as she managed to hit every green light on the way over to her girl’s house, something she was extremely thankful for.

Pulling up on the driveway she jumped out of the car and ran to the door, a little concerned when she spotted the police car parked on the road.  A million and one different scenarios were running through her head, but when Franky answered the door in her uniform the blonde released the breath that she didn’t realise she was holding.  She had worked herself up into a panic on the drive over, and as a result completely forgot about the tattooed brunette being a cop.  “Where’s Bea…is she ok?  And Debbie…” she blurted out before Franky even had a chance to close the door. 

“The grommet’s with Liz, and Red’s in the shower.  She’s been in there quite a while, and I’m pretty sure I heard her crying.  I would’ve gone in to check on her, but she’d have kicked my arse”

“What happened?” Allie asked as she raced up the stairs and towards the redhead’s room.  She could feel the anger building, but right now being there for her girlfriend was her sole focus.

“That worthless fucking dickhead, that’s what happened.  He sent her another poisonous letter, got in her head again, made her feel like she isn’t worth anything” the brunette replied, her voice cracking slightly as she bit down on her lip to stop the stray tear from falling.  She loved Bea like a sister, and hated the thought of her hurting in any way.  Especially when that piece of shit was the cause of it.  She just hoped that Novak could get through to her, and that Red wouldn’t shut her out.

Approaching the door to the en-suite, Allie paused for a few seconds, listening for any sign of movement from inside the room.  She could hear the water running in the shower, but nothing else.  Just as she was about to knock, she heard a loud sob, her heart breaking at the sound.  Opening the door she called Bea’s name, not wanting to startle her.  Receiving no answer, she approached the shower enclosure.  The glass was steamed up, but she could still make out the figure curled up on the floor in the corner.  Handing her phone to Franky, she told her she wouldn’t be long begore closing the bathroom door and grabbing a towel from the rail.  Ignoring the fact that she was fully clothed Allie opened the enclosure door, stepping inside and turning the water off, soaking herself in the process.  Spotting the piece of metal on the floor, she wrapped the towel around Bea as best as she could, before carefully picking up the blade and disposing of it.  Moving back over to the redhead she pulled her to her feet and into her arms, making sure to keep her covered up in a bid to maintain her dignity.

It was a little tricky, and she nearly slipped on a couple of occasions, but after a few minutes the blonde managed to get them both out of the shower.  Water pooled at their feet, most of it dripping from Allie’s saturated clothing, not that she cared.  She could feel Bea shaking in her arms, so called out to Franky and asked her to grab a few more towels as well as the redhead’s robe that was hanging on the back of the bedroom door.  Taking another towel from the brunette, she wrapped it around her girlfriend before telling her friend to leave the others on top of the cabinet.  Franky had told her that she needed to get back to the station, but to call her if either of them needed anything.  Thanking the other woman, she waited until she had left the room before turning her attention back to Bea.  Brushing the wet curls from her face before lifting her chin so she could look into her eyes, seeing the pain in her chocolate orbs.  Pulling her in closer, Allie kissed the top of her head before speaking.  “I’ve got you, it’s ok.  Everything will be ok…I promise”.  Pulling back slightly, she glanced over at the blade sitting on the counter, before looking back at Bea.  “Did you…are you hurt?” she asked, relieved wen the redhead shook her head.

The second their eyes locked Bea knew that she couldn’t let the blonde go, and had been crazy to even consider it.  That probably made her selfish, especially as she was worried Harry would try and hurt her if he ever found out about their relationship, but she needed her like she needed air.  Burying her head in the crook of the younger woman’s neck, she let the tears fall, feeling safe in her girlfriend’s arms.  Despite spending most of the day surrounded by a darkness that only Harry could bring, she couldn’t help but feel hopeful.

Allie didn’t even need to say anything, just one look from the younger woman told Bea exactly what she was thinking, and how she felt about her.  As she felt Harry’s word trickle from her mind, every single one of them replaced by a look, a touch, words of encouragement from the beautiful blonde, she felt guilty for ever doubting the strength of their relationship.  She didn’t have to be here picking Bea up off the floor, both literally and figuratively, but she was.  In that moment the redhead realised just how much she not only wanted Allie, but also needed her.  And so for the first time in her adult life she allowed someone to take care of her.

Twenty minutes later Allie had dried and dressed both herself and her girlfriend, the two of them sitting on the bed side by side.  Once Bea had calmed down a little, she had retrieved the letter from the floor in her daughter’s room before handing it over to the blonde.  While she was embarrassed by it, she didn’t want there to be any secrets between them, plus this was Allie would know exactly what she was getting into.  Bea couldn’t look at her girlfriend while she was reading the letter, afraid to see the look of disgust in her eyes.  While she knew that Allie would disagree with everything that Harry said about her, the older woman was still struggling to believe that his words weren’t true.

The blonde had tried, and failed to keep the tears at bay as she read the letter, Harry’s words like a knife to her heart.  How anyone could be so cruel to anyone was beyond her, but the fact that it was directed at her girlfriend made it even more painful to read.  She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Bea must be feeling right now, but needed her to know that what he said couldn’t be any further from the truth.  Screwing the piece of paper up, she threw it on the floor before turning to face the woman beside her.  Allie could feel the nerves radiating off her girlfriend, and she hated seeing her like this.  Slipping her arm around the older woman, she pulled her in so she was straddling her, her finger playing with a stray curl as she waited for Bea to look at her before speaking.  “Not one word of what he said is true, and you’re none of those things Bea.  You’re everything to Debbie, that little girl idolises you.  You’re everything to me too, and I love you so much.  Harry knows he’s lost, this is just a desperate attempt to try and claw back some control.  He’s the pathetic one.  You’re so much stronger than him, and you always will be.  He’s nothing”

“What if he comes for Debbie…comes for you?  I’d never forgive myself if he hurt either of you.  You’ve been through so much already Allie, being with me could get you hurt.  I…” the redhead said, Allie’s lips on hers stopping her from finishing her last sentence.

Allie had an idea where this conversation was going, and while it hurt that the redhead would try and push her away like that, she understood why.  If the roles were reversed, she knew that she would do anything to protect the Smith girls, even if it meant breaking her own heart in the process.  “There’s nothing that Harry, or anyone else could ever do to me that would hurt more than losing you.  I know we haven’t been together that long, but you mean the world to me.  I want everything with you Bea, both you and Debbie, and I’ve got no intention of going anywhere”

“But what if he comes for us, comes for you…”

“Then we’ll deal with it together.  He’ll never hurt you again, I promise” the blonde replied, leaning forward and capturing Bea’s lips in a loving kiss.  She would die before she let anyone lay a hand on either of her girls, and swore in that moment that she would protect them, no matter what the cost.


	22. Polar Opposites

It had been almost two weeks since Bea received the latest letter from Harry, and despite her insecurities getting the better of her on a few occasions, she was feeling stronger than ever.  Allie had been great, holding her when the need to cry became too strong, and telling her every single day how much she loved and adored her.  If anything, the letter had brought them closer, something the redhead knew would anger Harry if he ever found out about their relationship.  While she didn’t want to hide her love for Allie, she feared he would try and harm her in some way, and didn’t want to take that risk.  Bea would be happy if she never saw his face or heard from him again, and after contacting the prison and demanding that no more letters were sent to her, she allowed herself to relax a little.

Two weeks to the day another letter arrived, and the redhead was in two minds as to whether to read it, or simply throw it away.  Curiosity got the better of her in the end, although she did wait until her girlfriend arrived before opening it.  When Allie arrived and spotted the letter, she looked at the older woman questioningly, relieved to find out she hadn’t opened it.  After telling Debbie to go and wash her hands ready for dinner, the redhead waited until she left the room before letting Allie know she wanted them to open the offending item together.  While she was glad that Bea wasn’t shutting her out, she wished there wasn’t even a letter to discuss.  Picking it up, she opened the freezer, pushing the envelope in before kicking the door shut.  The raspy giggle falling from her girlfriend’s lips making her heart soar, and her pulse race.

The three of them spent the evening watching a movie of Debbie’s choice, and while Bea had already seen Finding Nemo what felt like a thousand times, she was just glad her daughter hadn’t picked Frozen.  While she could tolerate most Disney films, there was something about that one that made her wish the tv would break.  Debbie was sitting between them, cuddled into Allie’s side with her little legs draped over her mum’s lap.  Bea always cherished the time she spent with her daughter, but having her girlfriend there too made it perfect.  Once the movie had finished Debbie headed up to bed, but not without requesting they both read her a story.

Most nights it was either her or Allie that did the honours, but the nights they both got to do it were the redhead’s favourite.  Since Debbie was born, she had longed for a family unit.  Harry shattered that in an instant, but with the blonde here, she was starting to believe that one day it might be possible after all.  After saying goodnight to Debbie, they headed back down the stairs, Bea’s nerves increasing with every step she took.  She didn’t feel anywhere near as scared as she had when the last letter had arrived, and knew that was partly due to talking things through with her girlfriend.  Most of the time the blonde seemed to know exactly what to say to put her mind at rest, but a simple look from Allie could calm her in an instant.  Not wanting Harry’s memory to tarnish any of the main rooms in the house, she made a split-second decision, hoping the younger woman wouldn’t think she’d lost the plot completely.

Allie was surprised when her girlfriend took the letter from the freezer before grabbing her hand and leading her into the downstairs closet.  Opening the door, Bea walked in, pulling the blonde in after her before flicking the light on and closing the door.  “You want to open it in here?” Allie asked, confused as to why they weren’t somewhere more comfortable.

“Figured there was enough crap in here, so a bit more of Harry’s won’t hurt.  Plus, I don’t want a reminder of him in the rest of the house”

“You just want to get me in a dark room don’t ya” Allie joked, winking suggestively at the older woman.

“Damn it, you caught me out…” the redhead replied before taking a step closer and pinning Allie to the wall.  Her confidence was growing every day, and when the younger woman smiled at her like she was doing now, she felt like anything was possible.  Leaving no space between them, Bea ran her fingers through her girlfriends’ soft blonde locks before kissing her.  What has started out relatively innocent quickly became heated, the redhead slipping her hand under Allie’s shirt and cupping her bra clad breast causing the younger woman to lose all train of thought.

The need for air caused Bea to pull back, albeit reluctantly.  She could happily spend the rest of the night lost in all things Allie, but knew the letter in her pocket would still be there in the morning.  Not wanting Harry or his words hanging over her she slipped her hand back out of the younger woman’s shirt before taking a step back.  “As enjoyable as that was, I think I need to deal with this before we continue” she said, waiting for Allie to compose herself before taking the letter from her pocked and ripping the envelope open.

“Whatever you need, I’m right here.  I’ll always be here.  And whatever the letter says just remember that I love you, you’re everything to me”

“I love you too, my beautiful girl” Bea replied, kissing the blonde on the cheek before unfolding the piece of paper and reading it out.

 

**_So, you think you can stop me from sending letters.  Well guess what bitch, you’re wrong.  I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re feeling brave, I’ve been gone for some time now.  But I’ll be out soon, and then we’ll be together, whether you like it or not.  You think you can move on from me, live your life while I’m stuck in here, but you’re wrong.  You don’t control me Bea, I control you, and I always will.  I know you’ve wondered how I know where you live, well I know everything Bea.  Everything.  You can’t, won’t, ever get away from me.  You’re mine, and only mine._ **

**_I’ve been hearing rumours about you, but I know they’re just that.  They say you’ve got a girlfriend, but I know it isn’t true, it can’t be.  No one would ever want to fuck you for a start, you ugly, worthless, pathetic piece of shit.  You should think yourself lucky that I’m still coming home to you, that I take my responsibility as your husband seriously._ **

**_Just remember, every move you make, I’ll be watching you…_ **

As Bea read the words, she pictured Harry writing them, sitting on a small bed in a dark and bland cell.  While his words hurt, she didn’t feel the crippling anguish that she usually did after receiving one of his letters.  She had been opening up to her girlfriend more over the past couple of weeks, knowing it was the only way to put the past behind her.  It wouldn’t be easy, Bea knew that, but for Allie she was willing to try.  For Allie, she would do anything.  She was just about to speak when the blonde beat her too it, shredding any trace of insecurity with her words.

“Is he quoting Sting lyrics…fucking dickhead” Allie scoffed, shaking her head at the idiocy of the man.  He was a poor excuse for a human at best, but hearing goading and belittling her girlfriend like that broke her heart.  The loud, fractured laugh that Bea let out at her words put those broken pieces back together again in an instant.

“You’re an idiot”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot…and you love it”

“I love you…” Bea replied, stuffing the letter into one of the drawers in the closet before pulling the blonde in closer.  She would rather burn the damn thing, but had promised Franky after the last one that she would pass them onto the police in future.  “Thank you, for being here with me, _for_ me”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be”

“I doubt that” Bea laughed as she looked around the cramped space, filled with her tools and boxes of Debbie’s old toys that she’d been meaning to get rid of.

Leaning in, Allie brushed a stray curl from the older woman’s face before capturing her lips. Like before, things heated up quickly, both women keen to continue somewhere more comfortable.  Pulling back reluctantly, she took Bea’s hand in hers, the desire she saw in her chocolate brown eyes causing her to lose her train of thought momentarily.  “Are you ready to step out of the closet with me then?” Allie asked, after composing herself slightly.

“Think it’s a bit late for that, don’t you…” Bea replied, stealing another quick kiss before leading her girlfriend out of the closet and over to the sofa, eager to pick up where they left off.

 

 

The two of them were cuddled up on the sofa together a few days later when Bea decided to voice what had been on her mind since receiving the second letter.  She had spoken to Bridget about it, but didn’t want to make any decisions without consulting her girlfriend.  Honesty was something that was extremely important to her, and if she expected that from the blonde, then she had to give it back in return.  Secrets only brought trouble, and without trust, their relationship meant nothing.

At first Allie was against the idea, the thought of the redhead being in the same room as the man that had both mentally and physically tortured her for so long filling her with fear.  But she could also understand why it was something that Bea needed to do.  They’d had a little disagreement, both women realising how stubborn the other could be, but eventually the older woman gave in, seeing how important it was to Allie.  Which is how they found themselves at the airport waiting to board a flight to Melbourne.  They were aiming to be back home later that evening, but Bridget had suggested that Debbie have a sleepover in case they were late.  The young girl had to be up for school, so it made sense not to disturb her once she was asleep.  Plus, Franky had been pestering her to spend some time with Deb for the past week.

Bea had insisted on paying for both plane tickets, much to her girlfriend’s frustration.  Allie had tried to argue with her, saying that she was capable of paying her own way, but it wasn’t about that for Bea.  In the end the redhead had taken to distracting her with kisses, something that had worked a lot easier than she expected.  They still hadn’t taken their relationship to the next level, but had come close on a couple of occasions, both times the blonde being the one to pull away.  Bea had started to wonder if Allie wasn’t attracted to her in that way, and after driving herself crazy one evening had eventually sought out Franky’s advice, despite the teasing she knew would come with it.  The tattooed brunette had surprised her though, offering some sage advice with only a minimal amount of teasing. 

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you Red, and trust me, she wants more than just a snack…she’s in this for the full meal” Franky had said, after the redhead voiced her concerns.

“Then why does she keep pulling away?”

“You’ve told her about how it was with Harry I’m assuming?” the brunette asked, waiting for her friend to nod in confirmation before continuing.  “Then I’m guessing she doesn’t want to pressure you into anything, she wants to make sure you’re one hundred percent certain before taking things further.  I know it must be frustrating, but this is a good thing Bea.  It shows that she’s putting you first, and that’s the way it should always be”

“I’m pretty sure I’m ready, no…I am ready.  Every time she touches me, I feel like I’m flying, like I can do anything.  I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Allie”

“Then go after what you want, make the first move” Franky replied, laughing when she saw the look of horror on the other woman’s face.  “I’ll break it down for you, you’ve got fingers…and you’ve got a tongue…” she added, jumping back when Bea tried to push her over.

Allie’s soft voice brought Bea back to the present, and the task at hand.  Realising the gate was opening she took the offered hand, allowing her girlfriend to pull her to her feet.  “Are you sure you want to do this?” She asked, gazing into the ocean pools she loved so much while giving her girlfriend a way out.

“Honestly, I’d rather be cuddled up on the sofa with you and Deb watching a movie.  But if this is what you need to do then I’m where I want to be…right by your side”

Three hours later their cab pulled up outside the grey and brutal looking building that housed Harry Smith, and after paying the driver they got out of the car, the redhead’s eyes scanning the concrete walls and razor wire.  For the first time since she made her decision, Bea was starting to question whether this was the best idea.  But she needed closure, needed to not only show Harry that he didn’t control her, but to put the past behind her in order to move forward with her life.  A life she hoped would include Allie.  She had fallen hard for the blonde, and while she trusted that she would never hurt her, that didn’t mean it wasn’t scary.  These feelings were all so new to her, and had her heart racing and her head in a spin.  But she wouldn’t change it for the world.  Bea felt freer than ever before, and knew that was all down to the love and support of her beautiful girlfriend.  She still had no idea what Allie saw in her, and maybe she never would.  But as she reached out and took her hand, she realised that it didn’t matter.  Allie loved her, and that was all she needed, all she would ever need.

 

 

The plan had been for Allie to wait in reception for her, the redhead not wanting to put her through the torture of dealing with Harry.  But as she approached the desk to sign in, found she couldn’t even bring herself to pick up the pen.  The thought of facing the man who had singlehandedly made her life a living hell filled her with dread, and she knew she couldn’t do it alone.  Allie had picked up on the change in her girlfriend straight away, the fear evident in her eyes as she scanned the room.  Standing up she approached the redhead before grabbing the pen and writing both their names in the book.  After signing beside her own she handed the pen to Bea, taking her other hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.  No words were needed as they got lost in each other’s gaze for a few seconds, Bea thankful for the support, and Allie just glad that she could be there for the older woman.

Luckily neither woman was selected for a random search, something Bea was thankful for.  The thought of anyone seeing her body filled her with dread, but what surprised her the most was how angry just thinking about someone else’s eyes on her girlfriend made her.  She’d never really thought of herself as the jealous type until Allie came along, but then she’d never really had anyone worth feeling that way over before.  She would have given anything for someone to come along and tempt Harry away, but she hadn’t been that lucky.  They were only waiting for a few minutes before the inmates started to enter the room, but to Bea it felt like a lifetime.  Allie had taken her hand under the cover of the table, wanting to offer her as much comfort as possible, but when she felt the older woman tense up, she knew she must have seen him.

Nothing could prepare Bea for the feeling that washed over her as she laid eyes on Harry for the first time in four years.  He looked tired, and had aged considerably.  He had a scar on his face that wasn’t there before, running from the corner of his left eye and finishing in the centre of his cheek.  It looked like he had suffered and that pleased the redhead, more than it probably should.  But he deserved it, and if he felt even a fraction of the pain and fear she had endured, then she was happy.  He seemed dejected, downtrodden even, but the second he spotted Bea his expression changed.  The arrogant smirk she had become accustomed to over the years was back in place, as it always was. 

Even though she had arranged the visit, Harry still looked a little surprised to see her, as though he wouldn’t allow himself to believe it until she was right in front of him.  As his eyes roamed over the woman he still saw as his wife, he took in her appearance.  She was hot, hotter than he remembered her being, although that could just be a result of being locked up for the past four years.  He was so engrossed in checking her out, thinking about all the things he’d love to do to her if only they could get a few minutes alone, that he didn’t realise there was someone else sitting beside her.  Movement to her left finally caught his attention, and as he turned his head was surprised to see a blonde woman sitting there.  He’d never seen her before and had no idea who she was, but he wouldn’t mind getting to know her in a more intimate way.  She was stunning, not in the same way that Bea was, but her flowing blonde locks and girl next door looks would definitely provide him with a little stimulation during the long and lonely nights.  He just couldn’t figure out why she would be here with his wife.  For a split second he wondered if his source had been right when he said Bea had a girlfriend, but as quickly as the thought appeared it vanished again.

Taking a few steps closer Harry held his arms out expectantly, but when Bea stayed seated instead of giving him the hug that he wanted, he could feel the anger building.  She had asked for this visit after years of radio silence, so the least she could do was give him one lousy hug.  Realising it wasn’t going to happen he took a seat opposite the two women, his gaze shifting to the cute blonde briefly before focussing on the redhead again.  “So…to what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked, with what he hoped was his most charming smile.  “I knew you couldn’t live without me”

“I’m doing just fine without you Harry, don’t worry about that” Bea replied, brushing her thumb over her girlfriend’s hand, that was hidden under the table, before locking eyes with that man who had once terrified her.  “I got your letter, it made for an interesting read”

“And you’ve come all this way to tell me that have you Bea.  Or do you miss me, is that it?  You’ve finally realised you need me, that you can’t live without me, so you’ve come here to beg for my forgiveness.  Beg me to take you back”

“In your dreams Harry.  I came here today because I needed to put the past behind me, put a lid on it, and you.  And I want you to stop sending letters.  Our marriage is over, dead, and reliving the past isn’t doing ether of us any good.  I’ve moved on, and you need to do the same”

“I’m stuck in this shithole in case you’ve forgotten, how the fuck can I move on!  Plus, you’re my wife, you belong to me”

Allie didn’t mean to, but couldn’t stop the loud scoff falling from her lips at Harry’s audacity.  She couldn’t work out if he was delusional, or just plain stupid.  Hearing the blonde, he turned to face her quickly, feeling the rage starting to bubble up under the surface.  “Who the fuck are you anyway?  She’s my wife, and I’ll do and say what the hell I want to her”

Bea hadn’t gone there with the intention announcing her relationship, she hadn’t even planned on the two of them meeting.  But here they were, and while she was concerned about angering him, she wouldn’t hide Allie like some dirty secret.  Bridget had suggested that knowing she had moved on might be the push he needed to stop his mind games, but the redhead wasn’t so sure.  What she was certain of was that pretending they were just friends would hurt Allie, and that wasn’t something she was prepared to do.  The blonde had told her on several occasions over the past couple of weeks that she wasn’t going anywhere, and they would deal with everything thrown at them, together.  Taking a breath to steady her nerves she fixed her eyes on Harry, hoping she looked more confident than she felt.  “This is Allie, my girlfriend”

“Your what…?  Can you say that again, as I’m pretty sure you said she was your girlfriend, and I know that can’t be true” Harry said, fighting back the urge to laugh in the redhead’s face.

“You heard correct the first time around Harry, but to confirm, Allie is my girlfriend”

Harry was lost for words, she had to be joking, surely.  Not only was Bea straight, there was no way she’d be able to bag someone as hot as Allie.  She just didn’t have it in her.  Plus, she was shit in bed, and doubted blondie would stick around.  He always knew he was punching above his weight with Bea, so had put up with the crap sex.  But Allie, she was hot, and he suspected she wasn’t short of offers.  Which made her supposed relationship with the redhead even more confusing.  When his gaze shifted between the two women though, neither of them looked like they were joking.  “Fucking hell…you’re actually serious.  You two…you’re together.  I can’t decide if that makes me angry, or horny”

“I couldn’t give a shit about your opinion Harry, this doesn’t concern you.  My life is none of your business, not any more.  You lost that privilege when you put your hands on me”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it” Harry replied, smirking at Bea before turning to face the blonde.  “Does she like it when you get rough with her too, when you take what you want…or was that just with me?” he asked, leering at the blonde before throwing her what he thought was a suggestive wink.

“I believe what you did is referred to as rape” Allie bit back, speaking for the first time since meeting Harry.  She had intended to stay quiet, be there as a source of support for Bea, but hearing him talk to her girlfriend like that filled her with rage.

“Is that what she told you?” Harry asked before letting out a loud belly laugh, catching the attention of the visitors at the adjacent table.  “If she hated it so much then why did she keep letting me touch her, keep coming back for more.  Maybe she doesn’t give you everything, not the way she did with me” he added, feeling pleased with himself when he saw a flash of what he assumed was doubt in her eyes.  Before he could continue fucking with Allie’s head, Bea jumped in, ruining his fun once again.

“That’s where you’re wrong Harry.  I’ll happily give everything to Allie, every single part of me.  But you, you never had anything.  Not my respect, and certainly not my love.  I’ve spent the past four years hating you, or at least thinking I did.  The truth is, you don’t mean enough for me to hate you.  You’re insignificant, you’re nothing…worthless some might say” the redhead said, sounding a lot more confident than she felt.  She knew she was making him angry, provoking him in a way, but Allie’s soft hand in hers gave her a strength she’d never felt in Harry’s presence before.  This would be the last time she set eyes on Harry Smith, she wouldn’t visit again.  The only reason she was here today was to get closure.  Besides her daughter, Bea had everything she would ever need sitting right beside her.  Glancing over at the blonde, she smiled before turning her attention back to Harry, just in time to see him jerking forward in an attempt to get to her.

Allie was out of her seat in a flash, grabbing a handful of Harry’s hoodie and turning him around slightly before raising her knee and connecting with his groin, hard.  She couldn’t help but feel proud of herself as she watched him drop to the floor, crying out in pain.  She knew she shouldn’t have reacted, but it was a fraction of what he deserved for what he had said and done.  It had probably made things a thousand times worse, but there was no way she could just sit back and watch him launch at Bea like that.

“Fucking slut bitch” Harry half yelled, half moaned as he cupped his groin.  She was only slight, but the blonde’s knee had hit him with some force, and he knew walking would be a little difficult for a while.  Holding onto the edge of the table he pulled himself up, stumbling slightly before making a grab for Allie.

“Don’t you dare talk about her like that, she’s a thousand times the person you’ll ever be” Bea shouted back, as she moved to stand in front of her girlfriend protectively.  The commotion had attracted the attention of the two guards at the other side of the room, although Harry clearly wasn’t aware that they were approaching.

“Touched a nerve did I Bea?  Although you were never that quick to defend me” he spat back, the anger in his face clear for all to see. 

She had been on the receiving end of that look before, and knew what it meant.  Luckily the guards were within reaching distance when she dealt her final blow, wanting to have the upper hand this time.  “I love Allie, that’s why…”.  The, “ _I never loved you”_ part wasn’t even needed, the look on Harry’s face as he was dragged away making it perfectly clear that he understood.

 

 

It had been over a week since their impromptu trip to Melbourne, and all had been quiet on the Harry front.  The redhead had expected some kind of fall out after what happened, but was happy that life seemed to be drama free.  For now, at least.  Bea’s lunchbreak was over and she was just about to head back to the lifeguard tower when a call came in from Debbie’s school, the head teacher letting her know that her daughter had been in a fight.  Panic was the first thing she felt, was she badly hurt, which little shit had done this to her baby, but as the voice on the other end of the line continued to speak, that fear turned to anger.  She wasn’t badly injured, which was good, but the head teacher was blaming Debbie, saying she started the fight.  While she knew that her little girl had a smart mouth at times, no thanks to Franky’s presence in her life, she was no bully.  Bea knew something wasn’t right, and was determined to get to the bottom of it, although her priority right now was making sure Debbie was ok.  Grabbing the car keys from her locker she radioed through to Will, apologising and explaining what had happened, as well as letting him know she had to leave for an hour or two.  As she was making her way to the car her phone rang again, and despite the concern for her daughter, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw her girlfriend’s name flash up on the screen.

Allie was calling to see if the redhead wanted her to pick anything up for dinner as she had finished work early.  As soon as Bea spoke, the blonde knew something was wrong, her first thought going to Harry.  After the older woman explained what had happened Allie offered to go and collect Debbie from school, then bring her down to the lifeguard tower so Bea didn’t have to leave work.  It would have been the perfect solution had the blonde been registered with the school, but as that wasn’t the case Bea knew there was no way they would let Deb go with her, even if she did call in advance.  Deciding that she should rectify that, she asked Allie if she would mind meeting her at the school.  That way she could watch the young girl while Bea spoke to the headteacher, and she could add Allie’s name to the list of trusted contacts.  Assuming she wanted that kind of responsibility.  Maybe she was getting ahead of herself here, but if this wasn’t what the blonde wanted, she wouldn’t have offered to pick Debbie up…would she.  Deciding that she should probably check with Allie before doing anything, Bea started the engine and took off in the direction of the school.

By the time Bea arrived at the school her girlfriend was already there, her heart skipping a beat when she saw the blonde waiting for her at the gate.  She would never get tired of the fluttering in her chest every time their eyes locked, or the way the younger woman’s smile could light up her day.  Not wanting to put Allie on the spot, she decided to broach the subject of adding her to Debbie’s list of contacts as they made their way across the school yard.  She was surprisingly nervous, something that frustrated her a little.  Get a grip Smith it’s not like you’re asking her to move in, she told herself.  Although she couldn’t deny that the thought of coming home to Allie every night was a good one.  “I was err…wondering if it would be ok to add you.  If you don’t want to that’s fine, I won’t be offended…I just thought that if I did, then it would be easier” Bea rambled on, mentally chastising herself for sounding like a bumbling idiot.  “There’s no pressure, I…” she continued, only to be stopped by the blonde’s lips on her cheek.

“Babe, you’re rambling, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about”

“Debbie, she has a list of approved people, kind of like a contact list if I’m not available.  Liz is on it, and Franky as well.  I thought maybe I could add you too…but only if you want to.  It’s a big step, and I won’t be offended if it isn’t something you want to do”.  “I’m sorry, it was a stupid idea.  Forget I mentioned it” the redhead added, after receiving no response from her girlfriend

Realising she hadn’t responded Allie stopped walking, turning to face the redhead before taking her hand in hers.  “You’d really trust me to look after Debbie, pick her up from school?”

“Of course I trust you Alliecat.  If I didn’t, we wouldn’t together”

Squeezing the older woman’s hand, Allie shot her a megawatt smile before leading her toward what she hoped was the main entrance to Debbie’s school.  “Come on then, sign me up.  And let’s go and see what your mini-me has gotten herself into" she said, her voice breaking slightly under the magnitude of the moment.  To some this wouldn’t mean much, but to the blonde it meant everything.  Knowing that not only did Bea trust her with the most important person in her life, she was also sharing another part of herself with Allie.  And anything she was willing to give, the blonde would cherish, always.

 

 

A few minutes later, and after navigating more corridors than Allie could remember, they finally arrived at the office belonging to the school nurse.  Knocking on the door, they waited for the nurse to respond before walking in, finding Debbie sitting in a chair, a small cut above her left eye and an ice pack on her right hand.  At the other side of the room there was a boy, one that Bea recognised from that day at Darling Harbour when her daughter had defended one of her friends.  Suspecting that something similar had happened again, she approached the young brunette, calling out her name as she did.  Debbie’s gaze was fixed on the boy, but when she heard her mum’s voice, turned around, surprised to see that Allie was with her too.

“Are you alright, does anything hurt?” the redhead asked, crouching down so she was at eye level with her daughter.  Other than the bruised knuckles and the cut, which had a couple of butterfly stitches over it, the young girl seemed to be unharmed.  Something which came as a huge relief to Bea.

“Nope…” Debbie replied, with a little extra emphasis on the last two letters of the word.  “Can we go now, I don’t want to be near _him_ ” she added, the bite in her voice evident as she glared at the boy, who at least had the decency to look guilty.

After checking with the nurse to make sure Debbie could leave and didn’t need any further medical attention, the three of them made their way to the head teachers office, Bea stopping off at the reception desk to add Allie to her daughters list of approved contacts.  After filling out the form she handed it back to the receptionist, the woman behind the desk scoffing and shaking her head when she scanned over the section about the person’s relationship to the parent and child.  Allie had picked up on it, and while it was frustrating, it wasn’t the first time this had happened.  She just hoped her girlfriend hadn’t noticed.  As soon as she looked in Bea’s direction she knew that she had, the clenching of her jaw giving her away in an instant.

After receiving instructions from the receptionist about taking her picture for their records the blonde suggested Bea and Debbie go and see the head teacher.  “If I’d have known I’d be having my photo taken I’d have made more of an effort though” she joked in a bid to ease the tension that had set in, her girlfriend still glaring at the other woman.

“You’re beautiful” Bea replied, surprising the blonde by pulling her in for a kiss.  While she was still shy when it came to showing public displays of affection, she wanted to let the small-minded bigot behind the desk that she didn’t want or need her approval.  She loved Allie, and nothing else mattered.

Leaving the shocked blonde to get her picture taken, Bea took her daughters hand and made her way over to the office across the corridor, waiting to be called in before entering.  The principle had only been there for six months, and while she was pleasant enough, there was something about her that grated on the redhead.  She could be a little patronising at times, especially for someone who didn’t have any kids of her own.  But whatever her views on Ms Stevenson, Bea was there for one reason, to get to the bottom of what had happened today.

Ten minutes later Bea had established that her daughter had punched the boy who she had seen in the nurse’s office, twice.  There was a third child involved, Shayne Butler, and as soon as she heard his name, the redhead knew Deb would have been defending him.  Brayden Holt, the boy who’d had his arse handed to him by Debbie had been bullying Shayne, pushing him around in the playground and kicking him.  After speaking to Debbie, it became clear that none of the teachers were helping, so she stepped in.  He was her friend, and friends stuck together.

“I’m not sorry” the young girl said as she glared at the head teacher, her arms crossed in defiance.  “I told the teacher, but he sent me away.  Shayne was hurt, and no one hurts my friend”

The meeting with the head teacher didn’t last much longer, Bea fighting to control her temper when Ms Stevenson suspended Debbie for two days.  To make matters worse, this Holt kid had been let off with a warning, despite being older, and the one to start the trouble in the first place.  She deemed being beaten up by a younger girl punishment enough for him, and therefore refused to rethink, no matter how adamant the redhead was.  Shayne had been taken to the hospital to get checked, yet the culprit got off with a black eye, and bloody nose.  While she didn’t condone violence, Bea couldn’t help but feel a little proud of her daughter.  She had worried that after everything the young girl had witnessed at home, she would end up in a similar situation when she grew up.  But seeing the fire in her eyes when she spoke about what happened reassured her that would never happen.  Debbie was a strong girl, much stronger than she’d been at that age, and Bea couldn’t be happier about that.

By the time thy left the school Bea only had a couple of hours left of her shift, so the blonde suggested that she watch Debbie, allowing the older woman to head back.  “I’ll go and grab Deb’s booster seat” Bea said, turning in the direction of her car.  Before she could even take a step, her girlfriend was pulling her back and telling her it wasn’t necessary.  “She can’t ride without it Alliecat”

“I know, I bought one yesterday.  That way we don’t have to keep swapping yours over all the time” the blonde replied, before turning to Debbie and letting her know they would be spending the rest of the afternoon together, the young girl jumping around in excitement.

Bea felt her heart swell with love for the blonde. It wasn’t anything major, but the fact that Allie had done that for her and Deb meant so much.  After telling her daughter to behave, and watching as she climbed into the blonde’s car, she slipped her arms around the younger woman and pulled her in close.  “I love you, I hope you know that.  You didn’t have to do that”

“I know, but I wanted to.  It’s no big deal”

“It is to me, so thank you.  I’ll show you how grateful I am later…”

“Can it be later right now?” Allie threw back, winking at the older woman.  She loved every side of Bea, but when she let go, and pushed back a little it was such a turn on.  They’d been getting closer and closer over the past couple of weeks, and it took every bit of the blonde’s willpower to stop things before they went too far.  She wanted Bea in a way she’d never wanted anyone, but that want would always come second to the redhead’s happiness. 

“Patience Alliecat…it’ll be worth the wait”

“You’d better get that sexy arse of yours back to work then.  The quicker you go, the quicker you’ll be back and I can claim my reward” Allie replied, slapping the older woman on the arse before turning and walking back to her car, and Debbie.

 

 

Debbie being home from school meant that Bea had to take time out of work, something she hated doing as she felt she was letting her colleagues down.  Will had told her not to worry about it.  She was the most reliable member of his team, and often covered other people’s shifts when they needed time off for whatever reason.  Plus, family came first, and it always would.  Bea was a great mum, but he knew how hard it had been for her over the years, which is why he’d tried to be there for her as much as possible.  Even if that had caused him issues in his own relationship.  But she had Allie now, and she had been a great source of love and support for his friend.  It didn’t hurt that her involvement with Bea had changed his girlfriend’s opinion of the redhead.  Life was definitely easier all round now Kaz was off the warpath. 

Bea had sat her daughter down for a chat after the three of them had eaten dinner.  Allie had tried to sneak away into the kitchen to wash the dishes, but the redhead wasn’t having any of it.  While she appreciated her girlfriend’s attempt at giving them some mother, daughter time, she wanted her there.  If things worked out the way the older woman wanted, Allie would be in their lives for a long time, therefore it was important that she felt like a part of the family.  While she wasn’t expecting anything from the blonde in terms of parenting Debbie, Bea needed her girlfriend to know that she valued her input, and always would. 

When Bea allowed herself to think about the future, she saw Debbie with two parents, her and Allie.  She hadn’t spoken to the blonde about it, it was too soon for a start, but she couldn’t deny that the mental image made her happy.  After everything that happened with Harry, she never thought she would ever get involved with anyone again, but then she didn’t know someone as wonderful as Allie existed either.  She had been powerless when it came to the beautiful blonde, and despite the initial confusion over these new found feelings, couldn’t help but get drawn in.  The fact that Debbie adored her was an added bonus, she just hoped for once that something would go right in her life.

The chat had gone better than expected, although neither adult could argue with Debbie’s justification for hitting that Brayden kid.  The Holts were well known around Sydney, Jacs and Vinnie responsible for the majority of the city’s drug problems.  For some reason they seemed to be above the law, untouchable in a way, although after speaking to Franky, it appeared they had friends in high places.  Including the police force.  Bea didn’t even know this kid was a Holt, although it would explain his shitty attitude at least.  She had tried to explain to her daughter that punching someone wasn’t the best way to deal with a bully, and while the redhead didn’t condone it, sympathised with the young girl.  She had tried to follow protocol by seeking out a teacher for help, but if they chose to ignore it, then she couldn’t blame Debbie for protecting her friend.

Allie had been great as well, supporting her girlfriend where necessary, as well as letting Debbie know that despite her methods, standing by her friend was a good thing.  She also picked up on the change in Bea’s mood, pulling the older woman down to sit in her lap later in the evening after Debbie had gone to bed.  “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” the blonde asked, causing her girlfriend’s cheeks to turn the colour of her hair.  She loved how she could make the older woman blush so easily.

“It’s probably nothing, and it’s none of my business really, but I’m worried about Shayne”.  Something Debbie had said during their talk that lingered.  When asked why she felt she had to protect her friend, the young girl had said, “because he gets hurt at home, and I can’t help him there”.  It had been playing on her mind for a couple of hours now, and she couldn’t seem to shake it.  She had thought that something was off with his mother when they saw her Darling Harbour that day, but she never thought she would hurt the young boy. 

“You think he’s being abused at home?”

“Maybe, I don’t know.  I’m probably reading too much into it, but something wasn’t right with his mother when we saw her.  Maybe Deb got it wrong, who knows.  I’ve just got a bad feeling about it”

“Then you should trust your instincts”

“I can’t exactly go around accusing someone without proof”

“What about speaking to the head teacher, let her know your concerns and ask them to keep an eye on him, see if they’ve noticed anything unusual”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.  I might have a word with Franky as well, see if she can find anything out.  If he is being abused, I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t do anything to help” the older woman said, taken aback slightly by the look her girlfriend was giving her.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you’re the best, perfect in fact” Allie replied, giggling when she heard the redhead scoff at the compliment as her cheeks coloured.  “You’re so cute when you blush” she added, giggling when Bea tried to hide her face.

“Allieeeee…I’m not cute…”

“You are, you’re my cute little teddy bear” the blonde replied, moving slightly so Bea ended up straddling her lap.  “I love you”

Gazing into the bluest eyes she had ever seen Bea felt safer than ever before.  She didn’t need grand gestures, it was the little things that meant the most to her.  Things like how the blonde had listened to her concerns, trusted her judgement and encouraged her.  Harry had never done anything like that, choosing to belittle her instead, tell her how no one wanted to hear what she had to say.  With him she felt like her opinion meant nothing, like _she_ meant nothing, but with Allie by her side she felt like anything was possible.  Brushing her thumb over the blonde’s cheek she leaned in, their eyes locking briefly before their lips joined.  Allie’s lips were addictive, but then so was every other part of her.  Bea never knew it was possible to crave another person the way she did the blonde, and she hoped that it would always be this way.  Pulling back slightly, she rested her forehead against Allie’s as her fingers found their way into golden tresses.  “I love you too, my beautiful girl”


	23. A step (or splash) in the right direction

### Chapter 23: A step (or splash) in the right direction

 

Allie had hardly been home over the past week.  Other than a couple of nights, the only time she’d been back was to pick up a change of clothes.  The redhead had cleared a section of her closet, along with one of the drawers, wanting the blonde to have some space to leave her things so she wouldn’t be running backwards and forwards all the time.  While it had seemed like a good idea at the time, Bea was now starting to question herself.  Would Allie think it was stupid, too soon maybe.  It wasn’t as though Bea had a lot of experience in this kind of thing.  She briefly considered discussing it with Franky, but just the thought of the teasing she would get was enough to stop that in its tracks.  Deciding that it would be best not to make a big deal of it, she waited until later in the evening when her girlfriend took her bag up to the bedroom before following her up there.  She was nervous, fidgety even, and she knew by the questioning look the blonde was giving her, that she had picked up on it.

“What’s wrong beautiful?  Is it Harry, has he done something…” the blonde said, the concern in her voice evident as she cupped Bea’s chin, lifting her head slightly and forcing the older woman to look at her.  “I’ll kick his arse into next week…”

“No, nothing like that, please don’t worry” Bea replied, her heart melting at how protective her girlfriend was.  “I…I cleared a drawer and some space in my closet, in case you wanted to leave a few things here.  You don’t have to, and I won’t be offended if you’d rather not, but I thought it would save you having to drive backwards and forwards between here and your place” she added, lowering her head and finding a spot on the carpet rather interesting. 

Allie was a little taken back by what the older woman had just said, and even though she knew Bea loved her, she wasn’t expecting this.  She knew she was probably reading way more into it than she should, but by making space for her clothes, it felt like Bea was opening up and sharing another part of her life with the blonde.  Allie knew going into this that she would need to be patient with the older woman, and even then, she may not fully open up to her.  But it was worth the risk, and not only would she take anything Bea was willing to give, she would cherish it.   Allie hadn’t even realised she had got lost in her thoughts until she felt the lone tear fall down her cheek.  Locking eyes with the older woman, she saw the look on her face, realising a little too late that she had misread her silence.

Bea felt like the biggest idiot in the world.  She was frustrated with herself for being so clueless when it came to relationship etiquette, and angry at Harry for making her that way.  “It was a stupid idea, I’m sorry…just forget I said anything” she said, wishing she could go back a few minutes and keep her mouth shut.  That or the ground would open up and swallow her.

Brushing her thumb over the redhead’s cheek, Allie lost herself in those soulful brown eyes that she adored, before responding.  “No, I don’t want to forget it.  I just, you took me by surprise that’s all.  I’d love to have a drawer here, if you’re sure that’s what you want.  And if you change your mind at any time I’ll understand.  I know this is a big step for you”

“It’s not though, or at least it doesn’t feel that way.  Not with you.  I love it when you’re here with us…I love you” the older woman replied, wishing she could wake up with Allie every morning.  It was way too soon for anything as permanent as living together though, especially as they had agreed to take their time, not rush the relationship.  Bea was torn between worrying the blonde would get bored with her and the slow pace, and not wanting to move too fast and ruin what they had.  But every time she was alone with Allie, she wanted more.

 

 

They had come so close to taking their relationship to the next step a couple of nights ago, and Bea was pretty sure that they would have if it hadn’t been for the poor timing of her girlfriend’s phone.  Allie had just taken a shower and had come back through into the bedroom to grab a change of clothes.  As she bent down to open her drawer the knot in the towel that she was wearing came undone, offering the redhead an unobstructed view of her almost naked body, a pair of red lace undies the only thing covering the younger woman’s modesty.  Before she had a chance to pick it back up and secure it in place, Bea jumped up from her seat on the end of the bed and crossed the room, reaching out and placing her hand on Allie’s arm to stop her.  “No?” the blonde asked, feeling the fire in her stomach at the intensity of her girlfriend’s gaze.  And when she shook her head, Allie pretty much melted on the spot.

Bea wasn’t sure where this newfound confidence had come from, but for once she decided not to question it.  She couldn’t take her eyes off of the vision before her, or her hands it would seem.  Before she had time to even process what was happening, she had taken a step forward, effectively pinning the blonde to the wall.  Running her hands up Allie’s arm, she trailed them back down her side, letting out a gasp as her thumb accidentally brushed up against her left breast, and a low moan fell from the blonde’s lips.  “No, leave it…I want to look at you” she eventually replied, before surging forward and claiming her lips in a fiery kiss.

While she was more than a little surprised by this new, confident side of her girlfriend, that didn’t mean Allie didn’t love it.  She knew Bea worried that when it came down to the business end of things, she wouldn’t be able to give the younger woman what she needed.  But all Allie needed, all she would ever need is Bea’s love.  Everything else was just a bonus.  Although given the way her hands were currently roaming all over the blonde’s body, she doubted there would ever be an issue.  As she lost herself in the intensity of the kiss, she felt the older woman’s hands moving lower, coming to rest at the top of her thighs before picking her up.  Wrapping her legs around her girlfriend’s waist, Allie kissed along her strong jawline and down to her neck, holding on a little tighter when she felt herself being carried across the room.

Having Allie wrapped around her like this was causing the redhead’s brain to short circuit, so much so that as she crossed the room she stumbled forward, losing her footing slightly and causing them both to crash down on the bed, the blonde lying flat on her back, and Bea on top of her, her face buried in the valley between the younger woman’s breasts.  She could feel her girlfriend’s body vibrating as laughter filled the room, Bea unable to stop herself from joining in as she reluctantly tore her eyes away from Allie’s chest so she could see her beautiful face.  The confidence she had felt a short while ago was starting to waiver, but with Franky’s words in the back of her mind, Bea knew she had to take the lead.  “Sorry, got distracted” she said, lifting up slightly to allow Allie to move further up the bed, before making herself comfortable again.  “Is…is this ok?” she asked nervously as her fingers drew lazy patterns on the blonde’s stomach.

“Perfect, just like you” Allie replied, sensing that her girlfriend was nervous.  “I’m all yours babe, and I’m not going anywhere.  Just do what you want…what you feel”

Sitting back on her heals, Bea grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head before throwing it across the room.  The need to feel Allie’s soft skin against her own far outweighed the nerves that had started to creep in, and in a moment of bravery she reached back and unclipped her bra, her eyes locked with her girlfriend’s as she slowly removed it.  Once the fabric barrier was out of the way she began to feel self-conscious again, but Allie being Allie sensed this straight away, sitting up, wrapping her arms around the older woman and pulling her in until they were chest to chest.  “You’re beautiful, please don’t feel that you need to hide yourself from me”

“But my scars, they’re ugly, I’m ug…”

“No, no you’re not” Allie jumped in, stopping the older woman from finishing her sentence.  “You’re strong, and brave, and so fucking beautiful.  I’m so, so lucky to be here with you, to be close to you, and I promise I will always treasure that.  I love you Bea, so much”

Knowing that words wouldn’t do the moment justice, Bea leaned back slightly, showing herself to the younger woman.  She was still wearing her sleep shorts, but had never felt so exposed.  But as she watched Allie, watching her, those insecurities seemed to drift away.  There was a hunger in the younger woman’s eyes, one she had seen before, but never this intense.  Bea wasn’t sure if it was the way her girlfriend was looking at her, or the butterflies that had descended south, but before she had time to question it, she had launched herself at Allie, pushing her back down onto the bed.  The sudden movement caused the blonde’s leg to slip between Bea’s, both taking her by surprise and fuelling the already burning fire within her.  “Oh fuck…” she half spoke, half moaned, before trailing kisses from Allie’s neck, over her collar bone and down towards her chest.

She loved the feel of Allie’s breast in her hand, loved the way she arched her back in a bid to increase the pressure.  While her lack of experience still worried her, there was no doubt in Bea’s mind that she wanted the blonde.  She was tired of waiting, wondering, she needed to touch, to feel, to be consumed by all things Allie.  Following the path her fingers had just taken, she covered the younger woman’s soft skin with light kisses, her confidence soaring with every whimper and moan she drew from her girlfriend.  Bea was just about to replace the hand on Allie’s breast with her lips when the younger woman’s phone started to ring, very loudly.

 

 

Allie ignored it, not wanting any interruptions.  The redhead’s lips on her were driving her crazy, in the best possible way.  It was getting harder and harder to pull back, stop things from going too far.  But for the first time since they got together, she saw no trace of doubt in her girlfriend’s deep brown eyes.  As soon as the phone stopped ringing, it started back up again, and assuming it must be important she apologised to Bea before grabbing it.  “I’m so sorry…it’s Kaz”

“Answer it, it’s ok” the older woman replied, frustrated by the interruption, but conscious that Allie hadn’t seen much of her sister lately.  Climbing off the bed, Bea grabbed her discarded shirt from the floor, putting it back on before slipping under the sheet.

The blonde was still almost naked, not that is seemed to bother her in the slightest.  Bea envied her confidence, and how comfortable she seemed in her own skin.  Skin that the redhead was trying so hard not to look at, although she knew she was fighting a losing battle.  She was trying not to make it obvious that she was staring, but if the slight smirk on Allie’s face was anything to go by, then she knew she had failed miserably.  It was her girlfriend’s fault for being so flawless, or at least that was what Bea was telling herself.  She had woken up on a few occasions feeling turned on and a little frustrated following a dream about the blonde, a very detailed and enjoyable dream.  But she had never felt anything as intense as she did right now.

Nearly twenty minutes later Allie finally managed to put the phone down.  It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy speaking to her sister, she just wished she hadn’t called when she did.  “Well that well and truly ruined the moment…” she said, turning to face the redhead.  “I’m so sorry”

“Fucking Kaz” Bea replied, groaning in frustration.  She still wanted the blonde as much as she had before the untimely phone call, but she also wanted it to be perfect.  Not only would it be their first time together, for the redhead it felt like the first time, period.  “Her timing is as bad as Franky’s” she added jokingly, her thoughts drifting to the evening her friend had caught them in a compromising position in the kitchen.

Getting time alone with Allie while Debbie was around was challenging enough, without getting interrupted by everyone else as well.  While she didn’t really want to leave her daughter, maybe the two of them could get away for the night on one of her scheduled sleepovers with Liz or Franky.  Debbie had been staying overnight with Liz since she was little, Bea wanting her to be comfortable around the woman she saw as a second mum.  Plus, she knew how much the young girl loved staying with Franky and Bridget as well, and if she timed it right it would rouse any suspicion.  Knowing that she needed to find a way to ensure they weren’t disturbed, sooner rather than later, she waited for her girlfriend to get dressed before slipping under the covers.  Moving in closer, Bea wrapped her arm around her and held her tight, hoping the fire still burning inside her would die down enough for her to get some sleep.

 

 

Since the incident at the beach when Bea’s parents visited, the couple had been talking about the blonde’s fear of the water, or more specifically how she could face it.  Bea had suggested they go to the children’s pool at north Bondi, that way the younger woman would be able to hear the ocean, while remaining in the confines of the surrounding walls.  Plus, the water was shallow.  They had been down a couple of times so far, on both occasions Allie simply sitting on the adjacent steps while the redhead walked around in the shallow waters.  There were two pools, the northernmost was a little deeper, with light waves.  But for now, Bea wanted her girlfriend to concentrate on the calmer of the two.

On the third visit, they sat on the sand, the gentle swell of the water lapping over their stretched-out legs.  Allie had been apprehensive at first, but with the redhead by her side, their hands joined, she found herself starting to relax.  As a kid she had always found the sound of the waves breaking on the shore relaxing, but after what _he_ did, it paralysed her with fear.  The beach, and in turn, the water, were a big part of both Bea and Debbie’s life.  And while the blonde knew it wouldn’t be easy, she was determined to learn to love it again.  She wanted to experience everything with the redhead, and knew that wouldn’t be possible if she couldn’t get over her fear.

As they parked up for the fourth time, Bea could tell the younger woman was nervous.  They had spoken the previous evening about Allie taking the next step, and moving to the deeper pool.  The water was only waist height, but was often subjected to spray from the neighbouring waves.  Grabbing the essentials, the redhead locked everything else in the car before taking Allie’s hand and leading her over to the pools.  There had been a few other people around on their previous three visits, but as they approached the blonde was pleased to see they were the only ones there.  As they got closer she realised why, there was a chain across the entrance, and on it a Waverley lifeguards sign saying the pool was temporarily closed.  “Should we come back later?” she asked, surprised when the redhead simply shook her head and unclipped the chain.

“I spoke to Will yesterday, asked if we could have the pools to our self for an hour.  Didn’t want anyone here making you feel uncomfortable”.  Bea replied, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek before fixing the chain back in place behind them.  She had deliberately picked a quiet morning, explaining to Will the previous day what she wanted to do, and asking his permission.  It was midweek, and during term time, so the pool area rarely got used.  And while they tried to keep it open as often as possible, sometimes they needed to close it in order to carry out checks, as well as maintenance.  He was happy to oblige, wanting to help both women out in any way he could.  What Allie had been through was horrific, but if anyone could help her to put it behind her, as well as face her fear head on, it was Bea.

“Thank you, I…you’re the best girlfriend ever” Allie gushed, grabbing a handful of the redhead’s shirt and pulling her in closer before crashing their lips together.  She could spend a lifetime kissing Bea, and never get bored.  It was a high she’d never experienced before, not even with the strongest of drug.

 

 

The redhead usually wore either a one piece, or wetsuit whenever she was at the beach, feeling insecure about her scars.  But knowing what a huge step Allie was taking, she decided to do the same, so had chosen a two piece.  It consisted of black board shorts, and a matching racer back bikini top so wasn’t too revealing, but it exposed one of her more noticeable scars.  After stripping down to their swimwear, Bea placed their towels and clothes on the step to keep them dry.  Before she even had a chance to turn around, she felt a warm body pressed against her back, Allie’s breath in her ear as her arm slipped around her and came to rest on her stomach, soft fingertips gently caressing her scar.

As soon as her girlfriend removed her shirt Allie completely forgot why they were here, her sole focus on the toned body in front of her.  Moving in closer she wrapped her arms around the redhead, biting down on her bottom lip in a bid to stop herself from moaning when she felt Bea’s stomach muscles twitch under her fingertips.  The panic, the fear that she had felt when she looked over at the ocean long forgotten, replaced with a longing that only Bea could evoke.  It was getting harder and harder to control herself around the older woman, and while this wasn’t the first time that she had seen Bea’s exposed stomach, it didn’t make it any easier.

Things between them had been heating up over the past few weeks, but they still hadn’t taken the next step.  Although they had come very close a couple of nights ago.  While Allie wanted nothing more than to show her girlfriend what real sex, good sex was, and how incredible it could be, she didn’t want to pressure into anything.  It was hard at times, especially when she was staying over at Bea’s house and couldn’t take the matter into her own hands.  But the redhead was worth it, and she would do anything to make her happy.  That didn’t mean she wouldn’t make the most of the exposed skin on show, and as she traced patterns over the fading scar, she kissed Bea’s neck before speaking.  “If your plan was to distract me, then it worked”

“Figured if you were stepping out of your comfort zone, it was only fair if I did the same” the redhead replied, shrugging her shoulders as she turned in the younger woman’s arms.  “I can put my shirt back on if you’d prefer” she joked after seeing the desire in her girlfriend’s eyes.

“Don’t you dare…if I had my way, you’d never wear a shirt again” Allie threw back with a cheeky wink, pleased with herself when she saw her girlfriend’s cheeks colour up.  “I love making you blush, you’re adorable” she added, giggling when the older woman covered her face with her hands, blushing even more than before.

After composing herself Bea took her girlfriend’s hand, leading her over to the deeper of the two pools.  “If at any time you feel uncomfortable, or want to leave, just say the word.  I’m so proud of you Allie, for even trying to overcome this.  And no matter what, I love you”

“I love you too Bea, so much.  I’ll be fine…just don’t let go”

“Never” Bea replied, kissing the blonde on the cheek before taking a few steps forward and into the water.

 

 

Holding her breath, Allie took the first few steps, feeling the calm water lapping around her lower thighs.  As her heart rate started to increase, she felt Bea’s hand squeeze hers gently, letting her know that she was safe.  Locking eyes with the older woman, she sent her what she hoped was a reassuring smile, even though she wasn’t sure she could go through with this. 

She could feel the panic starting rise, her trembling hands holding onto the redheads as she tried to focus on anything but the ocean beside them.  Beating this wasn’t going to be easy, she knew that, but she was determined to do it.  While she doubted that she would ever feel as relaxed and carefree as Bea and Debbie did in the water, if she could get to the point where she could just go in there with them, then she would be happy.  As a small wave splashed up a little higher, she felt her stomach start to churn as fractured images of that night started to flash through her mind.  Seeing the fear in the blonde’s eyes, Bea moved in closer, slipping an arm around her waist.  “I’ve got you…I promise.  You’re safe with me, I’ll never let anything or anyone hurt you”

After about ten minutes the blonde started to feel more relaxed, although she was pretty sure that had more to do with the strong arms wrapped around her waist and the comforting and supportive words in her ear than anything.  She loved being this close to Bea, especially in her current state of undress.  She had been putting extra hours into her training, conscious that the lifeguard challenge was fast approaching, and it was definitely showing.  The redhead’s muscles were more defined than ever, and Allie was fighting back the need to touch. 

Bea was so proud of her girlfriend, having made it into the deepest part of the pool, the blonde even going as far as to duck down, bringing the water up to her shoulders.  They had been in the pool for around twenty minutes when the wind stared to get up.  Glancing over at the ocean she noticed that the waves were getting bigger too.  Not wanting to ruin the progress made, Bea started to suggest that they head home before the weather turned when she heard a wave crash against the nearby rocks.  Knowing there was a high chance that said wave would cover them, she pulled the blonde in closer, their chests pressed tightly together as she tried to shelter her girlfriend.

The wave was much bigger than expected, crashing against Bea’s back and soaking them both through.  She stood steady and strong though, determined to protect her girlfriend as much as possible.  While the redhead took the brunt of the wave, both of them were drenched.  She was expecting Allie to panic, so was a little taken back when she heard a loud gasp, followed by a melodic giggle, the one she adored so much.  “Are you ok Alliecat?” she asked, brushing the now soaking wet locks from the younger woman’s face.  “You’re all wet”

While the large wave had taken Allie by surprise, it hadn’t freaked her out like she thought it would.  But then she couldn’t remember ever not feeling safe when Bea’s arms were wrapped around her.  It had taken a bit of getting used to, having another person affect her like this.  After what happened when she was a kid, and subsequently being crapped on by so many people, trusting someone completely should have been difficult to do.  But not with Bea, with Bea everything was so easy.  Sliding her hand down the redhead’s side, she cupped her backside, giving it a squeeze as she spoke.  “Yeah well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ended up wet just by being close to you” she replied, winking at the older woman so she knew she was only teasing.  Not that it was a lie.  Allie never knew it was possible to feel so much for another person.  She wanted Bea, body, mind and soul, and she wanted her forever.

 

 

Franky had asked if she could pick Debbie up from school.  They were closing in on the Holts, and she wanted to check out any known associates, including those who picked Brayden up from school.  She would be on the clock, but in plain clothes, and as she often picked mini-red up, wouldn’t arouse suspicions.  Jacs never attended the school herself, clearly far too busy running her business to take care of her son.  Bea felt for the boy, and it couldn’t be easy for him, but that didn’t justify taking his frustrations out on other kids.  There was a bonus to all this though, and not having to rush home to change before heading back out on the school run left Bea with a free afternoon, a free afternoon to spend with a certain blonde-haired beauty.

After they had finished in the water, they sat on the promenade eating ice cream while they dried off.  They chatted about the progress the blonde had made that morning, Bea telling her over and over how proud she was, and Allie’s eyes lighting up at the praise she received from the older woman.  The plan was to wait until Allie felt a little more comfortable, and then move onto the main beach, although the redhead had an idea she wanted to run by her girlfriend.  While the younger woman had been doing great in the pools, being on the beach was a whole different ball game, and she suspected it would take its toll on Allie.  Not wanting her to face her fears on a busy beach, she suggested they take a drive to a more secluded one, one where the waters were much calmer at this time of year. 

Allie was a little overwhelmed by the support her girlfriend was giving her, although it came as no surprise.  While Kaz had saved her life in so many ways, no one had ever believed in her the way Bea did.  Even from the start, she had never judged her.  Not once.  Forgetting all about her ice cream for a minute, she leaned in with the intention of kissing the older woman on the cheek.  Bea turned her head at the exact same time, causing their lips to brush against each other’s.  “Sorry” the blonde mumbled, reluctant to pull back, but unsure how her girlfriend would feel about public displays of affection.  Especially as they were at her place of work, and so many of her colleagues were nearby.

“Don’t be…I’m not” the redhead replied, surging forward and crashing their lips together, leaving the younger woman in no doubt that she was fine with it. 

Bea had always shied away from public displays of affection, just one more reason for Harry to lay into her, call her frigid.  At the time she had thought maybe there was something wrong with her, but now she knew that wasn’t the case.  It wasn’t the _public_ part of it that bothered her, it was who she was expected to be affectionate with that was the problem.  She couldn’t get enough of Allie though, and even a whistle and comment from a group of guys walking past didn’t douse the flames.  They’re just jealous she told herself as she pulled her girlfriend in closer, and kissed her again.  The blonde was flawless, and Bea would never hide her love for her.  Ever.

She felt out of her depth most of the time, but that was a result of Harry’s cruel and controlling ways, not because of Allie.  And while the feeling sometimes confused her, left her doubting herself on more than one occasion, it didn’t scare her like she had expected it to.  Allie had come crashing into her life like a tornado, but instead of leaving mass destruction in her wake, she had put all of Bea’s broken pieces back together.  The cracks were still there, and on some days, they threatened to break again.  But one look from Allie and they moulded even tighter together.  It would take time to free herself from her past, and Bea was okay with that.  But as she lost herself in ocean blue, she knew that Allie would always be there to guide her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than usual, I wanted to get it posted before going on holiday and I ran out of time.


End file.
